S2 Ep1: Spring Broken

It's the 2000 Ways To Die trauma centre. And you are the patient, let's see the damage. We have a boxer who tapped out, an office manager who got the point, a filmmaker who got his...shot, a QP who is DED, a dealer who got delt with, a poisonous marriage, What about the Spring Break party that ended up spring broken, and finally when this doctor say bend over he is talking to his nurse. The doctor may see you now on this chapter of 2000 Ways To Dieeeee...

Date: August 23, 2022

Location: WWE Studios, Los Angeles, CA

Meet Donald Richardson or "The Bloodstain" he is a "professional" WWE fighter and "masculinity teacher". This means he makes videos stating that men can't be depressed and that all women should be in the kitchen and be submissive to all men. In other words he is a total Andrew Tate. Today Donald is really serving it up in the ring. He is about to get the 1 million dollar grand prize and be one of the top fighters, just one thing. His last opponent is the infamous Undertaker. The Undertaker is a 6"10 monster of a man, anyone can fear him. Not Donald though, he recently did a podcast stating that The Undertaker was nothing more than an obstacle in his way, when Undertaker heard that he knew someone had to shoot down Donald's hot-air balloon. Once in the ring Dinald starts his dirty tricks and illegal moves. After almost getting disqualified he decides it's about time to end this. Undertaker is unfazed about all that is going on and let's Donald tire himself out. Donald gets on the top rope and flies at Undertaker. Undertaker, being smart, decides to move and watch Donald fly past him. Donald land head first on the ring severing his C3 C4 vertebrae causing complete paralyzation. The Undertaker grabs Donald and puts him in a choke hold, the ref starts to count. Donald is paralyzed and can't tap out, when the ref is done counting Undertaker and his fans cheer all while Donald asphyxiates and dies in the ring.

Donald was a wannabe "Alpha Male" but the only thing this Beta Male did that helped everyone...was die

Way To Die #1901: Bloodstained

Date: November 13, 2002

Location: Paper Office, Slough, UK

Meet Ricky Brent, Brent is presented as an employer who wholeheartedly believes that his employees love him, whereas in fact, aside from his assistant, Gareth Keenan, they actually resent him. Like the time where Brent betrays his staff and accepts a promotion to higher management, saving his own skin from the inevitable downsizing that will befall the Slough branch as a consequence. Brent later fails a medical examination which makes him unable to take the position, but he insists to his employees that he failed it on purpose to save the branch. He works as a general manager at the Slough branch of a paper company. Today he is really serving it up in The Office, in the conference room he and Gareth start a "diversity seminar". Brent starts to carck racist jokes before he hands the show over to Gareth. As Gareth starts talking about inclusion, Brent starts to get annoyed and bored. About 3 minutes into the seminar Brent decides it's time to wake up the crowd. He gets up and shoves Gareth out of the way to try and tell his jokes. Gareth, not taking that level of disrespect, gets up and shoves Brent. The two start to fight and the whole Office is up an watching. It really was pathetic seeing these two idiots fight. Soon enough Brent gets a scissors and runs to Gareth. Gareth accidentally trips Brent and he goes flying down with the scissors. Everyone in the office stayed silent as they waited for him to get up. Gareth goes over and flips him over only for everyone to see the scissors lodged in his eye. Everyone in The Office states and some scream. The scissors went through his eye and into his frontal lobe instantly killing him.

Brent never saw it coming he was blindsided by Gareth and finally he...scissored.

Way To Die #1012: Eyesore

Date: April 12, 2018

Location: Downtown Minneapolis, MN

Mark Vogal is a filmmaker who specializes in the filming of crummy low down neighborhoods. Today he travels to Minneapolis to film a documentary on the crime and drugs of the city. He drives to the crummiest hood he can find and gets set up. He is filming some meth heads when someone grabs him and yells for the other people to come over. All the twacked out druggie and gang members come over and yell at him and threaten him for filming them. But Mark was prepared for everything, he pulled out his glock 11 and aimed it at everyone. Most people hid while some gang members pull out their guns. To show that he was not playing Mark shot a bullet in the air right above him. The other members kept their cool and try to reason with him. Just when thing s are about to get ugly Mark gets shot, but not by the gang members. When he shot his bullet in the air it went up and came back down even harder. The impact of the bullet in his skull caused severe brain injury as the bullet ripped down all the way into his chest cavity blowing out his left lung.

Aaaand...CUT!!!

Way To Die #1831: Guns the word

Date: September 24, 1973

Location: Lions Stadium, Detroit, MI

Henry Hughes was one of the greatest football players in the world. When he was on the feild he was a totally different person. He was selected in the fourth round by the Philadelphia Eagles in the 1967 NFL/AFL draft and played three seasons with the Eagles before he was traded to the Detroit Lions prior to the start of the 1970 season. Although listed as a wide receiver he saw most action on special teams, being a backup QP. In his five-year career he caught 15 passes. Today football is about to become life and death, the Lions hosted the Chicago Bears at Tiger Stadium. Late in the 4th quarter, with Detroit trailing 28–23, the Lions were driving into Chicago territory and Hughes, who entered the game as an injury replacement, caught a pass from quarterback, Mike Heuith, for 32 yards and a first down at the Bears' 37-yard line.

Three plays later, Heuith threw a pass that tight end Charlie Sanders dropped near the end zone. Hughes, a decoy on the play, began running back to the huddle with 1:02 showing on the clock. Suddenly, he dropped to the turf clutching his chest around the 20-yard line. Hughes collapsed near Bears linebacker Dick Butkus, who saw him begin to convulse violently on the field. Butkus motioned to the sideline frantically to get Hughes assistance.

Both teams' doctors and trainers, along with a physician who happened to be attending the game, ran to Hughes to try to save him. An ambulance was called for and arrived to take Hughes to Henry Ford Hospital, where he was pronounced dead that afternoon. The game was played to its conclusion in front of a now-stunned silent crowd in Tiger Stadium, with the Bears' lead holding. The Lions awaited word of Hughes' condition after the game and the players were informed once word had broken that he was dead.

HOWEVER

A postmortem examination revealed that Hughes was suffering from undiagnosed and advanced arteriosclerosis (one of his coronary arteries was 75% blocked) and that he had a family history of heart disease. The direct cause of death was a coronary thrombosis, which caused a massive myocardial infarction that cut off the blood flow to his heart. Thus killing the once great football player...

Way To Die #1765: Foot-Fall

Date: May 13, 1886

Location: Manhattan, NYC, NY

Sarah Lettermen was a cocain dealer in the working class area of Manhattan.

In the late 19th century cocaine had a very different set of associations, which are largely forgotten about today. Before the harmful consequences of cocaine addiction were fully understood, cocaine was celebrated as a revolutionary medical technology: the first effective local anaesthetic. And it was used for the working class to get a little energy. Today Sarah is making bank, as she should. But with the law on alert she decides it's time to hide. She hides in a little hole in the ground to evade the police. after about 20 minutes she tries to hop out but is stuck. She hears workers and tries to yell for help but instead she gets a pipe shoved into her wide open mouth. this is what is known as a Concrete Pipe. Unbeknownst to the workers, she tries to yell and get the pipe off of her but it sandwiched her against the wall. The pipe starts to fill with concrete and Sarah can feel it. The hot rocks burning through her throat and into her stomach. she begins to suffocate, but fate has another idea for her. The concrete starts to fill her stomach up and soon she is jus one large...builder. The weight of concrete in her stomach caused he organs to explode open and causing her to be pulled on half. Sarah dies from Asphyxiation and brain death. There will be no more dealing now that the dealer got delt with.

Sarah wanted to make money but the concrete wanted...halfsies...

Way To Die #1207: Half Offed

Date: Morning of September 11, 2001

Location: Fred's Apartment, Manhattan, NY

As the attacks on the twin towers are continuing, people panic and chaos ensues. Gerald And Monica are in a total panic, they are conspiracy theorists that believe they are next to get bombed. Gerald has been preparing this for 12 years. Let's rewind...

Date: April 14, 1998

Location: Harold's House, Brooklyn, NY

Gerald is at his brother Harold's House. Harold brings out a pill container, Gerald asks what the pills are, Harold says that they are to take if anything hoes bad. But what Gerald didn't know is that they were Cyanide pills. Cyanide prevents the cells of the body from using oxygen. When this happens, the cells die. Cyanide is more harmful to the heart and brain than to other organs because the heart and brain use a lot of oxygen. Back to the present.

Gerald and Monica take the pills thinking that they were anti-brainwashing pills. they srart to seizure and fall down. Monica is the first to go after asphyxiating on her own blood. Gerald takes one more breath and dies. In the end they did their country a favor...by dying...

Way To Die #1290: Sly-inide

Date: March 5, 2016

Location: Miami Beach, FL

Ahhh spring break time for parties, fun time, and a shit ton of sex. Today a frat named Carter is trying to get into a beautiful girl named Rochelle's pants. After failing to seduce her he tries his next idea, get her extremely drunk and take advantage of her. Carter is a disgusting pig and goes for it. He brings out the keg and turns the party up. After the party starts going strong, Carter approaches Rochelle. He asks her if she is drinking the beer only for her to tell him that she don't drunk. Carter tries to convince her to have a few drinks but fails. He decides to just drink his horney misery away. Soon enough Carter is drunkenly hitting on Rochelle. Rochelle is a lesbian and her 6'5 basketball player girlfriend, Melissa, shows up and sees Carter hitting on her girl. Melissa goes to Carl, Carl being drunk decides nothing is going to come between him and Rochelle's sweet nookie. Melissa is not having it she picks Carter up and throws him in the ocean. Carter gets out and charges for Mellisa, Melissa doges and Carter heads right for the fire. Carter blows up in flames and dies from shock. When Melissa threw Carter on the ocean he landed right in an oil patch. This Spring Break was...Lit.

Way To Die #1751: Sp-oiled

Date: March 12, 2013

Location: St. Jude's Hospital

Jackson, Michigan

A sex crazed doctor named Dr. Montana prepares to give a patient named Mr. O'Brien a brain x-ray. Mr. O'Brien is here for a brain x-ray...but even that hardly slows down our oversexed healthcare professionals. As peepshows go, this was a good one. Mr. O'Brien was getting turned on. The problem was...so was the x-ray machine. Dr. Montana leaves and enters the control room, continuing to have sex with his bombshell nurse as Mr O'Brien looks on through the window, somewhat confused and amused. The nurse's butt continuously hits the x-ray machine while they have sex, subjecting Mr. O'Brien to constant bombardments of radiation for the next 20 minutes. The couple didn't realize that they were cooking a patient, until it was too late. The radiation fries Mr. O'Brien's brain, killing him. Our advice: Stay out of hospitals...unless you're horney...

Way To Die #1629: Sex Ray

Coming up on 2000 Ways To Die: Death is one big party