What goes on behind the scenes

+Warning: There will be Slight Mentions of Self Harm+

After recalling my memories from reading about the second male lead, I remembered that I had actually developed a little crush on him. It was like the fog in my mind was slowly drifting away with each recovery of my memories. Memories I didn't know I had lost. I found him to be really captivating and had always paid special attention to reading his scenes whenever He was written about.

I liked him to the point where I started having imaginal conversations and scenarios with him in my mind, and he was the main reason I had reread the book, even though the Villainess who happened to be my namesake was such a foolish young girl. Although at that time, I had not realized how completely similar we were to each other.

I admit that the thought of becoming friends with him, getting to know more about him, and exploring his character to check if he was still stuck in his character settings or was he similar to Mr. Michael and had diverted from his settings even a little, had crossed my mind and tempted me. Like how wine lured in an alcoholic.

But I pressed that temptation down into a chain-locked casket, dug 8 feet into my mind, and buried it with reasons on how that would be a bad idea and I should definitely never attempt to do it.

Besides, I couldn't even if I tried. He had a past that made him feel slightly disgusted by women, but he tolerated them because he knew not all women were the same as the Woman who had hurt him. He knew that, but the trauma still existed and fought against his reasoning. The heart does not always follow the Mind.

-Honestly, thinking of what she did to him made me want to go to the prison of where she was jailed at and bash her skull in. That thought further proved the fact that I was a tad bit violent-

And that was how the female lead and her halo stepped into his life. It was the female lead that "cured" him. He said, and I quote, "She is different from other girls. And I do not find her touch revolting at all" which made me jealous of her.

All these thoughts bombarded me as I raised my head and looked at him.

My scar throbbed Immediately I looked into his eyes like it wanted to tell me something, causing me to wince and advert my eyes, But not before seeing the shock on his face.

"My Mistake. I didn't know that this obviously public spot had an owner as there wasn't a name written on anywhere" I spoke In a light tone, but my words ended up coming out more Sarcastic than I wanted.

At first, I wanted to vehemently avoid him. Like, if I saw him walking in my direction, I will turn the other way round. But I knew that that could create the opposite effect seeing that as he had grown up, people always flocked to him like vultures to corpses, so seeing someone doing the opposite might attract his attention. I mean, that was one of the ways the female lead did it. It had made her different from other girls. So I decided not to do anything. If I just behave normally, everything would turn outright.

-I wanted a life where I was in control. Me and not someone else. And being with him will make me lose that-

I stood up, packing my things and attempting to bypass him.

"I hope I am not the one making you leave?" He questioned with a raised eyebrow that drew me in, giving me the opportunity to glimpse at the faded little scar that intersected his left eyebrow.

"Believe me, you are not," I denied firmly with a tight grasp on the book I was reading

"That was not in his character description," I thought, after seeing the scar on his eyebrow making me raise my own in curiosity. I would know, considering I may have been just a little obsessed with him.

Sometimes he had made me question my love for the male lead in my past world. Before I had gained awareness that I was just a character made to push the storyline of another, I had given my all for the man.

I was madly in love with him as the author had written and intended, so developing a crush on a fictional character had made me thinking that I was a cheater. That I was sullying my body by doing that. That I was becoming impure and not fit for him. And that was a horrifying thing to me.

So whenever I caught myself thinking of Cassius as more than just a book character in a Novel made only for Entertainment I would always bang my head hard against the wall, so much so that little trickles of blood had flowed down from my face after staining my light blue hair into a shade of violet and I would always come back to my senses only to see Zinnia face overflowing with tears and her lips repeatedly calling out my name.

It had happened so many times, but the instinct to keep reading didn't decrease. It easily became a habit for me which I fixated on, so much so that the smell of a sickeningly dry, sweet metallic scent no longer fazed me.

It was Zinnia's sad eyes and puffy face after she had caught me which made it known that she had been crying that had scared me so much that I had to take a break from the book. But it wasn't easy, so I had developed some measures on stopping myself. There weren't all good ones.

"I apologize If I sounded demanding. I had never seen anyone in my spot before as not a lot of people come here" His words dragged me out of the flashbacks and I caught myself pinching my skin which threw my mind into a jumble.

-No. I am Never going back there again... He's real now..... He's gone now-

I awoke to my senses to feel him shaking my shoulders.

"Are you alright? Do you need to visit the School Nurse" His words seemed to fade in and out

"What," I asked, a little delirious with my chest area badly hurting

"You weren't responding" He explained, tilting his head slightly towards his left.

I saw Him take in a deep breath, then hurriedly release my shoulders.

"I'm Fine. I just need to get to my house" I replied, taking a step back from him and rushing out of the library.

My phone pinged with a Notification that informed me of the fact that my driver was outside waiting for me.

-Perfect timing. I need a shower and hopefully a dreamless night-

++++++++++++++

*Behind the scenes 1*

Who was that?

Who is she?

Why did she make me want to pull her into my arms, tell her everything will be alright, and never let go?

And her scent. Why was it so intoxicating?

Was she the source of what I smelled in the hallway?

+++++++++++++++++++

*Behind the scenes 2*

*Thump... THUMP*

My heart rammed achingly against my ribs as goosebumps engulfed my skin and chills ran down my spine.

"What was that?" I panted heavily as I placed my hand on my chest

"Sophia, Is something wrong with me. Is my character ill?" I questioned as I called out silently.

"Sophia... Sophia!!????"

+++++++++++++++

*Behind the scenes 3"

"Why are you crying, Xenia" A Classmate of mine called out, bringing my mind back to the sensation of something flowing down my face

"What! How?" I questioned confused as I wiped my face dry with my handkerchief.

Without asking for permission from my teacher, I fled to the toilet.