Raid-Boss Wishomoppu (8)

Hey, you people that call themselves readers, lemme tell you some really good news: the main character of this story (Me) had died of a heart attack because the battle still had not started.

Sadly, since everyone was literally immortal here I came back to life─wishing to have stayed dead.

In other news, these 2 beings had done almost everything, but the one thing they should be doing. They simply talked awkwardly for what felt like an eternity. I could not be bothered to write a recap; it was more than enough that I had to live with that memory now...no reader should ever have to experience the sheer horror.

This story needed an earth-shattering fight to the death. So please, would you guys be as kind as to follow through with said endeavour?

Else, everyone reading this might find themselves a different sentient Mop to fight another gigantic nude dude. And you guys did not want to be replaced by someone new after coming this far, riiight?

I mean, the economy was kinda rough and you guys need the powerstones to pay your rent, so whattaya think... time for a duel?

Wait, was the phrase not protected by copyright? Look, guys, this was not about a certain card game involving monsters, this was supposed to be a real duel.... like 1vs1. A mop against a Beeg Psycho...

Please, don't sue me...

As if the overlords of intellectual property had heard my pleas, another really helpful message started to appear in front of my eyes.

[Loading the Turn-Based Battle system]

Yup, another system nobody asked for made its glorious debut. I could hardly wait to find out how it was going to make my current life a living hell. Judging by its 2 predecessors, one could only hope that it was not as bad...

Which apparently was as likely as this story getting comments from my readers. As if my fleshy vessel was not spending enough money on getting these paid actors to write a comment already.

What would be its very funny and totally creative bit? Every message written in a different language or in binary? Did I need to decode every message first? Or would it simply speak in rhyme?'

Nah, my thinking was too one-dimensional a system doing such stupid stuff would be way too simple. No, I had to change my perspective. What would be the most annoying thing to happen to me?

Yes, why did I not think about that before? The solution was really simply─the system would break copyright laws with everything it said.

Y'all thought I would be easy to trick huh? I do be stupid, but I do see patterns.

A rapping system and a sarcastic system... You see all rappers do is copy and sarcastic fellas always think they were in the right. Combine those two and boom, you get copyright. Leaving you with only one logical conclusion: the next system has to be all about that copyright infringement baby.

[System loaded. Entering modus "battle"]

[Monster |Awakend Wishmoppu| wants to battle]

[Monster |Awakend Wishmoppu| send out Awakened Wishmoppu]

Suddenly, the world had started to change and Wishmoppu was standing still doing an idle animation. Slowly spinning in circles; cuz that was what mops do. Certainly, it would never be able to fit inside a small ball or a pocket... meaning I could not be sued here.

This was uh, clearly just one big coincidence that the logo of "Poke...." was currently flying high in the clouds... it really was. I was clearly very sorry, that this story included material that I did not own. I need to apologize for this serious blunder, but only because people found out about it.

[Trainer Author sends Beeg Psycho to battle. You got this Beeg Psycho]

" Beeg Psycho, Beeg Psycho," said the Beeg Psycho as if he suddenly had lost the ability to speak for himself.

Okay, let's think about this rationally and use an attack move, which just so happens to be part of the designed gameplay experience.

"Beeg Psycho use Strong Punch"

[Your monster does not know this attack, please choose another option.]

"Beeg Psycho use Karate Chopping Blow"

[Your monster does not know this copyright-violating attack, please choose another option.]

Uhh, yeah... What type of ahem creature was the guy even? The dude was many things, certainly not normal though. He must be the Fighting Psycho type. So what moves could such a dual-type have?

The Turn-Based Battle system, what a creative name, was ever so helpful and revealed nothing to me. Did it seriously expect me to just know whatever the fused clone of mine was capable of?

Figuring out the copyright thingy was the highlight of my very life; it was not something I could simply replicate because I wanted to.

I could not simply say something as vague as " Beeg psycho use your head" and expect something to happen.

[Beeg Psycho used headbutt]

My dude ran as far as his legs could carry him and jumped high in the sky to ram his head into the golden mop's body. The impact caused the ground to tremble and crack open further as the gigantic figure of Wishmoppu was pressed into the soil.

This had to be a crushing blow to the opponent's health bar.

[The attack was not very effective.]

So much so for the visual effects... they should never be trusted. But come on, the guy is the fusion of nearly every clone there was, how could the attack deal so little damage? The enemy is a demon trapped in a mop, a tool to clean puke with.... that thing should have exploded upon contact.

Instead of being tickled by the mild inconvenience that was this headbutt.

The next turn would be an unremarkable attack by a gigantic entity hellbent on purging all in existence─you know, your usual big-bad guy. Something that will totally not live up to the epic battle speech from before.

[The Awakened Wishmoppu uses Super-Beam]

The symbols on its body began to glow ominously and flickered faster and faster as if they were preparing to unleash a devasting attack. All the surrounding air was gathered and absorbed by the mop.

Its size expanded over and over again due to the sheer amount of energy currently stored in itself. After reaching the absolute limit, a piercing screech echoed through the vicinity, as if the Gates of Hell had just opened.

All the collected power was unleashed in one fell swoop, causing a beam, several hundred meters high, to tear through the air... and to instantly vaporize the poor Beeg Psycho that simply stood still as the attack landed.

[Critical Hit. Beeg Psycho has fainted]

[Do you want to revive it with a powerstone? Current balance 39]

"Yes, I want to"... damn it, it's pay-to-win.

.... Guys, I do really need some powerstones... could I get some pretty, please?