It’s about time writer Jonah Icicle takes Sandy Keye’s hand in marriage ... on Christmas Day! The Icicle family is upside down again and who better to rescue them? Jonah, of course. As a blizzard builds outside, his fiancé Sandy becomes concerned the storm might threaten their wedding day. No fear, though -- Jonah gears up and plows forward, ready to face the snow and the Icicles. A new addition to the family surprises him -- Magnum McKee, a snow buddy who happens to be his brother-in-law Bobo’s sexual therapy partner. Magnum causes a rift between Jonah’s two younger siblings, Jake and Willa. The brother and sister are in a face-off concerning Magnum’s position in Willa’s “threesome” marriage. Can Jonah smooth out their sibling rivalry before his happy day? His mohter Pam is hiding a secret. Where is she running off to again? Something is going on and Jonah must get to the bottom of it. And his father Bill hangs out in the neighbor’s basement. Jonah has to help put a stop to his straying before he ends up in the next town over. Throw a blizzard into the mix, Jonah’s bottom catching on fire, matching Christmas-themed briefs between Magnum and Bobo, a human snowman, and a wedding coordinator on cocaine. Despite all this, will Jonah have the perfect wedding on Christmas Day? Will he have the chance to marry the man he loves or not?

The Icicles: A Christmas Wedding

The raccoons have made their return, Jonah thinks. He flicks on the hallway light outside the bedroom door, quickly turns the brass knob, and pushes the door forward, letting light inside the bedroom. To his surprise, a family of raccoons isn’t what he sees. Rather, his eyes flare open at the sight of a naked Bobo and Magnum on the bed in a heated, sloppy, and intimate sixty-nine position between the two men. The scene is some heavy duty man-on-man action that leaves Jonah whispering, “Holy balls,” as he witnesses Magnum’s oversized cock stuffed down his brother-in-law’s throat, and vice versa. The beefy dudes eat each other up like cannibals: suck, slurp, gag, growl, groan, thrust their bulging dicks into throats, and it looks to Jonah as if they are explicitly having the time of their festive lives. Balls slap against faces and excess skin slides on erections. Gagging mixes with gurgles.


Chapter 12