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twenty-one

It was happened again, the panic attacks, which didn't really surprise me. What did surprise me was the fact that it was somewhere beside the school.

Kiyoshi had asked me out on a date, and we were in a bookstore.

At first, everything was normal, just like most dates would be. He was telling me about some book he had read when he was in eighth and how much he had loved it. "I'll go look for it," he said, smiling his bright smile. "Wait here, okay?" I nodded and watched as he disappeared behind the bookshelves. I wandered off into the music section, looking through old vinyls and books. That's when I heard a high pitched scream.

Of course, the people around were startled and tried to figure out where the scream had come from, but I already knew. I knew it was him as I rushed around the bookstore.

I found him in the manga section, curled into a ball on the floor as he gripped onto his hair. My heart broke at the sight of him and I ran towards him, kneeling onto the floor and pulling him into a hug. "It's okay," I said, trying to calm him down. "It's okay." But even though I was there, he didn't stop screaming.

People were talking—I could hear them whispering among themselves as the stared at us. I couldn't take it, and I knew Kiyoshi couldn't take it, so I took my coat off and covered ourselves. I could still hear them, but I couldn't see them-that was good enough.

The screaming lessened, but he didn't stop crying. "I-It hurts," he whispered, more to himself than to me. "It hurts so much."

"You're okay," I said quietly. "Nothing's gonna hurt you. You'll be okay."

That wasn't the only time it happened. The next time was in a restaurant, and Yuta was there too.

As I tried to calm Kiyoshi down, Yuta stood there, staring at us. His eyes showed how frightened he was. Of course he had seen Kiyoshi's panic attacks, but he never knew how to deal with them.

"I feel so useless," he told me later that day as we waited for Kiyoshi (he had locked himself in the bathroom of the restaurant). "I can't even do anything to help my best friend."

"You're not useless, Yuta," I said. "Trust me, I used to feel that way too."

The third and last time it had happened was when we were at his parents house. Neither of us wanted to be there, but they had asked to talk to me.

We were sitting in the living room of their home, his father avoiding me and his mother looking at me with a disgusted face. "As you know," his mother started, "Kiyoshi's getting married next mo—"

"Is that why you called me here?" I cut her off. I wasn't going to show respect to them if they weren't going to respect me. "Because if that's so, I'll be leaving now."

"We need you two to break up."

Kiyoshi was angry, I could tell by the look on his face. "No," he said, glaring at them.

"This is for your own go—"

"If you had ever thought about what was good for me, you wouldn't be pushing me to get married with someone I don't even know!!" he yelled at them.

"That is no way to speak to your parents!" his father said, standing up.

"You have never acted like my parents! Not once in my entire fucking life!!"

"Kiyoshi—"

"Can't you tell I'm happy with her?! Can't you see that she actually brings a smile to my face?! Is it that hard for you to accept that I am happy?!"

"Kiyoshi!"

"NO, I WILL NOT LISTEN TO YOU!!" He stood up, his face red in anger. I could see it coming and I wanted to help him calm down but before I could do anything, he had moved away from me, grabbed a vase and threw it at his mother. She screamed and fell onto the floor, staring at her son horrified.

"I AM TIRED OF LISTENING TO YOU!!" Kiyoshi yelled. He grabbed the photo frames by the fireplace and threw them to the ground. Kneeling down, he covered his ears and started to scream.

"He's mad!!" his father yelled as his mother pulled out her phone and dialed a number. "He needs help!!" He then glared at me, "This is your doing!! Get out!! Leave this place!!"

There were sirens in the distance and I knew they were coming here. Before I could even do anything to protect him, I was being taken out of the house by a stranger, Kiyoshi's screams ringing in my ears.

Everything was happening so fast and before I knew it, Kiyoshi was being shoved into an ambulance, the doors slamming behind them. Then they drove away. And there I stood, with tears running down my face, my heart shattering with every millisecond that passed.

I never saw him again.