Cancer’s Perspective (4)

I was having an existential crisis right now…

In fact, studying was just a way to get into the closest comfort zone I could find in this place.

The world felt so different…

Everyone was afraid of me. No one was calling out to say 'Hi'. As if it was banned… Like it was bad…

The atmosphere was killing me…

They watched me pick up my pencil and write things down intently; whispering to each other…

"What is he doing?"

"Studying…?"

"He's doing something weird again."

"He's still our Boss… so…"

"Hey, should we say anything?" Their words had immediately made me put down everything.

I existed the classroom with a dark face…

There was no point anymore. My responsibilities of succeeding my father was no longer a concern.

As for my 'Congressman' father, he didn't seem to care what I was doing since he had another child.

That guy would be the successor of his line…

And I'd still be sent enough money to make a decent living so long as I didn't overspend.

My worries were no more…

…so why was I agitated?

Like a worm was crawling in my belly. Almost as if someone had taken something important to me.

I walked down the hallways alone. Unconsciously, it looked like my feet took me to my 'original' Class.

There, someone wearing my face was being friendly with my friends. Taking it all… Being me…

They left me with nothing…

No, the moment I died, the moment Alan snapped my neck, everything about me had been taken.

My hands started to tremble…

Guys! That's… That guy isn't me! He's just an impersonator! An impostor! A fake with my body!

I wanted to go in there and yell at the top of my lungs that 'I' was here. Alan was no more…

…but it was obvious what everyone would think.

I didn't know why, but that guy inside the room gave off the same 'vibe' as me. All of it perfect…

It made me wonder if he was a 'copy'…

Someone created to fill in my place in the world.

If so, then was I supposed to live as Alan? Is all that I'd built over the years meaningless in the end?

My eyes were feeling tired…

Even when a girl approached me to drag me around as her 'boyfriend', I didn't bother to react.

The day was going by, but I couldn't really get myself in the mood to care about anything…

No person that was there. No 'freedom' that was forced upon me. Everything… was just a pain.

Trapped… like a caged mouse.

There was nothing here for me to want. Everything that had ever made me happy was now another's.

The feeling of wanting to kill… 'Drake'… started to become stronger the more I saw his happy face.

It made me bitter and resentful of myself…

But when I remembered the reason why I'd made this choice. My emotions stabilised a bit.

The world started to turn for me once more…

However, school periods had already ended by the time that happened. The sky was getting dark…

It was time to go… My body moved a step and noticed a girl still sitting on her seat in the front row. She had thick circular glasses and messy black hair. Not having much discernible traits.

My eyes only glanced at her momentarily before heading towards the door, before I stopped myself.

It just occurred to me…

My 'home' was someone else's…

My real father wouldn't welcome a thug like Alan into his house, and Alan's father was neglectful.

Where was I supposed to go now?

What was the point of living anymore?

Everything I kept on 'remembering' about Alan's life was making me sick to my stomach every minute.

The things he'd done were way too dirty…

He deserved to die…

So… should I do it? There was a knife that was always kept on me. If I slit my neck, then… then…

Ummm… Maybe I'd see Hell?

Yeah, Hell would probably be better than living in this body. I mean… no one would remember 'Alan'.

In fact, most would celebrate his death.

Even the so-called 'friends' he'd made wouldn't give his funeral any respect, like he wasn't human.

My hand reached into my pocket, and the resolution to kill myself was becoming stronger.

Just as I was about to do it, I heard the noise of a chair falling and another's clumsy attempts to run.

Was the blade that scary…?

Just as I turned around, I saw the ordinary girl who seemed to be the black sheep in this class of delinquents. Still, nobody had been picking on her this entire day. Treating her like she didn't exist…

Behind those ugly glasses, she showed a look of despair and desperation. Tears started to drop…

"I… I'll do what you said. Just… please don't get violent. It's just… you hadn't stayed in a long time."

When she said these words, I titled my head in confusion. Still, she didn't stop her rambling:

"N-no…! It's not like I'm blaming you or anything. I was wrong here… I'm sorry… I'm talking too much."

She stumbled and fumbled around to move away a bit. After looking at herself, she started to calm…

Or was it that she'd eaten up her emotions?

Then… a 'titillating' sight unfolded. One which had became unsexy in my eyes despite her sexiness.

Her face was just decent, but her body seemed to be just a bit away from being that of a model's…

From what I could tell, she was on the skinnier side thanks to the trauma Alan had inflicted onto her.

She was one of his first victims…

And also the one who'd convinced 'Virgo' that she had actually been at school last night. Instead of…

Well…

Anyway, this girl was one of the 'spies' planted into the student body by Alan. She followed his orders.

Like… to 'prepare herself' if he stayed when the Class was gone. To him, he had one everywhere.

Girls who'd drop their skirts to be stress relief.

Information started popping in my head once she started to strip. Especially when she unbuttoned her shirt to show the sexy underwear Alan had picked brought her, and the mark on her stomach.

Near her belly button was a wound made by the knife in my hand. A flashback arose in my head.

It was another disgusting scene…

He was having his way with his first 'cumdump' without any regards for any protective measures.

The blade to her stomach was followed by a warning he gave while thrusting into her body.

"If you have a kid, I'll kill you and the kid inside. You better take the pill regularly." He said to her.

She left holding the wound near her baby room that night. He showed neither love nor affection.

Unlike the way he was fine with Virgo having his babies. To him, she was just an average plaything.

She neither had the looks nor style. The only thing she had was a personality that was meek and timid.

An introverted girl who was held captive by fear…

An alien sensation ran through me while watching her lean on a desk while opening her legs wide.

She was submissively accepting me. Not showing any signs of resistance while laying on the desk.

Her skirt was held up, showing her panties clearly.

All I had to do was remove that thin layer and start fucking. Consent and enjoyment be damned.

It was a scene you'd see in a porn video.

However, things somehow became 'unsexy' when it became something that happened in real life.

In fact, I was surprised by how turned off I felt despite seeing a scene that should've turned me on. It made me as myself: Why wasn't I enjoying this? Wasn't this kind of thing what I'd wanted?

No talking. No bullshit… Just plunging my dick into her hole and masturbating using her body as a toy.

Letting my cum into her womb carelessly. Giving no signs of any companionship or love whatsoever.

Not screwing for 'our' enjoyment, but for MY entertainment alone. It was a new 'freedom'… I had.

Something Alan would've indulged in…

It was fine if I used her to relieve my stress, right?

I was going to Hell anyway. Even if I did something bad now, that wouldn't change my end destination.

What was the point of righting the sins of someone this wicked? Even if I tried, there'd be no end.

Hell was an inevitability…

Regret had no meaning now…

So… Wasn't it fine if I had also 'indulged'?

Was this… my reward for being a good person?

My body moved closer to her until we were close enough to touch waist. My rod was shamefully up.

This 'body'… it was enjoying what it had seen.

Regardless of my morality, my body was acting against my wishes. I felt… like I'd been unmasked.

That my disgusting side was out for her to see.

Then… I grabbed her hands.

"You… don't have to do this for me." I got her up so I didn't have to feel like a real 'shameless pervert'.

She let go of her skirt to let it down, but her bra was still exposed. Her skin… was pale like a ghost.

Likely… this girl didn't go out.

What was her name again? 'Kelly Virtroot'?

When she heard my words, she looked at me with confusion. Seeing me in pain, she shivered a bit.

As if scared I was about to become violent…

My refusal to touch her made her more unnerved.

"Did… I make a mistake?" She started to shiver.

"I'm just feeling ill." Her expression eased when she heard these words, but didn't leave just yet.

"Can I really leave…?"

"I'm not stopping you." When I said these words, a light appeared in her eyes… before it died down.

She didn't seem to believe what I'd spoken…

This made my head hurt…

Maybe my junk shrivelled up from what happened last night. I just didn't feel like having sex today.

Everything felt too filthy…

Kelly slowly stepped to the door, but she didn't leave before I did. To her, 'Alan' was too chaotic.

That's why no one had figured me out yet….

It was better to be safe than sorry…