Find a Way

When I think about the fact that Alden gave me a literal box of chocolates like in the movies for no apparent reason, my heart spins in circles and I almost feel sick to my stomach, but somehow, in a good way. It doesn't make sense to me either.

Julian pushes an apple towards me. "I hate apples."

I scoff and bite into the crisp, green fruit. "You love apples," I say.

"I hate green ones. They're too sour."

I roll my eyes. "Such a lie."

"Was there a note with those chocolates?" Julian asks even though I already said no.

I shake my head and shoot him an are-you-really-going-to-push-my-buttons face. "No, it was just a sweet gesture. Boyfriends and girlfriends do random sweet gestures." I shrug and take a bite of my ravioli.

Alden comes from around the back of me and squeezes my shoulder. Butterflies are an understatement. There are freaking helicopters in my stomach. "Hey," he says softly.

I turn to him. "Thank you for the treat last night!" It kind of makes me want to throw up when I hear how giddy my voice is, but I'm talking to my boyfriend, so why should I care? "It was very sweet of you."

Julian nods. "Let me know when I can borrow you as a boyfriend," he says, grinning. "I didn't realize you came with bonuses."

Alden laughs. "You're welcome," he says, taking my hand under the table. Julian grins at the two of us and is lost for words when Alden asks him how he is doing.

After the bell rings, Julian goes to his theatre class, and Alden and I are left alone. Our hands aren't threaded together, but they brush each other every now and then. I wish Alden and I had classes together. The last time I had a class with him was freshman year and he didn't even know I existed then.

I wave goodbye to him as he goes to math class and something inside me makes my heart feel like it's flying around my rib cage, like a bird that's been set free. I can't believe he even knows I exist now.

* * *

"Where are you going for Thanksgiving?" I ask as I take a chip from the loud, crinkly bag and dunk it into the special dill dip sauce Matty makes when he's bored.

Julian takes a plain chip and pops it into his mouth. Julian is the opposite of an adventurous eater. He doesn't even like chips and salsa. He shrugs. "I haven't talked to my Dad about it."

Julian's parents split last year, and I remember the look on his face when he told me the news like he told me yesterday. He was torn. He didn't come to school for two weeks and he wasn't the same for months. His mom moved to San Francisco and started dating some businessman, and Julian didn't hear from her for months. It was enough that his dad just came home and went to his room. To never hear from his mom was like torture. I couldn't imagine feeling so neglected.

Anyway, the point is that this is the first Thanksgiving Julian will have without one parent. All I knew was that it wasn't as easy as our family handled it. We never thought twice about having Thanksgiving with Dad. It was an immediate no-go. But Julian didn't know which parent he'd rather spend a Thanksgiving meal with.

"You should," I say, shrugging.

After a moment, Julian opens his mouth. "Have you thought of spending the break with your dad?" he asks abruptly.

This catches me off guard and I forget to chew my chip, which slowly scrapes its way down my esophagus. "No," I scoff.

Julian shrugs. "You should."

I pause before letting out a laugh. "What are you talking about?"

Julian makes a face. "I mean, you haven't seen him in years. It might be nice to see him."

"Nice?" Has Julian met me? I try to avoid conversations about my dad, because when they do come up, I can't stop talking about how much I wish I never knew anything about him. Nothing about his wife, his kids, his house, anything. Part of me just wishes I never met him.

Julian sighs. "I think I'm spending Thanksgiving with my mom."

I nod. "That's great." And I mean it. It's good that Julian wants to see his mom after the divorce and everything. I'm happy for him. "But my family's situation is different."

Julian frowns. "How?"

I shrug. "My dad cheated. Your parents' relationship just… wasn't working out." I felt like kind of a jerk. I shouldn't be saying 'just' about Julian's parents' divorce. "And I'm not trying to put down your parents' divorce in any way, I'm just saying that since my dad cheated, I don't want to see him because I felt betrayed. Your mom didn't do anything wrong."

Julian hesitates. "I guess." He pauses and looks at me. "Sorry. I guess I just wish that you had a good connection with your dad."

I blink. "What?"

Julian shrugs. "It just makes me a little sad that you don't ever want to see your dad again."

I smile. "'Ever' is a stretch."

Julian raises his eyebrows. "So you want to see him again?"

I stuff my mouth with chips and salsa.

* * *

Thanksgiving break rolls around and I realize that it's been nearly two weeks since Alden and I were official. Alden reminds me of that as he and Julian are talking in the school field. "Two week anniversary!" Julian shouts nonchalantly.

Alden smiles, which in turn makes me beam. It's funny how contagious his mood is. It's like his smile tells me a joke and I can't help but burst out laughing.

Alden comes around behind me and wraps his arms around my waist. My heart leaps and I feel goosebumps popping up everywhere on my skin. I think there are even goosebumps on my face. I rest my hands on his, which are in the middle of my stomach, and he lays his head on my shoulder.

Alden is traveling halfway across the country to Indiana where his cousins and grandparents live for Thanksgiving. I mean, it's not like I would spend any time with him during the break anyway (Mom is extremely strict about the holiday being 'a family weekend'), but just knowing that he's going to be seven states away from me sends a cool rush through my body.

"You'll only be gone for four days. You'll be back by Sunday," I say out loud, but it's mostly to myself.

Alden nods gently on my shoulder. "I know," he says, squeezing my body slightly tighter, "but I'll have to wait until Sunday." I smile, and I can feel his on me.

Julian snickers a couple of feet away. "You couples and your dramatics," he says mockingly, shaking his head and clicking his tongue.

I roll my eyes. "One day, when you have a girlfriend, you'll understand how hard Thanksgiving break will be."

"Even just Labor Day," Alden jokes.

Julian shakes his head and stares at the two of us. "Okay, I can't look at this anymore. I'm getting ice cream." He starts walking in the direction of his car. Alden tears himself off of me, but grips my hand, leading me to Julian.

After we stop at the little local ice cream shop (called Scoops for Groups, if you had to know), Julian drops Alden and me off at the park. He rolls down the window and hollers from the driver's seat. "I would stick around, but my aunt booked piano lessons for me." Julian rolls his eyes.

"Piano?" I ask. "You have never done piano."

Julian gives me a look that says I-know-that-is-the-whole-point-of-this-conversation and sighs. "Aunt Sylvia said it's 'better late than never.'" He shrugs and waves goodbye.

Alden and I link our hands together and walk through the almost-brown-but-not-quite grass and wander through the crowds of families, dogs, and children who run and walk through the park.

We sit at a wooden bench with blue armrests and Alden rests his palm on my knee. "I'm gonna miss you."

Okay, I've never dreamed of being the kind of girlfriend who cries over saying goodbye to her boyfriend at the end of the night, but honest to goodness, I feel it so hard now that I'm in the relationship. "Me too."

"I leave tomorrow," Alden says, like he needs to clarify it to himself.

I nod. "And I stay home."

"I think it's kind of sad that you don't go to your grandparent's or something for Thanksgiving," Alden says, staring at a squirrel, making its way up a tree.

"Really?" Spending Thanksgiving at Abuela's was never a thing that crossed my mind. I never thought about or knew that was a thing really until I met Julian.

Alden shrugs. "I mean, yeah, it's a little sad that you only have Thanksgiving dinner with your mom and your brother."

I nuzzle my head on his shoulder. "It's all I've ever really had."

"What about your dad?"

I shrug. "I mean, obviously he was there for Thanksgiving before he left, but it didn't change much."

Alden pecks my head lightly and I feel a jolt of electricity zip through my body.

* * *

Matty swarms me when I get home, bombarding me with questions.

"Were you with Alden?" he asks.

I nod hesitantly, slipping off my shoes at the door.

"Where did you go?"

I'm honestly surprised that Matty is so excited. I almost had a feeling that he would be jealous since he and Isa broke up so recently (granted, it was about a month ago, but I can tell it's still bothering him big time). But it's pretty relieving to feel so much support from him. Support from Julian is one thing. It's expected. I mean, he's my best friend, why wouldn't he be supportive? But from Matty? I feel like normally he'd shrug his shoulders and forget about it in five minutes.

"We got ice cream with Julian," I say.

Matty's face falls. "Julian?"

I nod. "We're best friends. I can still hang with my best boy friend and my boyfriend."

Matty's lips tug up at the corners. "Do Julian and Alden get along?" he asks sort of cautiously.

I shrug. "It seems like it." I brush past him into the kitchen and grab the bag of pretzels from the snack cabinet (which is just filled with healthy snacks, because Mom is a healthy freak). I stuff my hand into the bag and pull out a handful of pretzels, emptying them into a small ceramic bowl.

Matty follows me and sits on a barstool at the counter. "That's good. None of my friends ever liked Isabela."

My heart twists uncomfortably. I know that whenever Matty says Isa's full name, it means he's either happy he's thinking about her or sad he's thinking about her.

And I highly doubt that he's happy thinking about her right now.

"Well, after ice cream, Julian dropped Alden and I off at the park."

Matty beams. Like, I literally think a ray of sunshine is glaring at me from across the counter. "What did you do?"

I also never realized that Matty is such a romantic. I should have him watch rom-coms with me more often.

"We just walked and talked," I say, taking a small nibble of a pretzel stick. "Then we sat on a bench and talked some more."

Matty smiles admiringly at me. It's sort of odd.

I look down at my feet and eat the rest of my pretzel. "And he kissed me."

Matty slams his hands down on the countertop. "What?"

I make a face and shrug. "I mean, on the head."

Matty shakes his head. "Still! Clegg made a move!"

I scrunch up my nose and furrow my eyebrows. I snicker a little. "Don't call him that."

Matty smiles. "Look at you, your first little boyfriend," he starts, but I cut him off.

"Nope. I'll already have Mom saying all that stuff when I tell her." My voice trails off. I know that's not true. When (and if) I tell Mom, she'll be through the roof. And not in a good way. I don't know if she'd punish me or what, but she's known for being very passive-aggressive and doesn't like when she doesn't get her way. She probably won't even approve of Alden and make me break up with him or something…

I push the thought to the back of my head and try not to think about it. I smile, but Matty knows what I'm thinking. It took him a year to tell Mom about Isa. Luckily, she knew Isa already and liked her. They met at some religious service project and, since they met at a religious service project, Mom figured she was a good kid.

I clear my throat. "So, a thought crossed my mind," I say ominously.

Matty raises his eyebrows. "Yeah?"

I nod, but I wonder if I should tell Matty about Thanksgiving. Okay, to be completely and totally honest, since Julian talked about spending the holiday with my dad, yes, I have been considering it. And after today, when Alden said it was sad, it made me consider it even more (because it's Alden). Only, for some reason, I feel like Matty might get upset if I bring it up. But I guess I already brought it up, so there's no turning back now.

"So I've been thinking about Dad."

Matty stays silent and the silence is numbing. "Yeah?" he repeats, staring at some random spot in the kitchen just to avoid my eyes.

After I don't say anything, he takes a breath. "What having you been thinking about Dad for?"

I shrug. "Well, you know, Thanksgiving is coming up, and—"

Matty shakes his head, and I know this conversation is over. "Mom would be alone. Blanca, can you really even consider that? I mean, it's enough that Dad is a total jerk, but to even think about leaving Mom alone for Thanksgiving?"

I nod violently, not sure what to respond with. "I know, I know, it's just—"

Matty slapped his palms on the counter and looked at me with hard eyes. He takes a few deep breaths and hangs his head low. "Look, I'm sorry for blowing up," he says, avoiding my eye contact. "I just— I can't go see Dad. Go if you want, but I'm staying with Mom. I just can't see him now."

I nod and retreat to my room quicker than I ever have before. I shut the door softly and sink to the floor. I bury my face in my hands and try not to cry. I hate fighting with Matty. It might be normal for siblings to fight, and it's not like Matty and I didn't fight, but I've always hated it. It made me feel guilty and like I needed to apologize to Matty, even if I did nothing wrong.

My phone rings suddenly and I jump up to get it from my bedside table. I put it to my ear without even checking to see who is calling. "Hello?"

I can hear the smile in Alden's voice. "I'm in Las Vegas," he says kind of solemnly.

I smile. "You didn't have to call." I glance at my alarm clock across the room. "What time is it over there?"

"I'm in the future," Alden says from the other side of the phone. "It's almost nine."

"Tell me about it," I say. "What'll I eat for breakfast?"

Alden chuckles. "You won't know for another ten hours. It'll be seven a.m. over here and four a.m. in sunny California."

I smile. "You'll let me know?"

"I've gotta let you sleep, don't I? It's the break, after all."

I laugh.

"What kind of boyfriend would I be if I woke you up at four in the morning?" Alden asks.

I lay down on my bed. "You'd wake me up gently."

"And how would I do that from all the way across the country?" I can picture his toothy grin and his pushed-forward shoulders. His awkward yet comfortable stance. It's funny that I've only been dating Alden for a couple of weeks, but he is so familiar to me. It's like I've known him for so many years and been around him enough to know when he'll sigh or when he'll shrug.

"You'd find a way."

* * *

Mom bursts into the kitchen with a million grocery bags. She hauls them onto the counter and exhales loudly. I can tell that she's exhausted, and when Mom gets exhausted, she gets stressed. She's always been a perfectionist, but when she's overwhelmed, everything has to be absolutely and positively perfect. So holidays are a big thing for Matty and me. Not because we're excited, but because we're trying to get things done without being ordered to madly by our mother. I rush to the sink, ready to get cooking before Mom suggests I cop some veggies or prepare the turkey.

"Make sure you use soap," Mom says after I've already dried my hands.

She hands me a can of green beans. "Will you heat 'em up?" she asks.

I raise an eyebrow. "Mom, why are you giving me these?"

Mom shrugs. Her hair is a mess. It's pulled recklessly back into a ponytail and there are flyaways galore. She has a sort of mad, wild look on her face. "It's Thanksgiving Day, in case you didn't notice," she says.

I hesitate. "Mom, we're having microwaved green beans for dinner?"

Mom laughs. "No!" she says like I've suggested we eat our hair. "It's with dinner."

I sigh and set the can on the counter. "Mom, maybe we should talk about dinner tonight."

Mom's face falls. "We can't talk about tonight because there's no time to make any changes." She lugs the turkey out of its own bag and plops it onto the counter. "Please just do what I ask," she says as she unwraps the packaging.

Matty comes out of his room and crosses past the kitchen and into the living room, collapsing onto the couch, his phone glaring at him with a blue light.

"Matías, get up and help with dinner," Mom orders. Matty looks back at us and frowns.

"Mami, listen," he says slowly. "I think that Blanca and I should run to the store."

Mom raises an eyebrow in speculation. "Why?"

"I think you forgot the cranberry sauce."

Mom's eyes widen and she smacks her palm onto her forehead, muttering to herself in Spanish. Matty gets up from the couch and takes my wrist while Mom is still mumbling.

"We'll be back!" Matty pushes me out the garage door and starts the car.

"What are you doing?" I ask because I know that Matty isn't extremely worried about cranberry sauce.

"Listen," Matty interrupts me. "Don't be mad, but I need your help."

"What?" I ask suspiciously, eyeing him.

"Isa wants me to come over for dinner."

I pause. "Why?" I don't know what else to say. I'm not trying to sound rude, I'm just genuinely confused.

Matty tries to stop the grin from spreading across his face. He looks forward and smiles sheepishly. "She wants to work things out."

I raise my eyebrows. "What does that mean?" I ask slowly.

Matty shrugs. "Maybe she wants to clarify some stuff so we can get back together."

Okay, I've only been in a relationship for two weeks, and even I know that's not what Isa is trying to accomplish. "Are you sure?"

Matty is practically bouncing in his seat. "What else could it mean?"

"Matty," I say in a coaxing voice, trying to be as gentle as possible, "maybe all she wants to do is talk about your breakup."

Matty turns to me as we stop at a light. "What do you mean? Why would she want to?"

"Maybe she wants to explain why she broke up with you."

Matty nods. "That's exactly what I'm saying," he says slowly like he's trying to tell this to a six-year-old.

I shake my head as Matty continues driving and takes a right. "That doesn't mean she wants to get back together—"

"So I called Julian," he says. "He's bringing cranberry sauce and his car. You'll go home with him and tell Mom that I'm getting some more green beans."

I shake my head. "You called Julian? When did you even get his number?"

"Mom has it in our emergency contact list," Matty says dismissively. "Just tell Mom I'm buying more of something, I don't care."

"Matty, what happened to leaving Mom alone for Thanksgiving?"

He glares at me from his peripheral vision, which is somehow more intimidating. "This is different. One, I'll be in the same city and I'll be home by the end of the night. And two, she won't be alone, she'll be with you!"

"How are you going to get away with this without missing our dinner. Mom will be pissed if you do."

Matty nods and smiles slyly. "Isabela's family eats earlier so her dad can get all 'decked out' for the football game. I'll be back before Mom can get the turkey in the oven."

I shake my head. "This is so stupid, Matty. Mom will find out eventually."

Matty suddenly turns to me with furrowed eyebrows. "She only will if you rat on me," he says softly.

I fall silent as he pulls over outside Isa's house. I've only been here once. Mom asked me to take Matty's phone to him because he forgot it. Isabela's mom sent me upstairs to personally deliver it to him, and I walked in on Isa and him kissing on her bed. All I did was toss his phone onto her bed and giggle as I rushed back downstairs.

I close my eyes. "I just think this is a really bad idea."

Matty pauses. After a moment, he says, "I need this. This may be my last chance at getting Isa back."

I open my eyes and face my brother. Moments ago, he was scowling at me and now he looks so young and innocent. He looks at me with pleading eyes.

I hate myself.

"I won't rat," I say, unbuckling my seatbelt and getting out of the car.

Matty's face lights up, I swear I can see it from the street. "Thank you!" he says as he gets out and rounds the car, pulling me into a forced embrace. "Thank you, thank you, thank you!"

I peel him off of me and shake my head, smiling. "Have fun."

I take my phone out of my pocket as I hear Isabela's front door shut behind me. I dial Julian's number and put my phone to my ear. After one ring, he answers.

"I'm on my way," he says immediately.

"So I heard my idiot brother called you asking you for a ride and cranberry sauce?"

Julian chuckles. "It was an odd request, I must agree."

I start walking down the street. "How's your day been?" I ask.

Julian sighs. "I've decided where I wanna eat."

I open my mouth to reply, but I see his car ahead of me and hang up. I open the passenger door before he can even get into park and slide into the seat. "Where?"

Julian starts driving again and doesn't respond for a minute. "I'm going to my grandma's."

Julian's grandma lives about thirty minutes from San Diego in some teeny tiny town. "What made you decide that?" I ask.

Julian snorts. "My parents got into a stupid argument over the phone, fighting over where I ate, like it was there decision." He shook his head. My dad might have cheated, but at least my parents weren't still in contact with each other. I don't know if they would fight or not, but I felt bad for Julian, being in the middle of his parents. At least I didn't feel like I had to choose one over the other. "I just got sick of it and decided to eat at Nana's."

I click my tongue and rub his shoulder comfortingly. "I'm sorry," I say. Julian sighs through his nose and shakes his head.

"Don't be sorry, they're just being immature." He takes a left and parks on the curb outside my house. He hands me a can of cranberry juice. "Good luck tonight, though," he says reassuringly. "Don't let your mom take the fun out of the holiday."

I don't want to be one of those teenagers who's always talking crap about their parents. My mom is a great parent. She provides for us, she's a hard worker, and she cares about us. However, the only times I really ever vent about my mom is to Julian. It's not that I don't love my mom, obviously I love her, it's just that she can be pretty overbearing sometimes, which in turn, can be overwhelming for me. I shrug it off a lot of the time, but it actually really pisses Julian off to the point where he'll yell in my defense.

I step out of the car and lean over. Julian rolls down the window. "Don't let your parents control where you eat dinner, either," I say, giving him a small smile.

He shrugs. "It is what it is."

I shake my head. "It can be so much more than that."

Cranberry sauce in hand, I march up the porch steps and open the door. I wave goodbye to Julian's car. I see his hand shoot up out of the sunroof as he zooms off.

"Blanca?" Mom calls from the kitchen. "Matty?"

I walk into the kitchen and my heartbeat suddenly picks up. "Hey," I say, trying to sound as casual as possible.

Mom looks at the cranberry sauce in my hand. "Where's your brother?"

I nod and set the can on the counter. "He thought we should have more green beans," I say. I've lied to my mom before (not big-deal lies, just little white lies) but this is the first time I've lied to her and thought about the consequences. I've never really been punished for lying since either Mom never finds out or they're just so harmless or meaningless that she doesn't think it's necessary to punish me. But this lie could lead to both me and Marty getting disciplined.

"Why?" Mom says, stuffing parsley into the turkey.

I shrug. "I mean, we only have one can."

Mom rolls her eyes. "Why didn't he keep shopping while you were there too instead of bringing you home and going back?"

"He figured you needed the cranberry sauce." This is the scariest thing I've ever done. My mom is loving and all that, but once she gets mad, she gets mad.

I put the cranberry sauce under the can opener and wait as it turns robotically around. My phone chimes in my pocket. I take it out and see a text from Alden.

I am grateful for:

Food

Movies

Blanca

Happy Thanksgiving