21 - Lucy

Natsu Dragneel kissed me. It's what I always thought my first kiss would be like: Magical, Mesmerizing and Memorable. Instead my first kiss was stolen by Grey Fullbuster. I will forever cherish the memories that Grey and I shared together. I don't regret a single thing about it. I may be in the arms of the one who I've been waiting for all these years but even so I still long for his touch. I miss him more than I even thought possible, and, unfortunately kissing Natsu only magnified that feeling within me.

Years ago I had actually given up on a pinky promise and Grey was there to glue me back together, piece by piece. I've received the kiss that I've always wanted so why am I feeling so miserable? The type of wound that a six-year-long fallen relationship leaves behind isn't something that heals overnight. It's an injury that takes time to mend. Both my heart and soul had been shattered and neither of them patched up yet. The cheap material worn-out and the stitches pulled, leaving the raw flesh sensitive to a human's touch. 

Grey's earlier expression still haunting my senses. How come he seemed so heartbroken? He may be able to fool the others with his fake smile, but he don't fool me. Is there trouble in paradise? Is Grey Fullbuster jealous of the new kid? He never struck me as the envious type. I guess everybody change over time because he never struck me as the dishonest kind. Slowly my heart became an icicle as I dismissed him completely. I never even gave him a chance to share his side of the story with me, mostly because I saw all that needed to be seen. I remember entering the skating rink on that fretful day and saw them kissing on the bleachers. I recall covering my mouth with an open palm, tears licking my fingers as I turn and ran from the scene. 

I should really think about conveying in my bff's, they might be able to shed some light on this supposedly confusing moment in my life. I genuinely want to give Natsu my time of day but the loud voices rumbling in my head tells me to give Grey the benefit of the doubt. I love him and I will always love him but am I ready to give myself over to somebody that isn't him? Natsu pulls me across the beach by my hand, but stops abruptly when he noticed my distant mode: "Are you okay, Luce?" I look up from our interlocked fingers and meet his gaze. Before I could say a word another question followed, "Are you mad at me because I kissed you without permission?" I shook my head, "No, not at all… It's just_ it's uhm… it's just complicated!" I settled with the first word that came to mind. Now coming to think about it, it actually sums everything up pretty neatly. 

Across the horizon the sun is diving into the ocean, giving way for the nightlight to grace us with her presence. At the entrance of the dorm where the female species would accommodate, I greeted Natsu with a soft kiss upon his cheek. I entered the room which I will be sharing with three other ladies. Both of my bff's are redressing into something more suitable for the night, but Juvia is nowhere to be seen. The mere thought of her being with Grey, kissing him and touching him, sits uneasily with me. A lone tear unavoidably rolls downwards. Quickly I removed it before one of them notice but I'm one step behind them. "Lulu is everything okay?" Levi questioned me. "Why are you crying? Did Dragneel try something? Just give me the word and I will kill him for you," Erza's protective mode comes through. A slight smile made its appearance. "I miss him," I answered them in a soft trembling tone.

Their eyes softened at this. Both of them rushed forward and wrapped me in a sandwich hug, me being the juicy center. "Oh Lulu, we know. Let it all out, we won't judge you," Levi's kind gesture formed another tear. The droplet popped and splashed over my cheek. Their hug tightens. Light shudders echoes throughout the room. "I don't know what I'm to do. How do I move on with somebody else when I'm still in love with him?" I asked them for advise. "Lucy you can't just continue where you and Grey left off, he's with Juvia now but you can maybe hear him out; perhaps it would give you some comfort. Now to more serious matters… Tell me how was the kiss?" Erza wouldn't be Erza if she didn't fish around. She's a curious woman. "Natsu Dragneel is a great kisser, it just isn't Grey," I swallowed. "Lulu you can't really compare somebody that you've known for so long with somebody that you barely know," Levi quipped. I cleared my throat, push away from their hug and sat down on the edge of a random bed, "Actually the truth is that Natsu Dragneel is the cherry blossom boy with who I've made a pinky promise years ago." My confession caught both of them off guard. After a moment Erza broke the silence, "Well that explains a whole lot, Lucy."