After a decade together, death took Daniel’s lover away in an instant. A year of grieving kept him from thinking about the future. But now fearing loneliness, fearing aging and its effects, he’s ready to find someone new before it’s too late. Filled with good intentions, Daniel joins a gym. He plans to work hard to keep what time is all too quickly taking away from him. But are good intentions enough against the many distractions and temptations of life? Is he really prepared to make the sacrifices required? Meeting gym owner Chris may be the extra boost his motivation needs -- if only he could figure out why Chris keeps blowing hot and cold on him. Death claimed Chris’s lover too, but took much longer about it. The memory of watching the man he loved suffer has left Chris terrified of getting close to anyone again. He likes Daniel a lot, but there’s a problem and Chris can’t fix it, only Daniel can. If he’s serious about being with Chris. It’s a straightforward ultimatum. Daniel smokes and Chris will not date a smoker. Daniel has a choice. It’s Chris or the cigarettes. Daniel has to prove to Chris that he’s ready to make changes and he’s not all mouth. But can he do it? Are the sacrifices he’ll have to make worth it? Should he even be changing himself to suit a man who’s made him no promises and who might still back off later? Chris has to learn to accept Daniel’s imperfections and mortality. Only once he gets past the grief and fear can he take a risk on loving Daniel, even knowing he could be hurt again. Daniel takes on the biggest physical challenge he’s ever faced to prove he’s serious about Chris. But in the end, he has to decide if he wants to make the changes for himself and his own future, whether Chris is part of that or not.

Smoke In My Eyes

Maybe I should give up on him anyway. He was a great guy and the sex had been good, but if he was this dogmatic about the cigarettes what else would he be so intolerant about? How else would I be expected to change to suit him? Did he want perfection, like he’d had with Tom? Or had convinced himself he’d had.


I put the cigarette out and looked at the pack on the bedside table. After a moment I swept it into the drawer and closed it. I’d sleep on it. Sleep in sheets that still carried the scent of Chris. I closed my eyes and expected to dream of him. 3


I found some motivation a couple of days later, in the Queen’s Head. I popped in there in the morning, while I was out doing errands. it was too early for a drink, so I had a coffee instead. As I stood by the bench with the sugar and stuff, absently reading the things on the notice board above it, I spotted it.


Chapter 12