Chapter 7: Don't Leave Me Here

I am fourteen and time is up. We managed to track down Bela but the she sold the colt before we got there. It's my fault. I should have shot her when I had the chance, then maybe we could have had enough time to track down this demon and who was holding Dean's deal and kill it. Now the colt is gone and Bela's gone, dragged to hell herself over some deal she made years ago to kill her parents, and we have one day to try and save Dean without the colt. It doesn't occur to me until later that I've also lost the only lead I had on my mother's death. Sam summons Ruby and she tells him that he still has psychic powers. She wants him to use it to kill Lilith, the demon with Dean's contract. Dean doesn't give it a second thought. Before long Sam, Dean, Bobby and me are on the road to where Lilith is staying with the knife Dean stole from Ruby. Even as we drive with the music blasting, Bon Jovi's "Dead or Alive" with Sam and Dean singing in the front seat, I can't let myself relax for a moment.

"Come on, Evan. I can't hear you" Dean roars over the music. I just cross my arms and look out of the window. After a while Dean gives up trying to include me. I feel bad but I can't pretend like everything is okay. Not when I'm so close to losing him forever. Time slips away faster and faster it seems as we maneuver ourselves into the house. Somehow, Ruby has escaped the devil's trap that Dean had stuck her in. Dean doesn't trust her so neither do I, but I am glad to have her helping us. We could use all the help we can get.

Somehow even with her help, every attempt we make to save Dean's life, every single thing we try isn't enough. As the first stroke of twelve chimes, my comes to an end.

"Remember what I taught you." He says to Sam, "Remember what Dad taught you"

"No, Dean" I cry and he pulls me close

"Be brave for me okay, little guy? Be strong?" Tears are falling from his eyes and I clutch tighter on to him

"Dean, please! Please don't go!"

"Evan" Sam sniffles and pulls me gently away

The clock chimes again and we hear the hounds howl. Dean spots one and we make a run for it and lock ourselves inside of a room. That's where we find out that we trapped ourselves in a room with Lilith posing as Ruby. As I'm thrown against and pinned to the wall, I'm sure that I'm going to die along with both of my brothers. I'm ready. She walks over to me in slow creepy steps.

"This was unexpected." She practically sings

"Just do it" I hiss at her, "do it, please"

"Hey!" Sam yells at her, "It's me you want right? Let my brothers go"

Lilith turns swiftly towards him

"Silly goose. You wanna bargain, you have to have something that I want. You don't" "So, is this your big plan, huh?" Dean grunts Drag me to hell. Kill my brothers. And then what? Become queen bitch?"

"I don't have to answer to puppy chow" She says darkly and walks over to the door. I shut my eyes tight

"Sic 'em boys" She sings and I hear my brother being torn to shreds by hellhounds. For the third consecutive year, someone I love dies and there is nothing I can do to stop it. And this time, there is no bargaining, there are no answers, and there is no turning back.

Sam didn't hide his tears when we burned Dean's body. He put his arm around me and everything, and then he vowed to make it right.

"How?" I ask through my sobs, "You're not going to make a deal are you?"

"No. I'll just-I'll find a way"

"What are we supposed to do now, Sam? What do we do?"

Sam rubs my shoulder "We get him back"

Sam and I move into an abandoned house. We stock up on foods and drinks that don't need refrigeration. It's mostly canned foods, bread, water, and a lot of alcohol. Most of the time, Sam just sits in the large armchair in the backroom by the window with a bottle in his hand and stares off into space. Each day just seems to disappear into the next and before long our food supply dwindles away to a few cans of corn and baked beans. I shake the remaining droplets from the last water gallon on my tongue. We're out of that too now.

"Sam?" I ask softly as I walk over to his chair. He doesn't answer.

"Sam, we're out of food and I was wondering if maybe we should call Bobby back…"

Sam looks over at me and I'm not sure whether he's disgusted by me or just really drunk. It's probably both but I'd rather blame the alcohol.

"Maybe he can help us out." I continue and quickly grab the falling whiskey bottle from his hand as it drops from his loose grip

"Go away, Evan" He grumbles bitterly. I know he's drunk and he doesn't mean it, but I'm so hurt by his words and demeanor that I can't stand it.

"Sam. Wha-what are you doing?" I tremble in anger, "What are you doing? What happened to finding a way to save Dean?"

Sam shoots up from his seat and almost tips over, but when he straightens himself out, I realize for the first time how much bigger he is than me.

"What am I doing to save Dean? Do you have any idea what I do while you're tucked in at night in your little bed dreaming the night away?" His speech is slurred and he sways when makes large exaggerated movements with his enormous arms.

"I'm out there." He says pointing out of the window, "working as hard as I can to bring him back. That's what I'm doing. Okay?"

"Where do you go?" I ask, struck with horror that he may be making the same mistake. Sam's jaw clenches and I close my eyes.

"Sam" When I open my eyes he looks like he's going to cry, "Sam! You promised!" I shriek

"You want him back don't you?" He yells back at me. His voice is booming and dripping with liquor

"I don't want to lose you again! Sam, I can't keep watching everyone die. Sam, I love you. Don't you think this is hard for me too?"

Sam looks away but not in time to hide the tear that rolled down his face.

"Sam, please. You and-and Dean; you keep killing yourselves for each other but you never think about me. Stop it. Please?"

Sam sniffles loudly but he doesn't turn back to look at me.

"I miss him too." I whimper and then I leave him alone in the room. The room where I staying smells like mold and musk and the bed is too damp to lie on so I've been sleeping on the old wooden floor on some old shirts that I put down so I don't get splinters. I wipe my eyes with the back of my wrist and uncap the bottle of whiskey I took away from Sam and gulp down the liquid inside. It stings my nostrils and eyes but I feel the effects almost immediately. I don't realize that I passed out until I'm waking up the next morning. My head feels heavy and it hurts really badly, I want to go back to sleep but I have to check on Sam first. I leave the empty bottle on the ground and force myself out of the room.

"Sam?" I call out. The sound of my voice pierces through my head like a knife. I grab my forehead and call again, "Sam?"

The front door opens and Sam walks in with a duffle bag. At first I think he has groceries but I quickly remember that food doesn't come in bags like that.

"You're awake." He says in a clear sober voice

"Are we leaving again?" I ask pointing to the bag

"Uh… Yeah. Go get your stuff"

"Where are we going?"

Sam doesn't answer me he just looks away so I go upstairs and grab my things.

The car ride is quiet. Sam doesn't put on the radio; I think it reminds him of Dean. It reminds me of him too. I take my mp3 out of my pocket and attach it. Sam smiles at me a little and I smile back.

"Where are we going?"

"Uh… you remember Ellen, right?"

"No"

"The woman who had that bar over in Nebraska that burned down. She helped us out when the devil's gate was opened?"

"Oh yeah, I remember. She's the blonde lady. What about her?"

"She's been hunting with her daughter Jo for a while but she has a place over in Nevada now and she agreed to help us out"

"She's going to help us get Dean back?" I smile broadly and my heart leaps in my chest.

"She's going to help us out, yeah" Sam nods and clears his throat.

"Great. I knew I liked her"

Ellen's place was nice. It's been a long time since I've actually stepped into a house that wasn't dripping with cobwebs and falling apart from its hinges. Ellen greets us outside. She reaches for a hug from Sam and he gives her a half-hearted one-armed squeeze, I do the same.

"How was the trip?" She asks

"Good" He says

"Good" She nods and tucks a hair behind her ear. A few seconds pass and she claps her hands together, "Uh, Evan. I'm making cookies, do you like cookies?"

"Sure" I shrug

"I'm no cook so I may need a hand. They're in the oven. Will you do me a favor, hon and go check on them for me?"

I look back at Sam and he gives me a nod of approval and I go inside. I find the kitchen easily. There's a tray of uncooked cookie dough on top of the stove. I open the oven door and place them inside.

The kitchen is warm and sunny. Dean would like it in here. It's comfortable and nice. This place would be perfect conditions for eating massive loads of pie.

I walk back over to the front door and see Sam and Ellen still talking on the front porch. He pats her on the shoulder and starts back down the steps. That's when I see the duffle bag next to her feet. I run outside.

"Sam!" I yell after him as he shuts the driver's side door. I yank at the passenger door but it's locked so I bang on the window.

"Sam! Where are you going?"

"I'll-I'll be back Evan, I have to go now, okay?"

"Sam! Sam, don't leave me!"

"I have to. I'm sorry. I'm sorry" He starts the engine and I pound on the window. I don't care if I have to break the window open to get in the car, I will. But he peels off without me. I chase after the car for as long as I can but I can't keep up with it. I watch Sam disappear into the distance.

My lungs are tight and I'm out of breath "Sam" I gasp through strained breaths.

Ellen pulls up next to me in her car and pushes the passenger door open. I climb inside and she takes me back to her house