S2 Ep8: Death Trails on
The following looked death in the face and said "whatever" like the personal fitness instructor who got to personal, the ass-tric bypass surgery, a wife who got ballsy, the couple who had to much wine, the ticket scalper who crossed the line, the baller who got extinguished. It's not pretty, but it's pretty funny. On this chapter of 2000 Ways To Dieeeee...
Date: February 5, 2016
Location: Top Of The World Restaurant, Las Vegas, NV
Katrina went through a recent gastric bypass surgery and is meeting her husband, whom she wants to divorce with, at a beautiful restaurant. Katrina starts to cough violently and couch up blood. Time to play the 2000 ways to die game 'who or what killed Katrina?' ,Was it her husband... who just got served divorce papers? Or the waiter... who wanted to server all Katrina's needs? Maybe even a secret lover? Figured it out yet? Well, here comes a nice sharp and bloody clue... It was the plastic surgeon... let's rewind...
Date: February 1, 2016
Location: Southern Nevada Bariatrics, Paradise, NV
The plastic surgeon had been doing gastric bypass surgeries all day and was tired of it. He had something else on his mind...the nurse's big fat tits. He was eying them the whole time and went in to close up Katrina. Back to the present. While Katrina presents her soon to be ex-husband with some divorce papers, she starts to go into a coughing fit and causes a pair of surgical forceps (which were left inside during the surgery) to rupture her stomach. Katrina then dies on the table.
Katrina's new body turned her nasty. The doctor screwed up. But in the end, you can really say Katrina's self obsession was the real...instrument of death.
Way To Die #1711: Spastic Surgery
Date: August 12, 2022
Location: Miller Residents, Grosse Point, MI
Bill was a businessman who had hired Jenny as a personal trainer, not knowing she was a gold digger attempting to steal Bill from his wife. While helping Bill lift a heavy barbell, she notices he has an erection which disgusts his wife causing her to storm off with Bill running after her in embarrassment. A somewhat-aroused Jenny decides to practice her clean and jerk technique. Placing extra weights on the barbell, she tries to lift it up, but lifts it way too high, and drops the barbell on the back of her neck, severing her spinal cord and windpipe. She collapses to the ground as blood drools from her mouth and she eventually dies due to an inability to breathe. Sending the gold digger to hell.
Jenny played rich men for fools. She went mining for gold...But then it all collapsed...under the weight...of her own greed.
Way To Die #1191: Ex-her-cised
Date: April 20, 2001
Location: Backyard, Amity, OR
It's a beautiful spring day and a wedding is happening when the statement "if anybody has any obligations let em' speak now or forever hold their peace"
Wait! I object! Do not let this sweet young girl marry this twisted, old piece of rawhide!
Brother Kether is the leader of a polygamist cult who is marrying an attractive young woman named Karen against her will.
When it comes time to Karen to say "I do", she says that she cannot marry him and runs off into the woods to escape. Kether and his cult chase after her in pursuit.
Oh, no. Watch out, Karen!
(Brother Jacob) All right, you're coming back to the wedding!
Brother Jacob needs a shot of big love.
Karen is first grabbed by Brother Jacob, but she kicks him in the groin and escapes. Nice one...
Kether soon catches up to Karen at an intersection in the woods, but he accidentally runs into one of many booby traps that he had set up in the woods - a spring-loaded spike board which impales the victim when stepped on like a rake. Kether dies within seconds from massive blood loss caused by his heart and lungs being punctured by the spikes, thus sending him to Hell where he belongs.
Kether was a mean old goat who got his shriveled rocks off by abusing women. Karen was smart enough to run, Kether was good enough...to die. Thanks...brother.
Way To Die #1251: Spring-trap
Date: October 1, 2017
Location: Vineyard, Napa Vally, CA
Lloyd, a nerdy, virgin college student takes a female foreign-exchange student named Helga from Sweden to a vineyard for a wine tasting, only to find it closed for the off-season. Having brought their own wine, they get drunk and climb into a fermentation vat to make out. Both of them soon asphyxiate and die due to the carbon dioxide emitted by the fermenting grapes, hence it's called carbon "die" oxide.
This is a story about a horny virgin and a beautiful Swede. They drank some wine, then climbed into a wine vat. But instead of getting it on....they got offed.
Way To Die #1689: Wine And Die
Date: September 29, 2009
Location: Schmidt's Aprtment, Brooklyn, NY
Phillip, a New York squatter living in a condemned building, has been having trouble watching TV since broadcasting went digital in June of 2009. The thing of it is, he steals electricity to power his pad. His next-door neighbors are yuppies, who have cable. On this day, they are watching a 1000 Ways To Die marathon (yall should watch the show, we get alot of our deaths from it). Phillip decides to tap their box by rigging their line undetected. However, after successfully rigging, Phillip slips and rolls down the building's fire escape, causing his screwdriver, which he held to open the cable box, to impale him through the mouth and sever his brain stem. His neighbors were horrified to see Phillip's corpse.
Phillip tried to steal someone's cable so that he could watch 1000 Ways to Die. But stealing cable TV is wrong. In the end, he wound up providing 2000 Ways to Die a good story. Thanks, Phillip.
Way To Die #1421: Die-wreck TV
Date: April 18, 2017
Location: Outside of a stadium, Everett, WA
Steve is an infamous scalper and aspiring con artist who sells tickets for sporting events, and also a con artist; unbeknownst to his patrons, the tickets are counterfeit, allowing him to easily rip them off of their money. When a man has his fake ticket identified as fake and is ordered to the back of the line, he confronts Steve in anger, shouting at him that he's going to kick his butt, which is why Steve shouldn't be busy counting his money. Attempting to make a run for it, he hits the walk button to get across a busy street, but ends up being hit by a car, despite the signal saying walk. What Steve didn't realize was that a slug crawled into the electrical box controlling the traffic lights and its' slimy body shorted out the circuits. So when the light read "walk" for Steve, it also read green for traffic. Steve dies from massive internal bleeding due to his rib cage being broken and his lungs being punctured, and he was dead by the time he hit the asphalt, sending the scalper-like con artist to Hell as he deserves.
Steve was a slimebag counterfeiting scalper. Mr. Slug was just trying to keep from burning up. When Steve and the slug crossed paths, the scalper...got his ticket punched.
Way To Die #1944: Dead Light Green Light
Date: December 13, 2017
Location: Rec Center, Asheville, NC
A Wednesday night dodge ball game begins at a local community center, and Andre, an ex-jock coach, leads his team against a group of nerds. Andre prospected for college but he failed his drug tests. Though his bitter, angry attitude/personality goes on in the game, his team wins. However, Andre is not satisfied after his team players say it's "just dodge ball" and to him, it was life, so grabs a fire extinguisher after his team players tell him to "cool off". However, the fire extinguisher was defective (improperly manifolded), and as he activates it, it explodes and the handle lodges deep into his chest, tearing up his heart, killing him instantly. Sending the ex-jock coach to hell, and bringing his angry attitude and abusing of nerds to a skidding halt.
For angry Andre, life was a game to be won at all costs. But as soon as he picked up that fire extinguisher... his life went into... sudden... death.
Way To Die #1346: Lodge-ball