Why Do You Not Trust Me?

-Your POV-

The two weeks that followed went by quickly, both Y/N and Draco had been busy with other things.

Y/N needed to comfort Helena as Blaise dumped her, something she should have seen coming. Her friend was crying for days which broke Y/N's heart and she deeply regretted not warning her. Even if Helena didn't believe her, she still should have done it. She felt like a shitty friend.

She sat with Draco for dinner as usual but they spent little time together. He and his friends were working on a plan to get on Umbridge's good side and it seemed to be working. The more they backed her up, the more lenient she got.

Y/N still wasn't fond of joining and tried to stay out of it as much as possible which landed her a few dumb comments from Pansy. The girl was now stuck to Draco, they spent pretty much every afternoon together and Y/N would have lied if she said she wasn't jealous. And she hated being jealous.

If she helped with Umbridge, maybe she could stop whatever was between the two... But that seemed like double the dose of moral suicide.

Another teacher who liked playing favorites was Snape. He seemed to be warming up to Y/N, probably because he favored Draco over all other students and was under the impression that the two of them were dating.

During Potions class he now was a lot more helpful, giving Y/N advice and proper feedback. This seemed to rub certain Gryffindors the wrong way and Y/N knew that it wasn't fair but she needed all the help she could get to achieve her goal.

But even if Snape gave her all the attention in the world, it might still not have been enough. Last week Y/N had gone to the library to find the book Hermione had mentioned and when she saw the potion, she knew that the girl hadn't been exaggerating.

Listed were a total of 48 steps that would take a month to get through. And then another two weeks during which the potion had to rest. She would have to invest time almost daily, always in the middle of the night and for a moment Y/N had wondered if instead she should just accept the fact that her memory was gone and start over.

But in the end, she knew that it was not an option.

If she started now, she'd be done right before the Christmas holidays. Maybe she could go see her parents.

But in order to succeed, she would have to make use of the Eye of Knowledge. Which required her to ingest a poisonous plant. If that wasn't tempting…

There was just one tiny problem.

If she wanted to use the pocket watch and brew a super complicated potion, sooner or later she'd have no choice but to tell Draco. First of all, because it was currently in his possession and she couldn't just go up to him saying: "Hey, can I have this for a second?" He'd ask questions. And second of all, it's impossible to keep such a secret for so long. Draco had made it clear how important trust was to him, something he and Y/N saw eye to eye with. Keeping it from him would probably destroy any chance for them to get closer if he ended up finding out.

And so Y/N found herself sitting in Charms class on Monday, trying to figure out what to say. Helena, who had started sitting next to her again, noticed her thoughtful expression.

"What's up?" she whispered.

"Hm?"

"You look bothered."

Y/N was sure that she must have been looking bothered for days but Helena had been so busy with her heartbreak that she luckily never noticed. But that was over now.

"No, I'm just…I…"

"You're lovesick, right?"

Y/N felt how she started blushing and turned away. "No, I'm fine."

"You need to spend more time together or Pansy might snatch him right in front of your eyes."

Helena looked over to the two, Y/N did the same.

They were obviously enjoying each other's company.

"It's such beautiful weather outside," Helena whispered.

"Hm."

"Divination ends at 3."

"Hm."

Helena looked at her friend intensely. That's when Y/N finally understood.

*****

Divination had been extraordinarily slow today. They were given crystal balls but no matter how much she tried, all Y/N saw was gray smoke. Her mind was just not in the right place.

After the class had ended and everyone hurried to freedom, she held Draco back by grabbing his wrist. The blonde first looked at her hand and then up into her face. "Yes?"

"Can we talk?"

He seemed unsure. "I already made other plans. Is it important?"

She let go of him. "Oh…it's not. It's fine."

"You're lying."

'Dammit. How did he know?'

"It's not that urgent, we can talk-"

"Why are you such a wuss?" He rolled his eyes. "I can make time, I don't mind. Where should we go?"

Y/N raised an eyebrow at the insult but decided to not take it seriously. He was just teasing her.

"How about we go outside? The weather is really nice."

*****

They were walking alongside the lake, away from Hogwarts castle. It was quite warm for October but soon it would get colder. Fall was approaching.

"How is Quidditch going?"

"I think we are getting back on track. A few more weeks and we'll be ready for our first game."

Y/N nodded, not knowing what else to add.

They were starting to get closer to the forest, few trees were reaching the shore of the lake, offering cool shadows.

Y/N turned around but there were no other students nearby. They had gone quite far.

"So, what is on your mind?"

Draco stopped to pick up a small rock. He threw it into the lake.

The rock flew quite far before it disappeared with a plop.

Despite thinking about this conversation all day long, Y/N didn't know what to say and folded her arms.

"Y/N?" He turned to her. Draco looked slightly concerned. "What did you do?"

"Nothing! It's just…I haven't been completely honest with you."

"What do you mean?"

She looked at her feet, examining the black shoes she was wearing.

"There's something I haven't told you yet because I wasn't sure if I could trust you completely."

"What makes me untrustworthy?" He sounded offended.

"It's not that. It's not the things I know about you, it's the things I don't know. The thing is…you may have noticed that I don't talk a lot about my life."

"I have."

"Okay. It's because…" But Y/N couldn't finish the sentence. She was scared and the fear pushed tears into her eyes. She felt them rolling down her cheeks.

"Hey, wait…don't cry." Draco stepped closer. He seemed uncomfortable with the situation, not knowing what to do. But then he used his thumb to wipe the tears away. "Are you scared of me?"

Y/N wanted to say 'no' but it would have been a lie.

She looked up into his face and swallowed whatever was blocking her throat.

"I lost my memory."

He furrowed his eyebrows. "What do you mean?"

"I woke up a few months ago and couldn't remember anything. Only faint images. I was told that I had been attacked and needed to leave the country. That's why I'm here."

Draco took a moment to work through the information. He had not seen this coming.

"Who attacked you?"

Y/N looked away. Her eyes glided over the lake.

"I don't know. But I told Hermione. She said…it's possible that…it might have been a Death Eater. And they used Obliviate."

"And that is why you were scared to tell me."

"Yes. But maybe it wasn't a Death Eater."

"Right."

They stood in silence as both were going through their own thoughts. Y/N was nervously playing with her fingers.

"There's one more thing. When I woke up that morning, I noticed that I had written something on my arm."

"What?"

"Your name."

"My name?" Now he was completely confused. "Why?"

"I don't know. But you seem to be the only connection to my past. That's why I started talking to you, initially. I was hoping you might know me or that it would trigger a memory but…"

"Nothing happened."

"Yes."

She felt the tears crawling up again. Draco pulled her into a hug. It was warm and soft and she pressed her wet eyes into his chest. "I'm sorry."

"Stop apologizing."

She breathed in the familiar scent as she tried to get the crying under control.