Chapter 4

She was much easy and interesting to talk to amongst all the female strangers I met since I was born. I felt blessed when she would come to me to be helped where she had faults in academics. That is where I noticed what she carried which other girls in my class didn't possess. A day didn't pass without her talking to me at least twice; it felt good though I wasn't yet in love with her. I enjoyed talking with her and also walking with her though I didn't want people to notice how good I felt.

There is this day when we talked and laughed more than every day. That was the day I gave in to Tiara. We were sitting at a corner on the back of the classroom. It was her, Kuda and I playing a game. It was a simple game: one had to sing his or her favorite song whilst others were listening. At first it was me and Kuda sitting together and she came and joined us. The case was on who was to start since none wanted to lead. So I suggested a game. Since I knew that she was cheerful that she smiled and laughed more often, I tried to be smarter than her. I wanted to take advantage of her cheer disposition. The first to laugh or smile, the first to sing was the game. I don't know what made me look into her eyes that our eyes had a love connection and I blushed and smiled first. In the moment that our eyes met, I think that I when we shared feelings and I lost to her in the process that I became the lover and she became the beloved. She insisted that I had to lead the game. I knew she had noticed me, the love in my eyes, but I wasn't afraid. The more she knew the better. That was the last day she talked to me thus often. Since then she neither started me nor find me like she used to do. Yes she would sometimes try to find me but for one reason, schooling, though I knew that her primary motive was to get close to me. These times she would find me and sit beside me I felt uneasy though I didn't show it, I would tremble but I loved her sitting beside me on free periods and not during lesson time. I was afraid that she would think that I'm shy when I'm just limiting my lyrics to avoid making noise in the classroom. It felt painful that the time we spent together reduced. That forced me to tell her that I love her so that she would always spent time with me but I discouraged myself as often.

Sometimes I would borrow her books for the sake of it. The intentions were to create a room for me to have a talk with her. Well it worked. When I would return the books I felt better. At least I had the chance to listen to her beautiful voice. I felt her voice deeper inside. It made my blood run faster and I couldn't take it. I felt the affection to get closer to her than I had for anyone else when I was young.

I modified this poem which I had written for Lillian for Tiara but I didn't submit again.

Love

From nowhere, it comes Fills my heart Like a blanket in winter, I can't let it go

Through my veins, it thrills Lovelier than love, warmer than summer

Deep, deep inside, it whispers share it with her, the angel from the east Gosh he can't

My feelings, hard to elucidate like being an expert but with no expertise

To say it from my heart, I can't he is too shy to ask, too proud to lose and afraid that his heart might turn into pieces

It comes, start to itch like does a disease with no symptoms My insides in a fight and yet I still smile Yeah, I'm with the world but the other side of mine is perishing Is it how love is like?

Come my dear, come my love It's you and me against them all even if it calls to stand against the unseen With you by my side I'm strong I mean stronger So be it I love you

2

I wrote many poems for her but I didn't submit. Though I felt we had feeling for each other. I was still afraid that maybe she won't feel the same or my feelings for her would go wild against my wish later. I attempted to but something in me told me not to for the first day, but as my love for her grew deeper day by day I lastly grew the courage to give her my second love poem.