Just

"You didn't think I could do it!" I smile as I place down a card. "Checkmate. I win."

Alden laughs and shakes his head, gathering all the cards and shuffling them. "This isn't chess, Blanca."

I chuckle. "I know." I gaze at a dog racing by, trying to catch a Frisbee in midair. The air is cool and breezy and I feel like I should have brought a jacket.

"Alright, let's go." Alden gets up, shoving all the cards into the small box and tucking it in his pocket. "It's a little chilly, isn't it?"

I laugh. I mean, I lived in Tennessee for most of my life, and once we moved to California, I thought it was always so hot. I loved it at first. But then I got used to it, and, like right now, anything below seventy degrees feels like a chilly almost-spring-but-still-winter day.

We walk back to my house. I beckon him to follow me. "Do you need to get home anytime soon?"

Alden shrugs. "Curfew is eleven." He smiles.

"Well, you probably won't be staying that long anyway." I open the front door and lead him to the kitchen. Matty sits, hunched over the counter with his phone and a bowl of cereal.

He looks up and waves. "Hey, guys," he says.

I smile. "Why are you eating cereal at five in the afternoon?" I ask.

He shrugs. "Why are you wearing a sweater and jeans when it's seventy degrees outside?"

I stamp my foot lightly on the ground and laugh. "It's freezing out there!"

Matty shakes his head and grins. "You're pathetic."

Matty never got used to it. Which I'm kind of jealous of. It's always been hot and summery for him.

"We're going to my room," I say, taking Alden's hand.

"Keep it PG-13 in there!" Matty calls. I snicker to myself and shake my head. I know he won't enforce the 'keep your door open x inches,' but I still leave it ajar.

We sit on my bed and both sigh a little. "Are you staying home for Christmas?" Alden asks. We're close enough that he can take my hand, but far enough that nothing is out-of-bounds for a couple of sixteen-year-olds.

I shrug. "Probably. We don't really have anywhere else to go."

He smiles. "I'm still confused why you won't go to your grandma's or something."

I shake my head. "She lives all the way in Minnesota. That's a deal breaker. My mom cannot handle road trips or buying a plane ticket. I don't even know how we'd get there."

After a moment of silence, I open my mouth. "Are you staying for the holiday?"

He nods. "We just got back from Indiana, so we won't be going to my dad's side. My mom's side lives just across town, so we might stay the night there or just go for Christmas morning."

Alden pauses. "My friend Lincoln is having this New Year's Eve party," he says ominously. He avoids my eyes and traces the little creases on my hand carefully.

I smile. "You want me to go with you?"

He looks up sheepishly. "Well, I mean, if you've got plans or want to stay with your family, I totally understand."

I shake my head. "My mom won't even be here for Christmas. I'm surprised she was able to get Thanksgiving off."

Alden frowns. "What? Your mom is missing Christmas?"

I nod. "Yup. The life of a CNA. Matty and I usually go to Isabela's…" My voice trails off. "Or at least we have for the past two years." Before that, we ordered pizza and binge-watched all the classic Christmas movies. That was pretty predictable for a ninth-grader and an eighth-grader.

Alden raises an eyebrow. "Who's Isabela?"

I stifle a laugh as he butchers her name. "Matty's ex."

Alden's eyes widen ever so slightly. "Matty has an ex?"

I shrug. "It's not a messy breakup or anything. It's just sad. Long-story-short, Isa is moving to Ohio for college and she didn't want to do long-distance because that could get messy real fast. And Matty… well, Matty didn't know what he wanted."

"Wow." I'm surprised how taken aback Alden is by this story. "That's awful."

I nod. "Yeah." I sigh. "We'll probably go to Julian's for dinner. His Dad will be out of state for it because of work, so he'll be alone too."

Alden squeezes my hand. "You could come with me," he says softly.

My heart lurches. I don't know why, but I don't want to have Christmas dinner with Alden. Maybe it's because I'll have to meet his family, or because Matty and Julian will be alone, I don't know. It just makes me get this weird, sick feeling in my gut. I make a face that's awkwardly halfway between a smile and a frown. "I would," I lie, "but I don't want Julian to spend the holiday alone. He's having a really hard time lately."

"With what?" His tone catches me off-guard. It almost sounds sour.

"Um. His parents split last year and they've been fighting over custody and dinners and holidays and everything. It's just been really stressful for him." I try not to go into too much detail. I feel like I'm exposing Julian by telling Alden this. I mean, Julian and Alden get along great, but I still don't know how much Julian does and doesn't want Alden to know about his life.

Alden nods, and like it's nothing, he slips right back into his cheerful, relaxed, understanding tone. "That must be really hard for Julian. It makes sense why you'd want to spend the dinner with him." He pauses. "At least my parents are still together for the holiday."

It's always a little awkward when I'm watching the people I care about go through their parents' divorce. With Julian last year, this same thing happened. Ever since we met, he knew that my parents split when I was eleven, and it wasn't brought up too much, but after his parents started talking about divorce, we talked about it too. The only thing is that Julian always felt a little awkward, like he was an amateur or something in the presence of me, who had been dealing with this since sixth grade. I didn't care, but he always felt bad about it. He felt like I didn't have time to hear about 'his silly divorce situation.' Obviously, I didn't feel like that, but Julian had a lot of doubt. Now that it's been a year, Julian is way more comfortable with talking about divorce, and it's been a nice break. But now Alden is doing the same thing all over again. It's kind of tiring, feeling like I always have to be telling them that it's fine and that they can feel how they want.

I feel my phone buzz in my pocket and take it out. It's a text from Julian, and it's like he was listening to our conversation. Do you and Matty wanna come over for Christmas dinner? My dad will only be here for two days of Hanukkah before his work trip.

I start typing back. Planning on it, if that's cool.

The 'Kids with Hardworking Parents Club' has to spend the holiday together. That's the rule I just made up. Also, I'll be alone for the last six days of Hanukkah and you guys can come over and eat latkes with me.

I smile. Alden cranes his head over my screen as I tuck it away. "Who was that?" he asks.

I shake my head. "I'm a little worried Julian is sitting outside my window right now. He was just texting me about Christmas." I try to drop it. Alden doesn't seem too happy about the idea that I'm spending Christmas with Julian instead of him.

Alden bites his bottom lip and crosses his legs. He sits stiffly on the fluffy blankets. He nods a few times like he's giving himself a silent pep talk. "Right," he says simply.

I smile. "What's wrong?"

Alden doesn't smile back. That usually happens. "Nothing."

I cock my head to the side. "Alden." It's kind of weird hearing his name come out of my mouth. I feel like I never say it.

He looks down. "Nothing, I just wish I could spend more time with you."

I chuckle. "We're together right now. Don't think about spending time with me during the break, just be in the moment."

He smiles and looks at me with solemn eyes. "We should just have a big, long break from Thanksgiving to New Year's."

I shrug and laugh. "That would be pretty great." Alden is acting weird, but I try not to think about it.

I hear a light knock on the door and turn around. Matty is holding his phone by his chin and looking at me with wide eyes. "Julian is spamming me with texts. My phone is going so slow I can hardly get past the lock screen."

I snort. That's Julian for you. "That's what you get for giving him your number."

"For the record, Mom gave him my number." He walks in and takes my phone, dialing his number and putting the phone to his ear. I hear the soft ringing. "I'll be right back with this." Matty leaves the room, leaving my door open about five inches and I hear him downstairs yelling into my phone.

Alden and I exchange a friendly glance, both of us giggling softly. Matty stomps back upstairs and hands me back my phone. "If you have his number, why didn't you call him from your phone?" I ask.

"He would only answer if it looked like you were calling him." Matty grins and leaves my room, shutting the door behind him.

With the door shut, the room suddenly feels ice-cold, like a million opportunities are open to Alden and me. We lock eyes and look away bashfully. It makes me a little happy inside to know that Alden isn't hungry for anything I'm not ready for. He's not trying to be one of those guys who gets a girl pregnant before they can even introduce themselves.

Alden takes my hand again. I didn't realize that he had let go after Matty walked in. "I'll keep you posted on the New Year's Eve party," he says, avoiding my eyes. It's adorable how nervous he gets. I reach over and lift his chin so he looks at me. His face reddens immediately. He chuckles a little.

I lean over and kiss him gently. He puts his hands on my shoulders and kisses me back. We part and I curl up, leaning my head on his shoulder. He leans on the headboard and strokes my hair. I close my eyes and feel like I could fall asleep and never want to wake up from this dream. I feel him lift my glasses gently from my face and I hear the metal clicking as he folds them and places them on my nightstand. I wrap my arms around his waist and breathe deeply.

I open my eyes again and realize that I really could fall asleep. I sit up and stretch my arms out. Alden lies beside me, his eyes closed softly, his chest rising and falling slowly and steadily. He looks so peaceful like everything had been set into place perfectly and evenly. Like everything had finally worked out. His lips were slightly parted, leaving just a bit of room.

I glance at the clock and my eyes widen. I lean over and shake Alden awake as gently as I can. "Alden!"

"What?" he groans, sitting up and rubbing his eyes. He's even adorable when he wakes up— focus.

"It's almost past your curfew." Alden sits bolt upright so fast, I'm worried he got whiplash in the process.

He starts muttering to himself as he stumbles off the bed and struggles to put his shoes on. I get up and stand in the middle of the room, trying to think of something (anything) I can do to help. Luckily, it's not like we're in the movies, waking up in the middle of the night, struggling to get our clothes back on.

Alden hops up and takes my hand, speeding downstairs. "Matty!" I yell.

Matty pokes his head out from the kitchen with a concerned look. "What?" he asks quietly.

"Wanna tell me what time it is?" I know we should be going, but I want Matty to feel embarrassed for a second.

Matty raises an eyebrow and walks back into the kitchen, returning later with a confused expression. "It's ten fifty-four." He tilts his head to the side. "Why?"

"Oh, just because Alden's curfew is at eleven!" Alden opens the front door and tries to pull me outside. "You should have said something!" I yell before rushing out the door, slamming it behind me, and running to Alden's car.

We start walking down the road. Alden is still mumbling to himself, clearly anxious. "Lucky for us, our kitchen clock is five minutes fast." I pull out my phone and show him the big 10:50 p.m. on the lock screen.

"Very lucky for us." He kisses the back of my hand and we take a left. We stop outside his house and he looks back at me. "Tomorrow is the first day of Christmas—" He stops himself and grins at me in the dim light of the street. "Winter Week, right?"

I nod, beaming back at him. "Yes. They want you to wear something that represents the holiday you'll be celebrating this winter."

"What will you wear?" Alden asks.

"I'm wearing my ugly Christmas sweater my abuela bought me in fifth grade." Alden raises his eyebrows. "She bought an extra-large so I'd be able to wear it 'until I died.' Her words, not mine." Alden chuckles. "What about you?"

He shrugs. "Probably an old tee shirt with a Christmas pun on it."

I smile. "Thanks for being supportive of Julian." I regret the words right as they pour out of my mouth. Luckily, Alden doesn't bat an eyelash.

"No problem!" He smiles. "Goodnight, Blanca."

He leans forward and takes my waist. We kiss each other for a moment, before parting and smiling at each other intimately. "Goodnight." I kiss him once more before watching as he makes his way up the porch and opens the door. He closes it almost all the way before looking back at me. We lock eyes for only a moment before he shuts it completely, leaving me alone in the street.

* * *

Julian stares me hard in the eyes, taking into account every little movement I make. "Going to the movies?" he says hesitantly.

I shake my head, laughing. "Nope. Not even close."

Julian glares at me. "You're cheating."

"How can I cheat? This didn't even come from a card, it came from my head!"

"Exactly!" Julian exclaims. "That means you could change it to whatever you wanted at any time you wanted!"

I whip my head over to Matty, who's watching us and laughing hysterically. "I am not cheating. You believe me, don't you?"

Matty tries to stop himself from laughing some more, but he's taken over. I shake my head. "You guys are the worst."

Suddenly, Matty jumps up. "Oh, I know!" He smiles excitedly. "Reduce, reuse, and recycle!"

I roll my eyes. "Was it really that hard?"

Julian's jaw drops to the floor. "Yes! Do you realize that you did a terrible job of acting that out?" He shakes his head and stands up. "Do you guys want some more chips and dip?"

I look outside. It's around eleven at night, Even after living in San Diego for nearly five years, I still can't get over the fact that it doesn't feel like Christmas without the cold and even the rare snow that Tennessee got. And today, it doesn't feel like Christmas Eve because as the break has gotten closer, Alden has been acting weirder and weirder. Every time I brought up Julian, he would try to change the subject as quickly as possible, and once, he even ignored me until I talked about something else. He was having a really off day that day, so I let it slide without talking about it. I don't know if he was still upset about the idea of me spending Christmas with Julian instead of him or if it was something else completely. I tried not to think about it too much as the holiday got closer. Now that it's here, though, I keep imagining Alden upset on Christmas Eve. It made me feel a little guilty, but it also made me feel guilty thinking about leaving Julian and Matty alone.

"Blanca?" I shake my head. I zoned out, I guess.

"Yeah," I say, getting up and following them to the kitchen. "Maybe you'll actually try the dip this time, Julian." He glares at me and stuffs a handful of plain chips into his mouth (and yes, in case you were wondering, we most definitely are eating chips, dip, and salsa along with a ton of other food from the Mexican restaurant downtown for Christmas Eve dinner), just to bug me.

After we finish the mountain of food on Julian's kitchen table, we throw out all the trash and clean off the counter and table. "Thanks for helping out," Julian says, tossing the tin with his almost-finished burrito in the fridge. "If it weren't for you guys, this would still be here tomorrow. And probably the day after that."

"No problem." Matty claps his hands off and puts his hands on his hips. "Ready to go, Blanca?"

I grin. "We better get in bed before Santa shows up." I walk over to Julian and hug him gently. "Happy Christmas!" I say, slipping into a very bad British accent. I wave goodbye and walk out the front door into the cool night air. Matty and I pile into Dad's car (I made him drive it because Mom's car wasn't available and I wasn't about to take a bus halfway across town) and drive down the street.

We get back home and go immediately to bed. The fatigue hits us like a truck. I collapse into bed and fall asleep before I can even get my blankets over me.

* * *

Christmas was a blur. Matty and I went straight to Julian's house and we all exchanged gifts. We took turns opening gifts, which took about thirty minutes. Julian and Matty even got gifts for each other, which I thought was absolutely adorable. I got flower-scented perfume and fuzzy slippers with smiley faces on them from Julian and a mug that said 'sleep, eat, latte, repeat' and a soft dark turquoise blanket from Matty. I got Julian a vanilla and coconut scented candle and a super cozy, dark gray hooded sweatshirt. I got Matty a green baseball cap and a new phone case (he broke his old one last year and has been begging Mom for a new one since. I got tired of his complaining and just bought it).

We all thanked each other and Julian even cried a little over the hoodie. After gift exchanges, we basically all ate leftovers from the night before, ordered Chinese takeout, and lounged around, watching old Christmas movies until five in the evening, when we all went on a drive, windows down, screaming lyrics to all the classic Christmas songs. Eventually, we had to go back home because an old man came outside and started yelling at us, telling us others were trying to sleep.

I mean, he couldn't really blame us. It was only six thirty.

Matty parks Julian's car in the driveway and we all head back inside. We're all pretty worn out from the drive, so we pop some popcorn, turn on the TV and flip to whatever channel is playing Christmas movies all night. I fall asleep on the couch, next to Julian, around eleven.

* * *

I wake up on the thirty-first of December and find my phone flooded with texts from Alden. There's a picture of him and his cousins guzzling whipped cream, a sweet one of him and his grandma, and a beautiful picture of his grandparent's Christmas tree. Its deep emerald branches are filled with twinkly off-white and yellowish lights and it's bombarded with red, silver, and gold ornaments, and a light and thin tinsel wrapped around it gives it a shimmery appearance.

I miss you so much, one text says. I'm excited for tonight.

You should try and come over here, says another. The tree is ten times better in real life.

Plus my family would get to meet you. Those words send an uncomfortable sensation through me. I don't completely understand why I'm being so weird about meeting his family. I guess I just don't want to have to explain to Alden why he can't meet mine. Well, he's already met Matty. I don't want to explain why he can't meet my mom.

I avoid texting him back at the moment, since I just woke up, and head downstairs to get some breakfast. Matty is watching TV and looks behind him at me. "Hey," he says.

I nod and pour some cereal into a pale green ceramic bowl I made in my freshman year. "How long have you been up?" I ask, pouring the milk.

He shrugs. "'Bout an hour. Did you just wake up?"

I try to answer him, but my phone rings upstairs. I sigh. "One sec," I say, hopping up the stairs. I know it's Alden before I even get to the top step. I go into my room and put my phone to my ear. "Hello?"

"Hi!" Alden chimes. "I just missed your voice."

I smile warmly. "I missed you too."

"What are you doing right now?" he asks.

I shrug. "I just woke up, so I'm about to eat breakfast. Why?"

"I'm just so excited for tonight," he says. "I just wanted to talk to you." He giggles a little. "Can I come over?"

I glance at the clock. It's only eleven, and Mom won't leave for work for another four hours. I click my tongue out of disappointment. "Sorry, my mom needs me to do a bunch of stuff if I'm going to be able to come to the party tonight," I say. "But would you be able to pick me up around six?"

Alden pauses briefly. "Yeah!" he says. "For sure. I'll see you then."

"Okay." I smile. "Bye, Alden."

"Bye, Blanca."

I go back downstairs and eat my sort-of soggy cereal. "Who was that?" Matty asks.

I shake my head. "Just Alden."

He raises an eyebrow. "'Just?'"

I shrug. "Nothing." I take a bite of cereal and wrinkle my nose. I swallow the bitter stuff and check the milk in the fridge. I sigh. "The milk's expired by a week. How did that even happen?"

Matty shrugs. "The holidays do that to you."

I smile. "Wanna go to the store?" I ask as I dump out my expired breakfast.

Matty hops up and slips on some shoes. "Go get dressed, meet me in the garage."

I go back upstairs to my room and change into my black, mid-thigh length bike shorts and put on a light gray sweatshirt over my head. I slip on my sneakers and clomp downstairs to the garage. Matty has started Mom's car and already has the garage door open. I hop into the passenger seat.

Matty drives down the road to the local market. We get out and go inside. The cool air-conditioned store gives me goosebumps on my bare legs. We head to the dairy section and grab a gallon of milk and a carton of ice cream, because why not?

"Are you going anywhere for New Year's Eve?" I ask.

Matty scoffs. "What do you mean?"

"Like, a party or something?" I'm only asking because it feels weird that I have more plans than my brother. And not just this, it's been like this a lot lately. Matty never invites his friends over anymore, he never talks about his social life, nothing. He seems really lonely, like the only person he ever really spends time with is me.

Matty shakes his head. "Nope. You don't have to worry about me, though. You should go have fun with Alden."

I smile. "Hey, do you wanna go to the park or something? Just chill for a little bit?"

Matty shrugs. "Why not?"

We buy our ice cream and milk, take it back to the house so it doesn't melt, and drive down to the park. We park the car on the side of the road and walk through the green grass. We buy a couple of pretzels from a pretzel stand and sit on a bench somewhere. I dip a piece of my salty treat into a cup of nacho cheese.

"What did Isabela want on Thanksgiving?" I ask abruptly.

Matty sighs. "I was hoping that wouldn't come up again." He shakes his head and stuffs a chunk of pretzel into his mouth. "She just wanted to say goodbye."

I nearly choke on my bite. "What do you mean?"

He shrugs. "She was going to Ohio for the campus tour in a couple of days and she figured it was a good time to designate a farewell? I don't know." He stares at his lap.

I put my hand on his shoulder. "I'm sorry this happened, Matty."

I want to comfort my brother, but I suddenly spot a couple of kids running around a playground about twenty feet away from us. They wouldn't have gotten my attention if I didn't recognize them. I squint my eyes. They both have fiery red hair and freckles covering their faces. I can feel it on the tip of my tongue. And then I spot Alden, just a few feet away from the children.

I gulp. He's staring right at me. We make eye contact and he starts walking toward me. Matty nudges me. "Why doesn't he look happy?" he asks softly as Alden marches up to me.

"What are you doing?" he asks.

I don't even know what to say. "Nothing, I just—"

"You told me your mom needed you to do chores," he interrupts. His face is red. "You said I couldn't come get you. All I did was want to spend time with my girlfriend."

He's so upset. I mean, really upset. I've never seen him like this. I would probably be upset if I were in his shoes, but he seems really, really upset. "Alden, listen, I— I just wanted to wait until tonight. It's not a big deal."

"No," Alden says. "You don't get to say what is and isn't a big deal. You weren't lied to."

"Alden, please," I say, standing up. Matty scoots down the bench a little. "Let's just talk about this. We can figure this out and have a good time tonight, it will be fine—"

Alden shakes his head. "No. I don't feel like going to the party. Not with you. I just—" He looks at me with shimmery eyes. "I can't be with you right now." He turns on his heel and goes back to his family.

Matty tugs at my sleeve. "Let's go."

I walk to the car like a zombie.