Past Stories

Panji was silent as he stared at Widia intently. He knew very well, his mother was a stubborn woman. Panji repeatedly begged him not to tell or mention anything about it to Laras, but still, Widia still snickered to tell Laras.

"It's better to know from the start, than to know when you two are together, the pain will be more severe."

That's what he said, when Panji strictly forbade Widia. So, all Panji could do was pray in his heart that Laras wouldn't be angry or the worst thing could happen.

"Her name is Ghina, she was Panji's ex-girlfriend in high school."

It's just the beginning, Panji has been made nervous by the intro from Widia.

"Panji has known her since she entered high school. Panji immediately likes her. Every day, Panji always tells her aunt, she says that Ghina is the definition of an almost perfect woman. Beautiful, kind and smart. Until finally, Panji decided to make Ghina a lover. They were in a relationship for three years, and the day they broke up was also the last day for Ghina to see the world."

Panji's heart felt very numb. Widia's final sentence was able to evoke bad memories of that day. A day where he had to lose a figure of encouragement, a motivator, and many more.

"You mean she's dead?" ask Laras

Widia nodded. "Ghina is died, an hour after she cut ties with Panji. She was involved in a series of accidents, with her in the taxi."

Laras hasn't given any response yet, Widia looks at the woman sadly. Then turned to look at Panji who had lowered his head deeply.

"I'm devastated, Ras." Panji said while looking down.

"The person I really care about is leaving, because of me."

"Why is it because of you? Ghina died because of an accident, besides that accident wasn't fate? You can't blame yourself. Even if you didn't get Ghina involved in the accident, Ghina would still die too. Everything is God's will, Panji. Didn't you tell me that yourself?" Laras asked.

"No, Ras. If only I hadn't forbade Ghina to study in her hometown, maybe we wouldn't have fought. Maybe our relationship was still fine, and maybe Ghina is still around. If that's the case, I won't lose myself." Panji is still down. His hands were clenched tightly, maybe he was trying to keep what he was feeling all this time.

"Sorry, Laras. But I have to go."

"Panji?!" Widia rebuked. She stared intently at her son. "Where are you going?"

Without answering, Panji hurried away from there. Leaving Laras in a long silence.

"So, Panji's goal to marry me was because he wanted to replace Ghina's position? Could it be that the reason Panji accepted his secretary right now was because his name was the same as Gina?" Widia nodded.

Laras sighed as she leaned her back against the back of the chair. "Finally I know what Auntie meant when she said that Panji really loves me. But in reality, Panji only loves Ghina who happens to have the same face as me. So, in a rough term, Panji doesn't love me, he only loves Ghina."

"Auntie knows this will be hard for you, but Laras, Panji also love you. He will not be willing to waste his time trying to find out everything about you."

"But Auntie, who asked Panji to find out about me? I don't even want to know Panji. But he came, as if he became a person who really cares about me, loves me. In fact, it's all fake. I'd rather be alone, I'd rather suffer alone in taking care of myself and my future child, than having to marry and live with someone who is still stuck in his past."

After saying that, Laras got up. She walked briskly out of the restaurant, and the most annoying part was Widia who didn't hold her back at all. Maybe Laras is exaggerating, but I swear to God, he's hurt. All this time she had tried her best to trust Panji. Trying hard to forget Randi and being replaced by Panji. But what she got today was enough to destroy everything. Her efforts, her toil, everything was destroyed because of a damn fact.

"Laras, wait!"

Laras stared blankly at Widia who came rushing to her. "What else? I want to go home."

"Laras, Auntie, please be with you. Do you want to be close to Panji, okay? Let's just say that everything you heard earlier was just a fairy tale. Assume that Panji loves you like the beginning. Aunt, please, Panji has suffered enough because of the shackles of guilt. see him happy, not depressed every day."

"If you want Panji to be happy, does that mean you want to make me suffer? Do you think it will be easy for me to accept everything? Accept that Panji sees me as Ghina, not Laras?"

Widia shook her head, she held Laras' hand and stroked it. "Laras, we think that everything can break even? Panji accepts you with your current situation. Sorry, but which man would accept a woman who is pregnant out of wedlock and then abandoned by her lover?"

Laras was quite offended by Widia's words. She looked at the woman scornfully. "Auntie, from the start, I only wanted Randi. Randi, and only Randi. Not Panji, Auntie's son. So, if Panji or Aunt don't accept me with my current situation, that's fine. We cancel everything. Let's just pretend we never knew before. Let's just say that we are only business partners without involving anything other than that. Easy, right?"

"Laras, that's not what Auntie meant."

"Auntie, please stop. It's enough that I know until here, I don't want to know anymore. Let me go crazy alone, let me die alone. I'd rather be mad because of Randi than hurt because of Panji. After all, Randi has been in my life for a long time. He's always there for me. As for my aunt's son? He's just a stranger who happened to meet me. We're just people my parents use to make their business successful. But since my parents are dead, I don't have to obey their requests right? ?"

Without waiting for Widia's answer, Laras left. Stopped the passing angkot, looked back at the woman before she really left.

It hurts, really disappointed. Because finally Laras knew that Panji had not been sincere to her all this time. The man saw Laras as someone else, not herself. The shadow of Laras will be gone with Panji. Even though he had always brushed it off, still, she also occasionally wished for more. I hope that God will listen to her prayers to be able to live with Panji.

"Should I go back to Jogja and force Randi to take responsibility?"