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Chapter 10.

Can't take it anymore

A day ago.

Well, today the results of my final examination were out and well I was very nervous to check it out.

I prepared well for the exam but well, I am not sure of the complete success though, you Know the way life is.

Things never go the way we expect them to.

I could remember how much I prepared for the exam.

Even my brother, Tinu commended me for my efforts.

Perhaps it's because he's also very surprised about how much I was preparing for it.

My Dad had said that passing the exam is the only gate fee for me to enter college and if I don't he's going to disown me.

Knowing this, I put all my efforts into studying.

I had written the exam and after three months, the result is now out.

Most of my mates had gone to school to check theirs and now is my turn.

Heading to school today, I felt my heart leaping in my chest.

I was very nervous.

Immediately I got to the school compound I walked straight to the admin block and then to my class teacher's staffroom.

I haven't overcome my nervousness yet.

" Good morning, Ma. " I greeted my class teacher who was a middle-aged woman with dark brown hair.

She was putting on a pink knee-length dress today which made her look a lot younger.

" Morning? "

" I am here for my results, Ma. " I said rather nervously.

" Oh, Sushie Williams, is that right? "

" Yes, Ma. " I whispered.

She brought out a file and began to check through it, then she brought out a paper.

She glanced through it, looking up at me, she shook her head.

" Sushie Williams, you disappointed me. " She said with Disgust.

My heart sank immediately I heard this, does this mean I failed again? Despite the sleepless nights? Hours of studying and so on?

She then handed the paper over to me, I didn't bother to check it since I knew it would be bad anyways.

" Thank.. you, Ma. " I stuttered a little.

" I don't need your thanks. You already gave me the best gift with your result. " She spat.

I walked away, I didn't know how I got out of the school compound or how I got home.

All I knew what that I somehow found myself on my bed.

Only then did I open the result.

I had already prepared myself for the worst and what I saw was it.

My thought while the coming home as if it is bad, how bad Is it?

The results were.

Maths: D7.

English: B3.

Physics: D7.

Biology: B3.

Agric: A1.

Chemistry: C4.

Economics: B3.

History: A1.

Data processing: C4.

My heart shattered completely when I saw this result.

No wonder the teacher was disappointed in me.

Is it true that I can never be as good as the best student?

Am I a failure as they say?

Am I as dumb as they claim?

I remember studying physics for 10hrs.

The day before the physics exam, I studied throughout.

Some of my mates were talking and gisting then.

I opened my phone and logged into the class group on my social media account.

There my classmates were all talking about their results.

They all passed.

Most of them had 6-7A's

The best student had A parallel in all subjects which wasn't surprising as she's the best Student after all.

While reading through their chats, a message caught me off guard as I paused to see it.

It was from one of my classmates Rita.

Rita: Hey guys, guess who I saw in School today?

Others: who?

Rita: Who else, it was Sushie Williams, I guess she came to collect her results.

Others: Oh, did she pass?

Rita: How was I to know that? All I knew was that our class teacher stared at her with disgust and I could make out the words ' You disappointed me ' from her lips.

Others: Oh that's too bad. I thought she had something upstairs but I guess I was wrong. She's nothing but a dumbass!

Rita: Yeah, it's no wonder the best Student in the class stopped being friends with her.

Others: Of course, have you ever seen a friendship between a mountain and a low land?

Rita: That's true.

Others: So how were your results?

Rita: my result? Oh my! It was perfect! I had 6A's. My mom even gifted me a new laptop for my amazing result.

Others: Wow! That's so good! Congratulations!

Rita: Thank you!

I Didn't know that I was crying till I felt my skirt getting wet.

Reading through the chat made me feel intense pain in my chest.

It felt like I was drowning, drowning in an ocean of no return.

No one was willing or ready to save me.

They just couldn't care less whether I lived or I died.

Though there was still an exam coming up in two months use?

I had been failing all my life so what's the use of hoping now?

There had never been a day in my life that I would Smile.

It's just torn.

I had almost gotten used to the numbing feeling but well now.

Does it still hurt?

Can't I be better?

Can't I just be happy for once?

Why can't I just Smile for once?

Am I here to just continue failing.

Why?

Why? Did this have to happen to me, why?

Why am I always rejected?

I remembered the last time my school went for a seminar outside.

All the girls in my class were picked except me, the school bully, and some troublemakers who were all boys.

I told the teacher to pick me but she only looked at me with Disgust and said.

" You aren't fit to attend it. "

Her words broke my already wounded heart.

It felt like she was adding salt to my wounds.

When my mates came back from the terminal they went for.

They were all looking Happy.

Why won't they?

After all, they were given lots of gifts: School bags, stationery, School sandals and so on.

They were even given a certificate for attending and so on.

They mocked me for not being able to attend.

I felt bad.

When I got home that day, my mom insulted the hell out of me.

Well, this wasn't too Surprising as she never for once cared about how I felt.

I began to feel like a pest.

A nuisance.

What am I doing here anyway?

Why am I just taking up the space that should have belonged to someone else?

Why don't I just die?

Why?