32. Bonus Chapter: Simon's POV Part 3

Simon's P.O.V.- (Middle of the night before Anthony arrived in Edinburgh)

"Simon….. Simon." That voice…. That sweet, sweet voice. "Simon….." I know that voice.

"Simon."

Knowing I was dreaming, or in the middle of a dream, I was at an all too familiar place- at my father's bedside where he lay dying. Staring down at his pathetic body, I remembered all the pain, all the hatred he stirred up in me. That's all I thought I could feel for a long time- nothing but hatred… hatred and internal strife. But things were changing; they were slowly changing for me.

I'd never experienced this part of the dream before, but the bedroom door behind us opened. I glanced over my shoulder to see someone standing there- a woman. Her long, flowing hair rested so naturally behind her. Her skin was soft and silky. She stood there looking at me…. And she was the most beautiful thing I'd ever seen.

We starred at each other for I know not how long; time didn't seem to exist in my dream. Eventually however, her lush red lips parted. "You're in pain," she stated matter-of-factly. A smirk came to my own lips- a sad smirk. "When am I ever not in pain?" Her eyes softened, still fixed onto me. Her slender hand rested on the door frame. I noticed the bandage wrapped around the wound on its palm. "You are going to cause me a great deal of pain as well."

My eyes widened in shock and horror. "No, I would never do anything to hurt you." "Then let me in, for both our sakes." "I can't…." Her lips shut, then opened again. "Then I will suffer; we shall suffer together, until you can learn to love me more than you hate him." "Love you?" My heart skipped a beat. Love her… Love this beautiful woman, this celestial creature? As if reading my face, a smile blossomed across hers. "Yes. Love me as I've grown to love you." "You… love me?" I felt my whole body tingle in that instance. No one… had ever said those three little words to me before. Her eyes simply softened in reaction. "I love you.

I said it to you each and every day, in ways you never knew."

I couldn't stop staring at her. But then, somewhat reluctantly, my gaze shifted back to the horrid man lying motionless in the bed. Then they drifted out into space. Love… Something I used to want but came to understand could never be mine- not truly. That path, that destiny was not for me. I was meant for something else; something else entirely.

But here she is, telling me those sacred words of tenderness. How can I possibly respond to her? How can tell her that I love her back? Do I… love her? But one look confirmed it all. Oh, who am I kidding; how could I not? Look at her… I know her. If I were blind, I'd know what she is. And it's true… I see her and I know it's true.

Before I knew it, I'd grown to love her so much.

Sensing my resolve, this precious woman let her hand fall down from the doorframe. She entered the room, coming right up to me, standing in front of me. I spun my heels around so to face her. My heart beat a mile a minute when her hand raised to rest overtop it. Her palm and fingers pressed into my shirt. She stared straight up into my eyes. "No matter what you do now, going forward…. know that I can't stop- not anymore. I've fallen in love, Simon Basset. You can't rely on time to heal the wounds you will inflict; it will not mend my broken heart. Time stands still when we're apart….

And I'm going to miss you so, so much."

My eyes shot open for real this time. You know when you jolt awake from a nightmare? That literally just happened to me. I woke up with a shock, completely forgetting my dream in the process. Dream… Or it must have been a nightmare, judging by how violently I awoke. Instinctively I rubbed my eyes with the back of my hand; my other hand was preoccupied with something. It took me a second to realize that I was sitting in an upright position on what felt to be a hard floor. The room was very dark with a sliver of streetlight coming in through the slit in the curtains. I didn't know where I was or what the time could be, but when I went to pull my other hand free from whatever it was grasping onto, my head turned and everything came flooding back in an instance.

Daphne! I was still in Daphne's room! It hit me that I didn't leave her room last night; it was still the middle of the night! I had fallen asleep on the floor propped up against her bed. Daphne was sleeping like a baby, and we were still… My heart raced as I sensed her tight grip on my palm. We're still holding hands! We must have been doing so for hours now! Oh, god; what have I done?! I've never stayed in a woman's room this late before- I'd never stayed in a woman's room for any length of time period! What's Daphne going to say? The colour drained from my cheeks. What's Anthony going to say?

Realizing that my best course of action was to slip out of here as quickly as possible, I struggled to wiggle myself around on the floor so to face Daphne's bed. The only problem now was getting her to let go of my hand; she held it so daintily while she was awake but had an iron grip on it currently. It's almost as if she didn't want to let it go… Too bad! I gotta get outta before anyone catches us! While I trying to pry myself free without waking her, she stirred a little. This made me stop in my tracks and I could do nothing but look at her for a minute. The small amount of light allowed me to get a good view of Daphne, who was sleeping soundly on her side with her hair spread out all over the pillow.

My heart skipped a beat- several beats. Looking at her, I felt… I felt different; like I was seeing something I'd never beheld before. Daphne… She was gorgeous! I'd never really thought about it before but seeing her asleep like this- man! What a face! So angelic and peaceful. She wasn't your standard "hot" or "sexy" per se. She was more rather like a living work of art; a walking sculpture, a flesh and blood painting. She was the kind of woman I imagine gave the great Italian artists inspiration for the ladies in their art. I could stare at her for hours and still find new things to admire and blow me away each minute. I'd never get bored, watching her quietly like this. I didn't know someone could possibly have so much all at once. I used to think people were just people. But her…. She was something else; something else entirely.

Admiring her for I don't know how long, my free hand came up to brush some stray hairs off her forehead. She moaned a tiny bit, making me smile. She so unbelievably precious. I can fathom something or someone more worthwhile on earth…

I had to stop my train of thought. My smile began to fade uneasily. Why do I suddenly have this strange feeling in my chest? Why does it feel like something's wrong? Like I'm doing something wrong? I took my free hand away, placing it on the ground beside me. I was unable to take my eyes off her as I started to stir.

No… I know what's wrong. This is wrong. This is…. I can't…. I can't give her what she needs; not from me. She needs a husband, someone who can give her wings so she can soar into her dreams. But I… "I will never marry. I will never sire an heir. The Hastings line will die with me." Even if I have fallen in love with her, it makes no difference. I can't marry Daphne; I can't be the wings she needs. So what's the point in loving her then? What's the point?

I continued to stare at her stunning slumbering face, and its content expression. My teeth grit a little. Why? Why did I have to let it get this far? Why did I have let myself be so happy whenever she's near? Why did I have to reach out and take her hand? Now I know I'll never meet anyone like her again. No one says my name the way she does; no voice catches my attention from anywhere in the room like hers. No one will ever make me feel the way she has…. And I'm going to lose her; I'm going to lose everything. This wonderful, wonderful person…. No man will ever be good enough for her; no one will ever deserve her- not even I. No one…..

Daphne stirred some more again and I saw the blanket had slipped off her shoulders a bit. My other hand immediately reached to grab them and pull them back over her, only for Daphne to move some more again. My heart skipped another beat as I let the blanket fall, making sure she was properly covered and warm of course. Her head shifted a tiny bit on her pillow. Her lips parted to whisper. "Simon…."

My eyes grew as large as dinner plates. She's… she's having a dream about me?! Is it weird that makes me so happy I want to explode inside? Wait, no! I gave myself a really, really mental kick that time. You've got to stop doing that! She's not yours! She'll never be yours! Daphne is the most loyal, most faithful person you've ever met; she's saving her love for her husband, as it should be. I should let her go before either of us gets anymore attached. Although deep down- deep, deep down- I already know… The man who marries her is winning the matrimonial lottery. It doesn't get better than this, than her…. I mean just look at her. She has this kind of glow around her. She's the closest thing I've ever seen to a real angel.

The kind of angel that makes even the devil want to get into heaven for her.