elementary

I already don't remember how we met. I just woke up one day then, daraaaan! I already know this man. I already know his family or where he live. Just as far as I remember is that I know you after we graduated from kindergarten even though we attend different school yet know where you graduated.

We should be classmates on our first year in elementary yet the teacher called me and move me to another class. I really want to cry as loud as I can but I didn't because my seatmate is already doing that. We didn't spend much time during that, we are not so close to start with.

On the next year, we move up and guess what. We are already classmates. I never thought that this is only the beginning, that you would play a big part in my life. Starting that time, I already know that I have a crush on you and this last until we graduated elementary because after that we never separated, we are classmates during our elementary days.

Your house is not so far from mine so there are times that we walk home together. I still remember the time was shy because I am already seven years old yet still didn't know how to tie my shoelace then you noticed it on our way home. I saw your shoes and it is well tied, I wonder if you did the work or let the elders do for you. When you saw my shoes untied, you tied it for me. I want to say that I want to tie the way your shoelace are tied but I didn't talked. I saw you kneeled in front of me ties my shoelace while saying the dragon enter the cave or whatsoever to help me remember the way you are doing so that can still do the work without your help.

I hate how shy I was during my childhood days that makes me the center of bullying. Why didn't think of fighting back that time? Why did let them step on me. And you saw all of that, you saw how much I hide my cries and you saw the scars it cause me. I don't expecting you to save me or comfort me.

There are also times that you tease me and I don't complain. I think that don't have a right to, because you are the smartest kid in class. Everyone looks up on you.

There are times when we are in line entering the room, and I accidentally got strip on my own feet and I landed on you when you are standing right in front of me, I didn't know that it was only the first time that you will catch me because there are many of that will follow even you didn't do it on purpose.

Then I saw your mother and the pastor's wife talking to mom inviting us to your church. I didn't listen on their conversation and the next thing I know is you are already standing in front of our house with your older cousin fetching us to go to church. Like it was a hobby that you are going to our house every Sunday so that we can go to church together even it is raining or the weather is fine. Even we can go to church ourselves yet you never missed a day.

After church, we always play badminton on the vacant lot in front of the building while waiting for the lunch to be prepared. You always play with the kid's next door who is also your crush. Everyone knew that you liked her. Well, who is not? She's always got the second highest score while you are the first. She's pretty and popular while I am just a nobody. Your parents know each other and you are close. I am just who happened to meet you.

There are this time that you suddenly visited our house, I feel shy that you saw me wearing dirty clothes that time after playing with the other kids. Then mom called me to lead the prayer before eating lunch. You smiled at me but I know that you feel disappointed seeing me like that. It is always the same prayer that you taught me and our friends, of course how I will forget that.

I always talk about my cat Mimi which is also your older sister's nickname. So when I say "Mimi" You say, "What? My sister?" Then there is this time that Mimi doesn't went home so I am looking for him when you went to the house. I told you that Mimi is didn't showed up since last night. So you helped me looked for him in the forest near the house.

We were like crazy kids shouting "Mimi!" in the center of the forest

But at least, we found him. Thanks to you.

You know the times I got a wound when we are playing and I sliced myself from the broken bottle on the trash. You are the first who panic and run away. I thought you are scared of blood. After a while, you came back with Band-Aids and alcohol at your hands. It is still hurt when you are treating them so you blow the wound to ease the pain. Then lastly you put a Band-Aid to the wound telling me that I shouldn't let it wet and change the Band-Aid once in a while. You are like a doctor and I am a patient that time imagining you wearing a white gown. I bet it look good on you.

Remember when I lost in the forest once when we went on a camp. I am really scared that I was left alone that time in the center of an unknown place where wild beasts lay. I stuck sitting alone in a huge pine tree while crying my lungs out. I am already shaking in fear and cold keep calling my mother as I hear a roar nearby that makes my cry louder. How I wish that someone would find me. I know that sooner or later the teacher will noticed that I am not in the group. I was like a damsel in distress that time, I pity myself that I got distracted by little things and lost my way.

I was slowly losing hope when I saw a hand in front of me. I wipe my tears and saw you smiling in front of me and say "Let's go, they are waiting on the bus" I hold your hand and slowly a smile is forming on my face as we went where everybody else is.

I find comfort as I lean on your shoulder until I fall asleep while on our way going on. I know that you liked somebody else, you like her because everything about her is so perfect. I am no one compared to her. What will I do? This is just me so even the people around us saying that we look good together I know that you are look best with her. I can't just accept that in all my childhood days I have only an eyes to you.

I hate it on how much you stand for me when I feel that the world is against me. We were just kids that time. I am seven and so are you, yet I already feel safe around you.

Your house is a block away from house so whenever you want to play, you went to us and play together like a husband and wife. And then we make scooters through felled wood with the other kids then after, we went on a downhill road then ride those scooters like there is no tomorrow. There is this even one time that we picked a whole pack of candy in front of our room then we share it to each other at the back of the school.

The strong rain falls on the afternoon after class, thank goodness that I have an umbrella then when I am about to go. You rushed by my side, and we share the umbrella together. Then when we went out of the school, you said that you will just going to ride a tricycle home. I said, "Okay" then when you are about to enter, you stopped for a while and said that why we don't go together. I said again that is okay because I don't have a fare but you said that I shouldn't worry because you'll pay for me. When I sit beside you, I felt the warmth on the cold.

That time that me and my friends attend the afternoon class late because we went to play outside the school that we almost forgot the time that even the principal called us. And the time that the whole class got a perfect score and you are the only one who got zero because you read the instruction differently that you cried because you are not used in getting zero as the top one in the class.

Even the time that you sing alone in front of the class, you feel so embarrassed that time that the guys are laughing at you and after that you rushed on your desk then covered your face. Whenever you cry, I just watched you but when I am crying, you were there. Tell me to stop and everything will be okay.

When we are playing chase one time during our break, I really don't remember that much on what happened that day. When I opened my eyes, you were right there in front of me and asked me if I am okay. You even asked me if I remember anything and showing numbers on your finger if I know it. I smiled whenever I remember that because even it is just a minor injury, you treated like it was a big deal. Then you told me that another student bumped me while we are playing that I have a concussion and you rushed me in the infirmary. I still remember how the wound beside my lips look like.

It still flashes in my mind the smile on my face when you gave me a gumamela on our way home from the school. I am not expecting that at all. And the time we are racing going home after class that my feet filled with mud but I doesn't care because the only thing in my mind is that I should win over you. I thought you will laugh at me when you saw how I look that time but you just told me to be careful next time.

Do you remember when the time you really idolized your older brother that there are times you wear his clothes even it looks big on you. Every time my father see you dress like that, he tell it to me walking pass at his shop. You were just until my shoulder when we are in elementary. My father used to laugh at us but not as in laugh because we are so small for our age walking beside the road and thank goodness that the drivers can still see us.

When we are going home after the Christmas party at school. I am so disappointed that the gift I got is not a teddy bear, I really want a teddy bear since I was young. Then you told me that why I didn't told you because you had a lot at your place. I remembered that your mother is in a buy and sell business that is why you had a stock at your house. The next thing I knew is I am already holding a small groom teddy bear. A teddy bear dressed like a groom and his partner which is a teddy bear dressed like a bride is in you. Do you know that I display that small teddy bear on the table beside my bed?

Do you know that I also want a taste of your lunch? I saw our other girl classmates so close to you but why I can't bring to be like that even we sit next to each other and we are always together. I envy a friend when she was linked to you because you are always together, so close that you can't separate from each other so that is why they thought you are a couple. I feel like the spot light is been stolen from me. I feel that I already don't belong even I know that you had nothing on that girl because everybody knows who really you like.

I can still hear your voice when you told me that secret, when you told me who the person you are having a crush on is. I remembered how sad I am while my friend tapped my back faking her smile when the truth is, she also likes you. Even when you told me that you hate your mother for getting angry a lot, the fact that you don't really love her. Honestly, I also feel you so I can relate.

I am wondering why I don't feel even a slightest jealous whenever I saw you with your crush playing badminton together after a Sunday mass or you live next to each other maybe because I am happy on my own company. I can still feel the warm of your body like you are hugging me when you called me and taught me how to play that sport. I thought that I am really good at it like it was a sport meant for me.

There is this big day when someone from our church got married. I think that I am very beautiful in my dress that time like I was the bride walking on the aisle holding a bouquet of flowers then you show up in front of me wearing a suit like a grown up man. How I regret that I didn't asked my mom to take a picture of us two. The two big teeth in front of your mouth like a rabbit makes you even cuter even the suit is too big for you that you almost stepped on your own pants and wipe the floor using that.

When we went to sleep on our pastor's house because we had an event on the church the next day so we have to be early and the nearest is his house. I tremble in fear when I saw that there is a cemetery at the back of his house and imagining that someone is coming out on the hole at the ceiling going to the attic then I saw you praying before going to sleep. That is the time I realized that I should pray also and wish that I won't leave a saliva on the pillow. The next day, we had a canton as a breakfast and take turns in taking a bath. I still remember that I am wearing a red dress, black stockings and black shoes that time that my mom bought for me especially for this moment.

Every first Sunday of the month we are going to the main church like it was a tradition. There is this one time we played with the other kids during mass. We played as a couple who will get married. You don't complain and it feels like it is really okay with you and you take the initiative the act of kissing even we didn't do it for real. There are so many times we played husband and wife and I just got along with the flow. We play like it was just normal for us.

Then the time we went on a picnic together after church. I remember that the two of us taking a walk and we saw a river beside. You are teasing me that I almost fall on the river yet you hold me and I hold you back tightly.

The mango tree of our neighbor already has a lot of ripe fruits. We and the other kids decided to climb that tree and when the owner sees us, we ran from him while laughing carrying those mangoes and share it to each other when we got home. And when I got wounded, you blew my wounds and cured them.

It is windy and we decided to fly our kites on a vacant lot. I put a lot of effort on my kite that it got heavy and the wind can't carry it. I got disappointed that I threw it on the trash can, and then when I was about to cry, you game me your kite. At first, I don't want to accept it because it is you who did it. I don't deserve such treatment yet you insisted saying that you are okay. You said that you already had enough fun and got tired so you let me play yours for a while.

I was like walking in a cloud following the kite flying so high. I was like the one who is above everyone else. I am gasping my breath with lot of sweats flowing in my head as I went to you and happily gave your kite back. You stand from sitting on a grass under a huge tree and take your kite. We bought an ice cream and eat it on our way home while I tell how fun I have been and you keep on listening to me even I am telling nonsense things. I got an ice cream on my cheeks and you wiped them for me. I think my face turned red after that and sleep smiling.

Can you still see my face how happy I am when I inserted the thread into the needle hole for the first time and you also are happy for me even when I learn on how to sew and show you excitedly what I just sew, a big sunflower while you did an angry bird. Even when the time that we have an activity and only the two of us in the class chose a basket. However, I am having a hard time so I changed my work and do like everyone else while you finished doing the basket from the dry pine needles and you displayed it in your house.

Do you remember when we were alone in the classroom? You told me that you made the prettiest card of all us and you got the perfect score because you are the top of the class. I want to disagree yet I couldn't find a reason to do it. You helped me clean the room afterwards while waiting for our other classmates. When I saw your card, I didn't saw any special about it or it is not so pretty in my eyes, yet I let you be proud of yourself.

When there is a time that we had practice for event at school. I am scared because I know that no one wants to be my partner and either you, I know that you will choose the girl you like as a partner. Well, who wants to be with someone as ugly as me and the center of all bullies and a laughing stuff. All of them already got their partner and went to the dance floor while here I am, sitting on my desk watching them. I guess I will be an outcast again.

I went first to the rest room not because I want to urinate but because I went to stay away, I want to spend some time. I don't want to be pitied. Then I went to walk on the field watching those other kids playing before I return to the room.

The first thing I look is you from those kids on the dance floor yet I saw the girl you like having a different partner then there you are sitting alone on a desk where I am a while ago. I go to you and asked why you aren't joining them. You smiled and said that because you are waiting for me then held your hands. I answer that, "But I am not the one you like" while looking at that girl. Then you said, "It doesn't matter", then pull me to the dance floor. "Stupid, it is already your chance to get close to her", I said as we dance. "There are still many chances to do that" "You never knew, there might be no other chances" "So you want me to let go of you and chose her?" "I am saying that you are the smartest kid in class but at the same time you are the dumbest" I don't know why I am saying those things to you like a martyr lover. I hate myself for being corny. "Why are you so worried about me when you almost have no partner" "Shut up" Then again just like what you always do, you just smiled at me.

On the day of the performance, it was like I am going to pee on my pants just seeing how many people will watch me dance. I was in the backstage taking a peek in the curtain when you came and hold my hand and said, "Let's go" with a smile on that face. I closed my eyes on the performance because I am scared that people might laugh at me when I get a step wrong when you said, "Are you nervous?" I nodded with eyes still closed. "Why? I am your partner remember, everything will be perfect because I am here" I thought that you are too proud of yourself that time but thanks to you I become more calm on the whole performance.

When the performance is over, you rushed to her to take a picture with her. How I wish that I also have a picture with you beside me and we are both smiling. Yes, I am happy that you chose me over her to be your partner in the dance performance, yet your heart doesn't.