Maybe

"You haven't touched your breakfast," Mom says.

I shrug. "I'm not very hungry." I swirl my spoon around in my bowl of oatmeal. It's not even eight a.m. on a Saturday morning. Mom woke me up early because she didn't want me to sleep in. "I don't want you to waste your morning hours on sleep," she said. "The morning is the time of day when you are most productive."

"Well what did you want breakfast for, then?" Mom shakes her head and files through some mail. "Bills, bills, bills. Gosh, does anyone write letters anymore?" She sighs sharply and puts the mail down on the counter. "You know, when I was your age, I had a pen pal."

I nod. "Uh-huh."

Mom sighs nostalgically. "Her name was Piper. She lived in Arizona. We met at a summer camp and the rest is history."

"Are you still friends with Piper?" I snap.

Mom hesitates. "No, not exactly. However, I have thought about sending another letter sometime."

I guess the rest isn't history, then, I want to say, but I keep my mouth shut.

"Where is your brother?" Mom shuffles down the hallway and bangs on Matty's door. "Matías, come eat!" she shouts.

I sigh exasperatedly. "I'm going to go upstairs," I say, picking up my dish and sliding it into the fridge for later.

Mom rounds the corner, hands on her hips. "What for?"

I shrug. "I'll clean my room."

Mom nods approvingly. "Good, good." She mumbles happily to herself as I wander to the stairs.

My room is anything but a mess. There's one sock astray from my laundry basket and a pencil, but otherwise, everything is in perfect order. I check my phone on my nightstand.

No texts from Alden.

I tap the desk a couple of times and open my phone, going to Alden's contact. I hover my finger over the 'message' button. Then I hesitate over the 'call' button.

I'm about to tap it when my door opens gently. "Hey," Julian says. He is carrying a bottle of water, a little bag of candy, and his laptop. "I thought you might want some company."

He sets the water and candy on my bed and opens his computer on his lap. "We can watch movies, stupid videos, whatever you want," he says.

I turn off my phone and sit on my bed next to him. I lean my head on his shoulder and sigh. "Why?"

Julian smiles. "Why what?"

"Why are we doing this?" I sit up and he turns away from his computer to face me. "You're letting me use your laptop, you got me candy. What is this?"

Julian shrugs a little. "Matty told me what happened with Alden the other day. I figured you'd want someone by your side."

I lay my head on his shoulder again. "What did he tell you?"

Julian sighs lightly. "He told me that you told a white lie to him and then you guys ran into each other at the park. He said that Alden was really mad and said he couldn't talk."

My breath gets a little shaky after Julian talks about it. I shake my head. "I was about to call him."

Julian nods. "Maybe that would be a good idea."

After I don't say anything, Julian opens his mouth. "I'm sure you two will work it out. You guys are unstoppable."

It's strange, to hear that come from Julian. Alden and I have barely dated for two months, and Julian is saying how we're 'unstoppable.' I kind of disagree. Like, this is the first conflict we've had. How does he know if we're unstoppable or not?

Julian pats my shoulder. "Do you want to be alone?"

I nod slightly. "Sorry," I say softly.

Julian shakes his head and wraps his arms around me. "Don't be. Seriously, you do what you want to. If you wanna be alone, I'll leave. If you want to have company, I'll run right back here. I'm here for you, Blanca. I'll be by your side no matter what you do."

I squeeze him tightly and he gets up. "I'll come back for my computer tonight, okay?" I nod as he shuts the door softly.

* * *

I'm on my way to fourth period when I feel a hand grasp my wrist. I turn and see Alden, leading me to a less busy hallway. I gently pry my wrist out of his grip and look down. "Listen, Blanca, about the other day," he says, "I'm sorry."

I look up at him. "No, no, no, that's not right." I fold my hands together tightly. "I should be sorry. I am sorry."

Alden shakes his head. "I blew up at you, I feel bad."

"I lied to you." It tastes bitter coming out of my mouth. "I feel bad."

Alden looks down. "Why did you lie?" he asks after a moment.

I feel my cheeks burning. "I just had a lot on my mind, I needed to be alone."

"Alone with Matty." Alden's words feel like daggers.

I shake my head. "I'm sorry," I say again. "I should have just told you the truth."

Alden shakes his head. "It's okay. I forgive you. I'm sorry too."

He walks towards me and wraps his arms around me, pulling me into his chest. He holds me tightly, yet I feel secure. I never want to let go.

"Let's never fight again," he whispers.

* * *

Alden and I interlock hands as we walk off the school campus after school. We make our way to his car and climb inside. I already told Julian we made up, and he was over-the-moon happy. He said he knew we could do it.

Alden drives down the road and parks outside my house. "I want to take you out later tonight. I feel like it's been forever since we've gone on a date."

I nod. "I'm excited." Only I have a weird feeling in my stomach like a big weight is pulling me down slowly.

"I'll pick you up at seven," he says, leaning over and kissing my cheek. I turn to face him directly and kiss his lips gently. I've missed his lips. He might think it's been forever since we've gone out, but I think it's been forever since we've made out.

After a minute, he pulls away, his lips curving into a gentle smile. "Okay, okay, go on, I'll see you tonight."

I kiss him one more time before getting out of the car and waving goodbye as he drives down the street. I turn, grinning, and see Matty gazing out the front window. He makes eye contact with me, his jaw dropped. I bashfully make my way inside. He follows me to the kitchen, still speechless.

"Was that Alden?" he asks as I gulp down a glass of water.

I shrug. "I mean, who else would I be kissing?"

Matty shakes his head. "So did you guys make up or what?"

I nod. "Yeah." I think about when he said we should never fight again. It kind of warms my heart.

"And?" Matty asks. "What happened?"

I shake my head. "Nothing. He just said sorry, I said sorry. We're fine."

Matty smiles. "You're first make-up!" he says softly.

"Oh, gosh, is that a thing? Someone's 'first make-up?'" I load my glass into the dishwasher and clap off my hands. "I'll be upstairs."

Matty nods. I rush upstairs and shut the door. I collapse onto my bed and stare at the ceiling. Alden and I have made up, and I wonder if we really are invincible. Unstoppable. Maybe Julian was right.

I close my eyes and try to fall asleep. I dream of Alden's face. Nothing else. He doesn't do anything or say anything. He just smiles.

* * *

Julian is spamming my phone with texts.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, BLANCA, MY BESTIE!

When is your party? I need to be there. Duh.

Should I bring a gift? Just kidding. I'm totally bringing a gift, whether you want me to or not.

Is Alden coming?

I ignore him every time. Only because if I'm being honest, I have no idea. I don't even know if I'll have a birthday this year. I'm turning seventeen, which is a big deal, but it isn't as big of a deal to me. I know Mom will hardly acknowledge it, but I also know that Matty and Julian will try to make as big a deal as they can. That's a good reason to have a party, I guess. I know that people will actually want to go and celebrate with me. I would be very surprised if Alden didn't want to. I should have a party. I'm also just ignoring Julian to mess with him. It's the kind of friendship we have.

I put my phone in my pocket and finish off my cereal, putting my bowl in the sink. Matty comes out of the hallway and grabs my shoulders, shaking them forward and backward repeatedly. "Happy birthday!" he shouts.

I laugh and shove him away playfully. "Stop!" I say through laughs. "You'll wake Mom up."

He shrugs. "At least then she'll remember that you're turning seventeen today!" He starts hopping around stupidly, grinning at me.

I smile. "Thanks." We go silent for a minute or two. Matty sighs. "Let's go."

I raise an eyebrow. "What?" Mom won't be up for at least another half hour.

He waves me forward. "Come on, we're both ready, Mom won't even realize we left. We'll take Dad's car."

I stop in my tracks. "Why?"

He shrugs and sighs like he's about to confess something to me. "I'm trying to get over that. Get over him. I need to stop wasting all my time thinking about his family. The family I'm not even part of. He chose to leave, so I don't need to worry about it anymore."

I smile and can't help but clap my hand to my heart. "That's so sweet, Matty," I say softly.

He shakes his head and rolls his eyes. "Come on. Maybe we can grab breakfast on the way."

I shake my head as I climb inside Dad's car. Matty starts it and backs out of the driveway and down the road. "I already ate."

He shrugs. "You can't say no to freshly made pancakes from The Bean Tree?"

My mouth waters instantly. He's right. I cannot say no to The Bean Tree's baked goods. They might have great coffee, but they have even better desserts and breakfast, which we are just in time for.

We pull up to The Bean Tree and I'm suddenly remembering Alden and my first date. Here. At The Bean Tree. Chills run down my spine as I hear the familiar bell ring as we open the door. I come here with Julian nearly every day after school, but I usually go through the drive-thru. Being inside just reminds me of Alden.

A man takes our order and fifteen minutes later, we're sitting in Dad's car, eating syrup- and whipped cream-covered pancakes. I finish my first one, with two still left on my foam tray, just like at lunch. "Thanks," I say softly.

Matty shrugs. "No problem. Happy birthday."

I get a text and pull out my phone, trying to avoid getting any sticky syrup on the screen.

Are you at school yet? Alden asks.

I scarf down the rest of my pancakes and wipe off my fingers before texting him back. We're just finishing up breakfast and then heading down. Why?

Matty leans over, eyeing my phone. "Is that your boyfriend?" he asks, grinning.

I lean over in my seat, away from Matty, and tuck my phone into my chest, angling it so I can still see it, but Matty can't. "Maybe."

You'll see.

I try not to squeal out loud. My first birthday surprise from my first boyfriend. It's like all my favorite rom-coms have been mushed into one, and it's not even a movie, it's my life.

I think Matty can see my excitement on my face clearly because he smiles. "What's that boy planning?"

I shrug. "I have no idea."

We start driving down to the school. Matty parks and I don't even have time to unbuckle my seatbelt when Julian flings the door open and tackles me in a gigantic hug. "Happy birthday! Happy birthday! Happy birthday!"

I laugh and try to peel him off of me. "Okay, okay, thank you!"

He grins broadly, bouncing up and down. "I'm so excited for you. Seventeen!"

I shake my head. "It's crazy."

And that's when I spot it. A huge crowd of people huddled outside the front doors. I get out of the car, Julian and Matty tailing me, and try to squeeze through everyone. In the middle, I see Alden, smiling and talking with a few other people, his back towards me. He turns around and sees me. "Happy birthday, Blanca!" he shouts.

"Feliz cumpleaños!" the ensemble screams. My mouth is gaping open as the sound surrounds me. He walks towards me, wraps his arms around my waist, and spins me around, lifting my feet off the ground. The crowd cheers and shouts, but I don't hear them. All my senses are focused on Alden. He beams up at me, and I'm sure I'm doing the same. He lowers me back to the ground, so he looks down at me again, like normal. He pulls me in and presses his lips against me, and I even surprise myself when I realize that I don't care if we're kissing in front of this giant crowd.

We part and embrace each other tightly. "I love you," he whispers softly.

My heart lurches uncomfortably. "I love you too," I say without thinking. Out of instinct.

I can hear Julian and Matty screaming their heads off from just outside the mass of people. Alden and I part and take hands, making our way through the people. All over me, I hear people saying 'what a good boyfriend' and 'they're so cute.' Only unlike before, when my senses were only focused on Alden, now they are completely jumbled. Everything is disorienting and warped, like after waking up in the morning and flipping on the light.

Alden kisses my hand. "Happy birthday," he says when we finally get out of the crowd.

"Thank you," I say automatically, trying to get myself back together.

"I have to go, but I'll see you later, okay?" Alden says.

I nod. "Okay." I look up at him and smile, hoping it looks convincing. He kisses me once more, causing whoops and screams from the audience, and runs off inside the school.

"Dang, boy's got game," Julian says as he sidles up next to me, hands in his pockets.

I nod.

"You two are perfect for each other." Julian swings his arms around my shoulder and practically guides me into the school.

* * *

Thank the Lord that Mom doesn't go on social media because Alden's birthday present is all over the local internet. Videos of them shouting 'feliz cumpleaños' and pictures (I swear, thousands of pictures) of Alden and me kissing. I'm surprised how much it's blown up. It's not like we live in a small and insanely boring town where nothing happens and this is the best thing since sliced bread.

Matty shows me every single post he comes across that is a video or picture of earlier today.

That's a buttload of posts.

He leans over from the couch and shows me a pic I haven't seen something like yet. It's almost like a bird's eye view of Alden and my kiss. That kid must have been really tall to get that angle. I snort. "It's kind of crazy how obsessed these people were over my birthday."

Matty laughs. "They weren't obsessed over your birthday, they were obsessed over Alden's gesture." He settles back into the couch. I don't know why, but I'm sitting on the ground as we have the TV on. We're only watching cable TV and on very low volume, so we're not really paying attention. I'm just sitting, staring at the news people on the screen, watching their mouths move, but not knowing what they're saying (all I know is that there's some kind of coin shortage and that we should try and pay in exact cash for the time being), and Matty is scrolling through his phone irresistibly.

I ponder for a moment about what Alden said. When he said he loved me. I still don't like to replay it in my head. It was so discombobulated and unnatural. It just felt weird. I glance over at my brother. He was in a relationship for two years. I know that he loved Isabela and she loved him. Maybe I should talk to him about it.

"Hey Matty?" I hoist myself up on the couch next to him and get comfortable.

He keeps scrolling. "Yeah?"

"So, um, Alden told me something today."

Matty's finger hovers over a post. "Yeah…?" He glances at me.

I take a breath. "He told me he loves me."

Matty nearly flings his phone across the room. He turns sharply towards me and widens his eyes, grabbing my wrist. "Really?" A slow smile escalates across his face. "That's awesome!" He laughs lightly. "It's about time."

"It's only been three months," I say sheepishly.

He shrugs.

I pause. "When did you tell Isabela?" I ask softly.

He exhales. "Um, well, after about six, but every relationship is different, Blanca, Dad told Mom after three months too."

"Yeah, and look how that turned out," I snark. I don't mean to snap at him, there's just so much anxiety piling inside me. I couldn't help but let it out.

Matty sighs. "Look, me and Isa waited half a year to say we loved each other, but we didn't turn out either." I stare at him with solemn eyes. "Just because Alden told you in three months just like Mom and Dad doesn't mean that in six months it will or won't work either." He pauses. Maybe for dramatic effect. "You have to trust your relationship Blanca, your own relationship. You can't rely on other people's experiences when you're trying to make your own."

I'm appalled. I don't even know what to say. And before I can even say anything, Matty lays his hand on my shoulder tenderly. "Try not to stress over it too much," he says. "This is your first relationship. You're learning."

I shake my head, the words suddenly flooding my mouth. "I don't want to mess it up the first try," I say. I sound like a little kid, but if I'm being totally and completely honest, I do feel like a child. I feel like a kid who just learned how to read sight words but is trying to read books. Not even picture books either, full-blown novels. Alden is just a book I can't read sometimes. It's like he's written in a different language.

Matty smiles. "Blanca, that's life. You're supposed to mess up. That's how this whole thing works. If you don't mess up with Alden or anyone else, you're never going to learn how to do it right when it ends and you have to try again."

This would be a good time for my eyes to flood with tears, for the wet teardrops to stream down my face. Matty would hug me and dry my tears, just like every other normal person. But I can't cry.

"But don't think about you and Alden and you ending." Matty squeezes my shoulder comfortingly and stands up. "You don't need to be thinking about that right now. Just think about how much he cares about you." He smiles. "Enough to get a big group of kids to scream happy birthday to you while he kisses you."

I smile, but it isn't genuine. It's only to make Matty feel better like he accomplished making me feel better. Even though that's not true. I know I should listen to him, I should take his advice. I mean, he's actually had a girlfriend before. I have never dated before Alden. He's the one with experience. I try to push the thoughts away as I blindly make my way upstairs to my room, shut the door and flip off the light.

* * *

I've never been that popular. Actually, I've never been popular. Most of the time, I'm pretty invisible. But after Alden's birthday surprise, the whole school knows who I am. As I walk through the hallway, people congratulate and praise me constantly. I don't know why they should do either of those. All I did was put on a surprised face and kiss my boyfriend. It's not like I put a lot of effort into it. Alden was the one who did all the work. But the people at school almost treat me like a goddess. It is really strange and kind of overwhelming.

"Hi!" I try to ignore the hundredth hello I've heard today, but I feel a tap on my shoulder and turn around. I'm surprised to see that it's Yvonne, from The Bean Tree.

"Oh!" I turn my body to her and smile a little. "Hey!"

"Um, I saw online what Alden did for you yesterday. That was adorable." She beams. "I didn't realize when you came to The Bean Tree in November that you two were together."

"Oh, well, we weren't exactly together then," I say, blushing.

She grins. "Um, I'm heading out for lunch, do you wanna come?"

I shrug. "Why not?" I see Julian, coming up to us from behind Yvonne. He sidles up to her and waves at me.

"Hey!" Yvonne says, shooting Julian a look of abnormally dreamy eyes.

"I didn't know you guys were friends," I say, looking up at Julian.

He shrugs. "I didn't know you guys were either."

Yvonne turns to him. "Wanna come to lunch with us?"

Julian nods. "You knew I was already down." Yvonne leads the way and I slip back behind her with Julian.

"Oh my gosh," I hiss.

"What?" Julian whispers as Yvonne opens the doors and guides us to her car.

"Yvonne is totally into you, dude," I say softly.

Julian snorts quietly. "Is not. We're friends. Our relationship is completely platonic."

I roll my eyes. "Julian, go for it!"

He shakes his head. "You're crazy."

Yvonne suddenly whips around with a wicked grin on her face. "Who feels like sundaes for lunch?"

Julian and I nod furiously, trying to look convincing. "Sounds great," Julian says.

"Yep," I agree, nudging Julian in the elbow ever so gently.

We drive down to, as luck would have it, Curt's Desserts. It's like all my dates with Alden are combining into one crazy day. I just hope we don't go up the canyon. That memory is sacred and lies with Alden alone.

Yvonne orders each of us ice cream sundaes and a cup of coffee. We sit at a table and eat our ice cream quietly for a minute. The entire time, Yvonne and Julian's eyes catch, like a thread of a sweater getting caught on a hook, pulling a little bit further, until it is plucked off.

I clear my throat. "Prom's coming up quick." Julian kicks my foot lightly.

Yvonne nods. "I wonder what kind of prom-posal Alden will prepare for you." She grins. "He always goes all out for his girlfriends."

I smile and stare at my hands, suddenly shy about the fact that Alden is a romantic boyfriend, something I shouldn't be shy about.

"Yeah, remember last year, for the Winter Formal, with Trish Cates?" He grins. "He had Opal Pruitt choreograph that dance. And then he and a big ensemble performed in the field."

I laugh. "And since she had just come back from Colorado for Christmas, she was homesick, so they made fake snow for her." It felt a little strange reminiscing Alden's past relationships. I had always kept tabs on him and his girlfriends, but now that I am his girlfriend, it's weird to think that I know almost everything about his past girlfriends.

Yvonne nods. "Trish and I had algebra together that year. She told me everything about it."

Yvonne's phone buzzes in her pocket. She pulls it out and clicks her tongue, stuffing another bite of ice cream into her mouth. After she swallows, she puts her phone away again. "We should probably start heading back now," she says.

We leave Curt's and drive back to school. Lunch is not long enough. We all part ways in the hallway and head to sixth period, but I can't stop the grin from spreading across my face when I think about Yvonne's dreamy eyes on Julian.

* * *

February is thriving. And by that I mean that Alden and I are probably everyone's OTP at our high school. Valentine's day was a surreal blur. Alden stuffed my locker with little love notes and I gave him a handmade card full of calligraphy, little doodles, and a lot of brush pen ink. Everyone was basically crowded around us at my locker, when I opened it and all the notes spilled out, and were filming and taking pictures. I'm honestly surprised that the principal or admin hasn't gotten involved yet. It's crazy how much commotion Alden and my relationship has caused. It's really tiring.

Before I can even think about it too much, I realize that it's the end of February already, and prom is around the corner. My stomach tingles at the thought as I flip through the yearbook from my freshman year. It's been a long time since I've skimmed through my yearbooks. I feel like since I started dating Alden, my whole life has changed.

Matty knocks and opens the door, peeking his head in I can always tell when it's him because his knocks are as light as the beat of a butterfly win, whereas Mom's are nonexistent. Mom doesn't believe in knocking. She thinks that if something is important enough to come and talk to us, she doesn't need to knock. I don't know if she meant for it to sound awful like it did, but regardless, it says a lot about her as a mother.

"Hi—" Matty cuts me off and sits down on the floor with me.

He cuts right to the chase. "Alden is going to prom-pose to you."

I nod slowly. "Uh-huh," I say skeptically. "Your point being?"

"Well, he told me not to tell you," he says, folding his hands together and crossing his legs.

"Then don't," I say, shrugging. "I love surprises."

"Do you love being the center of attention?" Matty asks.

I look down. "It's not ideal, but I have been for the last couple weeks, so what's a little more, I guess?"

Matty shrugs. "Your funeral."

I scoff. "It's fine, Matty, he's not going to do anything that crazy. It's Alden we're talking about."

* * *

I was wrong. Although, in my defense, it is not as bad as Matty had said. Alden is, however, standing on a lunch table in front of me, lip-syncing to some new pop song I've never heard ( because I don't keep up with the trends). People are cheering as he crashes down to his knees and presents a red rose. Around the stem, I see a sheer ribbon tied around it with a calligraphy pen wrapped inside. I grin as the song ends with a big, gracious strum of the guitar. Alden catches his breath and looks straight into my eyes. "Blanca Julieta Perez," he says, making my heart bubble like a simmering pot, "will you go to prom with me?"

I smile and throw my arms up. "Yes! Of course!" I wrap my arms around his neck and kiss him on the cheek multiple times.

He grins and kisses my neck repeatedly. "I love you, I love you, I love you!" he whispers.

I smile. "I love you too," I say. And maybe I do.

Maybe.