I DONT KNOW I JUST TRY I THINK :( :( :(

I will never gave up on us, I only give up to put up with everything that you done and I am put up keep waiting and try to get clarify about it. I am tired you know to always try to understand and forgive you for everything, I am tired always try to forget about everything has happened because no matter what I done and try to forget and forgive it will happen again, over and over again. Because no matter what you will always be like that and I know that I cant changed it but I dont know what to say. I love you so deeply and sincerely but even though you know it still you do hurt me even though you would never admit it, because you are so stubborn and you always think that you are doing the right thing but you cant see very clear that you hurting someone feeling and even though you can see clearly that you hurt somenone but still you cant stop, cant you?.

And you know they are just a human being with a feeling and they are not always can put up with everything that you done and also you should know better that patience has it limits you cant always thinking that the have over patience to put up with all shit that you done. You are so bad because you didnt want to admit your mistake even though you caught red handed. You know I know everything but maybe because I am so stupid and blinded of love and also cant let you go I kept that within myself but its really hurting me badly and every single time I think about it I feel disguise to myself and I hated myself for it.

And you know sometimes I also think that you might be think I am still a child so you can foolish me with everything and you think you can cover up everything that you done behind my back so I wouldnt know about it. But you are wrong I know everything and its very hurting every fucking single time. And I dont like those feelings and it makes me lose my mind and depressed.

And like thing that had happens somewhere in march who is he?, who been waiting to come inside the room the minute I walk out from the room and how long you've been know him?, How long you've been fucking him behind my back?, who is he to you?, how long you been asking him to wait there because before I left work that day?, what you've been doing with him while I am at work?, Did you just fucking him when I am at work?, and then how many are they like him that you've been fucking behind my back?.

You see I known it because I wasnt really left that morning because I was forgot something in the room and I walk back and I know he was there and I seen him come inside the room and I stand there in front of the door after he come in but I didnt dare to come inside because I didnt ready and didnt seen the hurting truth about it.

So I just wanted to know is it you really loves me?, did you just being with me so you can have some toys you can play with when the other guy cant?, why you didnt forced that you cant be with me at the beginning because I dont want open relationship?, did I just friends with benefit to you?, did you just tell all the guy you fucking with I am just your silly stupid and a nerd friends of yours?, what I am to you really?, why you didnt tell me thats all that you want is to be always can fuck new guy or couple of regular guy always?, why you do this to me?.

And please if thats all the truth I really feel pitty to myself I love you fully I trusted you fully but you done that to me, So if you didnt fully loves me and you still want to fucking around and play around please dont keep me around as lover toys because I have dignity okay and its really hurting me badly and also I am just human being I cant always take all that.

And I dont know what will happened in the future but I only know that I will fought the best as I could for us and I just hoping that one day all this stormy season is gone and I hope that I will strong enough to go past through this even actually is impossible if only you the one who fought for it.

Never use someone or take advantanges of someone kindness, humbleness, and loveness for granted you might will never going to see it again. And remember someone becomes villain because they been hurting a lot and cant take it anymore and you made them to be evil. Like the quote said "Being deeply hurt by someone you love is solitary pain that cuts to the core" and "The saddest thing about betrayal is that it never comes from your enemies, it comes from those you trust the most"