Qin’s Perspective (1)

Having an adult toy shop as an inheritance meant I couldn't just ignore my grades others at my side.

While others were playing around, I did the extra work for my grades to be at least above average.

Not the very top, but second place was good enough. It's not like I wanted to become a lawyer.

A guy like me was the type to study when it's time to study, then play around when the time came.

The type to run out when it was time to leave…

But today, things were a little bit different though.

My studies were put aside. First period was skipped, and my mind was relaxing without a care.

Today, in this nice weather, I sat on a bench while a girl with long hair… nestled into my warm embrace.

Her features had a certain 'gentleness' to them…

Not a stunning beauty, but also wasn't someone without looks. Even being graceful in etiquette…

Her arms didn't wrap around me despite how I was holding her close. She only leaned onto me.

Hands occupied with keeping her skirt down…

It was a type of prim and proper demeanour that you'd see in Yamato Nadeshiko, but was a bit different from the norm. Especially with how SHE was actually the touchy one compared to myself.

Even if I tried to run away, she'd stick to me like glue. Wherever I chose to walk, she'd follow…

A girl who suited MY personal values of a woman.

Ahem… Actually, the place we met was actually pretty unique. I hadn't expected we'd be going out.

Not only were we dating, but I was being 'serious'!

No more sleeping around… or contacting my sex friends. We were going out like a normal couple.

"Hmmm… This day feels nice." I was the first to speak while looking up to the clouds in the sky.

They were puffy and white…

Reminding me that my girl's large chest was soft as well. A fire arose within me, but I killed it quickly.

Wouldn't want my boner to ruin this moment…

"Yes." She said a simple word, but it contained the feeling of acceptance and support for my opinion.

…It was hard to hate a girl like her.

Even if I thought my ideal type was wild and independent, she had a universal appeal many guys wouldn't be able to ignore. Submissiveness not out of fear or emptiness, but out of loyalty.

When she was with me, I truly felt empowered. Like a dominant who had been found by a submissive.

A king who had been accepted by his subjects…

Maybe even like a pet having chosen its owner…

It was the feelings she had towards me that made me feel greater than I really was. Just a mere man…

…but one who the complete support of another.

It was an intoxicating feeling…

My head tilted a little to get a good look at her ordinary, but pretty face of hers. That look…

Did she truly feel peaceful in my arms?

"You know…" When I started to speak, her hand touched my leg. Her eyes opened a tiny bit, but then shut slowly. Maybe she felt the change in my heartbeat. How it was hard for me to talk freely:

"…I'm glad I found you."

"Me too."

"You wouldn't know how hard it is to… have no one talk to. When your stuck in an image, and…"

"I know." She moved to put her face in front of mine and touch my cheek. She spoke with lovely voice:

"It must've hurt a lot."

"You wouldn't be able to know how much."

"Then please tell me." She looked into my eyes. I grabbed the hand on her skirt, and tried saying it:

"You know… When I told my father about how I didn't want to live. He laughed… He… laughed…"

My words didn't stop there. I kept on talking:

"Was what I said really that funny?"

"And who was he to tell me to move past it?"

"I told him not to say anything. Not tell anyone his job. That it was embarrassing. And yet, he did."

"My dad is the strongest person I know. He's the type to tell people to move forward regardless of circumstances. That pain will go away, and I will become a stronger person once I've overcome it."

"But he doesn't know? What others say to me."

"Am I that messed up? Even before my many 'friends' even knew me, they spoke like they did."

"They talk like one word is my entire existence."

"That I'm nothing more than just a 'Pervert'."

"That tag… I tried to share this to so many. To the point even my jaw hurt, but nobody listens to me."

"I thought that no one… would understand."

"That the ceiling of my room was my only friend in life. The only one who wouldn't end up leaving."

"My life became about filling the empty hole in people like me. Even if my heart wasn't 'full' itself."

"Then… Then… you came into my life." When I said those words, she blushed. She put her head on me.

I felt the ear hidden by her hair on my chest. It felt like I couldn't hide 'myself' in front of her anymore.

Never before… did I feel so happy to be alive.

Happy to have kept living this empty life of mine.

"I'm happy I met you as well." She spoke in an almost whispering voice. It was incredibly soft…

Like those words were warm enough to melt me.

I wanted to know more about her. Where was she from? How did we end up meeting in 'that place'?

Only… there was something I needed to finish off. A person I'd been forgetting to keep myself unhurt.

But now, I had enough courage to face reality.

It was at that moment I decided to face last night's incident. My failed attempt at saving someone else.

For me, there was no way to ignore it anymore…

I took out my phone, but stopped for a second…

"Jade."

"Yes?"

"For now, please wait for me on the school roof. I'll be there shortly." I didn't give any explanations.

"Alright. Please don't take too long." There was a look of understanding on her face when she spoke.

She misunderstood me a little, but I guess she was right in thinking I was thinking about other women.

Almost anticlimactically, she left without much of a hassle. Not even asking who I was going to call.

On the phone was a name.

Only the first name, {Sophie}, was written.

It was a contact given to me by that girl I was currently worried about. The one from last night.

When I was still empty; doing things that weren't ethically appropriate for short-term amusement…

…this was the girl I'd thought was my first true friend. Someone who I'd felt compatible with.

["You're strong. I just… feel safe when with you…"]

The face she made back then was so precious. It was a look that made me want to keep her safe.

She even wanted to get intimate with me…

But before that could happen, everything had turned black. My senses were gone for a while.

At least, before 'she' brought me back.

I hadn't heard from her since then. I didn't even know what had happened when I was taken away.

Was she okay now?

Did she get away?

Just as my finger was about to tap the 'Call' icon on the screen, a big hand stopped my finger.

Then a familiar voice rang in my ear:

"You reeeeaally don't want to do that." The fatty behind me spoke. Had he been spying earlier?

Maybe I should have been more aware of my surroundings. It'd be embarrassing if he brought up that moment of weakness I had. That's why, the first thing I said wasn't really my true thoughts:

"Oh, if it isn't Fat Pat."

"You know that nickname never caught on." The face of this big-headed guy started to scrunch.

"Lanky Lenny caught on."

"It rolls off the tongue a lot better, you fuck."

"Then how about Phat Pat? With a P and H. Then I could also call you Peepee or Poopoo Fatty."

"…Motherfucker. THIS is why we never talk to each other. You never talk serious. Just like a clown."

"At least I'm better than some horny guy who can't even control his 'Peepee dong' down there, right?"

"You want a fight?!" He clenched my hand tighter as if to break my finger, but then the world 'flipped'.

For him, at least…

When his ass hit the ground in front of me, he looked around with a face that seemed confused.

Not only did I just throw someone of his weight class with one hand, I had done it perfectly.

Though this wasn't the mood right for explaining it.

"Just so you know, I don't like getting touchy-touchy with guys. Can you tell me about that day?"

"And if I don't?" He turned his head back to look up at me with eyes of resistance. Not giving an inch.

"Then I stabby-stabby murder you~" I said as a joke, but it looked like he believed my words.

Maybe he was used to this threat being real…

Knowing that made me feel something was off.

I let go of his hand and shimmied to the side of the bench. It opened up some space for him to sit.

Seeing that I wasn't going to use force, he seemed to make a complicated face. Still, he sat on it.

The bench tilted a little.

"When you were out, Alan got to her."

"You mean… 'that' guy?" The one who had the animosity of most students. That really evil guy?

"Yeah. After he… you know, had his fun after dragging her away. He let her come back."

"And she's fine with it?"

"From what I know, she's traumatised about that night. If you ring her, she might have a breakdown."

"…" I swallowed my saliva. Not out of fear, but out of trying to hold myself back from cursing at him.

My eyes reddened a little…

"Anyway, you should take care of your new girl. It has nothing to do with you, so you should've-"

"Fuck that."

"…What?"

"Why were you there?" He turned his head away from me, but I got up and circled to look at him.

After regaining his composure, he didn't look away.

We made eye-contact again…

"A guy like you… can't blame me for that."

"Really?" I went along with him. Since I wanted to know how he felt, I didn't immediately reject him.

"Yeah…! You know, I'd tried being nice to her before, but she treated me like a piece of shit."

"Really?" I pretended to believe him.

"Yeah… She was so bitchy! It was because I was fat that she rejected me. If I just had your body type-!"

"You wouldn't have been rejected?"

"Right!" He seemed certain about this. It was sad to see this moron hadn't reflected in so long…

"Say… Do you remember that class?"

"Which one?"

"You know, the one they gave at the first day of school. Where we were told how 'sex' worked. Oh, I remember what you said. When they asked what you thought 'sex' was. You answered: 'Blowjob'~!"

"Don't laugh… I saw some things online."

"I know. Even 'I' was a bit stunned when they said said: 'A penis entering a vegina is sex'. It was a weird thing to hear hear, but I realised my attraction towards girls and why my junk became hard thank to that. Don't you feel the same?"

"What are you saying…?"

"That I understand that feeling. That feeling girls wouldn't understand. That 'thirst'… That 'hunger'…"

"I-it's not like that!"

"Isn't it?" I put my hand on Pat's shoulder and asked again. Then, he started to become honest.

"Girls wouldn't understand it."

"Right~? They say it's easy to please a man, but they don't know how easy it is to get hard as well."

"I know! Girls just don't understand me."

"That's why you felt like you had to join in with those guys, right? Didn't you feel desperate?"

"That's right!" He started to look invigorated. His mouth started to carelessly spout what he thought:

"It's not my fault I look like this. I'm… umm… what do that call it? Obese! Yeah, it's not my fault!"

"I know, right? Telling you to exercise wouldn't help in the long run, since that would take time and effort. All the girls in school would have graduated by then. You wouldn't be able to get a girlfriend."

"Right! It's because my parents are fat than I look like this. I don't eat that much. They don't 'get' me."

"I've felt the same way as well." I tapped his back and got him to continue, my phone was recording.

This entire conversation would be my weapon…

"Drake… You should have just introduced me to someone. What about that girl? She seems nice to look at and kind. Maybe she'd also like me. I'm sure she would! Come on! I want to have sex as well!"

The smile on my face faded when he touched on this subject. He stopped talking about girls...

It looked like he'd just remembered something after seeing my look. He gulped, then moved away a bit.

"What's wrong?" My fake smile finally returned. I turned off the recording and put away my phone.

"You… umm… Drake… We were friends once. So…"

"Speak clearly." I cracked my neck, and he seemed to squirm even more. His eyes filled with terror…

"That… erm…"

"Stop stalling and say it. What are you afraid of?"

"You came back to life, right?" He finally said his thoughts, which changed the look in my eyes.

A sharpness appeared in them…

"You probably didn't check if I was dead properly." I didn't say the truth. There was no reason to.

"…Yeah. That's probably…"

"I was just knocked out."

"Hehe~ That's it! You scared me a little." He finally regained his composure, but it wasn't appealing.

He backtracked to the unforgivable thing he said:

"Can you introduce me to that girl?" A part of me wanted to hit him with a Magical FIST of Love and Justice. However, that would probably not change this poor bastard. He'd still act like he was a victim.

Some Magical WORDS of Love and Justice were needed here. My fury was seeping into my words.

"There's a reason Sophie rejected you." I didn't dear at him. My eyes were perfectly clear.

"…Why?"

"Firstly, I know your fat and sweat a lot. That's why you stink so bad all the time. Isn't that right?"

"You-!"

"Don't swear. I'm not trying to insult you here. I'm just curious here. Why do think you're ugly?"

"Because-"

"Don't talk. Just listen." I interrupted him again. A finger was put on his mouth to shush him a bit.

"Just nod or shake your head. You… don't think girls like guys, do you? That you have no chance?"

He slowly averted his eyes, then nodded.

"You have your own standards. Maybe there are girls who are okay with you, but you don't like them." When I said those words, he trembled as if he knew what my words were referring to.

"That's not…! Hey, I'm free to have tastes."

"I know. That's why you wouldn't go out with a similarly fat girl. You're a Prince Charming, right?"

"You're saying nonsense again. This is why-"

"You don't like me, but you 'like' Lenny and Jake enough to come here on your own. How trusting~"

He faltered at my words.

Really hit the nail on the head, didn't I?

"Remember what I said about that 'feeling' guys have? There's a good way to overcome it."

"How?"

"Fuck yourself."

"Mother-" Just as he was about to swear, I held his mouth. He tried to throw me off, but it didn't work.

My body was a little bigger than before. My bones were stronger, and so were my sculpted physique.

"I'm not insulting you. Using your hand to masturbate is something both girls and boys do."

He stopped struggling when I said that, but tried to retort. I let go of his face so I could listen to it:

"You're shameless. Who are YOU to say that to me? We're exactly the same, but you have looks."

"We're not." I didn't let him run from this. There was no point accepting nonsense like this.

That's when I continued:

"You know… I like eating trifle on Saturdays after a bath. On Sunday, I play games and have some fun."

"…Now what are you saying?"

"Sure, there are times when I want to play around with girls. But I'm not ashamed to stroke myself when there's no one… and I'm feeling horny." His face went red when I said these shameless words.

"Don't you feel embarrassed?!"

"Nope~"

"Why the fuck would I want to know that?! Oh for fucks sake. That's disgusting!" His face was green.

Looks like my own 'confession' was a little too much. Still, I went back to the subject at hand:

"Anyway, what I'm trying to say is that there's more going on in my life than who to fuck and where. If I don't get a girlfriend of fuck-buddy, then I'm still myself. I love myself a lot. Isn't that a nice thing?"

The green on his started to recede, but there was now a blackness appearing from hearing me talk.

"I… You… That's only something you can say when you have everything! You're being a hypocrite!"

"Am I? Then tell me what you do in your free time."

"I… hang out with friends."

"Peepee, I'm asking what you guys do other than preying on girls~? Don't you have any hobbies?"

"That's…" His face alternated between different shades, all until his face became cotton white.

It felt as if his soul had been crushed…

My job was done.

"Fix yourself before you trying 'connecting' with a girl. I've said it before, and I'll say it again: You're only rejected because you reject yourself. If you can't love yourself, how can you give it to others?"

This was exactly what kept me from going down a downward spiral of despair. It was my life motto.

When he looked up to see my bright eyes, he looked as if he was disgusted by something.

His eyes suddenly looked at his own body…

Then, tears started to stain his white shirt.

"…She won't ever forgive me." I knew he was talking about Sophie. He continued more strongly:

"Asking her is worthless, then…"

"It's not." I shook my head, then interjected: "Even if she doesn't forgive you, an apology is what she deserves from you. Don't turn away now. You're ugly, but it's only because you run away like this."

"There's no worth to saying it to her." For the first time, I felt compassion after hearing his words.

I had no pity for his past or present. If you were a man, you had to take responsibility for yourself.

Something he'd been lacking in…

That's why I'd never saw him as a true 'man'.

But now, seeing that he was on the brink of changing. I couldn't bring myself to hating him.

It's not like Sophie's tragedy could be changed. I only pitied that it couldn't be stopped beforehand.

That's why I opened up to give him some advice:

"An apology's worth depends on your actions. If you never change, then even thinking about saying that word will make it empty. That's why, just give it some meaning. Making that 'Sorry' have worth."

"…Okay. I'll… give it a try."

"Good!"

"But Drake…"

"Yeah?"

"Don't get close to Alan. Don't try taking revenge for that girl. It… isn't worth getting involved." His face frozen stiff, but the way he shivered indicated what he felt towards the 'Boss' he'd went under.

It made me curious…

"What's wrong?"

"That guy… isn't human. He can do things outside of common sense. I… can't get away anymore."

"Can't you just leave?"

"Drake, just listen to me… Avoid him, and whatever you do… Never make a promise with that guy."

He left after leaving behind those words. The strange eeriness they left made me dumbfounded.

However, it's not like I felt fearful of that thug.

"There are scarier people in the world. You just don't know them…" I mumbled in his direction.

My feet took me all the way to the rooftop while deep in thought. I was surprised after noticing.

"Qin, are you feeling alright?" The girl who was waiting for me embraced me with worried eyes.

She looked up to me, who had become taller than before I was 'revived'. I sincerely responded back:

"It's nothing." The past was behind me, and the one who completed me was standing right before me.

She called me by a different name, but that didn't matter. Such names, were just a given title…

There was no deeper meaning.

"You hungry?" I asked, and Jade put her fingers to her mouth embarrassedly. She nodded her head.

"I'm starving…"

"Will you have a bath, dinner, or me?" I unbuttoned my shirt to show the sexiness of my toned body.

Yup, I was loving it~

"Don't tease me like this." She came closer to look at my mouth. Her waist coming closer to my own.

Then…

*Bite!*

Her canines turned into fangs that bloodily bit into my neck. Blood started to spray onto her mouth.

It was so painful…!

Why couldn't her fang be like a mosquito's?! Why did it have to hurt so bad?! Damn! The pain…!

But seeing how she struggling to keep herself straight while drinking, my heart was eased.

One hand wrapped around her waist to embrace her, causing her to stop trembling on her toes.

The other stroked her hair…

This was my new life as a resident of the dead. A soulless husk who was livestock for others.

Compared to that feeling, Alan wasn't scary anymore. After all, there was much more than 'us'.

I'll get back at him in my own way…