19. Chapter 17:A gentle answer

Ch 17: A gentle answer turns away wrath*

Sleep proved elusive for Elizabeth that night. She found herself lying awake, listening to the sounds of the rain well into the early morning hours. Dawn was just breaking weakly over the grey, stormy landscape when she finally found sleep. Several hours later, Jane tiptoed into her room bearing a tray.

"Oh, Jane," Lizzy murmured wearily, struggling to sit up, the chill in the air and the gloom outside giving her all the more reason to long to keep to her bed.

"Are you well, Lizzy?" Jane set the tray down on a small table. Gracefully she sat on the soft bed beside her sister and handed her a shawl against the cold. "I was so worried for you when you did not appear at breakfast this morning. That is so unlike you."

"I am well, I just slept so poorly. The storm kept me up, I am afraid. It was nearly first light before I fell asleep." She did not meet her sister's blue eyes, knowing Jane would see her untruth immediately. Self-consciously she pulled the shawl around her shoulders. I am so glad we brought Mrs. Black that blanket.

"The rain did not keep you up." But Jane did not need to look in her sister's eyes to recognize the untruth she spoke. "Why are you so reluctant to talk to me?" I do not like you keeping secrets from me. You do it so rarely and one when something is deeply troubling you.

"I think you know me far too well." Lizzy laughed, maneuvering to sit cross-legged against the head board of the bed. "I do not suppose you would believe I have a headache either?" she asked with a raised brow and half smile.

"I have no doubt that the headache has been a very real companion to you. But I do not believe it responsible for your wakefulness either." Jane's raised brows and knowing expression made her look maternal. "I can see you are troubled. Come eat something and tell me of it."

Yes, Mama. You have always been such a mother to me. I wonder what that has cost you dear sister. Reluctantly, Lizzy allowed Jane to lead her to a chair near the small painted table bearing the tray. "Was Papa distressed by my absence this morning?" she asked softly, buttering a muffin.

"He took a tray in his bookroom and Mama remained in her rooms. Kitty and Lydia slept in as you did, so it was only Mary and me this morning." Jane poured a cup of tea for her sister. Gently she laid it on the table and regarded her sister as she ate. "I have answered your question, now you must answer mine. You are not acting like yourself. Tell me what is troubling you."

Dear sweet Jane. I would not see you hurt for the world. "Jane, tell me honestly, now, did you like Mr. Carver, I mean like him in the way you would wish to like a…a husband?"

"What an odd question. You keep plying me with questions instead of answering mine." Although she laughed, Jane's eyes became reproachful.

Lizzy sighed heavily and returned the last bite of her muffin to its plate. Absently she traced the pattern on the dainty plate with her finger. "Please, to answer your question I must first have your answer to my question."

Rolling her eyes and shaking her head, the blonde young woman relented, "All right. To be entirely honest—and I would say this only to you—no I did not. Please, Lizzy, do not share this with anyone!" She bit her lip anxiously and waited until her sister nodded before continuing. "For short periods, he was gentlemanly and agreeable enough. But when in his company for longer periods, there was a coarseness in his character and a gruffness in his manner that I did not find pleasing." Her face took on a peculiar expression.

Lizzy's dark eyes twinkled merrily as she giggled. "You look like you did the day you went walking with me and got sand in your shoe. You would not stop to remove it, and it tortured you all the way home!"

The elder girl laughed self-deprecatingly. "I suppose that is how he made me feel, constantly grating on my nerves, but not with anything significant. It was always small things, the way he called after his sisters, the way he spoke to his servants. The way he held his knife and fork at the table—it was all I could do not to treat him like our nephew and remove them from his hands and show him the right way!" She laughed softly. "Never anything I could justly complain about. Nothing that Mama would understand anyway." Jane shrugged sadly. "To be entirely honest, if I feel anything at their retreat from Netherfield, it is relief. I know it is selfish of me, Lizzy, but it is so." Jane hung her head, embarrassed by her confession.

"I am so relieved to hear you say that, I cannot tell you!" Lizzy gushed. "I did not think you so very affected by Mr. Carver, but Mama feared you heartbroken."

"Not for him, fear not." She smiled up weakly at her sister. Only for the way I have disappointed Mama and failed to do my duty by all of you.

"I suppose I owe you and answer now, do I not?" Lizzy sighed, drawing her knees up to her chest. "I went to visit the Carver sisters just before they left. Mr. Carver had me brought to his study, I was not permitted to see the girls. He spoke to me of his reasons for quitting Netherfield."

Jane's look of surprise melted into consternation as she saw the pain in her sister's eyes.

"Lyddie and Kitty were correct, he did find the company here objectionable." Frowning, Lizzy sighed. "But he did not speak to me of officers nor their wives. He said it was…" her voice faltered.

"Our sisters—Kitty and Lydia—it was them he objected to?" Jane finished for her. I am so sorry he told you as well.

"How did you know?"

"He was not a man to keep his opinions to himself, you know. While he never came out to say it directly, I could piece together his true meaning easily enough." Shaking her head, Jane gracefully rose and walked to the window. "Sadly, I am all too aware that it was the indiscretions of our family that drove the Carvers from Meryton. I am just sorry that you had to hear it from him." Turning back to her sister, she added. "It is selfish of me to be pleased though. I am so relieved to have someone to share this burden with."

"I am glad to share it with you. Carrying it alone was too much for me as well." Lizzy joined her sister at the window and embraced her warmly. "We shall bear this together."

Finally they returned to sit by the table again. With a sigh, Lizzy laughed to herself. "I suppose then we should thank our sisters for freeing you from the burden of rejecting a suitor you did not wish for." She cocked her head and smiled wistfully.

"Only Lizzy, my optimistic sister, could fashion such a sentiment!" Jane shook her head in dismay. "How can you laugh so?"

"If I do not, I will cry." Lizzy bit her lower lip, blinking hard to hold back her tears.

"I did not mean to say you were unfeeling, dearest! Only that I envy you your ability to find something to smile about, even in the midst of all this." Jane reached to lay her soft hand on Lizzy's shoulder.

"I envy your equanimity and gentleness. I will never have your goodness." She reached to clasp her elder sister's hand warmly.

They sat in companionable silence as Lizzy finished her breakfast. Finally though, Lizzy broke the stillness. "So then, what are we to do? Knowing what we do, as fact and not simply gossip, what do we do? I cannot imagine for a moment that doing nothing is the wisest course."

Jane drew a breath to respond, but was stopped by a soft rapping at the door.

Looking quizzically at her sister, Lizzy shrugged. "Come in."

A moment later, Mary's face appeared in the doorway, and her sisters beckoned her in. "Is it all right…may I…" she stammered timidly. They have never invited me to be part of their intimacy, but never have I asked before either.

Jane smiled broadly, exuding a genuine warmth into the still chilly room. "Of course, Mary. We would welcome your company." Gracefully she rose to take her sister's hand and draw her in.

"You are very welcome to join us whenever you wish," Lizzy added gently.

"Thank you," Mary perched on the end of the bed near her sisters.

For a moment the silence became awkward. The older sisters exchanged questioning glances briefly before nodding in agreement.

I wonder what they are saying to each other like that. They seem to understand each other so well. Mary sighed as she watched them.

"Jane and I were just talking of some of the same things you and I spoke of yesterday." Elizabeth took a distracted sip of her tea. "Would you be willing to tell Jane what you told me you overheard in town?"

Mary's eyes widened in surprise at the request.

"Oh dear!" Jane exclaimed, biting her fist. "Not there as well? What has been said?" Alarm filled her eyes.

Despite the bleakness of the topic, Mary's cheeks flushed with warmth. They are truly including me, not just making small talk until I depart. Quickly Mary described her mortifying experience again.

"So it is not just Mr. Carver who sees our sisters so unfavorably," Lizzy concluded with a serious look at her elder sister.

"Mr. Carver! Is that why…" Mary exclaimed, covering her mouth with her hands.

"I am afraid that is what he said." Lizzy frowned deeply, her full lips pressed together in a hard line.

"What are we to do?" Mary looked from one sister to the other. "How many of our neighbors will begin to consider us cut from the same cloth?" I have tried so hard not to follow in their silliness, I do not want to be painted with their brush! It is unfair! Does it count for nothing that I have not done such things?

"We were just considering that when you came in." Jane sighed softly. "I fear we are in a difficult position."

"With Mama and Papa as they are…" Lizzy's voice took on a decidedly angry note.

"But we must honour them. Are we not taught…" Mary protested immediately.

Lizzy looked sharply at her younger sister, exasperation in her sigh. "Yes but…"

Jane laid a gentle hand on Mary's arm. "Perhaps it would be best…"

"If you were not always sermonizing," Lizzy finished irritably.

Mary's green eyes welled with tears. She blinked furiously to keep them from falling. "I…I did not know. Is that why everyone seems to avoid me so?" She turned to her eldest sister for counsel. I should leave them to their conversation, they do not have room for me.

Sympathetic tears filled Jane's eyes as she sadly nodded.

Mary dropped her face into her hands and wept softly. She rose, turning her back on the other girls and stepped toward the door. I knew better. I should never have said anything. I do not belong…

"I am sorry, Mary," Lizzy rose quickly and went to embrace her sister. "I was wrong to be so short with you. Please forgive me."

Jane looked on, aching for Mary. Oh Lizzy, I understand why she irritates you, but do you realize how much you sadden her with your reproach? How can I help you to understand one another?

"I should go," Mary murmured through her hands. She tried to pull away.

"Please do not. I was wrong, Mary, and I have often been wrong in the way I have treated you. You were such a dear companion to me yesterday when I very much needed it. I would be sorry indeed not to have that again." She held the younger girl for a long moment.

Finally Mary lifted her head and looked at her sister. "I do not wish to be a bother to you," she whispered, looking away.

Jane joined the two near the door. "You are no bother, Mary." She guided them both back to sit on the edge of the bed.

Tearfully, the youngest girl looked up into Jane's kind eyes. "I am truly so disturbing…"

Jane sighed, brushing stray curls back from Mary's forehead. "You are not disturbing dearest. But not everyone wishes…"

"To hear a sermon?" Mary glanced at Lizzy, the hurt still evident in her eyes.

"It is not so much what you are saying," Elizabeth protested, "but how you are saying it."

"Perhaps if you could find a different way to express yourself you might find your thoughts more welcome," Jane carefully suggested.

Mary's brow creased thoughtfully as she considered the suggestion. "I never thought of that."

With a tentative smile, Lizzy nodded. "I do believe our dear sister is correct." Leave it to you Jane to find a way to say such a thing kindly.

"Would it have been accurate for you to have said just now that in whatever we would choose to do, you would like to see that Mama and Papa are still honoured?" Jane looked hopefully at the younger girl.

A look of understanding dawned. "Yes, it would be. I think I understand what you are saying. It does indeed sound different, but it does convey what I was trying to say."

"Is it possible that this is what is meant when we are taught that a gentle answer turns away wrath*?" Blue eyes blinked encouragingly.

"I see! Jane, thank you! I understand." Mary's forehead creased in thought. "I think I do. I will try to do what you have said, although I fear I will not be good at it at first." A timid smile bloomed.

"I would never have thought to say it that way." Lizzy confessed with a tender smile at her eldest sister. "I am embarrassed to admit what a difference that makes. As much as you are going to try, Mary, so will I. If I become short with you, you have my permission to remind me that I must be more patient." Jane is quick enough to let me know!

"I would like you to tell me if I need to watch my words, please."

"It seems then we can help each other." Lizzy agreed.

Jane sighed thoughtfully, "Perhaps this is what we need to do." He rubbed her knuckles across her lips, considering.

Elizabeth smoothed a few stray hairs back. "I am not sure I understand you."

"I do not see that it is our place to correct our parents. But we can correct ourselves," Jane explained.

"Indeed, we are each to carry our own load," Mary agreed, biting her lip and checking Lizzy's reaction, sighing when she received approval.

"I have no wish to argue with or direct our parents, I agree," Lizzy nodded. "We can hardly expect our sisters to change if we do not first do what we need to do. I have written to our Aunt Gardiner for advice. Perhaps she can give us direction on how to do what we must." I do so hope to hear from her soon. I need her so much right now.

"That is good, Lizzy! I know of no one who does not admire our aunt. Often I have heard her complimented as being a fine lady, despite her connections in trade. She certainly would be a fitting guide for us." For the first time that morning, Jane looked encouraged.

The optimism spread to Mary. "Since she is family, perhaps it would not be such an offense to Mama that we ask advice from her."

"That is a good thought! While I wait for my letter to come, we should employ the time effectively. Do you think you could search your books of sermons for advice that we might implement?" I hope I do not regret making that suggestion.

"I will try, Lizzy, but I fear…"

"There is no need to fear," Jane cut in quickly, "just note what you think important, and we can discuss it together each night. For my part, I will speak with Mama and with Hill, and try to come to a better understanding of what it means to be the mistress of an estate. I believe I can do so without causing Mama to feel reproach."

If anyone can do that it would be Jane. "I think that is a good plan." Lizzy felt a weight lift from her shoulders. "Perhaps we can interest our younger sisters in our efforts once we ourselves know what must be done."

"I know that Kitty longs to be admired," Mary offered hesitantly. "She follows Lydia because she believes that Lydia is admired, and that if she follows her, she will be as well. If she saw there was another way to gain attention and praise, I believe it would not be difficult to persuade her to try a different means."

"That is good to hear." Jane encouraged. Perhaps they are not as far gone as I had feared

"I am embarrassed I did not know that either. I am beginning to see that I have been a shockingly neglectful elder sister." Lizzy blushed with her confession.

"Let us…" Mary stopped, thought for a moment, then continued, "I would like it if we could press on to what is ahead instead of finding recriminations for the past."

Hugging her younger sister, Jane encouraged, "Well done, Mary."

Perhaps there is hope for the Bennet sisters after all.

*Pv 15:1