S2 Ep10: Dead and Deader

Dying is the easy part, but its living that is hard. Especially for the junkie who loves injury, a man who loves women, not the toilet, we have thw man who knew guns were dangerous, a man gets the alcohol down his liver, how about the man who loves javelin and gets poked, and finna a man gets rubbered out. Reading this should also be hard, so feel free to cringe on this chapter of 2000 Ways To Dieeee...

DATE: March 13, 2018

LOCATION: House of Steel, Long Beach, California

A man named John Cook, who's an adrenaline junkie had an addiction to being electrocuted for a fix of adrenaline, such as being zapped by a taser by his girlfriend, Tess. Then, one day, John Cook connects his welder to his ear piercings to apply a higher electrocution and a bigger adrenaline rush. Tess would only take it so far. If John was really going to push his envelope, he'd have to deliver it himself. He turns the voltage on the welder to the max when Tess refuses to do it, and the electricity disrupts his natural electrical rhythms, causing cardiac arrest (heart attack).

To anyone who knew John Cook, his death came as no shock.

Way To Die #1504: John Cooked

Date: May 1, 1979

Location: Roger's RV Park, Aberdeen, SD

A newly married man named Chuck buys a 1952 Royal Spartenette trailer home for he and his wife, Roxanne. He cleans every inch of his new home, but has trouble unclogging the home's toilet. Chuck attempts to unclog the toilet with bleach since other attempts to unclog it are unsuccessful.

Chemical warfare was the only answer. Chuck poured a gallon of bleach down the trailer's poop chute, and waited. From the darkness below, came a response...

The bleach reacts with the sewage, creating a cloud of chlorine gas, which suffocates him.

Overcome by lung-searing toxic fumes, Chuck went from road-worthy... to road-kill.

Way To Die #1230: Trailer Trashed

Date: December 31, 2017 - January 1, 2018

Location: Echo Park, Los Angeles, CA

Imagine exiting a New Years Eve party with a hot date on your arm, and a night full of possibilities in front of you. Suddenly you feel a thud, followed by a sharp stinging pain in your chest. You fall down, and two minutes later, you're dead. That's what happened to our friend, Ronald. Quame and his crew of revelers were celebrating the New Year with a nighttime barbecue. As they were counting down to the new year, Quame shot stray bullet from his pistol into the air on zero. Several miles away, Ronald and his girlfriend were exiting a New Year's Eve party. As Ronald was asking his girlfriend to go out with him, he gets a sharp sting on his shoulder, then blood comes out. A few seconds later, Ronald died. The stray bullet from Quame's pistol unfortunately came back down and hit Ronald in the shoulder. It went through his shoulder and pierced his heart, killing him.

It's a felony to fire a gun into the air. Stray bullets kill dozens of Americans every year. The lesson: when the clock strikes twelve on New Year's Eve... duck...

Way To Die #1171: Nite Capped

Date: September 19, 1983

Location: Dunkeler's Home, Sparta, KY

Why is this man standing in his bathroom doorway, holding an enema bag? A simple question with a complicated answer. Mickey is a raging alcoholic with a twist. The recent throat operation had left him unable to drink. Clarissa, his long suffering wife, has been doing her best to keep him in line, but she's no match for a life long drunk going cold turkey. That bring us back to the enema bag.

Mickey needed help with his butt-bag cocktail. At first, Clarissa resisted, but he broke her down. She rounded up a bottle of sherry and dumped it into his enema bag. The bar was now open and it's happy hour.

Before he can get out of the bathroom, Mickey is completely hammered. Clarissa beds him down thinking he could sleep it off, but not this time. His blood alcohol level has shot up to .57 and he died from alcohol poisoning, since anything .40 and over is lethal.

This time, happy hour turned into "crappy hour"...

Way To Die #1385: Sh*t Faced

Date: May 15, 2022

Location: Milhouse High, Glendale, CA

Coach Jacousky, a high school physical education teacher, teaches a group of tired, unenthusiastic students how to throw a javelin. After the students do a shoddy job of throwing, Coach Jacousky demonstrates in front of the students, making an impressive throw. If he wasn't such a blow-hard, he'd still be winning arm wrestling bets at the local sports bar. But Jacousky forgot the one lesson teachers have been screaming for all eternity: pay attention. Running to retrieve it, he turns his head around and yells "that's how you do it" to the students, only to turn his head back around...and impale his right eye through the javelin's exposed edge. The javelin is then driven into his brain. The students react in disgust when they run to the coach, with one of them taking pictures.

Mr. Jacousky's fatal error costing his life. But one rule he followed to the very end... Keep your eye on the javelin.

Way To Die #1197: Spiked

Date: February 7, 2016

Location: The Kitty Patch, Tonopah, NV

Sam was a 32-year-old virgin with his testicles going code blue. To fix his situation, he goes to a red light district to get his rocks off. After passing by two rooms with promising women, a Pocahontas and a French maid, his choice was made for him by the dominatrix behind door number three. He is put in a latex outfit and the dominatrix does her stuff. However, Sam was unaware of a severe allergy he had to latex and to make it worse, the dominatrix mistook his muffled noises for having fun, as he dies from anaphylactic shock.

Unable to escape, the gimp goes limp and dies.

Way To Die #1319: Domin-a-Dead