single professional

Welcome to the real world. We are going to walk on the different path starting now. As I wished ever since I realized what I want to be, I became a famous writer and published books with different genres and went on my dream country, Japan. I started a life there. I worked as a writer and a teacher. I am stepping one by one through my goals that I planned from the start.

I also met a lot of guys in there yet it makes me scared to get attach cause maybe as much as possible, I want a man with the same nationality as me.

There is this guy I met. We are living on the same apartment. He always smiled at me and when it is my first time here. He is the one who taught me about the culture of the country. He thought me the things I should and shouldn't. I don't even know the dishes they cook in here because I only see them on animes. In my first week or month, I kept on eating ramen because it is the easiest dish I can prepare. When he learned that, he always give me cook food and it was very delicious. I really enjoy his cooking and sometimes we ate together. He told me a lot of things and I learned a lot from him like we are changing information. Don't get me wrong, I didn't fall for that guy. I looked at him as a mentor or an older brother who is guiding me.

I kept on working there and if I have a time, I walk around to see the whole place. The place I have been wishing to see that I only see in the television. This place makes me forget the past because it gave me happiness just like a dream. I can't believe that they are already in my reach.

I am starting to move again, to heal again and to be whole again when I heard your name once again as the pilot of the plane I am riding going home to the country. Before I met you, I never thought that one name can make me blush like an idiot. So you finally achieved your biggest dreams since we were kids, you finally become a pilot. There is something inside me telling me that I want to see you. There is something in me that I want to hug you when I first saw you after how many years like the time I saw you again after two years because of a pandemic. I felt like I was going to cry when I saw you after the plane landed, we are standing staring at each other not minding of the people passing by. I want to go to you and ask how it has been and longtime no see like we are friends but the truth is, I want to ask you if you are already married. Nothing had change, since we were kids, a teen ager, you are still as handsome as ever. You are more handsome now wearing that pilot uniform. We are both waiting who will say "hi" first. You moved one step closer and my family already arrived so we leave.

While we are on the way home, I am still thinking of you standing in front of me. I asked my family if they saw you but they said that they don't recognize you. I wonder if you think me too now that we saw each other again after how many years. I thought of attending again the church when I am still here. I will be staying here for a while and I have to go back to Japan after my vacation leave.

Everything had change like I was a tourist in my own country. I took a deep breath before entering on the new church building. Like the place, the people are already different, only few of them are the people I know and that is including your family. Your sisters met me yet I was looking for you in the building. They asked me how I am and how it is been. I didn't expect to see that person again. That person who I felt jealous and snatched my throne years ago way back in college. "You are here", I said faking a smile. I whispered to your sister if she's still living at your place than what I heard shocks me. I just arrived but I want to go home already. I shouldn't be affected, you are nothing to me after all. I rejected you years ago so I have to stand by my decision. "She's engaged with my brother" I flashed a weak smile and asked how long the two of you have been in love.

They said that it is the year after we graduated college so I thought, ah he just confessed his love for me then after a year he moved on and fall in love to the girl he is living with. Well, the two of you are perfect. The both of you are arrogant people that I want to kill. I still want to kill you. She even invited me to your wedding. I want to crumple your wedding invitation looking at the picture of the two of you smiling so wildly in the cover. Seeing how your mother is so proud that she's having that girl as her future daughter-in-law. I bet that she won't be happy if it was me, I will never be inserted in her list as her ideal daughter-in-law.

The next day, for the first time in my life you called me. I know that you are going to invite me for that stupid wedding of yours again so I told you that your "fiancé" already did. However, you said that it was not because of that. We met on the same fast food chain where we accidentally met with my friends few years ago. "What" I said coldly as I sat on the chair in front of you. "How are you, you become more blooming" "Just go straight to the point" "I'm sorry" "For what?" "Can we order first?" "I'm not hungry" "She was there, when I am sad nor happy. When I need a hand, she was always there" "Of course she is, you lived together just like what we did before the pandemic strikes" "When I am moving on and braking apart, she was the person I leaned on" "This is stupid, I should go", as I grab my bag and stand about to go when you stopped me. "You look good together. Congratulations" Then I removed your hand on my arm and go. Ever since college, why do I feel like we are in a novel or a series in the television that people are watching every afternoon.

After a week, a sad news came from all of you. Your fiancé died in the car accident. That breaks your whole world, I know. I didn't attend the funeral because I don't want to see the people crying. And I don't want to see you mourning for another girl.

The next day, I took a flight going back to Japan. I want to think for the next book I am writing but you keep playing on my mind boy like how are you since she died. Are you okay? Why would I think of you anyway, I don't care what will happen to you. I should have concentrate on my work and boys are last in the list. I am planning to live there for good and I am just going back to the country if I have a free or I want to see the family. Maybe this is already an enough reason to not to see you again, it is always be my plan to stay here. There are a lot of pilot in the whole world and maybe you will not going to be my pilot on my next flight.

I met this guy who I just bumped with when I am taking a detour looking so amaze on the pink cherry trees like a child. He is also have the same nationality as me, I never expected to meet a compatriot, and I was all alone all this time engaging with those Japanese people and I miss speaking the native language and also the dishes. We walked together at the center of those cherry trees and talking about our experiences in the country. I was easily relieved of him especially since our age gap did not go far. After that we often meet when we are free. I do not want to say that I am already falling for the guy but maybe that is the case. I even meet his friends who he came with in the country. When we are together, we are just like high school kids hanging out together. He rode all my trips that I wanted to experience in Japan that I had long dreamed of, such as cosplaying, haunted house, going to schools during cultural festivals and so on. I can easily lean on him and he was just a call away when I need him. I really thought that he was the one and we will going to live here and build a family. I thought that was the case, until one day he introduced another girl. He introduced her as his girlfriend. I fake a smile and congratulated the two. I thought that I already grown up yet I am still stupid when it comes to the things like this.

There is this another guy I met. I am not expecting him at all that time. I just look so stupid that I got lost. Ever since, I am not really good at directions. I am looking for a takoyaki restaurant for I am graving one when I just finished taking a walk. I just entered on a small alley and I already don't know how to get out of that when suddenly, a hand from behind hold my hand. At first I thought it is a bad guy. I tried to defend myself when he said that he just want to take my wallet back at me. I am too occupied for looking a way out that I didn't noticed that I already lost my wallet. And eventually he introduced himself and he already did a good deed so why he don't do it completely, I asked him for the nearest takoyaki restaurant. I found him cute and I was relieved with him like I already know him for a long time. He even treat me to a takoyaki and we exchanged numbers. I know that it is not so me to give my number to a stranger or the guy I just meet yet I feel like he is different from those guys I met before. And I know that this will not be our last meeting.

And I was not wrong, he called me first and we always meet after work or whenever we had a free time together. Going to the cinemas, eating in a restaurants, watching fireworks and telling stories about our lives. We even talk late at each other through phones even we just met a few hours ago. He is not in the same nationality as mine yet I found a comfort at him like he is my crush way back in high school, the man in eyeglasses. I even meet his friends and we hang out sometimes. I don't have difficulties catching up with them because I felt like I am a part of the group already. They taught me so much that I need to learn in the country or let me taste foods that I never have before.

We have a lot in common at that was the usual topic we talk about when we are meeting each other. He also treats me foods even it is the cheapest one, I still appreciate it. He even give me updates on his whereabouts. I feel like we are really an item. I thought, it is just me who expected that. it was like my whole world collapsed when he came to me one day saying that he had an emergency and need to go back home ASAP and he didn't know if he can go back depends on their situation. I said that we can still update each other through chats and texts.

We still talked to each other in calls at night and updating on how we are. We are like that for almost a month until I just woke up one day and I never received any message from him anymore. Our story just ended like that.

When I was at work, I received an email. I am invited to a class reunion, it was our class reunion in elementary. At first, I don't want to go, what memories would I replenish during that time, I didn't enjoy it at all. I don't want to see faces that I forget so long ago and that including yours. I decided, I won't go back just for that stupid reunion or whatsoever, as if I missed them anyway.

My feet is like nailed on the ground and I can't even breathe but my heart is beating so fast when I saw you standing in front of me at the middle of the cherry trees. You walked slowly towards me, I know that I already don't have any feeling from you but why I am feeling this way. I want to run, yes I want to run again but my feet won't allow me. I want to kick you and hurt you until you kneel in front of me and beg for forgiveness. I already went far away yet you are still there. "Why you didn't go to the reunion?" "You must be happy that you saw your childhood crush again. Is she more beautiful now? She must be still single, why won't you court her" Shaks, where did I get those words. Bad mouth, bad. "Yes, she's pretty as ever. She's even prettier than my ex-fiancé. I admit that I got stuck again to her beauty but I don't feel anything when I saw her again. Maybe because puppy loves don't last long" Puppy love, yeah I remember you were my biggest crush way back elementary days. If it doesn't last long then why do I still feel the same because of that puppy love. You were just part of my past and never be my future, please don't.

Yes time flies so fast hahaha and on my way for Christmas with my family again, I really want to see my nieces and nephews now, they are so cute. When your sister learned that I am here, she immediately invited me to go out with her and attend the church like always. She was like an older sister to me even I am five years older than her but people keep on mistaking us that she's older than me. I thought that you were not there and still at work yet it startled me when I saw you the one who is assigned to be the preacher. I have this wondering since college, why if others are preaching I can't understand what they are saying but if it is you, I remember every word you say.

I am already running late in the trip. I am not getting any younger any more. All of my friends got married and I attended every single wedding yet I feel like I am the only left single in the group. Of course, I don't want to die single and grow old alone. How I wish I can already met the one. It is been years also since your fiancé died and you also never got attached again. Oh my gosh, if this mean anything, please don't. Mainly you said that you still love me. Well hell no, I won't forgive you for attempting to marry that dead girl. I know it is my fault in the first place but I don't know why I am afraid to let him go when I am the first one who did.

Okay, fine I gave up. I gave up one more time. I gave up once again. I tried to forget you but forgetting is a hard thing to do. Ignoring you was just even worst. All these years, it is still you all along. Gosh, as much as possible I want anyone else but you. Why didn't I fall for real to your best friend or the guys at school. Why you of all people. Why I didn't fall for my workmates or to my neighbor or the Japanese people. All these years for Pete's sake it is still you. Did you gave me a potion when we were young that I cannot forget you? Grssshhh I really want to curse you and to bury you alive. All you do is to tease me and make me angry.

The guy with the same nationality I told you I met in Japan has just invited me for their wedding of his girlfriend. They held the wedding in the Japan with their relatives and friends. When I was to get married, I also wish to this place where I am stepping on the cherry leaves surrounding with those cherry trees walking on the aisle while listening on my favorite song and the motif is blue and the sun is setting. Whoever is the man waiting on the altar, I want to be like that. Whoever the man is, I know that we will never going to be apart for eternity.

Everyone else went to the reception after the wedding while I left alone in the garden feeling the moment cause maybe my dream wedding would never happen. I wish I could shower on pink cherry trees. I was having my moment when the music starts playing. Oh My Gosh, it is the "I wanna grow old with you" song. That song never failed to make me cry. When I turned you are there. I didn't expect you to be there. My eyes are teary and blurry so I am not very sure if it is you but I know that it is you. I still can't stop sobbing while wiping these tears as the song came to the chorus. People are starting to gather around us and I saw my friends and family smiling at me in the corner. You already planned for everything. You slowly kneeled in front of me and brought out a small box from your pocket. I know where this is coming. Then as I expected and everyone start shouting "Yieee" as you said the magic words. My brain was suddenly confused. And a lot is running through my mind along with the screams of the people, this is not the proposal I dreamed of and especially not from you. You are still there kneeling in front of me looking at my eyes waiting for my answer. Honestly, I don't know what I will answer. My mind is telling me to say no while my heart is in panic to say yes.

Instead of answering him, I ran away from the people. I know that you chased me. When I thought I was already far enough, you hold my arm that makes me stop from sobbing. "You don't like me?" you asked with worries written all over your eyes. I can't look into your eyes, I am facing down too shy to face you. "You still hate me?" "I want to kill you, ever since we were in college I want to kill you" "What should I do to decrease that hatred" "I want you out of my life. Never show your face in front of me again" You let go of my hand, one more time and started walking away. I am stupid, stupid once again and always stupid that I let you go. I sat hugging my knees and cried as much as I can.

"Are you an idiot? You are not going to find a person like that. I am telling you this since college. Why did you let him go!" said my friend who looks very angry at me and walking back and forth in front of me. I know what did I do, she don't need to say it in my face. She don't need to repeat my mistake over and over again. "Tell me huh, tell me why you didn't accept his marriage proposal" she said while sitting beside me. "I want to, I really want to say and shout yes. I want the world to know that this guy is mine. I really want to spend my life with him, hug him and lean on him" "Then why you didn't answer him" "Because I know that I am not good enough for him. My pride is killing me that he intended to marry that dead girl. I am not great as that girl. I am scared that he would regret it if I do. I am scared that he would leave me. I am scared cause I know that I will never be enough" "But you love him" "I do, I really do ever since we were kids. I already do" "Did you hear that?" I immediately turned to the door and I saw you there standing. So you have been listening to us all this time. My friend stand smiling to me saying that she should give us time while leaving. I tried to stop her because I am too embarrassed after you heard all of that.

"I thought that I really love her and that thought makes me think that I want to spend the rest of my life with her. Until now all those thoughts are wrong, I really don't love her. What I feel is not love but just an infatuation because she's always there. She's the one I always see when you leave so I thought that she really is the one. Yeah she's a great person, perfect for me. But the person I really love is way too great than her and much more perfect for me than any other woman in the world" "Are you just saying that to lighten my feelings?" "I am saying that because it is true. I will be the one who will decide if I am going to leave you, regret it or you are not good enough for me. And for me, as I decide I will never do that. I will never leave nor regret it because why would I do that if you already hold my life and I know that you are going to hit me if I do that hahaha" I hit his shoulder I little. "But seriously, you will always be enough for me. You don't have to change a thing to be on my level because I will lift you to reach me and I am willing to go down to reach you"