Chapter five, Lose it

I thought I was a strong person, but guess what? Desperation can lead you to poor decision making, whereby you are accepting love from the wrong places, just to fill in the void that cannot be filled by owner themselves.

As weeks passed by without seeing you face. As I have also blocked you out of my life because it honestly felt like I am spiraling out of control because of you. Sometimes even just by the thought of you.

At the back of my mind, you kept lingering, like an itchy rash that would not go away.

I am bleeding.

I am getting used to the pain, it even has come to the point that I feel numb.

"I am here to be challenged" I remember telling my peers that and, I remember mentioning that "your fears are the only thing that stands in your way."

You know for once in my whole life, I wish I would rather be played by you.

I wish to be made a fool by you, call me up at 2am just so you can spoon me in the back of your mind knowing you can break my heart.

Why not?

How stupid, right? Yeah, I know.

I do not want your love at all, do I?

I mean, all I want is just to be held by you. I want to be kissed by you. I want to laugh at your unfunny jokes and.

I just need to be pinned onto bed by you, and not anyone else but you.

We will worry about the pain later, only pain can get me over you forever.

Fuck you…