Memories Hit

Then I walked slowly, as the memories started to come back. Memories are so mean. But similar to pain, memories demands to be felt. I was secretly agreed with what John Green said in one of his novel.

'That is the thing about pain; it demand to be felt.'

I mean it is true. I could even associate 'pain' and 'memory' in the same line. Memory always demand to be felt, and it could struck everyone anywhere and anytime. You might think you already blocked your mind from recollecting all the memories, but you are wrong. Your heart is not as smart as your brain, and indeed it does not want to be synchronized. While your brain demand to block the memories, your heart would probably do the opposite. And this is what happened to me.

Three years ago, a person who was sitting here was a twenty-two years old girl. A girl who just graduated from the university and currently employed in one of big Travel Agent, as she following her dream job to be a Tour Leader. She loves to drink a cup of Americano and always sit in the same corner with her laptop. Meanwhile, a guy accompanied her in his early twenty-two with lots of cooking books in his side. Sometimes they talked to each other and discussing small things over a coffee, but sometimes they just drowned in silence. Unlike the girl, the guy prefer Mocha Latte better than Americano, which he said it was too bitter for him.

While the girl was so obsessed to be a great Tour Leader, the guy was obsessed to be a great Chéf in Françe. He was actively joined in lots of cooking competition to enhance his cooking skills. Even though they are in a different world, they were doing fine in their relationship for three years. They shared the same interest in World of Warcraft and Dota. He loves Horde while she loves Alliance. He loves Support Type while she loves Intelligence Type. He loves Gaming Keyboard while she loves Gaming Mouse. They often played together in the coffee shop and as well as cussing together, and then they looked at each other and laughing hard.

That girl is me.

That guy is Lucas. Yeah, Lucas.

My cup of Americano was finally here, in front of me. I can smell the coffee. But I looked out the window where I can see the park that we used to cuss. Unlike three years ago, the park is more crowded now. I can see lots of kids running in the park. Without I realize it, I smiled. I never knew kids were this cute. I used to hate kids, like totally dislike them. For me, they are annoying and loud. They are considered as a liability for me, and I have enough liability to take care of that time. I could not afford to have another liability, which is a kid. But unlike me, for Lucas, to have a kid is his little heaven on earth. He really is into this kind of family thing. And even though we are sharing the same interests for a lot of thing, but we could not find any solution for this.

'I want to have at least three kids. Two boys and one girl or whatever God gave me, I would be so thankful.' You told me one day.

It was hell for me.

'What!? Three kids!? It was a disaster! It was too much! The idea of having a kid itself never appear in my dictionary, and now you want three kids!?' I replied you in disbelief. What kind of nonsense were you talking.

I looked at your sad eyes as I mentioned 'the idea of having a kid never appear in my dictionary'. You were taking a breath and held my hand.

'We no need to talk about this. For now, we could keep this first. Okay?'

But look at us now. Where are we? We are not even close to what you call a family. Instead, we were drifted apart. I am no longer a twenty-two years old girl. I am now a twenty-five years old girl and now I am a famous Tour Leader. I owned my own apartment in Central Business District and I have been traveling to a lot of places. And you are no longer a twenty-two years old boy who keeps on talking about your dream to become a Chéf. Because you yourself, are a Chéf now. I saw you on news and on television.

I looked at you, and I could not deny it. I could deny that I miss you.

A little corner in my heart told me that I still feel the same towards you. But, are you?

So many things inside my head.

Should I text him?

Should I call him?

Should I let him know I am here?

Should I contact him?

Should I do this?

Should I say, 'Hey, Lucas.'?

Should I?

I took a sip of my Americano. It taste as bitter and strong as before. I have not been taking Americano since that day. Even though I used to love Americano just like you loves Mocha Latte. But, to have a cup of Americano is similar to pour hot water into my heart. It hurts. It burns. That is why I decided to stop drinking neither Americano nor Mocha Latte. I know, I sound like I am so childish. But what can I do with memories that are trying to be remembered every step of my way? I could not do anything.

Memories flash through my mind....