Chapter six, Unfolded

"I have something that has been bothering me for a while, and I didn't know how to tell you…" I said, while looking at his eyes, waiting for a response that will make me stop at my tracks.

He looked back at me precisely, as if he had already known the words that will come out of my mouth next, and that frightened me.

As he was already sitting across my bed, on my chair. Right! You might be asking yourself what is he even doing here? How did he get there and why on Earth is he in my room?

Well, I could not just sit and fold my arms. I mean, I needed to pick on his mind and as a result, I had asked him to come over to my place and well, he did. So, yes, there he was, sitting on my chair.

A part of me thought that he fears me.

What if he also feels the same way?

I have so many questions that need answers and I could only get them from him. That makes my heart skip a beat.

What is there to be lost?

Nothing, I thought.

It is not like I am asking him out or anything, I am just telling him how I feel, and the rest will figure itself out, I thought.

Waiting for me to continue, he laughed, a genuine smile.

Damn! The way he smiles, and the voice that resonates out of his mouth, like a flowing river, just so calm and collective at the same time.

"This is so weird" I said, and I smiled covering the lump on my throat.

"It is not weird; it is you that makes it seem weird" he said calmly, still looking at me sharply, as if he attempted to read my mind and figure out what I would say next. Could he really do that?

Oh God! What kind of situation have I put myself into?

I looked down. In fact, to keep my mind distracted a bit, I turned down and quickly grabbed a corner of blanket nearby, and gently stroke it with my hands while gathering the courage to continue with the rest of my sentence. Within a few seconds, I felt I have gathered enough courage to say the next sentence.

"You know, I have had a crush on you for a while now and I thought I should let you know"

I did not have all day, eventually I had to say it to him… and it was not so important, was it?

Within a few seconds of me speaking, he replied, asking me the simplest question, but I could not reply because I did not know the answer to it. "Where do we go on from here?"

I lifted my head up to look at him once more, and he looked right back at me. He was unshaken. How does he do that?

I am definitely not going to ask you out, HELL TO THE NO!

It was awkward for a moment. The room was filled with silence, and I swear I could hear my own heartbeat, banging from inside my chest. It was not loud enough for him to hear, but it was quiet enough for me to hear it. I was not scared though, was I? No, I was not. I just happened to think about a lot of things at the same time, still trying to deduce my way around this conversation.

With that he suddenly decided to excuse himself. He said to me that he needed to fetch his jersey as he was feeling cold. That was unexpected, but I told him he can go.

Before I even knew it, he was already on his feet and walking to towards the door, grabbed the handle, paused, turned his head back and asked, "Should I come, back?"

Again, I looked back at him. I did not know how I felt. I did not know how to respond, but my answer was, "You decide." I answered. Inexpressively, he went ahead to pull the handle, went out and gently closed the door on his way out.

And again, there I was. In my room. All alone. AGAIN…

I continued sitting on my bed and wondered, if I have done the right thing by telling him how I felt? I do not really know, but somehow, I feel at peace with myself. Like a huge stream of water my heart was content. The relief felt like I am at home and finally I can move on with my life.

So, I thought.

30 minutes passed and there was still no sign of him. No knock on my door, no footsteps outside and to the very least, no notification on my phone from him. In a way, I knew at the back of my mind that he would not come back. Why would he?

The thought of him coming and not coming, just felt like a decision that he should take. He had to decide on whether he wanted to be with me.

40 minutes passed, this time, I received a text from him,

'Do you want me to come?'

At that very moment, I was wondered what is going through his mind. I strongly wondered on why is he leaving the ball in my court?

What is he aiming for? Was this a test even?

Little do you know; it was at night already. I knew very well if I tell him to come, he will want to spend the night over, and I had never allowed a guy to and sleep over at my place before.

Why am I willing to break all my rules for this guy? He came into my life just a month ago.

I replied, 'I want you to come'

Naïve I was.

'Okay, I will be there in about 30 minutes' he replied.

What then, does this mean we are heading somewhere?

My mind is still, silent, as time ticks.