Lena jitrochi.
3 months later.
Lena had forgotten that the body she carries used to move. It had become a part of her. She would think of it as her own body, she would feed it, let it rest, and clean it just like she would her own body.
She would even forget the name "Octan.", Only remembering it once a couple of days had passed. She didn't question the body, nor did she ever think of leaving it behind. It had simply become her.
The body wasn't the only thing that was changing her personality though, but her fake self and real self were merging. Lena and Lana were slowly becoming one in Lena's mind. At some points she would even forget all about the name, Lena.
To say she was dying wouldn't be that far from the truth. She was spending every day of her life the same. Wake up in some forest, and move. When she passes by a town/capital she would look for a quest to act upon, and return with the days paycheck to feed herself and the body. Her gauntlet was still standing strong, and her sword was as dull as ever.
Her fighting style couldn't be any less unoriginal, and her looks couldn't have looked any different. She had believed that the rest of her life would be spent in this fashion... and she didn't mind it.
For as long as that body was on her back, she could feel the urge to live on.
...
...
1 Month Later.
7 years have passed since Lena's first normal interaction with human society.
She is camping the night out alongside the body.
The sound of firewood crackling can be heard in the background, as Lena stares at the starry night sky.
Lena's head is completely empty, She is thinking about absolutely nothing.
The body looks the same...
She calls back... To a live she once used to long for.
A strong person she could rely on with everything, A gentle and warm person who would compliment her for everything she had done.
At some point of time all she had wanted was that, and she was given it.
But her current self snickers at the past which she had naively taken for granted, she had gotten herself too used to that life and ended up weak. It was because of that that she lost everything on that day.
...
'How foolish... To think I was so simple minded once. Care? Love? Affection...?' The woman questions her past self.
'... Who needs all of that. I really was just a child. After all, as long as you're alive... why does it matter...' She shifts her attention away from the sky, to the body resting on the ground lifelessly.
It's eyes are as dead as they could be, and It's mouth is drooling like an animal holding itself back.
The woman wonders.
'How did I end up like this?'
...
...
...
It's the next day.
With the body wrapped to her back, she walks the path she's on.
She is heading towards the Quest's location. A swarm of low level monsters were seen grouping up there, from goblins, to were-wolfs.
For a gold adventurer taking down a single low-level camp should be easy enough, and the pay was worth her efforts, so she took the request.
"It should be night by the time I get there." She mumbles under her breath.
The location was surprisingly far. Normally quests would request somewhere closer to where they would post them, unless it's a quest of extreme importance or urgency. This was of none.
....
....
....
The sun has set.
She reached her destination, and just like requested... A swarm of monsters, but...
This place, it's no monster camp. It wasn't built to be one, anyway. It's a terr--... human village.
And a familiar one at that. It was none other than Tahi village.
She knew because in front of her stood that block... the 4 walls that remained in her memory. The bed she would always hug her knees on, The worn out table she would eat on, and the aging roof which would leak whenever it rained.
Standing a couple of steps away from it, She remembered everything about that block of darkness. She remembered everything, because there wasn't much to remember. All her days were spent the same way, doing absolutely nothing as she waited for her meal.
She turned away from it and head towards where the monsters were grouping up. On her way there, A wall caught her attention. It was nothing more than a regular wall, that protects a home from the outside world.
Not to her... It was where He had saved her life... Back when the body on her back moved.
She placed the body next to the wall, exactly how she had been almost 10 years ago, and unsheathed her dull weapon as she walked towards the swarm of monsters.
She remembered the curse of this village. A poor village that had multiple unlucky runs with monsters.
'I guess It's fall was only a matter of time.' Lena thought as she slowly approached the horde of monsters.
Drops of water started falling from the sky.
The sound of her footsteps disappeared into the sound of the rain.
"AUuGH!!!!!" A goblin cried the moment it saw her.
She didn't show mercy immediately decapitating it, though too late. All has been alerted already.
"AUUGHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!" All the monsters cried at once as they attacked her.
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An ocean of monster corpses going as far as the eye can see. lightning hits ever so often in the background while raindrops are heard over the bodies of monsters. In the middle stands a single person, a person with an armor piece covering their right arm from the tips of their fingers to the top of their shoulder holds a sword covered with monster blood.
After she had done sheathing her sword she moves through the ocean of monster corpses that she had just freshly cut down herself until reaching the end.
A small brick wall stands on it's own, what used to be part of a building, is now a remnant of a whole. A lifeless body sits in front of the wall. The woman picks it up as if she had done it a million times and skillfully wraps a piece of cloth around it and her torso. Carefully with the body in mind she walks away from the horrific bloodbath.
She ignores what used to be her home, refusing to give in to the sentimental part of her being. Walking the path they reach a cabin, she had noticed it on her way to the village, but didn't expect it to come in handy like this.
She enters the cabin and places the body down carefully. She then starts barricading all possible ways of entrance. From the door, to the window in the back. Once she had thought it was safe enough she break a part of the floorboard underneath, and with the space she had cleared she started a small fire to eat something.
She had a little bag on her with very basic ingredients, but instead of making some kind of meal, she merely cooked them with the fire and ate. After eating her portion, she focuses on feeding the lifeless body.
After finishing with the body, she stares outside one of the smaller cracks at the green woods outside. At some point of time she had walked down this path away from that village along side Him... She never regretted leaving that place. After all, she had nothing tying her down to that village, no family, no friends, no one.
But... That has yet to change. Even now, she has nothing tying her down to anywhere. She moves from place to place while carrying a shell hoping for it to wake up and solve all her problems...
The rain disappears into the night sky, and she decides to sleep in the cabin for the night. She lays down on the wooden floorboard, while the body had it's posture slightly tinted forward since it was still sitting.
She didn't care enough to get up and fix it, so she ignored it by turning to the other side.
Laying down on the floor she stares at the ceiling.
'I have not changed at all, Just like 10 years ago, I'm still attached to nothing... no... one thing' She thinks before getting up to lay down the lifeless body on the ground to rest.
'Just what am I doing.'
...
...
...
...
...
It's the next day. She was lucky to find a merchant using the path, so she paid a little extra. She made it back to the capital... The same capital that had abandoned her fami-- No... that was none of her concern. She had already finished reporting in at the adventurer's guild. She was given her reward money, so she wandered around with the body still on her back.
She was used to the looks everyone would give her, so she could just walk around without much trouble. She didn't know that she had entered the kingdom she had grown up in, she never cared to learn it's name after all, so when she saw Tahi village, she was taken by complete surprise.
She finds a seat in public. She placed Octan to her right and sits down to the left, there's barely any space in the middle so no one should intrude.
As she sits down she thinks about where she should go next... Though she knows she will end up just following the road wherever it takes her.
"Hey, excuse me. Could you look after this person for a second? I have something to do real quick, just make sure they don't get far from here. Thanks." A woman suddenly demanded and left.
She was taken by surprise, so she didn't have enough time to sound her opinion before she was forced into babysitting.
Babysitting... Not the fitting term indeed. The person she was suddenly told to take care of, was an elderly woman, or so she seemed, her eyes were shut, her body looked fragile, and she was on a wheelchair.
"..." She says nothing as she stares at the elderly looking woman.
"Hello? Is anyone dare?" The elderly woman confirms the existence of a second party.
"Yeah, I am here..." She replies in a reluctant voice.
"Oh, this time there actually is someone... Sorry for causing you trouble, dear." The woman slightly lowers her head.
"D-don't worry about it... I'm used to taking care of others..." The woman's politeness had taken her by surprise.
"It will only be for a short period, So please help a young woman like me out until then." The woman tries to predict where She sits, as the woman keeps changing the way she's facing.
"Young? You surely don't look so."
"Hey now! I'm just hitting my prime age of 47! You better watch you mouth old hag!" The old woman complained energetically.
"Old hag?! I'm only 25 you know!" She was sucked in by the woman's energy.
The woman goes silent at her claim.
"...25... That's how old she would've been by now... Could I have your name young lady?" The old woman's politeness returns once more.
"...My name..."
"I'm Lana." She claims.
"Lana... Even the name's similar... Young woman... Can you tell me how you look? The battlefield has taken away my ability to see, so please describe yourself as much as possible." The woman questioned.
"...How I look? ...I... I don't know...." She replied to the old woman.
"You don't know...? Oh, my apologizes, are you by chance stripped of light too... How rude of me." The woman apologizes instantly.
"N-no... That's not it... I can see as clear as day... I just... I don't know how I look." She had forgotten. The last time she had looked at herself was long ago, so she had forgotten.
"I don't see..."
'...' She ignored the woman's attempt at a pun.
"Then... young woman named, Lana, would you be so kind as to tell me... What happened to a village named Tahi?" The elderly woman asked.
"Tahi... I don't know. I used to live there as a child, but I came back to it recently, and I found it had became a monster camp. What happened I don't know, but to say I didn't expect it would be a lie." She goes back to the scene a night ago.
"I've heard as much myself, but to hear it from a stranger too... You said you grew up there? When was it that you left? Before or after it's fall to poverty?" The old woman asked intrigued by the woman she can't see.
"After... I was born after it's fall anyway, or so I was told." She remembered the Letter she was given.
"... you."
"You really couldn't be anymore like her..."
"...?" Her sense of curiosity had peaked. Who was the person she was being compared to by the old woman?
"Young woman, by chance... Could you have a matching set of hazel eyes and brown hair?"
'...' She doesn't reply.
"...Sorry... I have been dreaming a bit too much lately... Just excuse me, think of it as an old woman's rambling..." The old woman's barely expressive face looked dejected.
"...Yes..." She had feigned ignorance on her new appearance.
"...Pardon...?"
"...yes... Hazel eyes and matching brown hair. That's me." She talked.
"N-no... It couldn't be..."
The older woman pushed her wheelchair slightly forward, towards the voice she had been talking to.
"I-Is this really you...?" The woman raised one of her hands to her mouth and the other she reached with towards her.
"Who's 'you' exactly." Lana talked.
"I-Is this you... Lena?" The woman said placing her hand on Lena's face.
'Right, That's who I was... Lena... Not Lana... Not the gold adventurer... Not the mysterious woman... But Lena.' Lena remembered...
Lena remembered the letter. The woman who had begged her to live, The woman who had begged her to remember her. The woman who had first abandoned her.
"Yes... It's me." Lena put her left hand, which wasn't clad in armor, over the woman's hand on her face.
"Lena jitrochi."
"O-O-oh my god.... L-L-Lena... y-you are alive... Oh god... Oh lord... Thank you... thank you..." The old woman broke down as she placed her other hand on the other side of Lena's face.
"...Yeah... I'm alive..."
"T-they had told me you were dead... They had told me your body was eaten by monsters... yet... here you are..." The woman continued to sob.
"..." Lena didn't know how to react.
It was all too sudden.
"I wish... I wish I could see you at this moment... Even if it was for a split second... I wish I could see what type of woman you grew up to be..." The woman had started feeling Lena's face as it was her only way to 'see' it.
'No, You're better off not seeing...' Lena didn't know how she would've been able to explain herself to the woman. She didn't have her hazel eyes and matching brown hair anymore. She had nothing that linked her to her parents now.
"To think you would appear in front of me now... It really is a miracle... Thank you... Thank you, Lena... Thank you so much..." The woman sobbed as she thanked Lena.
"..." Lena hugged the woman unknowing of how to feel.
...
The woman took her time...
The woman had moved next to Lena with her wheel chair and continues to hold her hand.
"This rough build, These rough hands, and that sad voice... I'm sorry... This is all my fault... I shouldn't have left you like that..." The woman squeezes Lena's hand.
"I should've known better... I should've secured you a future first... I'm sorry Lena... I'm so sorry..." The woman was tearing up again.
"..." Lena had put all her sense into that hand... Despite how hard the woman was squeezing, Lena could tell she didn't want to hurt... She understood that it was all pure out of her heart.
"...Don't worry about it... I'm more than happy." Lena squeezed the old woman's hand back.
"I have met a lot of people, went to a lot of places, and discovered a lot of things..." Lena took back her hand.
She slid it over her right arm, and took off the armor piece covering it.
She reached out for the woman's hand, and held it with both her hands this time.
"I wouldn't have wanted it any other way." Lena said staring at the blind old woman.
A grateful and sad tries to form on the woman's face.
At that moment she was happy... Extremely so... She had lived with the guilt for as long as she can remember, yet here she stands. Right in front of her... She wishes for nothing, but to catch a glimpse at the woman in front of her...
"I'm glad... So g-glad..." The old woman yet again started to sob, but this time Lena could tell. She was happy.
Lena then went to the woman squatted down and hugged her.
For some reason tears had started running down her face too.
'H-huh... why am I crying...' More and more flowed down.
'why... why...' she started competing with the woman on tears.
"..."
"I'm glad... I'm So happy you exist... I'm so happy that wasn't a lie... I'm just... so fucking happy..." Lena embraced the old woman's torso.
"H-hey calm down... No need to break every bone in my body now..." The woman tried embracing her back.
"I'm sorry... I'm sorry, mom... Can I call you mom?" Lena slightly backed out to ask a question while sobbing.
"...Of course! Call me whatever you want, Lena!" The woman dragged her back to embrace her more.
"Mom... mom... I'm so sorry... You wanted me to live... you wanted me to enjoy what this world had to offer... You wanted me to put on nice dresses... You wanted me to get married... To enjoy life... But I had did the exact opposite... I had even told myself you didn't exist... I-I-I-I...I'm just so sorry... My whole life... What was it for? What was I doing? Why was I doing it?... Please... Tell me..." Lena breaks down in the woman's arms.
With her weak fragile arms, the woman says nothing and caresses Lena's back.
'thank you...' Lena needed this... This comforting, gentle, and warm feeling... She wanted this.
"You've had it rough, haven't you?" Lena only sobbed harder by this comforting feeling.
"Good job, Lena... Good work getting through it... You have done extremely well." Lena had never felt like this before.
this feeling for longing, this feeling of belonging, this feeling of adoration, and this feeling of love.
For the first time in her life, Lena was loved.
"Uwaghh!!!!!!!" Lena let it all out.
"Let it all out, sweetheart..." The old woman had calmed down.
She wanted Lena to let everything out... She truly cared for her.
"I've always wanted to hold you like this... Even when you were little I would dream of scenes like this... A scene where I would hold you and comfort you..." The woman's smile only grew warmer.
Lena kept crying as hard as she could.
Passer-bys would give them a weird look, but both of them didn't care, and nor did the lifeless body on the bench.
...
...
...
Lena had eventually stopped.
She was now carrying the old woman through the kingdom, just like she would Octan.
"Woo... You've gotten tall, haven't you?" The old woman said from Lena's back.
"You bet, I've only met a few number of people who're taller than me!" Lena said with excitement in her voice.
"Now that's my girl! You show them!" The woman patted Lena's head.
"Not just that, but I'm a gold adventurer too!" A huge smile covers Lena's face as she carried the woman through the town.
"That so? Quite the dependable woman you've become." The woman couldn't see a thing, but the feeling she had was more than enough.
Lena laughed happily and the woman joined her.
'Right wasn't there a woman taking care of her...? Meh, who cares...' A quick though runs through Lena's mind, only to get immediately dismissed.
...
...
The sun was setting.
Lena walks back while holding the woman in a princess carry.
They returned to the bench where Octan's lifeless body was at, and surprisingly the woman who had told Lena to care of the woman sitting next to it.
The woman was biting her finger while impatiently looking around.
As soon as she had spotted them she ran screaming while pushing the wheelchair.
"You there! I know I told you to take care of her, but didn't you get a bit too familiar?!" She said with a worried face.
"Oh, that you miss lindel? Sorry sorry... We just happened to be acquaintances." The woman said while gesturing Lena to put her down.
"...You're going to be the death of me, miss kotana."
'Kotana... So that's her name...' She made sure to remember it this time.
"I'm sorry, If I had known she was going to do this I wouldn't have left her with you..." Lindel apologized to Lena.
"She always does this... She calls whoever reminds her the name 'Lena.' and starts acting as if they were their daughter or something... You shouldn't have played along if you felt uncomfortable." The woman said while trying to place Kotana on the wheel chair.
"... That so..." Lena felt sad.
She couldn't stand the thought of having others take her place with kotana.
"Don't worry miss Lindel, This time it really is Lena." The old woman said pointing at Lena.
"*sigh* That so..." The caretaker looked as if she has had enough...
"Hey... can you please just give me a quick moment with her..." Lena said placing her hand on the caretaker's shoulder.
"...I already told you this, This woman just thinks of everyone as this 'Lena.' person. I think it's better if you just give it a rest."
"...Please..." Lena begged.
"..." The woman looked at her with a judging look.
"...Sure... Just make sure to take your friend with you when you leave." She said pointing at Octan's body.
"Ok..."
Lindar walked away and sat back at the bench.
Lena squatted down next to the woman.
"So, what is it you want, dear?" The woman said feeling Lena's presence.
"So... your name was Kotana? Why didn't you write it down on that letter..." Lena said as calm as she could be.
"...The letter huh... I never thought it would actually reach you... I wrote it as an excuse to myself, As a way to say 'I did what I could.'... Lena, you want to ask a more important question, right?" The woman said with a pitiful smile.
Lena held herself back from speaking, she believed she doesn't have the right to ask after what she had experienced. That it would only be greedy and selfish to.
"You want to know why I didn't come back for you...Right?"
Lena didn't know what type of expression she was making when she heard it from her.
"It wasn't because of anything noble... It wasn't because I was forced to stay..." The woman talked with regret weighing her words.
"...It was simply becau--"
Lena placed her hand over the woman's mouth.
"Please... don't continue... I don't want to hear it... Just let me have this one for myself... I beg of you." Lena had fallen to her knees.
"...as you wish..." The woman had a disappointed look.
"..." A moment of silence.
Lindel is waiting impatiently in the background.
"Well, It was really nice meeting you again, Lena..." Kotana turned around to wave for Lindel to come over.
"...Why can't we stay together? We both needed each other, right? So... why?" Lena asked.
"...I'm sorry... But this is for your sake Lena... I've already made peace with it. The fact that if you were alive, you were out there living your own life, which as far as I can understand you are! I don't want to drag you down Lena. you need to get out there and live for yourself, only then Will you actually live."
'Leave me alone.' 'What do *you* want?' 'You're your own person.' Octan's words quickly ran through her mind.
"...I understand..." She didn't understand.
"Good..." Kotana said with a warm smile resembling that of a great mother.
"Make sure to visit me from time to time, ok?!" Kotana shouted as Lindal pushed her away.
"Of course." Lena waved back with a smile.
She waved even when Kotana had stopped...
She then walked back towards Octan.
She pulled him up and placed on her back like usual. Wrapping the cloth around hom she moves once again.
"I wonder... If you had treated me differently, would I have understood what she meant..." Lena thinks as she leaves the kingdom at night.