Chapter 5 - October

October 24, it's a crazy month.Believe it or not I'm still here in Mexico.In this room, bored out of my mind.I started to draw, I got passionate about it.I drew the boat scene from Godfather Part 2 but with more color and excitement.It turned out well, or I think it did.That girl I made amends with, her name is Rose, short for Rosemary.She is a cool girl and we do hang out sometime but now it feels off since I'm not leaving yet.You're wondering why not, we'll because my mother felt sick so decided I could stay until November.My mother and father agreed on it so here I am.My mother loves rose and I know the reason we went to eat at her home on my birthday was to set me up which bothered me.Nevertheless was a good turn out of events afterwards.Only 6 times I've stepped out of this home, I've kept count.In these months I've been here, only 6.Today it'll be 7 since me and rose will go on a walk to Cow hills.She put her hand around mine and we walked, mother trusted I can watch myself and my uncle is still cautious so he gave me a his switchblade just in case.We walked up this upward street.The streets of Mexico look like an earthquake just decided to move in.Cracked and broken into obscurity.Still easy to walk with her, you know it feels delightful.The emptiness I had in life is filled now.I haven't even gone on my phone much, only to listen to music, not much on social media.I don't feel a reason for it since most of my time is with Rose.We make it to the next run leading into the field of cows.These damn cows, never quit.We make it in as she lets go and walks freely and says "it's beautiful is it not ?" She asks as I breath in and say "yea it feels right…" I say as we walk."Finally not trapped in that house all day …." She says jokingly as we see the dog duchess out and about all alone."Duchess come here girl !" She yells as the dog rushes towards us, such a loving dog.It jumps on her and dropping Rose down as she laughs.Duchess is excited as she jumps on me now, Rose gets up quickly as I lay on my ass with the dog aside me."Look you're cheating on me already …" she says jokingly as we laugh.I get back up as we walk up the hill, duchess is near a bull.A fucking Bull just stranded here, dumb dogs gonna kill itself playing with it.We walk again closely as we see people pass by "good afternoon " Rose says as they reply "good afternoon…" They walk past and we walk forward into a huge rock, we sit aside it and look further down into the hill.She turns to me and ask "so you leave in November ?" She says as I nod. "well I know very much, long distance doesn't work so well….but you know I'd wait for you …" she says as I smile and say "really ?" To which she replies, "yes Mr.Los Angeles, one day I'll even go with you…" she says as I smile at the thought.She puts her head on my shoulder as now Duchess has gotten in some trouble.She did pick a fight with that bull and that bull is mad.We both notice and get off the rock.We run towards duchess and she yells "come here girl." Feeling in the mood we run along to the exit of the hill as the dog follows.That Bull was angry and tries to chase but it stopped after a couple steps.We got out and walked home.She dropped me off at my home "well, I'll see ya tomorrow…." She says as I reply "yea see ya ." She walks off with duchess behind her, they continued to play in the street and I close the door happily.I walk upstairs as I say "mom I came back, it felt nice you know, the fresh air and all…" I say as she's watching TV on her room."Oh that's good, you hungry ?" She ask to which I say reply "no thanks, I ate earlier remember, the grill chicken…." I say as I enter my room and close it.I look back at my drawings and see I never finished one, it was a drawing of a dark image.Crazy thing is I don't remember drawing this one, It had a saddened figure with an angered expression, looking Anorexic and jealous, of what I don't know.I'll maybe Finish it tomorrow.

Halloween is today, in Mexico it celebrated very simple, "give us candy or we break your windows." It's a joking tradition but some people do give out.Some kids do dress to show celebration to the holiday the next day, day of the dead.To show respect and cherish those we've lost and want to honor their memory.Rose came over and is dressed in a skeleton face paint.Wearing a black dress and having a picture of her grandfather.She places it with the others on the shrine my mother made.My mother had bought goody bags to give out and awaits the kids passing by outside.Me and Rose are in my room, we are laying in bed together watching The Texas chainsaw massacre, the original.You know they really are butchering that franchise.

We laid there just watching the film as I did feel at peace, that void is closed.I still feel a presence beside us, like we're not alone.I can't understand it, something paranormal between us.She looked into my eyes as I caught on and asked "what is it ?" To which she replied, "I know America is for you, so I tried with Mama to let me go with you…." She said excitedly.This was big news "that's….that's...wow….." I say slowly as I try to process this.She gets off the bed all jumpy, "yes I go with you, we feel America Together …." She says as I'm still in shock.I sit on the bed in stress as she notices." What's wrong, not excited ?" She asks as she sits next to me on the bed.I breath in as I turn to her and say "I don't know if you'd want that, I'm still not ready for life, and I feel you there would feel stressful…." I say, I don't know what I said this.She gets angered and says "Am I a burdened….is that how you feel ?" She says as she gets furiously.I get up as well and grab on lock hands."No no…it's just America, in my honest opinion is a crazy place…..filled with filth….and you see this fantasy of Hollywood and all but it's awful….I just don't feel you'd want to do that…." I say as she lets go vigorously.She goes for the door and says "Fine….I'm going to America….alone…..so good luck to you !" She yells as she slams the door on her way out.I can feel her walking downstairs and going for the front door where my mother is.I go to the balcony and look on to see her leave.She walks by my mother in sadness but calmly says "Goodnight…." She tells her as my mother replies, "What so soon, at least take some candy !" She demands as Rose gets a bag and storms off.I looked from my balcony as she walked that street once again, it's crazy to think I never saw her ever again.I walked back inside, closes the balcony door.I turn to the tv, still playing the movie and just look in dissatisfaction.I exhale in disappointment and lay back in bed alone.I get up again and flick the light on but it won't turn on.I flicks it up and down over and over but nothing.

By now mother has stopped giving out her last bit of candy and closes up the doors.She comes upstairs to check on me.She sees I'm struggling with the lights and asks, "is it dead ?" To which I reply "I think so…" She walks to her bedroom and goes to near the washer and dryer, "I'll get a new bulb…." She says as she looks through boxes of random equipment and finds one.I stand next to the switch, waiting for her.She comes back with a lightbulb and stool.She places the stool for me and hands me the lightbulb."You know how to do it ?" She asks as I reply "yea I got it." I get on the stool and remove the light bulb as it's been cold, I add on the new one get away quick.It shines in the room which blinds me, I clumsily fall off the stool and land on my back."god you alright ?" Asks mother as I reply "I don't know mom, I just fell…. I let you know in half an hour…" I say aggressively as she helps me up."You don't gotta be mean…" she says as I reply apologetically, "sorry ma, it's just how do you tell someone if they're alright after they've just fallen…?" I ask as I sit on my bed. "well I don't know…..we'll imma go to bed….my heads been hurting…." She says as I ask "have you tried a doctor ?" To which she answers "no I don't need one, plus it's to expensive….your siblings just forget about me…..like I'm a ghost to them….I take care of y'all you're whole life's and this is what I get….you when you start working don't forget about me alright…send at least a hundred every so…." She says as I nod my head and says "I will…".She leaves the room and closes my door as I lay in bed again.I look at the Jesus cross above my head, it's mesmerizing.All the stories of biblical meaning, of any bible or religion.There's many good ones, I don't know any but I know they gotta be good.