The feeling of being alive

Chapter Eighteen

Harley

He is resisting.

I don't know what I have done to make him think that I don't want this and now he is psychoanalyzing me and I don't like that one bit. I don't want the pity that has suddenly clouded his eyes. I like when he was lustfully staring at me. I liked the fact that he wanted me but that look has died in his eyes and I don't like it.

I need to bring it out and I know how that can happen.

I continue to stroke him and I hear the sounds as they leave his lips. He is hard for me.

He wants me, so I don't even know why he is denying himself the things he wants. I know what I want from him, I want him to bring me back to life. My soul is crushed into a million pieces. For the first time in a long time, someone makes me feel alive—he makes me feel alive and I want to continue living. I don't want these feelings to end and they come from him, so I don't want to let go of that, even if that means giving him what he wants.

I lean into him and he closes his eyes as I continue to stroke faster, getting him to that place that he desperately craves. My tongue slides across his neck. He grunts out in pleasure. My touch doing the things I want it to.

I don't stop.

I like seeing him weak.

I like seeing him lost in me.

"I want us to talk,'' he manages, in between my strokes. I tease him as I slide away from him. I don't want to take. I want him to lose this battle in his head. I let go of his dick and he waits for me as I take my mouth across his tip. He is hard and majestic, a knight in the dark of the night.

The man of my dreams.

I mean that literally. I know this thing between us wouldn't stand the test of time. He isn't going to stick around and I am going to end up having to let go of him. I know that much but I want to enjoy the time I have with him. I want this to register, I want this man to haunt me for the rest of my life.

I take him whole in my mouth and he stiffens on top of me. his reaction is exactly what I wanted. I want him to lose himself in me. I don't want him to fight this even though he can sense my nerves.

Even though he wants to be a gentleman and make sure I am okay. I want him to get lost in me to the point where he has no choice but to take me.

He is all I want right now.

I want him inside me.

I want him to replace the pain.

When I think of sex, I want to think of him and him alone. I don't want to remember the pain that has been stuck inside me. it might be a selfish reason, to want this but I want him to be selfish. I don't want him to think about anything but us at this moment.

"You are trying to distract me,'' he pulls back from me slightly. I watch him as he tries to fight this pleasure. My mouth is still on him, slowly, I release his dick and now his eyes are on me.

"Is it working?'' I ask him.

He closes his eyes and looks away from me. I smile as I take him again, I am not going to stop until he lets go. until he comes, my tongue dances around his dick. It is a salty-sweet desire; I take him until I feel him at the back of my throat. This is the most pleasure I have ever felt. I go faster, silently begging him to take control again. not long after my pace quickens, I feel him grab my hair, I feel him push me deeper into him.

I feel him let go.

I smile, still satisfying him as he grunts loudly, suddenly pulling his dick out of my mouth and pushing me back on the bed. My smile widens as he presses into me. His dick is still hard. My body quakes as he grabs my face and cups it with his palm. His eyes bore into mine, completely replaced by lust.

Give me more Ryker.

His eyes open wide in shock and I realize I just said that out loud. I want him so badly, I don't care about anything else.

"This is only going to make things worse,'' he cries, brushing his lips against mine. his voice is etched, strained, I almost want to give in to him and stop this, because, for the first time, he seems terrified.

He doesn't give me the chance as he thrusts into me with one full swing. He takes my mouth in his to cover my scream and I close my eyes as a drop of tear escapes from pain. His kiss completely obliterates me and suddenly, the pain washes away and I forget about it.

He pulls away from the kiss and I claw my fingernails into the skin on his back as he pushes into me again, this time slower. A moan escapes my lips as I feel him inside me. it completely takes over, and it terrifies me.

His touch is electric, but he doesn't stop sending shock waves all over my body.

His eyes are watching me.

He is dazed.

I have never seen this expression on his face.

It is exciting but at the same time scary.

"More,'' I beg him as he continues his thrusts, not giving me space to breathe. I take his scent in, I register this moment in my head because, for the first time in my life, I feel alive.

I have never wanted to be present in this life as I want to be right now with him.