New beginnings, new challenges

Johanna straightened her hair and wore today a white shirt alluding to holidays on islands during summer, a short skirt, and platform sandals. She entered the mall and smiled confident, then opened her arms and hugged Josh tightly. "Wow, your perfume smells really nice. It's so juicy and sweet. It reminds me of red fruits." "Thanks," she flipped her hair and grabbed his hand. "How has your morning been so far?" "Pretty great. I had a chocolate Frappuccino at Starbucks. And I finally don't feel tired anymore! Woot!"

"What do we do today?" "Weather's nice. How about we go in Herastrau park and catch up?" she replied. "Ok, let's go." They traveled there by subway and after some stations, they finally arrived.

Johanna loved this park because in her opinion it was one of the greenest parks in Bucharest. They walked hand in hand under the tall, green trees of the park, and occasionally a nice scent was brought by the summer wind to Johanna's nose. He looked at her and smiled happily. "So grateful to be here with you and being able to hug and touch and see you. "Yeah, me too. You always smell so nice. What's your secret?" "My mom uses fabric conditioner Coccolino for all my clothes and I use my uncle's perfume. Apparently, it meshes really well with my skin ph." It does, she confirmed."

Josh looked at her and remarked: "Somebody's hot today." She smiled and replied: "What can I say. In summer I need to wear loose clothes. I told you it gets really hot here in this period of the year."

They walked in silence a little while longer and she asked him out of the blue: "Do you have any pets?" "No, I kind of wish I had a cat though. However my parents are against it, so I dropped the idea. I think you mentioned you have parakeets?" "Yeah, two of them. Proud budgie mama!" she said and showed them off in photos on her smartphone. "They're cute," he remarked. In some photos they were posing alone like pros and in some others they displayed affection in several ways. In one of them, the male scratched the female's head, while in others he kissed her. In one he even stood up tall next to her and attempted to court her. She looked at him questioningly. "That's me," Josh remarked. "And you mean to say I'm the small, scared one?" she hit his elbow playfully. "Well, technically speaking you're shorter since I am 1.85m tall and you are 1.50m tall." Johanna giggled, but at the same time thought she must look like a chipmunk when she's arguing with someone since she is that short.

"I don't like being small. I wanted to be tall and strong. I don't see any benefits in being small!" she pouted. "It's ok! I love you the way you are! I can protect you!" "Aww, that's nice but sometimes I'd love to be able to protect myself!" she replied and tossed an acorn with her foot which was on the floor right in front of her. "Well, short or not. You have beautiful, long legs I love and you can also walk very fast! In fact, sometimes I might need to keep up!"

A few wooden benches were placed on the sides of the path they were going on. They passed by a few Cafes and terraces and went by a playground, which had swings, slides, a sandbox, and some seesaws. A few kids were playing in them joyfully. They stopped for a while and just silently watched them. "Do you remember when we were kids and used to play just like them and not think about the past or future?" "It seems like yesterday!" Josh replied. "I used to come here with my parents and play and pretend to be superman and have superpowers. I used to think I could save the world with my bare hands." Johanna shrugged her shoulders. "What happened then?" "I grew up and had to think realistically and practical as adults would love to say." "Let's forget we grew up. Let's pretend we are kids and there's an entire world ahead of us!" She grabbed his hand and they twisted in circles and laughed until she stumbled and he fell right on top of her. His breath was warm and smelled like cola for some reason and his eyes were ocean blue and she got lost in his gaze and arms and for a moment age was just a number. He tenderly caressed her face, slowly moving his palm all over her face, and silently gazed into her green eyes, as her heart raced and butterflies chaotically through her belly and subtly, but surely moved to her lady parts. He passionately kissed her and grabbed her left hand and held it tightly as if he would never let go of it again. His kisses tasted great: it was as if the essence of her soul crashed into his and created a heat and a closeness she did not experience before. And the more she kissed him, the more she wanted. It was as if she finally found that overflowing source of happiness, acceptance, and peace she always searched for.

Even the most rational person can lose her rationality and throw all her logic out of the window faced with an apparent bliss. They become your source of pain and pleasure. Suddenly it's just you and him against the world. He becomes your confidant, your best friend, your comfort, your source of joy and grief, of hope and despair. And suddenly everything you thought you knew about life and love blows up in the realms of the unknown. And the more you get close to them, the more you get attached and you become scared of yourself and your depths. Of things you actually can feel even though you thought you couldn't and before you'd care to admit an unexpected guest knocks on your door: fear. What if life will set you apart? Break you up definitely, and for some reason, you'll lose each other forever? You try to shake the thought off, but the mere fact that it crossed your mind becomes a big deal. The more you think about it the bigger that thought becomes until you suddenly feel like going crazy at the idea that the one you love the most may suddenly and definitely disappear without notice from your life.

Johanna looked into his eyes and shook her thoughts off. Instead, she softly kissed him and stroked his face absorbing his every feature as if this was her last chance to do that. In a way, you never know how long life is. It's important to live the good moments to their highest potential because they will never come back. You only have one chance to experience every fleeting moment.

"Let's get up and go on adventures," she told him and then realized as she stood up that her clothes were covered with dirt and grass. "Let me clean you," he said, as he brushed his hands against her clothes to remove them. "Better now?" he asked her, as she took a look at her clothes: "Definitely!"

He grabbed her hand and they walked hand in hand next to each other. Occasionally a warm summer wind touched her shoulders and messed up her hair. Some ducks and swans were swimming on the sea, while others were eating on a footbridge. "See those birds, who coo at each other and kiss? They are we!" Johanna gazed toward the footbridge and moistened her lips and asked with a pointy mouth: "So which one am I?"

For a moment he thought silently, then replied: "The smaller one!" "And I suppose you're the bigger one!" "Of course!" he smiled at her and then they passionately kissed. She hugged him passionately. His arms around her felt like a blanket on a cold winter day, while she could hear his be fast-beating heart. His arms felt like the safest place in the world, the one place she could let herself go and where she could let herself fall because he would catch, hold and protect her. Sometimes home is not a place, but a person. Home is where the heart is.

"How about we eat some popcorn and buy some water? I'm starving and thirsty!" Johanna told him. "Sure. Let's find a kiosk where they sell these." "It was a hot summer day and the sun was radiating. Johanna was sweating, however, she was not sure whether it was due to the weather or the company she was in.

Johanna ate up her popcorn pretty fast and then took a few sips of water. Josh stared at her. "What? What's wrong?" she inquired. He stretched his fingers in her direction and grabbed a petal from her hair. "I guess the wind blew a flower petal into your hair." She smiled at him: "Thanks for taking care of it."

They walked along with the lake hand in hand. The green trees and bushes, as well as the beautiful lake, boosted Johanna's spirits. "See that ship over there? I used to go on trips on it with my parents when I was a child. Still doing it sometimes." "Nice. I also used to come here when I was a kid with my parents. I don't have that much spare time though now."

"But when you do, what do you fill it up with?" "Writing short stories, playing guitar and games, watching movies, going to salsa classes. How about you?" "Reading, writing, movies, series, playing games. Wow, you play the guitar? I wanted to learn that too. However, I hate my fingers. They're way too short and playing the guitar is painful for me." "They're perfect," he said and kissed them. "I love your long fingers. They are very useful in a lot of situations," she said as a wicked grin hid some dirty thought she did not express. "Really? What kind of things?" he inquisitively asked her refraining a smile she discreetly perceived. "That's up to you to discover!"

"Do you miss anything about childhood?" she asked. "Not sure. I guess the free time and the fact I didn't have much to worry about. You?" "The way I saw the world. It was a playground full of possibilities and waking up in the morning meant a new day and new adventure. Everything was new and exciting. There was no fear. The sky was the limit. Life was a dream and I knew I had the power to bring to life whatever I was dreaming about. There were no worries. I had plenty of time to dream and enjoy my life." Josh smiled: "Yeah, those were nice times. However, at some point, we grow up and the rose-colored bubble just bursts. Then reality sets in." "Maybe. However, we are also architects of our own lives. Also, we tend to romanticize times that have passed and see the rose- colored memories because time has the gift of wiping away whatever upsets us and only the good memories remain. It's scientifically proven."

Josh asked her: "What was the memory that forced you to grow up?" "I think it all started when I was diagnosed t with my eye disorder. Until I found out about it I was happy in my own bubble and did not even realize other kids saw better than me. The fact is my family was worried about me and they took me to the doctor because they realized something was not as it should have been regarding my eyes. After several tests, they realized I had a genetic mutation. I was given glasses to wear, but they don't correct much of my vision issue. It's really sad, that there's not much I can do about it, but what can you do… Some people lost their entire vision due to this illness. I lost eighty per cent of my visual capacity." "Ugh, I am sorry there's currently no treatment for your disease." "Meh, your life can't be all rainbows and unicorns all the time. In hard times we learn to become better versions of ourselves and seek the strength deeply buried inside of us."

"How can you be so strong?" he asked her quietly and somewhat frustrated. "Strength is a choice for me. I could have given up or choose to survive. Needless to say which one is better?"

A smell of fish passed by her nose from the lake, as she slightly smiled in his direction. A white butterfly passed by her and for a brief moment, it almost sat on her nose. Colorful flowers tickled her nose with amazing smells. She sneezed.

"Are you ok?" he asked her. "Yeah, I think I may have allergic rhinitis. That's why I sneeze. Don't worry. I'm not sick. How about you? Do you have any allergies?" "No, not that I know of." "You're so lucky," she replied and sneezed. She opened her pink bag and took out some handkerchiefs, then blew her nose.

"Let me hug you. Maybe that's going to help!" "Hug," she enthusiastically opened her arms and hugged him. "Hugging you feels warm, nice, and fuzzy, but I may have to take antihistamines."

Johanna stared for a second into his beautiful blue eyes she was so used to get lost in, then suddenly tickled him underneath his armpits and her hands moved towards his belly. He started laughing: "Haha, stop! Just stop it!" he laughed, then caught her hands and pressed her against a tree. He was so close to her, she could feel his breath as hers accelerated and intertwined with his. His hands still were pinning hers against the tree above her head and she was mercilessly caught into his grip... Not being able to move or run, she could only stare at him as heat and moisture traveled between her legs.

He moved his lips closer and shivers ran through her body, as her lips touched his and their tongues danced with each other first, slowly and painfully pleasurable, then fast and hungrily. Every single touch sent pleasure waves through her body and his smell got her senses drunk. "You're very handsome," she concluded when they finished the making-out session. "Hehe, thanks," he replied.

"I love the fact that you put in the time and effort to look good. You smell and look amazing. I love the way you dress, smell, the makeup, and your high heels. Not all girls put in the same effort you do. Some think that wearing their hair in a bun and sweatpants cut it." "Thanks, but I look good for myself, not for somebody else. It's just a bonus if you like the way I dress and present myself."

Walking hand in hand with him, he said: "When I am with you I feel like a better person and I feel like I enjoy life." "I'm glad you feel at peace around me." She said. "Have there been times when you hated life?" "Well, since I am depressed most of the time I can't say I love life. There are just a few fleeting moments of happiness for me. It was very hard for me when I moved to Canada." Johanna grabbed his hand tighter and asked: "What do you mean?" "I was bullied in high school. I had no friends. People provoked me for no reason at all and insulted me. I had a short temper and lashed out at them as I did not know better back then." Johanna sighed: "So you did not have many friends back then? " "I had a few female friends, but very few. And sadly, if I fell for one of them none of them, they did not reciprocate my feelings." Johanna's face frowned: "But why? I don't get it. Even if I tried, I could not see you as unattractive." "Well, not every girl is you," he sighed. "You're different." "I don't know, I see you. I see all the light inside you others can't see." "What light?" He laughed, as they passed by a group of children, who were playing with each other. Johanna looked at the lake and the trees around them and took a deep breath: "Well, you're very smart, handsome, can be very caring and attentive, listen to me when I go through something, are a good friend and I think that you could truly achieve greatness if you believed a little bit more in yourself! You're getting too much into your head!" "Yeah, if you would only see what I am like when I am angry…. I become a monster! It's not fun being around me then!" "We all have faults. Does that mean we are not worthy of love?" He smiled and kissed her hand silently.

"Tell me more about bullying and what happened to you. But only if you feel comfortable." He sighed again. "I was called fat, ugly, useless, and stupid. I ended up isolating myself at some point. No matter what I did was not good enough. I started dreading going to school. That was just the beginning. Some colleagues put dead mice into my locker and dog poop. Belongings of mine were stolen. They threw stuff in my direction, kept making jokes about me, played silly pranks on me. Once they tried to take away the chair underneath me when I tried to sit down, so I would fall and hurt myself.

Luckily I saw that in time. I guess I was not "cool" enough for what today's youth should be like." he made quotation marks with his fingers and added a sarcastic tone to it. Johanna answered sincerely: "I am sorry to hear that." "Don't be. This is just how this stupid society is built up: apparently everyone needs to be the same, and if you are a little bit different than the norm you're a freak, an outcast. Uniformity rules." he ranted. 'What happened next?' she curiously asked as they walked the alleys of the park and she observed the beauty of nature around her, but was preoccupied with what he told her. "Well, things took a pretty ugly turn soon enough. Poke a bear enough and he will sooner or later lash out." A troubled, sad facial expression appeared on his face and Johanna felt his pain and energy. Carefully, but also a little afraid and feeling sorry he had to endure all this pain she asked him quietly almost out of breath: "So what happened next?" " Things escalated. Some colleagues thought it was funny to also terrorize my family and panted the garage of our house with graffiti. Soon they started insulting my family. They called my mother some very ugly words I don't want or can reproduce and I've lost my temper. I've beaten up a classmate until he was full of blood and he had to be taken to a hospital." he recounted ashamed of what happened. Johanna sighed: "It sounds like he provoked you, but on the other hand violence is not the solution to our issues. I am sorry for what happened. Did things get any better afterward?" "I still feel sorry and ashamed to this day after this, but since then I was labeled "crazy". I was being pointed at as the crazy boy and switched to different schools. People stopped believing in me. Sometimes when people only see the bad in you, it's easier to just be bad because people won't see you differently anyway than what they label you as."

"I beg to differ. I believe everyone is capable of change and the actions of the past don't define you as long as you take steps and action to change, implement and prove time after time after time that you changed until people no longer have a choice than acknowledge the new person you are."

"You are very optimistic," Josh replied to her. "Every second you have the chance of becoming someone new and redefine yourself. People's words are powerful just as long as you let them have power over you."

Josh hit his foot against a small rock and tossed it in the direction of a tree and sprinted over the paved path they were walking on hand in hand as birds beautifully chirped and sung. "I hope you had a better high school experience," he told her. "Well, not necessarily. As I am more of a quiet and thoughtful person and keep things to myself, I was prey heavily bullied in the first class I've been in. Name-calling, insults, pushing the bench against mine as I was sitting on my chair and I suddenly was not able to breathe anymore, almost everybody picked on me and I had no friend and to top it off I was pretty lonely. And let's not forget the fact that I had a difficult physics teacher, who would give lots of bad marks to the entire class. I barely passed, but it took a lot of work and stress on my part and I had to do tutoring classes with a friend of hers, also physics teacher. After I finally passed I was engrossed by everything that I decided next school year to move to another class. There I had my small group of friends. I wasn't Mrs. Popularity, but at least I had a few people I could count on, and the time it lasted I had some pretty fun time."

"That's nice! I just had my female friends! Good enough to be their friend, but not good enough to be a boyfriend…" he sadly added. "It sometimes happens. Not everyone finds me their cup of tea either. And I don't think I have to be... I can also be champagne, vodka, or gin…" Josh laughed. "Or you can be beer. People love beer." "Yeah, whatever. Not everybody will like you and it's perfectly fine. It's impossible to please everyone. "What's important is what you think of yourself. Because that is the person you are going to live with for the rest of your life. The other persons are clouds. Some stay, but most are designed to fleet away by life and circumstances. If your only source of validation is the exterior, you will starve for the rest of your life. Therefore I don't care about people's opinions. I know who I am and what I want for me and from life."

Josh smiled at her. "How can you be so detached?" She looked him in the eye: "Because in the end, the only person I owe to something is me. However, I have also responsibilities when it comes to other people, not only rights. I am free to live my life like I want to as long as I don't hurt other people, but when it comes to decisions regarding my own life I always trust my inner voice. I deserve to be happy and live a life full of happiness. Living by other people's opinions is like living in a prison. I want to be free. I only have one life and I owe it to myself to create the best version of it. We are not afraid of death, but of an unlived life."

Johann and Josh stopped walking for a moment and sat down on a bench. She put her head on his shoulder. A flock of birds flew by and the sun rays reflected in Johanna's hair. The sun set down and he grabbed her hand and kissed it and whispered in her ear: "I love you!"