Remorse

The train has arrived at the station. The newcomer was engrossed in the story but he had to return to his address. Meanwhile, Rafi had lost people to tell his story. He doesn't know if he will ever end up telling someone else his life story. He would spend his days in solitary solitude, sitting or lying in a corner somewhere in the railway station. He plans to take some rest as he sleeps with his tired body. But his body wanted something else. When Rafi is intoxicated, all his old memories come back. Currently, addiction is the only means of survival in his life. Rafi kept himself away from all kinds of intoxicants but while living in the dark world of addiction, as a punishment for his life's deeds, he took to addiction like everyone else. Addiction became the only resort of his life.

Rafi's eyes are not getting sleep. Rafi is disoriented not finding anyone here to talk to. From inside a putty in his pocket, he inserted something into his nose and continued to inhale. After some time it is lost in another world. Losing the will to live, Rafi is looking for death every day. But before he die, he want someone. He wants to know where Alisha is ? How is his love? who believed him. Believed more than life. Rafi is still looking for that love left behind in different places. Hoping if anyone can give her address. Rafi had a lot to say to Alisha. Saying the words, he wants to take his last breath.

The next day Rafi woke up at 11 pm. Woke up and started acting crazy. Running from side to side. The hungry body is weakened. Death is calling him but he doesn't want to die without meeting Alisha. Where can he find Alisha? Rafi shouts to the surrounding people, "Listen to my words. Someone remember my words. My indecisiveness, my eccentricity, my disobedience, my greed, have put me on the road today. Everyone including Simi, Kona, Alisha, Laura was the painful joy of my life. I want to tell them my words. Those who have been abused, tortured, raped by me, I want to die asking for forgiveness from them. Listen to my words.

Rafi realized by his screams that his voice would not reach very far in the weak body. Still he continues to try hard. A passerby's mind weakens after seeing Rafi's state of confusion. He brings some food to him to offer his condolences. But weakened by intense thirst, his physical condition further deteriorated. The pedestrian tried to heal him. A couple of hours after the food and water entered Rafi's body, Rafi opened his eyes and saw the pedestrian. The passerby was asking Rafi "What happened to you?"

Laura and I hurt a lot of people. I have ruined many families, many lives. I forgot everything because of money addiction. I didn't know Mr. Bully and Laura were working together, as members of a criminal gang. I did not even know that the work I had run away from was a member of them. Both Laura and Mr. Bully were active members of the group. By the time I found out, I had committed many crimes.

I vowed revenge. And so I did, I took revenge. In revenge, Laura was raped by me every night. At first, with the help of scopolamine, my enjoyment of this pleasure continued. Laura enjoyed a drunken state of bliss, but the incident would later be erased from her memory. I used that opportunity to indulge in sinful activities for a long time. Sometimes, due to the high levels of scopolamine, she would sleep for two or three days straight. And on that occasion I chose her as the only safe haven of my lust. In Laura's womb by constant association, the blood of my own sin grew. Taking revenge on the weak like a coward, another life is born. I ran away from here too but this running away caused me more pain. I could not find peace anywhere. Finally again I push myself towards destruction by wrong decision. I became addicted to toxic drugs. The embryo created in Laura's womb transforms into a human body. She gave birth to a blind daughter. An innocent life is cursed today because of me.

Out of that sadness and hatred, I became more and more addicted to heroin. Once heroin enters the brain, it is converted to morphine and quickly binds to opioid receptors. So I felt a pleasant sensation. I felt drowsy for hours. Mental function was clouded. Once heart function slows down and breathing also slows down drastically. I felt like I died half an hour ago. After death I am sitting on the bathroom commode. I have no body! My body is lying on the bathroom floor. No one came to the bathroom. Actually could see the body. I thought death would be something very terrible. Death was really nothing. Like slowly falling asleep. At one point the entire body became numb. Then suddenly I woke up. I found myself out of my body. I tried a lot to enter the body but it is not going to enter. That means I can get out of here if I want. Because I am like the wind now.

Intoxication played incessantly in my blood. I get lost in that addiction at different times in different places. The addiction built up within me manifested itself in various ways. Where I am a person, taking substances that are initially pleasurable but eventually become compulsive for me to use these substances. This addictive disorder usually affects almost every aspect of life, including my career, my relationships, and my health. I don't realize that I am having serious problems. The scale of this problem and its implications continue to grow in complexity.

I don't know what happened to Simi, Alisha or Laura. Maybe they are looking for me, I need to meet them. Or maybe they, like me, are thinking about my end as I think about their end. Am I still alive today or is the last identity of their children erased. I am looking for them, to get rid of my sins. My day is over. Death is very close to me.

After running away from Laura, I became disoriented. Where should I go, what should I eat, the thought started spinning in my head. I earned a lot of money but spent most of it unnecessarily on a very high luxury lifestyle. Also, being used to overpriced drugs, I needed a lot of drugs every day. So I decided to stay at my aunt's house to keep myself safe for a few days and till I got a new job. My relationship with my cousin Shom was very good and deep. Also, my understanding with him in all aspects is very good. At one time we did many things together. I was the witness of all his misdeeds. He also spent a lot of time with his friends. A close relative in the drug world is my cousin. So my aunt's house felt like a very safe place for me.

It was 11:30 pm when I reached my aunt's house. After reaching home, my aunt gave me food. After the meal, I met everyone. I came to my aunt's house after a long time. So everything around seemed unfamiliar. I didn't feel the need to go out of the house for that. Also, I took a small amount of drugs. So that my body does not need drugs for that night.

I have not met Shom. Because he hasn't returned home yet. He was always comfortable hanging out with his friends. I finished my meal and was busy talking with my aunt. It was around 12.30 p.m. shom came home. The previous impression in his eyes and face. In the body of a rising teenager, every day there were some signs of improvement but there was only deterioration in him. A man more sickly and dry and full of depression than before. He came in front of me and asked in a tired tone "How are you?" Before I could answer her words my aunt i.e. Shom's mother was speaking.

Aunty - All her friends went to drug addiction treatment center. Now all that is left is for him to go. There is no misdeed he has not committed. What else can I tell you, no money can be kept anywhere inside the house. All my ornaments are sold. I don't know what they eat by selling them. And one day if he don't have money, his body will bite and bleed. He lied to me. There are various reasons for lying. The first reason is that friends often lie to keep themselves safe, hiding where the money went and when, what it was being used for. Their behavior can also be said to be a great hobby of lying to everyone. Shom has another habit. That is manipulation. He will always say and do something to provoke us. He also manipulates us. His tactics of denial as part of his manipulation are unparalleled. He throws us into such confusion and manipulation that I am forced to believe what he is saying. Repeatedly this behavior continues with us and this is going on for months, there is no change in this behavior. There is crime. He also commits heinous acts like theft, his father's wallet, relatives' wallets are not excluded. Forged his father's prescription a few days ago. And in the prescription he wrote a medicine that caused his father to die. Not only this but many more qualities are present in Shom. Your uncle are a restless person, so I started working on the third floor of the house. There were all the building materials like rods, pipes, wood, paint etc. One night Shom along with some of his friends stole all my things. Then when they sold them, fights and quarrels started between them about the sharing of the money. Finally I came to know about that incident. The incident does not end here. They were treated in the hospital for seven days after friends fought. I am very upset with Shom. Talked to Obhi's mother, now Shom needs to be admitted to a rehab center. Do you eat these or not? Keep yourself away from this bad habit.

I realized that there is no point in talking here. I listen to him. I thought it would be better to go somewhere else for now. Also, it looks bad to leave mid-speech before you finish speaking. So I asked aunty, what happened to Obhi ?

Aunty - Obhi was sent to a drug addiction treatment center for the second time, her physical condition was not going well. He used to sing in different clubs. As a singer, he used to spend the whole day on cocaine and heroin with the money he used to earn from the club. Shom and many others were with him. Now he is admitted in a drug addiction treatment center. Two other members of his family are in the same situation. His elder sister and Obhi's cousin.

I was thinking of getting away from aunty without making the story long. At one point I said,

Aunty I go to Shom's room. He needs to be talked to.

Meanwhile Shom was very happy to see me. He was asking me for some money because the intensity of the need for addiction in his body was very strong. I had already observed his condition. The first time I visited his house I was not addicted to drugs. I could not be fed addictive substances by force or by greed of money. And now the situation is completely opposite. Shom doesn't know about my addiction till now. However, I was thinking that Shom and I would sit together and get drunk. He decided to take me out of the house late at night. I was already prepared. After walking for ten minutes, we reached a brothel. There was a tea shop next door. We sat and drank tea together in the shop. I could understand that he could not concentrate on anything. He was telling me

Shom - You sit here for a while, I am coming. Not for long, just five minutes.

I was silent without saying anything else. I was wondering if I should tell him about my addiction. Then I said ok you go.

Even after two hours passed, he did not return. Of course I got bored and left there. Although he had already taken the drug money from me. I realized that Shom is no longer a normal person. Due to extreme addiction he forgets everything. If there is some money in hand, nothing else is understood than using only addictive substances. He now does not take drugs with any friends or together. Alone as much as possible. According to him, he injects heroin or cocaine into his body four times a day and puss. I realized he really needed to go to a drug addiction treatment center. As a drug addict myself, I am amazed at the level of his drug intake. Although his drug habit is terrible. There is no place on his body where he has not pussed a needle of heroin or cocaine. And there are numerous needle puncture marks on both hands. Seeing him I am afraid of myself but there is nothing I can do, my body is used to drugs. My past continued to haunt me, which forced me to take drugs. But drugs never bring any sorrow, pain or peace of mind. This belief harms people extremely.