The conflict

Chapter Seventeen

Ryker

I take off the rest of her clothes, my hands dance all over her body. Her nipples are head, the sounds that come out of her mouth make me hard.

"We're doing this,'' she echoes into the room, her eyes are bright. She wants this just as much as I do and there is no going back. I know what is going to happen, Leighty, is going to have my head for this bold step that I have taken. I know I will have regrets, I never have regrets but with her, I will have many.

I don't want to think about that.

I don't want to think about how messed up what I am doing is. I just want to enjoy the moment.

I don't want to think about the consequences of my decision.

I smile as I take her breast in my mouth. The warmth that feels me in completely surprises me. Touching her is like fire, fire that leaves a burning sensation inside me. I could spend the rest of my life with her in my arms. It seems like such a good place to be.

A place I want to be.

I grind into her and she pushes her waist, in an attempt to get closer to me. I want this to go slow. I want her to enjoy this just as much as I know I will.

"More, can you touch me,'' her eyes open and she bores them into mine. my heart thugs desperately to get the affection it craves.

She is just as desperate as I am.

Fucking hell.

I lean forward and kiss her, my own attempt to get her out of her head. She wants this but she is scared. I know what she has been through and even though she is trying to forget the past, I feel it in the way she touches me. there is doubt and fear.

Those are things I want to combat.

I want to love her at this moment. I want her to forget about the pain. I want her to only think about me when I take her and I don't think she is ready for that. my hand rests on her stomach as my lips dance around hers.

I told Leighty this was just sex but I don't want to do that right now.

I don't want to break her even more.

My hand slides to her panties and she closes her eyes as I pull away from the kiss. I want to watch her. her lips are pink and slightly parted. Her cheeks are red.

She is trembling against me.

This girl is going to be my undoing.

I slide lower and she whimpers against my touch, I don't stop going until my hands rest on that one place I have been dreaming about. Her eyes dart open and she watches me now. there is an unreadable expression stuck on her face as she waits for me to continue.

"You're shaking,'' I point out.

She shudders as I play around in circles "It feels so good, I want more,'' she confesses.

Her words are sincere but I know more.

I feel more.

"Are you sure?''

She furrows her brows in confusion.

My hand is on her pussy and I am trying to talk her out of this. fucking hell, this is so unlike me.

"You don't want this anymore?'' she asks, with so much hesitation.

I pull my head back; my dick is hard. Of course, I want this. I want this a lot more than I should.

"You know I do. I just feel a lot of resistance from me. I need your body and mind with me when this happens."

"Why?'' she asks.

Because this is not just sex for me.

I don't say that out loud.

I am too much of a coward too.

She knows my name.

Even though I didn't say it out loud.

There is a connection between us.

One that I didn't makeup in my head.

One that is going to ruin me completely.

"I want you to want this completely. I don't want you scared.'' I confess.

"I am not scared.''

I sigh "Your body is scared of this right now."

Her eyes open wide.

She doesn't want me to catch on. She wants to seem tough in my eyes. like she has no fear in the world and if I didn't know better. If I hadn't seen all the things that she has gone through, I wouldn't even be able to tell.

I know that she is hurting.

I know that agreeing to have sex with me was a big and scary decision for her.

I don't want to take advantage of that.

I want her comfortable.

I want her to trust me.

I don't want her to die.

"You said this was just sex. Why do you care?'' she raises a brow and I watch her. studying her like I have been doing since I met her.

I watch her because she is beautiful. She is special and she doesn't even know it. she is going to die without ever knowing just how special she is because she lives in a cruel world, where the good suffer.

Where she is going to suffer.

I want to change her destiny so badly.

"I am not the monster you think I am.''

Except I am.

She rolls her eyes and I watch her as she reaches for my pants "It is just sex. Nothing more,'' she bats her lashes as she rests tugs at my zip, taking me out immediately.

My dick rests on her hand as she starts to stroke "Do what you said you would and stop acting like you give a shit about me,'' she smashes her lips to mine, completely catching me off guard.

There is a battle in my head.

One that scares the shit out of me.

I want to give her what she claims she wants, even though deep down I know that she wants a connection with me. She wants the whole shebang.

She doesn't want just sex and neither do I.