Change

As I opened my eyes from the vivid and evocative dream. I stared at the ceiling for a very long time, unmoving. Whenever I wake up from that nightmare, I always have this jumbled mess of emotion. I can feel them surging through me but I can't point my finger at it.

I turned my head to the side to look at the window and found out that the sun has already risen. I'm probably late for work now.

I jolted from the bed and in that instant, I almost screamed as the pain in my shoulder shot up from level 1 to level 100.

HA! What a way of waking up in the morning.

After taking the muscle relaxant the doctor prescribed to me, I finally noticed that there is a bunch of bananas at the top of the table.

There was a note under it. It says, "You're welcome". Is it from Ethan? As far as I can remember, it was only him who can get inside this apartment whenever he wishes.

I ate a few of it as I contemplated what I should do for the day. Seriously though, I don't want to go to work. I just want to stay locked up in this apartment and do nothing in particular.

I feel empty but at the same time, I feel tens if not, hundreds of emotions swirling from the pits of my stomach. I want to vomit.

I felt so muddled up. My insides are so weird that it is making me uncomfortable. And anytime it happens, without fail, something seemed to have been taken from me. And I am afraid. Afraid that if this continues, all that will be left of me is just my shell. An empty shell that only knows how to function robotically. Like a programmed machine devoid of any emotions.

I don't want that. I definitely don't want that. I'd rather suffer from physical pain than slowly rot from the inside. It will kill me.

Heh! This is what I get for caring for other people way too much. For letting people into my life. For acting tough even though I am always on the verge of collapsing.

But wait! Haven't I been tough before? I was even able to endure all that! My only mistake was letting people into my life.

That's to say, if I won't let people into my life as Jack Miller, then I don't have to go through the same pain.

I won't have to rely on anybody just so I could have a lifeline. I can be my own lifeline.

If I don't act like some hero who would always save the day idiotically. If I don't show concern to other people or if I will only think of myself from now on, won't my life get easier?

I will only have to care for myself. I will only think about myself. I will get rich. I will spoil myself to my heart's content.

Isn't that what I am supposed to do?

Great! Let's do just that, Sean.

Don't trust anyone. Don't let them in your life. It's fine if you shut yourself. It's fine even if you stayed inside your comfort zone. There's nothing wrong with that. You do you from now on. Use everything in your arsenal and do everything to protect your peace.

***

Wearing my three-piece suit, I marched into the Bloodhound Agency.

Although I really don't want to go to work, I thought I had to force myself.

Because I nearly have enough money. I don't have any savings. No emergency fund. I can't even afford to buy myself another set of suits.

I need money.

"Good—Good morning, Mr. Jack! What happened to your arm?"

"Oh! Hello, Adrian! This? It's nothing. I just went overboard with stretching my shoulder that my shoulder blade popped."

"I see."

"Is Mr. Alec at his office?"

He raised his hand and rubbed his nape before nodding meekly.

Weird! That's not your usual Adrian. Well, whatever. I heard him mumble some things I don't quite catch but I no longer paid him any mind as I marched towards Mr. Alec's office.

"How's Miss Patricia's case, Mr. Jack?"

"It was REALLY great! It was filled with too much adventure."

"What happened to that?" he asked—pointing to the splint.

"Didn't I tell you, Mr. Alec? We had a little too much adventure."

From the look on his face, I can tell that he's not buying that. But moments later, he shrugged and said, "Well, if you don't want to tell me that's fine. So long as you don't bring trouble into the agency."

"Of course! Why would I? When it's going to affect me as well?"

"If you say so. But by the way, Mr. Jack. Before I forget, there's a request specifically asking for you. It's from Doctor Stitch."