high school

I know that we are going to the same high school. I never really thought of you when I graduated from elementary. Yet I admit that I got disappointed a little when you enrolled on the same school as am I but went to a different school because your family move house. But it doesn't matter to me already wherever you are and we also stopped going to your church.

I had a crush but not as in having a crush like I just idolized this guy maybe because his handwriting is good and he is kind. Then even we are not already classmates he still smiling at me and saying 'Hi' when we see each other in the school.

Then we became classmate again on the next year. There is this one time that he checked my test paper and when he returned it. There is already a lyrics of a song written on it, a romantic song.

He kept on showing motives that he likes me also so the feeler me assumed that the feeling is mutual then when I already have a conclusion, I learned that he is already courting someone else.

When I am with classmates sewing on one subject while talking telling stories. I heard that this guy kneeled in front of the girl he is courting to be his girl. I heard that until now they are still together.

A friend from an elementary school invited me to their church and there I met another guy. He was so good to me and funny sometimes. Just like you he lives a few meters away from mine so there are times we go home together after church.

I also get close to his younger sisters like we are best friends that we get along. He also taught me how to play drums. He is so tall and handsome, the man I imagined to be with me for a lifetime. He is one year older than me. I even memorize the clothes he's wearing so that I can find a match for it. Our classrooms are just next to each other and that is why we see a lot and walk on the same corridor. Our cleaning schedule is also the same. We have too much in common.

I have a crush on him for almost three years even I already transferred school after eight grade. That is when I learn that he run and win to be the school president. After that I already don't have a news about him. I also stopped going to the church but I admit that I have fun having their company. How I wish that I was there when he is campaigning, I also want to support him. I really thought that we are destined because we are always on the same team during sports festival.

Even I admit just once that I am jealous. I am jealous because of that sports festival they got so close, closer than I did. They are always together especially during practice or even breaks. I am very jealous unlike when he is with his girl classmate because I know that the girl already had a boyfriend.

When I transferred school I still thinking about him even not that much yet when they asked me who I like, I immediately mention his name. Even I am not seeing him anymore, I know that he is just out there. Before only walls are between us until it became stairs then now kilometers are between us.

It was just him until I met an intern for teacher who is practice teaching in our school. He was five years older than me. Just like my oldest brother, you know him right? He is a physics major. He's tall, handsome, can cook, and smart and smell nice.

His favorite chocolate become my favorite also. Even physics is not my favorite subject from the start but it became one. I sit in front and listen on every word or topic he discusses and participates on the activities and pass my home works early.

He always smile at me like you always do. Every lunch I rush out to the balcony to see him with his co-interns going to his boarding house before eating my lunch.

I even asked a friend to ask for his cellphone number. I saved it in my phone when he finished his internship at school. I called and texted many times but he didn't respond even once. I even wrote a script to tell him on the voice messages and practice in front of a mirror if one day he will answer my calls back and tune up my voice like I am going to sing.

It also came into my mind of following him into his home province but thank goodness that I didn't do because first, I am not good in directions, I might get lost; second, I don't have a bus fare; and third, I know that he will reject me. Just thinking of how stupid I am that time that it came to the point of thinking that makes me feel so embarrassed.

When I moved up to tenth grade, I met this classmate. We are so close that we even have endearments for each other. He is also tall but not quite handsome but he is funny, I have fun being with him.

Every afternoon after class, I hold my best friend's hand and pull her to the basketball court to watch him play. I sit on a VIP seat which is very close to him. I also friends with his teammates that we get along so well. I am their loudest cheerer even it hurt my throat, well I am only their cheerer. My best friend has a game for basketball on the other side of the court yet I am cheering that guy's team rather than her. I always take note of their game and even asked the teacher in-charge to let them play.

I have fun teasing each other like there is this one time that I put my foot on the backrest of my desk while sitting on a teacher's chair during lunch break. When he entered and because he are just sitting at my back, he saw me on that position. He pulled my shoe off to my foot then run outside the room and I chase him wearing only one shoe. I didn't get pissed or angry at him because I have fun and I missed those moments when we are young and carefree.

When we are in a moving up ceremony, their basketball team is awarded. I really want to witness the awarding ceremony and take picture with your whole group but I didn't make it in time. My best friend invited me to her sister's graduation and we took so much time in waiting for a vehicle so that is why we came to school late and the awarding is already finished. Now that I remember, I still regret on not making it in time and not taking a picture with the four of them.

That time, my eldest brother graduated from college. Your mother and her friend which is the pastor's wife came into our house again and invited us in your church once again. The first time we went on that church again after a long time. I am hoping to see you and what changes have you become. I got disappointed a bit when I didn't see you there but a different face. I know this girl, she was our classmate when we are in elementary. I don't know why I am getting jealous when I heard how close the two of you are like you are a real couple. I don't even like you anymore. Just thinking about it now still makes my blood boil. Did I miss that much for just two years that we didn't attend?

When we went on your house for the first time in the city, there is when I saw you. I got mesmerize that you are still handsome as ever. Wait, are you wearing a brace? Then where is your rabbit tooth that is so big when we are kids, I found that tooth cute. Even I found you handsome, I didn't feel any special about us meeting again.

We went together on the summer camp. How I wish that we could sit together but I end up sitting with the other young people. I had fun on that summer camp even it is very hot and we always sleep late at night and woke up early in the morning. I miss that we get in line together to get a food and sit on the same table.

I even hate when we woke up early in the morning and take turns in taking a bath. Then when you entered in the bathroom first and I am the one next in line. When you opened the door and about to go out and I am going in, I stepped on the rag and slip. Even unintentionally, you caught me. I think my face turned red when I touched your half naked body. You know how it feels awkward.

It also feels awkward when I keep on checking myself on the mirror beside your bed so you are watching me watching my reflection while smiling lying in your bed. I really hate that look in your face. I also hate myself for getting jealous when you are so close to the other girls. I don't even have a feelings for you.

When I moved up into a senior high, I met again different people. There is this one person that caught my attention on the entrance ceremony on the first day of school. He is tall and dark but what caught my attention is his glasses. He is wearing thick glasses like a nerd in movies. Sadly, he didn't become my classmate.

There is this transferred guy who always going against or disagree on everything I say. I think we are born to be enemies. We always argue and can't agree on one thing. No one want to lose and fight on what we believe on like who has the highest pride win. Whenever I am going home with my best friend waiting for the service, I always talk about him that came to the point she think I had a crush on him, well, a little hehehe super-duper little as in very slight.

Then one day when I came early to school, I heard him telling his friends that he like one of our classmates. That girl is tall and skinny, she's also pretty smart so anyone would fall for her. I faked a smile when he saw me listening on what he said.

That time I decided that I will go away and ignore him before this super-duper little feeling becomes bigger. Until they become really close that came to the point even the teachers are asking if they are already an item because they are always together and here I am an idiot acting like I am happy for them.

After a how many months at the same year, I become close on one of my guy classmate. I still remember how it start, when he sat beside me on one of the subjects and he told me to be my partner in one activity. Because of that, I immediately forgot my crush when I was fourteen. That snob intern guy.

We created a world that only the two of us understand. We make actions and signs that the only the two of us understand. I become active when I am in his company, we become unreachable when we combined.

There is this one time that we play truth or dare with the other kids. I came late that time that I didn't heard his answer when they asked him if he have someone he like. I already got a gut feeling who is the person but I am not yet sure so I remain silent. I kept on asking him who is that person because I want to make sure and I do not want to jump into conclusion. Whenever I got a time, I'm asking him who it is but he keep on resisting and chose not to speak.

Until the teacher said that he will move to another section starting next semester. I honestly get sad because it feel that I will lose a half of me. We are just starting to get close and knowing each other. I want to stop him and said please don't go. Even it is just a few meters away I feel like a thousand miles is between us. I feel like I will never get a chance like those again because of one reason, we are not classmates anymore. Anything can change because of that, even relationships.

There is this a group of guys from another section. They are not so handsome like what you can read on novels or watched in the movies. They are just a normal high school students yet I have this feeling, a great feeling that I want to be their friend. I want to be a part of that group especially when I found out that they know my best friend because they met on one of the volleyball tournament during junior high.

I have this twin best friends and they once invited me to have lunch on their cousin's boarding house. On my shock, it was one of the boys that I want to be friend with and his roommate that is also a part of the gang. What a coincidence because their cousin that I also want to be friend is the guy I first noticed on the entrance ceremony. I thought that this might be already the chance to get close with them so whenever the twins are going to their place, I tag along and eat lunch with them which is what those boys prepared.

I am standing on their balcony that time and playing my phone when it suddenly slip on my hands and fall till to the first floor, we are in third floor that time. I immediately ran to the first floor of their boarding house.

On the way, I met a classmate who I always bully or a laughing stuff, I don't know why I am so fund of him then the other guy who always greet and compliment me when we see each other. When I went to the place where my phone falls, it is already placed on the drum with its scattered parts. The guy who is in there fixed it. When I opened it, it somehow functioning still but sometimes it go crazy. I feel really hot and tired that time wearing a thick jacket, white turtle neck and a bag. So when I went back I sat on the floor for it is cold.

When the summer is around the corner nearly vacation. Even I just met the two of them by tagging along with my friends during lunch. I came to a decision that I already like him, I like that nerdy tall guy. I am just thinking of him for the whole summer vacation.

My classmate is inviting me to an outing on a summer vacation. Anyone in the class is free to go but there is a contribution for the ride and foods. I am not fun of going on outings with classmates so at first I refused to go. However, this classmate is insisting me to go that she even volunteered to pay half of my contribution. Not really half though, it is sixty-forty.

I never regret going on that outing, I really had fun. When I played a song on the karaoke, fighting the kid that keeps on looking at me when I am eating from the other cottage. Drinking one on one with a guy classmate and going home with a bit of hang over. It is fun, I will never really forget that time. Even when a classmate asked another classmate why her friend didn't come and said that because this friend of her doesn't like a lot of boys coming so I told her that as if her friend was liked by a lot of boys and everyone laugh and agreed with me. Whenever I remember that line, it still make me laugh until now.

It is vacation again and we went to your home to sleep over and stay for a while to attend a church teambuilding. It is fun, I really had a fun that time that we even met an actor. One of the days I will never forget. I know that we have a picture on that even yet I don't know who saved it. It makes my heart beat faster when I hold your hand for the first time in a while, it so warm that I think my hand sweat.

When the class resumed, my best friend is complaining because the guy she had a crush on which also belongs to that group of boys is not noticing her even they know each other. They are walking pass at each other and he don't say hi to her. So I told her that why don't she say Hi first, maybe he is just waiting for her to take the first move and she did what I told her. I am laughing at her that time because she was just like a little girl came complaining to her mother because one of her playmate take her lollipop. I didn't thought that, that guy would play this part of my life.

This is one of the most unforgettable moment I have in high school. It is my best friend's birthday and it happened that we go to school together but we didn't make it in time. What a great timing that the guidance counselor is at the entrance of the school that time so he called all late students to the principal's office and list our names as tardy. It surprise me that I am the first whose name will be written in the book for our section who went to the principal's office when I have classmates who always late at class and it was just my first time to be tardy and I went directly to the principal's office already, it is so unfair.

We have a group activity in one subject at the same day. We are assigned to make a tower made by a paper, it has to be strong and stable. When the teacher went to check each group's work. It was only us who remained standing. When she blew the tower, it didn't fall like the others so for that activity we got a perfect score.

In the afternoon, I wait for my best friend to finish her assignment or activity in one of the subjects. We are standing in the balcony while thinking a perfect research title. The other guy that part of the boy's group is in the other side of the balcony talking to someone on the phone. I pretend that he was talking to me and my best friend laugh a lot.

When we already decided what title it would be, we directly went to the faculty to let the teacher check. There is a kid who is one of the teacher's kid. He is speaking in dollar so it got my attention, and the teacher noticed that so he said that I just don't know how to speak in English. He also said that I am boyish and a lesbian yet it was hidden in the cabinet. I also want to tell him that he was a gay, yes, he is a gay but I chose not to speak and we exchange high five instead.

We sat beside the school stage while finalizing their work after the teacher checked. I reminisced a bit in the past where there is a basketball game and instead of cheering her, I cheer on the other team who is also playing on the other side of the court.

After that, we went on the volleyball court. She said that because she's eighteen already she want to make eighteen spikes so because it is her birthday I let her be. Those four boys are already playing in the court, I sat on the bench beside it and watched them play. When suddenly, a rain falls so we ran to the shelter. Thank goodness that I brought an umbrella and also my best friend. The boys share the umbrella with us. I keep on complaining because I am getting wet. I thought that my best friend is with us but she was left on the bench so my nerdy crush hehehehe rescued him. I felt a little jealous that time. The six of us stayed in the store near the field, it is filled with fun and teasing that we didn't notice that the rain has stopped already. I thought I am going to sleep on my best friend's house again. We waved goodbye to each other and went on our separate ways.

The next day, the guy whose my best friend having a crush on went to me and call me in an endearment which is "Curly" while smiling because I have a natural curly hair.

Like it was already a hobby that every afternoon after class we went on the volleyball court meeting those guys while I sit on the bench and watched them play. Until I realized and learned that I am already building a feeling to guy who is also my best friend's crush. At first, I said this can't it be yet I still let it entertained me.

Our classroom is in the third floor, and every time he is going home he shouts my name from the first floor to tell that he is going home and I should also. He even carries me when I hurt my ankle until to the room. He even draw my face and said that he remembers me every time it rains. I know that I am making my best friend jealous yet it makes me happy, is something wrong to me? Even a classmate who is having a crush on him is jealous, she witnessed everything that the guy and I doing together like those carrying, shouting and those endearments. She's the perfect girl that every man is wishing for, I am nothing compared to her. So it was like I win over her when I make her jealous even I don't hate her or anything, she's been a good classmate to me.

Every afternoon when they are not playing raining or not, the two of us like a cat and dog chasing and teasing each other on the school corridor. What it makes me laugh is whenever my best friend had a food and I will call the guys, even I just whispered when they are far that we have a food here they can already hear me and run where I am but if it is something else even when I shout, they can't hear me hahahaha what an ears.

There is this one time that I guess I will never forget. I came from the room and when I went to the volleyball court exactly that the ball rolled on my feet then the other guy get it and said, "Hi Curly" and when I looked at them they all said the same line in chorus looking at me.

One afternoon, when they have a break after playing the two sat beside me. The guy in eye glasses and my best friend's crush singing in front of me. Then the other guy continues while they are both looking at me that makes me curious.

There is also this other time, when the two guys sat beside me and whenever there is someone sitting beside me, they are getting angry at that guy. They are moving closer and closer to me. That I almost can't breathe. When my best friend saw that she called her crush to go with her. She thought that I still have a crush on the guy with eye glasses so she lead the other guy away to let the two of us have a moment together, that is what she said. I want to tell her that I already don't like the guy and I am having a crush on her crush. Yet I pretended to be happy and told her that the guy sang me an old song when they leave which is true.

My best friend called me on Sunday morning saying that she had an extra ticket for the concert for a cause near the school. When I arrived, she is already waiting at the entrance. I told her to go in but she said that we are waiting for them to arrive also because she also gave the four boys a ticket. When the concert is already starting, she told me to send them a text message, she even give the number of the guy in eye glasses. So I texted him and he replied. An unregistered number also texted me so I asked if who is it. When we are already in the concert hall, the guy said that it was my father and laugh. When I checked my best friend's phone. I saw the unregistered number on her contacts and it was him, it was his other number. So I told him that it was him and he was speechless.

Yes, I have fun on that concert but that concert also breaks me. Seeing them sitting next to each other and acting so very close that she even introduced him to her sister. When it is already getting late, I told them that I will go first. My best friend accompany me in waiting for the service. When we were alone, I told her that I like the guy she likes. She told me that it is okay, she's ready to let him go for me but I told her don't.

I even told my twin friends that I like that guy when I called them after cleaning the room and I called them to the bench while watching my best friend and the guy playing volleyball together. They told me what to do in order to make him like me back. They said that I should go for it. I remembered when I found out the perfect top student in our class had a crush on him, I ask why, what is with that guy that she likes. Now I am asking myself the same question and I can't still find an answer.

My best friend called me to go school during weekend when I heard from her background. I didn't understand at first until my best friend told me that it was me getting her phone to talk to me while calling me 'babe'. When I went to school, it was just us two standing on the school balcony waiting for the others.

When the others are present already, I called him using our endearments. My friend's boyfriend was present that time so he is teasing me for our endearment. He is the one who called me that so I am just returning the favor.

There is a pageant in the school before the sports festival. I and my best friend are sitting at the back cheering for our bet contestant even she didn't won. When the program is over. His group and mine met at the exit of the hall. One of his friend and I are debating whose contestant did better. We are arguing and getting louder when my best friend went on the center of us to stop us and go home.

During our school sports festival, I joined chess yet I backed out after a day not just because it makes my mind go crazy playing the same game over and over again for the same day or those noise from the outside that the other students make by cheering the players distract me but I can't get myself to watch them play and cheer them.

The next day, I incidentally didn't go to school early so that I can be disqualified from the game and cheer them instead. That time, I sit in front of the bench cheering them and they won hahahaha.

That lunch, I invite my best friend to eat lunch on my classmate's boarding house which is the same as them. We saw that classmate sweeping the stairs so my best friend accompany him and I went first inside. When I entered, I saw them topless so I immediately turned around to let them wear there shirt first. While preparing the lunch the pace is filled with teasing, I told the guy that my best friend had a crush on why he was there when I saw on the sign that no friends allowed. When he don't know what to answer back he has the eye glasses guy to the rescue and they both tease me. When I went to the balcony, I remembered my phone that fall from there, the drum is still there. So the guys sang in chorus, 'Remember When'.

After lunch, the guy played badminton with my twin friends because it was really their sport. I look for the perfect sit but it seems they are all occupied. I saw his bag and I carry it hug it in order for me to sit. And that was the last time we talked.

It was exam day that time, it was just a month after the sports festival. I always wore black during exams because I really hate exams, I know that the others kids are also. However, I found the reason why I wore black that time. I found out that this guy likes the top student from our class. I am very angry that time that I want to shout, I can't even concentrate on studying. But what makes me angrier is that my best friend knew it from the start and she didn't tell me. She discovered when she borrowed his phone and the password was that girl's name. she said that she chose to be silent because she don't want for me to get hurt but doesn't she know that it hurts me more now. Our friendship almost got destroy because of that. Just think of how crazy I am that time that I am willing to give up everything even our friendship just for that man. Yet I really didn't like that man because if I do, I should cry. Most of girls cried when they found out that the person they love is in love with the others but even a single tear didn't fall on my eyes, I just got angry that time. I want to hate him, I want to hurt him but I can't.

That time I decided to play stranger. I will ignore him, ignore him to the max that like we never knew each other before. How can I get rid of him? So whenever we bumped into each other, I just walk away like it was nothing. But what puzzle me the most that until now it still leave me a question. When I am doing my best to avoid him is he is also doing the same. My friends and I know my reason but how about him, what is his reason? When my friend and I was about to go on the faculty which is in another building. I saw him with my best friend teasing each other at the stairs. We both stopped when we saw each other. He ran down and also am I, I ran faster going down that I passed him who stopped on the midway. I shouted to my friend to go faster when I was already in the first floor. She's just laughing going down to the stairs while saying that I am so obvious yet I told her that he also ignores me.

When the others are playing volleyball and I am on my usual spot, he is standing on the other side of the bench. I am aware that there are times he keeps on gazing at me. I know that he wants to sit beside me like he always do but he is stopping his self. Until now I want to ask him about that time, why? My friends are telling me that maybe because he likes me also but I don't believe because it is very impossible.

After a month, I started exchanging text messages with the guy in eye glasses. We always use to talk a lot in messages that even we sleep two in the morning and I am staying on the living room for the whole time because there is no signal on my bedroom. There is this even one time on the stairs that I almost fall because I am texting him. I delete other people's messages but I never deleted his even it is just 'hmm' 'ah' or 'okay'. I still treasure those.

He also tells me when they have to go on a competition, not going to attend school for how many days, when they will go back and where is the place they will compete. He even asked me what souvenir I want. His cousin which is my friend twins don't have an idea on his competitions unless I told them and asked me why I know when they don't know what is happening to their cousin.

We even fought on text messages and get reconciled through text messages. There is this one time that I called one of his classmate handsome and he got angry at me like, why I am telling his classmate that he is handsome but not to him. I really want to explain but I never get a chance. I also asked an advice to my friends then they are all saying that it is my fault so it is me who needs to say sorry first. I want to say that yes, his classmate is handsome for someone's eyes but in my eyes he is more handsome. I want to tell him that yet I didn't get a chance. I text him simply saying, sorry I am not a perfect person and as easy as that we reconciled after a one or two weeks.

There is this a time that I laughed at his crazy haircut and he sulk because of that. My friends are telling me again that it is my fault this time. I just want to tease him also because all this time he is teasing me, I just want to get back.

When they finished playing volleyball, my best friend and I decided to treat the boys to have snack. The two of us are wearing violet shirt that time and eye glasses. I especially borrowed my friend's glasses so that we can look good together. He asked me to massage his back while massaging his friend's back and that friend is massaging another friend's back. He also borrowed my phone and we watched videos together that is save in there. My best friend says that we look like a couple. Before we go on our separate ways, I told him to treat me even just this one with my favorite candy and we are like a thumb and an index finger. I am the thumb and he is the index that is how our height difference is. I knew it that he will not going to treat, he don't like treating people.

When my girl classmates played truth or dare in the classroom. They asked me who is the person I like and what section is he belongs to. I said his name, I know that they already know. Well, the whole town knows except him. They even asked me what I saw on that guy that I like him that much. I told them that I don't know because it is the true, I don't know why I like him. He eats a lot than me, he is bipolar, stingy, horny, and not handsome, yeah he is not handsome, he is tall and dark but not so handsome. There are a lot of reasons why I shouldn't like him but there are a more lot of reasons why I should. He is good in cooking, I really like a guy who can cook. He watches anime which is I am a really big fan of since I was a kid. He is not afraid of watching horror movies at night like me. He always make me laugh and had a sense of humor. Whenever he is there, I smile automatically. He is an athletic man and talented, he and his friends are joining dance competition in different schools and even the volleyball competitions. And there are a lot more reasons.

My friendship with my other friend almost broke because of this guy classmate. This guy classmate really likes teasing me like every day of the school days like his day will not complete when he didn't do that. He reminds me of you doing the same to me when we are in college and living together. I still remember his face laughing at me and calling me Doraemon. What I will never forget is when I am asking him to treat me an ice cream because I really want one. one of our classmates for a second then when I go back, the others are already eating ice cream then I asked him where is mine. He told me that there is nothing left already when it is me who asked him first.

He told me that I look so cute when I am pissed that he want to bring me home and make his pet. He really like it when I called him boss that he is so much proud of it. He even texting me just to tease me and what pissed me more is when he saves my stolen photos on his phone and showing it to our classmates while laughing, I really want to brake his bone when I discovered that.

My friend really like that guy that she even planned and imagined a future with him. She told me that she's jealous of what the two of us had and warned me countless times to don't fall for that man. And I gave her the same answer as always that she should not worry because I don't like him and never be and besides she know who is the person I really like that time.

It almost dark when they finished playing volleyball. He asked me if I could still can get a ride home or even I am cold so he let me borrow his jacket and accompany me and my best friend going home. We even got teases with our friends.

Shaks, I am falling again to that guy. The time I realized that my feeling is getting deeper and deeper I feel scared. Yeah for the person who just fall, I am scared. I am scared that I might got hurt. I am scared that I will get rejected. I am scared of what might happen. So because I jump into conclusion and because I become coward I did a thing that I never thought that I will regret for a long time. I didn't text him back nor answering his calls for almost a couple of weeks until it become a month. My friend's boyfriend said that if he was on that man's shoe, he will really get angry at me.

My friends know why I am doing this, they know how coward I am on this kind of situation. I could fight melee with big people but when it comes to things like this, I gave up so easily. My friends told me how much he cries when he went to them saying that I am ignoring him that I didn't texting him back. I feel pity upon him and guilty at the same time. Because of me he is like that. I just try to forget my feelings yet for one month it never happened. I still like that guy. Now, I like him even more.

Christmas is all around the corner. I want to apologize to him and get the things back like they were. Yet I don't know how to do it, after what I did. I feel like I don't look like I can face him anymore. Till my best friend went rushing to our home in the morning saying that I should give him a gift with a letter, she all had it prepared. I already thought of what I should write to him but when I am already in the spot I forgot about it so I just wrote, 'I'm sorry and Merry Christmas'. When we packed the gift for him already with the letter that is just when I remembered what I really want to tell him. I want to tell him that I'm sorry, I missed him, Thank you and I like him. How I wish he sees how much I regret my action. And go back to the things they were before.

This is my last Christmas party in high school so I should have so much fun. My best friend even chose a clothes herself on what I should wear that day and tie my hair. I am excited like the any other kids looking forward for this day yet nervous, nervous that he might not forgive me.

I thought I already had moved on but when I saw the guy went to our room and give his sketch of her face to the girl it breaks me. When I saw how happy she is while I am on the corridor listening to her friends talking about it. Now it makes sense when he showed me his drawing and said it was me yet I complain because it doesn't have a curly hair like I do because the girl in his drawing is really her. I thought I already forget him but why I am hurting now, why it makes me sad. And so what they like each other, then good for them.

That night, my best friend went to our house for a sleep over and opened our gifts together. It is my father's birthday also so mom cooked a little for us to share with each other. My friends are texting me to go back to school, they are having a bonfire and the guy in eye glasses are there so they want me to be there also but I didn't go. So every year, I remembered this day in my life. I remember my last day of having Christmas party that should be happy but it turned this way.

On the twenty-fourth of December, few hours before Christmas I kept on texting him again how sorry. I text him countless times but then again, I never received a reply from him. Every Christmas I remember how desperate I am for his forgiveness.

Every new year, we have this event like it was already a church tradition. We stay on the church together at the thirty-first of December having marathon preaching, playing games, eating, then welcoming the New Year together then sleep together. I remember how many times you volunteer myself in playing games that even I doesn't have an idea but I still play the game anyways and I ended up thanking you because I am winning on the games and get the prizes.

When we return after winter break, it all flashed back to me what happened on the Christmas party. I still feel the jealousness and the anxiousness but what makes me sadder is that my relationship with the guy in eye glasses had change. He didn't text me anymore although we sometimes talk to each other at school. He didn't give me the same smile anymore, he don't make me laugh nor cook me a lunch like he always do. It was like I am trying to fix again a broken glass.

His face is still on my mind when they are playing volleyball one time and he can't let go of his phone. He kept on checking it once in a while. I once saw it rang means someone texted him. I want to know who it is that makes him secretive and act like that. A rain falls and I thought that the same thing will happen again yet they ran on the opposite direction and my best friend invited me to go home already. I told her about his phone and she said that he is just making me jealous but I don't believe her because it is very impossible, it really is.

I met our pastor's niece who will also live with them and study on the place. I don't know how she knew you that she said she likes you. When I told her that I know you since childhood she got angry at me saying that I am keeping you away from her. She even save your picture on her phone and edited it and post on Facebook. She also misunderstood that I like you. I said that I don't and she don't believe. Not because we grow up together doesn't mean I already like you. When we even went to your graduation, she keeps on calling me and texting me that she want to talk to you. I can really see how much she like you. I want to take a photo with you wearing your toga but I am shy because your cousins are there and feel like I am out of place. They take a pictures with you and I can't get a chance.

After church on Sunday, my best friend called me. In the afternoon I went to the school and watched them play volleyball with the other school. Even they lost on the game, we still have fun. After the game, we held directly to their boarding house to celebrate his birthday. I will never forget the date of his birth so I am greeting him every year. I mean who will forget someone's birthday if they just a day older than you. Yes, we are born on the same month and year and the only difference is he is a day older than me.

We stayed on their room while waiting for the chicken to be cook. I saw an anime compact disk on his desk yet I didn't mind it. What caught my attention is his ideal of a dream house. All of us graduating student that time are required to make our dream houses in one subject. So I take a look at his work. I feel so amazed on his work and one of my twin friend and I are looking at it. I kept on asking if what the extra room is about in his dream house when he came and slapped my butt. I complain that why only me he is stopping when his cousin was looking at it also. Then one of the twins said, "Because the same blood run in our veins". I will never forget that line, it makes me laugh so hard.

So we just lie on their bed to take time. He came to me while I am lying and showing a small box of something, I didn't know what it is but he is smiling when he is showing me that. The other guy who I used to have a crush on is at the end of the bed playing his phone and he also teases me. He is my mortal enemy whenever we ate chicken together because we both like the gizzard. We are always in the forefront of getting that. Even the guy who is always teasing me in the class that my friend having a crush on. Why do I have so many competitors when it comes to chicken's gizzard and what hurts the most is they always win?

When I am assigned to buy a salt, my best friend texted me. She is already waiting for me in the bus stop. I forgot that I told her that we will going home together. But the chicken is not cooked yet. But, if I didn't go we will not going to make it on the last trip. So I went to her and just texted the twins that I will go home.

When I got home. I keep on comforting myself that I already taste that chicken because I also have it on my birthday which is celebrated earlier than the original date. I even texted my friends a quote…

Five things you can't recover in life:

-a stone after it's thrown

-a word after it's said

-an occasion after it's missed

-time after it's gone

-trust after it's lost

Whenever I see Donald duck I remember the time I dozed off on their bed during break and I feel so in touched in his pillow with the picture of Donald duck on it that I want to bring it home with me. I even took it and ran outside and he chased me to get the pillow. I still remember the smell of that pillow, his smell.

On my graduation, I take a picture with him wearing our toga. I still have that picture with me until now. We were so close and smiling to the fullest. On the afternoon we even went to their house and I take a picture with his younger brother that I still have it also until now because I always found his brother cute.

Come to think of it, I already met his whole clan starting from his mother, father, younger brother, grandfather, grandmother, uncle, auntie and cousins even their pet dog, cat and chicken. I also taste the fruits of their plants in their backyard. Even the SpongeBob on his bedroom greeted me yet I remembered you because you also like SpongeBob. I thought that he is already the one because of that, it is for the first time that I met the clan of the person I like and I am free to visit their house any time I want. It takes me four years to forget that guy.

After graduation, we are coming back to school to fix things so that we can enroll college smoothly. Every day I seem him little by little unlike the past. Then one day I just woke up that I don't like this man anymore. It is the day I have been waiting for, to unloved him. I really want my feeling to fade away and stay as his friend. I told my friend and she said that good for me because I want this to come a long time ago. Then yet why I am crying. Why I am lonely that these feelings are gone now. I should be happy that I finally get rid of him yet I regret that I let him go.