chapter nine

I wasn't looking forward to working, all that wasn't really something for me, my whole life until she came into my life was centered around writing, nothing made me happier than knowing that one day the world would be able to read and enjoy my stories, up until I was sixteen I dedicated my entire life to a novel that I was yet to give a title.

That visit put my writing to a stop, I didn't have it in me anymore to sit down and write, whilst I was fearing for my life, the combination just... didn't match, though there were times I wished to continue where I had left off with my novel, knowing the outcome of even one successful thing happening in my life, always kept me away from my typewriter.

My typewriter, a gift I received from mom and dad before their death, my family had come to notice my love for writing around when I was nine, and for my birthday they all put some money into buying a typewriter for me, though it wasn't exactly the best and may have been outdated, it brought me joy and as time passed it brought me good memories.

All I wanted to do was live a normal life that allowed me the chance to follow after my dreams like Michael, a life filled with nothing but laughter and welfare, a life that wasn't constantly polluted by nightmares hallucinations, and sudden panic attacks, it was too much to bare, too much to get used.

A life that pushed me forward instead of dragging me down into my demise for the sole purpose of getting something that didn't belong to it, a body that was already occupied by a soul with simple expectations for the future, a soul longing to live well and die at a fair old age.

Or was it all just too much to ask for? Was I asking for too much by wanting a good life that was free of her torture? Free of the constant scare?

was I being selfish by asking to live longer maybe not for myself but for my brother? or henry?

I didn't want to think I was, anyone would want that, everyone I knew up until this very point always said the same thing whenever the future was brought, everyone wanted something simple and nice, a life that came with memories mistakes, and love.

mistakes that didn't bring you to such a low that suicide was considered the better option than living in it, I wanted that, I desired that life so badly that it became pitiful, tragic, and shameful how much I want that life, and all I would do just to get it, just to hold it in the palm of my hands, embrace it, love it, never forget to be grateful for it.

gosh how badly I wanted to be like that girl I saw in my dream, she looked happy and peaceful, she never lacked a smile on her face whenever I saw her, she never lacked the demeanor of a happy person, never, she was always glad, no doubt wherever she went she brought happiness, peacefulness even.

who was she and why did she haunt me with nothing but good, why was she always happy? was this HER way of mucking me? showing me the life I can never live, the life I can never hold, never touch, never grasp in my embrace, was this her way of telling me that she would never leave me unless I give her what she wanted?

was there really no way to get her out of my life? was I truly stuck like this unless I give her my body?

then what would be of me? what would I do after death, moreover where would I go after death?

hell or heaven?

I never believed in it but her existence in my life over time changed many things.

the time I considered suicide was the time I started to think about it, it was never something I ever dwelled on not even when my grandmother died, I was never curious about where she went all I knew was that she was gone, and would never come back.

my mother never stopped to let me know that she was in a better place, I guess it was her way of making me less sad about it and I was grateful for that but I never really cared about where people would go after death until it came to me.

until I realized that the only way out was to simply give up the ghost, and let her take my body.

in that realization I wondered where I would go after my death, would I become her and haunt someone until they give up their body for me or would I go to a 'good place' as my mother said?

or would I be punished for taking my own life when my time wasn't due? what would become of me if I died?

the question never left my mind, it never ceased to bother me whenever I thought of giving up, I was afraid that after all my suffering I would then go face more because I didn't fight enough, because I didn't try hard enough.

what if it was all true and indeed I wouldn't meet something good after committing suicide? what if all I read on the Internet was true?

maybe it was, maybe it wasn't, I didn't want to believe it but I also didn't want to risk it, perhaps it was a sign that I should keep fighting, to keep going, and to stay strong.

I wouldn't let her break me that easily.

______

"Have you worked before?" I stared at henry for what seemed like an hour, a bit surprised he didn't know my work history, "no, are you sure you're my friend?" he chuckled as he adjusted his glasses leaning back on his chair hands held behind his neck.

"what do you wanna do? what's your dream job?, apart from writing what's a substitute?" nothing, there was never a second choice or even a backup plan just in case writing failed for me, I knew I could make it with my stories, if I wasn't confident in anything, I definitely was with writing, I knew that the novel I was working on would be dynamic once finished, I just didn't get the time to do so as said.

if only I had just stopped procrastinating on it, I'm sure it would be done by now. I sighed into my hands, regretting my choices all too much to give him a clear answer.

"don't beat yourself up" he continued, "I'm sure there's something" I shook my head removing my hands away from my face and placing them on my thighs, "there really isn't hen" he turned his chair to face me.

"how about this, I'm gonna talk to my mother and see if-

"no no stop right there, I don't know how to do all that business stuff henry," his mother was a businesswoman, CEO of wardrobes they called her, it was a family business her great-grandfather passed it down to her grandmother and her grandmother passed it down to her now deceased mother, though she wanted to be a doctor, she also didn't want the family business to be given to a stranger or her cousins, for reasons she wasn't interested in sharing.

the cousin part I mean.

so she gave up her dreams and took over after her mother's death.

henry only rolled his eyes at me, "it's not big work Leah, her assistant quit a few days ago, the spot is still open and all you have to do is follow her around and let her know when she's gonna have a meeting, etc" it wasn't a bad offer, not even in the slightest.

it was perfect for me, considering my inexperience the job would be a great start for me, but...would his mother hire someone who hasn't stepped foot in an office building before?

"I have never been an assistant before," I said more to myself than henry placing my chin on the back of my hand as my elbow rested on my thigh, now that there was a possible job for me, my worries were now directed towards the big question, 'would I be hired?' I wanted to think positively, yet I had to face reality and the reality was that the answer to that question was ninety-nine percent 'No'.

"I know, but my mom takes in beginners too" he turned his chair to its original position before opening his laptop, "there's also a three-month trainee program" he typed something in before continuing, "you can go for that"

"and this is going to earn me a job as...?"

"anything you want" he answered turning to face me again, "you enter to either be a wardrobe designer a logo creator, or a slogan maker, etc" I nodded, that was good, it was a great way to both learn and gain a job right after, "and I would get the job right after?" I didn't want to fully depend on something that was more of a test run than a secure thing.

"well...if you're good enough you will earn yourself a job, it's not always what you applied for but it's still a job" I furrowed my brows, "Henry I mean, can I depend on it are you certain I will get the job, what I want or not?" he sighed heavily as he leaned back on the chair, pondering.

"I don't know, usually people who can do these things are the ones who apply." he continued, "but don't worry the assistant job is open, it's preferable than the latter "

I didn't respond, I didn't need to, my chances were never existent, to begin with, the only job I could afford to get was part-time, the big ones were for college graduates, people with experience, and someone who had a goal.

my goals were long gone, I was just looking for a job to be safe, nothing more.

I wrapped my arms around each other sucking in some air and breathing out once my gaze fell on the floor in front of me, the floor that had soon turned into heated rocks.

a strong wind pushed me off of my chair causing me to fall on my knees and hands, my breaths became heavy by the passing minute and the strange place got hotter and hotter.

a child's cry echoed through the place pulling me out of my thoughts, what could a baby be doing here? I thought.

I stood up and looked around in search of the child not paying any mind to the fire that burned afar off.

"oh Leah" her cracked voice Whispered behind me making me turn around only to be faced with a monster, the baby I didn't see at first now laid flat on the burning ground still crying and too close to the creature.

it was dark red all over, the creature's knees bend backward unlike an average human, and it had horns on top of its head, its legs were skinny whereas its chest and arms were bulky in an unnatural way, in fact, it wasn't fitting for the title creature, that... was a demon.

I stepped back as he made his way towards me Nostrils flared fire coming out of them with every breath he exhaled, and soon I found out he wasn't coming towards me, he may have been staring directly at me as he walked but the baby was his victim, perhaps I would be his next.

before I knew it he had the child in his arms cradling it softly with a disturbing smile plastered on his face, and after what felt like an hour he lifted the baby towards his lips.

I froze.

He tore into the child as if he hadn't eaten in years, it terrified me, the sight was horrifying but my feet wouldn't move, my body was frozen on the spot no movement coming even from my eyes everywhere was stuck in place facing him, facing the demon that was crouched down feasting on a baby.

Before I knew it the child had only become small pieces of flesh and blood on the ground, he stared down at what he had done breathing heavily with his Nostrils flared, his chest heaved up and down with each breath that he took, and slowly he stood from the position he was in.

As if I wasn't already frozen, my body became a statue once his black bottomless eyes met mine, his eyes carried hunger anger, and violence, I couldn't be more scared than I already was, I couldn't tremble anymore than I had already, my body had reached its limit.

And even under all that pressure nothing in me attempted to move, my eyes stayed unmoved my feet were stuck on the ground and the monster that was now targeting me wasted no time and launched at me his eyes turning red for the brief moment that I could see them.

His claws dug into my neck and for once I was happy to lose consciousness.

I sucked in all the air I could as I woke up abruptly from the nightmare that trapped me, my heart was beating against my chest hard sending pain to my head and somehow pushing me down on the bed, my hand held on tight to the fabric of my shirt hoping that action alone would calm my heart down, even knowing that it wouldn't.

I groaned as I rolled over to my side the grip I had on the shirt becoming tighter with each passing moment, my heartbeat only slowed slightly to what seemed like its normal pace.

how I ended up on my bed was beyond me, I didn't remember leaving Henry's house, and I almost didn't even remember the conversation we had, had I fainted or was it all a long dream?

I didn't want to believe that, I didn't want to think she managed to mess with me that much to the point that she would even makeup scenarios, scenarios that were setting me up for failure, it couldn't be that she had that much of an influence on me, it just wasn't possible.

I remember getting ready to leave, I remember tying my hair in a bun and wearing my usual hoodie and sweatpants, I remember all of it there was no way that was all a nightmare or even a hallucination, no, she didn't have that much power.

I hastily grabbed my phone from my nightstand immediately calling henry to make sure what I was thinking was indeed right.

ring....ring....ri- "hello?"

I sat up in my bed, "Henry henry, w-we....did we see each other today? I mean-

"Leah, are you okay? oh my goodness, you just fainted right in the middle of our conversation, I was so worried, having you been skipping your meals again, gosh Leah how many times do Michel and I have to tell you about this..."

I smiled lightly leaning back on the headboard as I listened to his ranting, I could finally relax, my life may have been a nightmare all together but at least I could still live it knowing that it was real.

"Leah are you okay?" he settled with that, "yeah, I'm fine hen, I'm just stressed" I reassured sighing a little in-between, "I hope you aren't lying Leah."

"I'm not" I lied.