32. Leave You Breathless With A Nasty Scar

Thanks for the reviews! I'm so glad you guys liked the wedding. I hope that you enjoy what's to come.

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The sound of the waves hitting against the beach drew Erin from her slumber. Her hazel eyes fluttered open and focused on the curtains blowing in the open window breeze.

She and Jay had gotten to Florida yesterday afternoon and had settled in at the small beach house they'd rented for the week and spent the majority of yesterday shopping for bedding and groceries for the kitchen.

Erin stretched and sat up in bed, covering her naked form with the comforter. She ran a hand through her messy hair and looked over at Jay's empty side of the bed. The sound of pans clanging and the word "Fuck" signaled to Erin it was time to get out of bed.

She slipped out of bed and slipped on a pair of panties and grabbed Jay's black button down dress shirt on and buttoned as she walked down the hall to the kitchen of the beach house.

Erin turned the corner and stopped in the doorway when she saw Jay. He stood at the counter wearing a pair of pajama pants and nothing else. She watched as the muscles in his bare back flexed as he stirred something in a bowl. Erin bit her lip and walked over to him and placed her hands on his lower back before running them around to his front and giving him a kiss on his shoulder blade as she hugged him from the back.

"I hate to break this to you, but I'm a married man" Jay paused from mixing the pancake batter and sighed when he felt Erin place another kiss on his back.

"You are?" Erin asked running her hand down over Jay's abs and to the waistband of his pajama bottoms. "She must be pretty hot"

"She'd be a lot hotter if she didn't drool in her sleep" Jay shrugged his shoulders and he smiled when he heard Erin scoff and pull her arms away from him.

"I don't drool" Erin raised an eyebrow as she walked around Jay and leaned against the counter.

"Like a St. Bernard" Jay looked up from the pancake batter and over to Erin.

"You're an asshole" Erin frowned and looked out the window.

"Aw, baby I'm sorry" Jay let go of the whisk and bowl and reached his hand down and took Erin by the arm and pulled her to him.

Jay bent his head down to kiss Erin and she turned her head away as his lips grazed against her cheek.

"Sure you are" Erin rolled her eyes as she felt Jay run his hand across her cheek and gently tilt her head up towards him.

Jay leaned his head down and nuzzled Erin's neck. He smiled as he heard her sigh when he placed a kiss on the spot where her shoulder and neck met. "Have I mentioned that my wife is also incredibly sexy, smart, driven, kind, beautiful and her ass? Out of this world"

Erin opened the eyes that she'd closed when Jay kissed her neck. "You know, I should tell you I have a husband"

"Oh?" Jay asked pulling back to look at Erin. "I bet he's a sex God. Best you've ever had"

Erin shrugged her shoulders "Eh, he's ok. I've had better. There's this firefighter back home that kept me on my toes, my back, my kne..."

"Alright" Jay interrupted Erin and shook his head. "That's enough"

"Aw, poor baby. You started it" Erin reached past Jay and grabbed a grape from the bunch that was in the bowl on the table and plopped it in her mouth.

"Yeah? I finished it, too" Jay frowned.

"Touchy this morning, Mr. Halstead?" Erin asked reaching over grab another grape.

"Well, somebody kept me up kind of late last night" Jay reached back down for the bowl of pancake batter and moved over to the griddle that he'd warmed up.

Erin folded her arms over her chest and tilted her head to the side. "Pretty sure you weren't complaining last night"

"I don't know what you're talking about" Jay said as he poured a scoopful of the batter down onto the griddle.

Erin bit her lip and she walked over to Jay as she furrowed her brow. "I know there's the thing called pregnancy brain and, I know it was kind of late when we got back from dinner, but I'm pretty sure that was you I was riding last night"

"That was you?" Jay asked looking over his bare shoulder at Erin.

"Yeah..." Erin raised an eyebrow as she nodded.

"Oh" Jay said looking back at the pancakes on the griddle. "I thought that was Allie"

Erin's smile fell and she suppressed the flicker of rage that filled her. "Ok, so the ex jokes. Turns out they're not funny"

"You just catching onto that?" Jay asked as he flipped a pancake.

"Sorry" Erin walked over to Jay and placed a kiss on his shoulder and he lifted his arm and wrapped it around her.

"Is that my shirt?" Jay asked looking from the pancakes over to Erin.

"Yeah..." Erin tilted her head to the side as she looked at Jay. "Why?"

"No reason. I just am surprised to see you wear it. You did spend a small fortune on pajamas before the wedding" Jay reached down and grabbed a slice of bacon before turning his attention to his wife.

"I can take it off if you'd like" Erin shrugged her shoulders and grabbed the slice of bacon in Jay's hand and broke it in half, taking the half she'd broken off and plopping it into her mouth.

Jay groaned as he felt Erin move out of his grasp and reach for the top button on his dress shirt. He brought his hand up to grasp Erin's as she moved to the second button.

"As much as I'd like that. And spend our morning in the bedroom, you need to eat some breakfast" Jay brought Erin's hand up to his lips and kissed it before letting go of it.

"I am hungry" Erin confessed. While her husband looked beyond sexy standing next to her shirtless and his pajama bottoms hanging off his hips over his sculpted from stone body. The smell of pancakes and bacon were dragging her attention away from Jay.

"I figured you might be" Jay turned the griddle off and placed the pancakes in a plate before turning to Erin.

"You know me well" Erin said as Jay wrapped his arms around her and pulled her to him as he lowered his lips to hers.

"As I should" Jay whispered as he pulled back from the kiss. He brought his hand down and placed it over Erin's dress shirt covered stomach.

"And how is my son today?" Jay asked.

Erin bit her lip as she placed her hand on top of Jay's "Our daughter, is doing just fine"

"Daughter, huh?" Jay asked "We'll see at your doctor's appointment"

Erin was quiet for a few moments "Actually, I think I want to be surprised"

"Surprised?" Jay repeated. "This from the girl who spent the whole plane ride talking about paint colors"

Erin shrugged her shoulders "It's one of life's last real surprises"

Jay nodded as his blue eyes shined down at Erin "So, we're going to wait?"

Erin nodded "Yes"

"On one condition" Jay raised an eyebrow as his lips turned into a smile.

"What's that?" Erin asked closing her eyes as she felt Jay lean down. Fully expecting him to kiss her.

"Don't turn hormonal on me" Jay said his lips just touching Erin's.

"Deal" Erin agreed as she felt Jay's lips close onto hers.

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3 Weeks Later

"What the hell is taking so long?" Erin shouted through her apartment. "We're going to be late for work"

Jay rolled his eyes as he grabbed his badge off of the dresser in the bedroom. It had been three weeks since he and Erin had gotten back from their honeymoon.

"So much for the I won't turn hormonal agreement" Jay thought to himself as he walked out of his bedroom and over to the door where Erin was standing.

"Took you long enough" Erin sighed and opened the door and walked down the hall. "We're going to be late. Hank's going to be pissed"

"Erin, we've got 20 minutes to get there. We live five blocks away. We'll make it" Jay assured shutting the apartment door behind him and walking down the hall after Erin.

"If we don't get stuck in work traffic" Erin pressed the down button on the elevator.

"We never get stuck in traffic" Jay reminded Erin. As the elevator doors dinged and then opened.

"You just know so much don't you Jay?" Erin stepped into the elevator.

"You want to clue me in on what I've done to piss you off already? I mean it's 7:37am" Jay said looking down at his watch.

"I don't know, how about the fact that we woke up at six and we're just now leaving. My God, what were you doing in the bathroom for so long?" Erin asked looking over at her husband.

"Are you kidding me? I was in there for 15 minutes. I took a shower and got ready in those 15 minutes. You're the one who was in there at six am. You're the one who didn't come out until 7:05am. So if you want someone to blame, look in the mirror" Jay shot as the elevator came to a stop and the doors opened.

"Well I'm sorry! Ok? Nothing fits me anymore. Ok. Nothing. Do you know what it's like to have nothing that fits you?" Erin asked throwing her hands up in the air as she and Jay walked to the car.

"What about those 100 pairs of black leggings you have? Wear that" Jay offered.

"Are you serious? Do you hear yourself right now?" Erin got in the driver's side and slammed the door.

Jay got in the car and reached for his seat belt as Erin fastened hers. "What did I say now?"

"I. Can't. Wear. Leggings. To. Work" Erin said slowly. She started the car and flipped the blinker on as she pulled out onto the road.

"Alright. I'm sorry. But it's not like you're actually on stings with us. You're working the desk. Wear what you want" Jay said looking out the window.

The seat belt caught Jay when his body lurched forward as the car came to a stop when Erin slammed on the brakes.

"Jesus, Erin. What the hell?" Jay sat back and looked at her.

"What did you just say to me?" Erin asked throwing the car into park.

"I didn't say anything" Jay shook his head.

"You're job isn't more important than mine Jay" Erin spat. Her hazel eyes were filled with not only rage but hurt.

"I didn't say it was, Erin. I never once said that what I do is more important than what you do at the moment" Jay looked back as the cars behind him honked. "Could you go on down the road please?"

Erin exhaled and let her foot off of the break pedal "It's how you said it"

"How I said it?" Jay asked. What the hell was she talking about? Jay didn't know why she was so pissed.

He didn't understand, the girl lived in leggings. Every night they came home, she'd put leggings on. Their days off? Leggings. Shopping? Leggings. He just thought it was the next solution.

"I'm done talking. So shut up" Erin shot and kept focused on the road.

Jay rolled his eyes as he looked out the window as they continued down the road to the precinct. Jay didn't know what to do. This hormonal side of Erin was new for both her and him. He felt like he was walking through a field of land mines around her the past few days. The slightest things were setting her off and he didn't understand what to do to help her. If she wasn't yelling at him over something, she was crying about something. He wasn't expecting this. Which is probably why he should read the baby books she bought and insisted he read. Only to turn around and bitch at him for not reading them the day she got them.

He didn't want to argue with her. He knew this was hard for her. Her body changing and her hormones going crazy, He just wanted to be able to help her.

Jay reached his hand out and placed it on Erin's knee as she pulled into a parking spot in front of District 21. He gave her knee a gentle squeeze and heard a soft sob escape her lungs. Jay looked over as Erin brought her hands up and covered her face.

"Erin, it's ok" Jay offered as a show of support.

"It's not" Erin strangled out between cries. "You don't know what this is like. I'm always tired, my boobs hurt, my jeans don't fit. And I've eaten so many pancakes that I'm probably going to get a yeast infection from all the yeast I've consumed"

Jay laughed as he unbuckled his seat belt.

"It's not funny" Erin kept crying as she felt Jay lean over and wrap his arms around her.

"I'm sorry" Jay offered and placed a kiss on Erin's head.

"I don't want to be like this. I'm sorry" Erin explained as she wiped her eyes and looked up at Jay. "I'm sorry"

Jay shook his head "Baby, you don't have anything to be sorry for"

After a few moments Erin pulled away from Jay and pulled the visor down to look at herself in the mirror. "Oh, I ruined my makeup"

Jay shook his head "Baby, you're beautiful. Now let's go inside"

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Jay and Erin walked up the steps of the precinct as Ruzek walked out of the break room.

"What's up guys?" Adam asked. The smile on his face fell when he saw that Erin had clearly been crying. "What..."

Adam looked over Erin's shoulder at Jay who was shaking his head "No" and waving his hand as a cue for Adam to not ask.

Erin walked past Adam and into the break room. She opened up the fridge and pulled out an individual orange juice and opened it.

"Halstead" Voight called from his office.

"On my way" Jay said standing up from his desk.

"Not you" Voight said.

Erin took a long drink of her orange juice and walked out of the break room. "I'm coming"

Hank waited as Erin walked over to him and he stepped out of the way as she walked in and sat door and he closed the door behind him.

"How you feeling kid?" Hank asked as he walked around his desk and sat down.

"I'm fine" Erin said taking a drink of her orange juice.

"You sure?" Hank asked opening a drawer on his desk.

"Is that why you asked me in here? To annoy me? Cause you're doing a good job" Erin sat back in the chair and tapped her foot on the floor.

"No. What time's your doctor's appointment today?" Hank asked.

"My ultrasound is at 5pm" Erin answered.

"Are you and Jay coming over for dinner after?" Hank asked looking up at Erin. A small smile on his face "I was going to grill out and I thought that...Halstead could help me bring Justin's old crib down from storage"

Erin shook her head "No. I don't think so"

"Oh.." Hank's small smile fell and he reached down into the desk and grabbed an envelope. "This came for you"

Erin looked at the envelope that Voight pushed across the table to her. "What is it?"

"It's a letter from the court of appeals in Detroit. Kyle Smith is up for parole" Voight folded his arms over his chest as he looked at Erin.

"What?" Erin asked grabbing the letter and opening it.

Erin's eyes skimmed down through the letter that was explaining that Kyle Smith the man who helped tie her to a bed the night that she was almost murdered was set to go before the parole board and be released.

"He's served more than half of his sentence. He's up for good behavior" Voight explained.

"What do they want from me?" Erin asked her eyes looking up from the paper to Hank.

"They want you there to give a statement" Voight explained.

"When would I go?" Erin asked.

"The parole hearing is Friday. But I wouldn't advise you going" Hank said.

"I'm not afraid of him" Erin laid the letter down on Hank's desk.

Hank shook his head as he looked at Erin. "It's not about that. You don't need to be traveling 4 hours away to see some asshole who was an accessory to attempted murder. Not to mention assault on a police officer and a list of other charges from money laundering and..."

"Hank, I'm not afraid of him" Erin repeated and dropped her hand down the her stomach.

Over the last two weeks, baby Halstead's presence had become more apparent. With a small bump that now pressed against the fabric of Erin's tshirt. Erin placed her hand over her stomach as Hank looked at her.

"I think it's for the best that you don't go. I can't stop you. But I think it's too much stress on you" Hank advised.

"Yeah and what if I don't go and he gets released and comes looking for me?" Erin asked.

"Then he'll regret the day that he ever stepped foot across the state line" Hank said simply.

"I'll just have to talk to Jay about it. He'll take me" Erin said picking up the letter from the table and walking to the door.

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"Over my dead body" Jay said as he sat in the chair at Dr. Backus' office.

Erin rolled her eyes as she laid on the exam table. "Why?"

Jay stood up from his seat and looked at Erin. "You're kidding me right?"

Erin turned her head and looked over at Jay. "No, I'm not going to live in fear the rest of my life. I want to move on past what happened to me"

Jay put his hands in his jean pockets and he tried to choose his words wisely. He knew this was going to be a battle, and if Erin wasn't pregnant, maybe things would be different. But she was pregnant and there was no way in Hell that he was going to let his wife and unborn child cross state line to go to some parole hearing for the man who aided in her brutal attack. "I know that you are stubborn, I get it, Erin. It's one of the many reasons I fell in love with you...but, I'm asking you as your husband, please don't go"

Erin was about to respond when Dr. Backus knocked on the door and opened it.

"Mr. and Mrs. Halstead. How are you both doing today?" Dr. Backus asked a smile on her face as she extended her hand to Jay and Erin.

"We're great" Jay answered walking over to Erin's side by the exam table and taking a seat.

"Wonderful" Dr. Backus said as she walked over to the exam table. "How are you feeling, Erin?"

"I'm good" Erin said with a smile.

"Any nausea? Cramping?" Dr. Backus asked looking at Erin's chart.

"No. Nothing at all. Just always tired" Erin confessed.

"And grumpy" Jay mumbled.

Erin turned her head and looked at Jay raising her eyebrow at him. Jay in turn shrugged his shoulders. "Just being honest"

Erin turned her head back to Dr. Backus "Just ignore him"

Dr. Backus smiled and made a note on Erin's chart. "You two are fine, believe me it's a change from what I see on a daily basis"

Erin nodded and looked at Jay and narrowed her eyes as Dr. Backus stood and washed her hands.

"Are you wanting to find out the sex today?" Dr. Backus asked as she dried her hands and walked over to the ultrasound machine.

"No, we're going to wait. Be surprised" Erin explained.

Dr. Backus nodded "Sounds like a plan. We will just see how the baby is doing today"

Erin and Jay watched as Dr. Backus pulled Erin's shirt up over her small bump and squirted the ultrasound gel onto her stomach before grabbing the wand.

Erin reached for Jay's hand as Dr. Backus placed the wand on Erin's abdomen and the screen lit up. Dr. Backus turned the screen so that Erin and Jay could see.

"Everything looks great, guys" Dr. Backus said looking at the screen. She raised her hand and touched the screen. "You see that? That's a hand. Looks like baby is saying "Hi mom and dad""

Erin smiled and turned her gaze from the screen to Jay. His gaze was focused on the screen as he looked at his child.

"Everything is ok?" Jay asked.

Dr. Backus nodded and turned the volume up on the machine as the sound of Baby Halstead's beating heart filled the room. "Everything is perfect"

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Hank Voight stood in his kitchen as he looked in his fridge for something to make for dinner. There was no point in starting up the grill up for just one person, so he was debating on what to fix in place of it.

He shut the door and decided that he'd just order out. He walked into the living room and grabbed the phone off of the base when there was a knock on the door.

Hank sat the phone down and took a few steps around the corner and opened the door.

"Hey" Erin said looking at him.

"What's wrong?" Hank asked looking from Erin to Jay who was walking up the porch steps with a grocery bag in his arm.

"We're hungry. You invited us to dinner" Erin gave a slight shrug as she looked at Hank.

"I thought you said you weren't coming" Hank said.

Of course he'd never admit it, but he couldn't deny the fact that the presence of the two people in front of him made him feel a lot less lonely.

"Oh" Erin said. "Well, if you already have other plans"

"Well, you did come all the way over. I could start up the grill" Hank offered.

"Sounds good to me" Jay said walking past Erin and into Voight's home. "Let's eat"

Hank looked at Jay as he walked past him and then looked back at Erin who shook her head and walked in the door.

"How was your doctor's appointment?" Hank asked as Erin slipped her coat off.

"Good. Dr. Backus said everything looks great" Erin said pulling the sonogram picture out and handing it to Hank.

"Looking good" Voight said looking down at the picture. "Good news Jay, baby doesn't look anything like you"

"Funny" Jay rolled his eyes as he walked into the kitchen and unloaded to paper grocery bag.

Erin laughed and folded her arms over herself. Who'd have thought that the two men she loved the most in the world would be putting things aside and actually making an effort to get along? Leave it to a baby to change everything.

"You feel up to making something for dessert?" Voight asked.

"Sure" Erin nodded.

"Great" Hank said as Erin walked past him and he followed her into the kitchen.

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One Week Later

Erin sat in the passenger seat of Kim's car as they pulled in front of the Ryan Detention Center in Detroit.

"I'm all for helping you out Erin, you're my best friend, but this...this is a bit much. I mean you know Jay's going to be pissed" Kim turned her car off and looked over at Erin.

"I'll deal with Jay when I get home. And besides he just thinks we're having a girl's day" Erin opened the passenger side door and got out.

"I just..." Burgess started.

"Kim, are you going to come in or are you going to sit in the car?" Erin asked shutting the door and walking towards the detention center doors.

"I'm coming" Kim called as she unbuckled her seat belt and quickly followed after Erin into the building.

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30 minutes later Erin was sitting in a small room with a few officers and Kyle Smith's attorney. Erin's leg shook as the doors opened and Kyle walked in with handcuffs on and a policeman behind him.

Erin felt panic radiate through her and she instinctively brought her hand to her stomach covering it. Memories of that night on the boat came flooding back to her and she covered her mouth as a strangled sob escaped her lips.

Kim looked over at Erin and reached out to touch her shoulder. "Maybe we should go"

Erin shook her head "No. I want him to hear what I have to say"

Kim nodded and looked down at her phone at Adam's text as her stomach knotted.

Jay knows where you guys are.

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As the parole hearing went on Erin listened as the parole board read off Kyle's charges and notes from his time served. Kyle sat in silence his back towards Erin and his head down.

"Mrs. Halstead" One of the parole board members called. "Would you like to come and give a statement?"

Erin nodded and stood on shaky legs as she walked to the front of the room.

She made it to the chair at the front of the room and took a seat. Her eyes met the sunken and vacant gaze of Kyle Smith and Erin had to fight the bile that rose from her stomach. Erin looked down at her legs and then at the parole board.

"I understand that Mr. Smith is young and he made a mistake. Everyone has a past. People get involved in the wrong things with the wrong crowds when they feel like they don't have any options left. Believe me, I've been there. I've done things that I'm not proud of. I've done things that I wish I could take back. But, I also live with the memory of what happened to me every single day. Those months following the attack were a nightmare. I became a person that I didn't know and I'm still trying to get back to who I used to be. I shut out the people that I love the most and hurt the people who I love the most. But I realize now that, I don't want to spend the rest of my life being this bitter person" Erin paused as she took a shaky breath.

Her eyes rose to meet Kyle's and she gasped when she felt a slight flutter in her stomach. The first movement of her child. And her husband wasn't there to experience it with her.

"It's because of the people who love me that got me through what Mr. Smith was a part of..." Erin placed her hand on her stomach and looked down as she felt the flutter again "I have so much good ahead of me. So I don't want to live in the past anymore. I can only hope that Mr. Smith...Kyle, finds the good in his life. I hope that he can surround himself with people who love him. So that he can become the kind of man he should be. So, I forgive you, Kyle. Not just for me...but for you. I hated you for a long time, but holding a grudge is like drinking poison and waiting for the other person to die. I think that you should get your parole. But I think you need to seek help. I hope this is the last time I ever have to see you. Get your life straightened out Kyle. This is your second chance. You won't get a third"

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It was after 9pm when Erin and Kim made it back to Chicago. Kim dropped Erin off at Jay's apartment and Erin yawned as she walked up to the door and unlocked it.

Erin opened the door and she smiled when she heard the shower turn off. She walked over and sat down on Jay's bed and slipped her shoes off, she turned towards the bathroom door when she heard it open, and she smiled when she saw Jay clad in only a towel. His facial features were blank as he looked at her and simply asked.

"You went to Detroit didn't you?"

Erin's breath hitched in her throat "What?"

Jay's gaze never wavered as he asked his question again.

"You went to see Kyle, didn't you Erin?"

Erin closed her eyes, defeated, before looking up at him again. She couldn't lie to him.

She wouldn't lie to him. She made a mental note to thank Ruzek for covering for her so well.

"Yes, I did." Erin admitted in a voice barely above a whisper.

Jay ripped his towel off and tossed it onto the floor as he opened the drawer, getting a clean pair of boxers.

"Damn it Erin! Why would you do that? Why would you risk that?"

Jay continued to angrily get dressed as Erin stood and walked over to him.

"Jay, I told you I want to move past this. I want to forgive him."

Jay turned toward her, his eyes blazing.

"Forgive him? Are you fucking kidding me? How could you take a chance like that? You're pregnant for God's sake." Pissed didn't even touch what Jay was right now. He was irate.

"Jay, I know I'm pregnant. I don't need everyone to keep treating me with kid gloves. This was my battle not yours" Erin shook her head as she looked away from him.

Jay lifted his hand to her face, his anger draining away.

"Erin, please look at me."

She turned her face to his and her tears spilled over. He wiped them away with the pads of his thumbs.

"Erin, please tell me what happened. Are you Ok?"

"Yes Jay. I'm fine.I just needed to go and face him. I'll never get to face Mike Lane for doing what he did to me, so this was the only other option I had. David Lewis isn't going to make parole anytime soon. And even when he does. I couldn't face him. He was more involved with my attack then Kyle was"

Jay's face tightened as he remembered the night of Erin's attack and the actual feeling of her heart stopping under his hands. He remembered seeing Mike Lane walking out of the airport and how all he could think about was wanting to kill the man. He may have only got revenge upon Lane, but he'd have killed all three of the men if he'd had the chance.

"Damn him to hell," Jay spat out angrily.

Erin cupped his face in her hands. "It's over now. Kyle won't bother us" Erin sighed softy as Jay turned his face to kiss her palm.

"I'm sorry Jay. I didn't know what else to do."

Jay's temper was rising again at her words. Why did she always try to fix things she had no control over?

"Damn it Erin! You don't have to do anything. All you have to do is take care of yourself and our child THAT'S what I need from you. Do you know what it was like going over to Ruzek's and finding out you lied to me? No. You don't " God, Jay was mad. He was verging on losing his temper and there was no coming back from that.

Erin pulled away from him and busied herself getting her pajamas out of the drawer. It was still kind of early but she was tired…so all she wanted to do was go to bed.

"I know Jay. You don't have to talk to me like I'm a kid. I hope that Kyle might have a decent bone still left in his body and I could appeal to that"

Erin pulled her tank top over her head as Jay pulled his sweatshirt over his head, finally finished getting dressed.

"Erin, I'm really pissed at you right now. I don't care about the appeal; I just can't believe you took the chance going over there. God, you know you're not supposed to stress yourself out…do you want to have a miscarriage?"

Erin turned and glared at him and Jay shook his head wearily. "I can't believe you'd say that…no I don't want to have a miscarriage…I told you I DID IT TO HELP MYSELF"

"I can't do this right now Erin. I'll be back later."

Jay headed toward the door.

"Where are you going?" She asked worriedly, thinking that he might go and do something stupid. He read her mind before she could say another word.

"I'm not going to Detroit if that's what you're wondering. I just need to get out of here for a little while." Jay shot

"Fine…Jay…leave. I don't give a fuck," Erin spat as she turned around, grabbing her pajama shorts. "Do whatever the hell you want to do. I'm going to bed."

Jay turned to look at her .

"Erin, I leave to keep from saying things I'll regret later"

Erin dropped her pajama shorts to the floor stalked over to the door in her underwear, and looked him straight in the eye.

"If you've got something to say Jay just say it…don't hold back on my account."

Jay said nothing he just leaned in and attacked his mouth to hers. Erin groaned at the force of the kiss and she stood on her tip toes to deepen it. Erin pulled back from the kiss long enough to pull Jay' sweatshirt and shirt over his head. As soon as he was free of his clothes his mouth instantly went back to Erin's he picked her up and carried her the short distance back to the bed. As soon as he felt the side of the bed he bent down and laid Erin down across the width of the bed and pulled her panties off before moving to lay between her elevated legs. Erin groaned when she felt the coarse material of Jay's jeans against her center.

"Jay" Erin groaned and she rocked her hips up into his.

Jay bit Erin's lip gently and thrust his hips forward.

Erin's hands went down and she started to undo the front of Jay's pants but he grabbed her wrists and pinned them both above her head. He held her hands together roughly and Erin whimpered a little it didn't hurt but he held onto her wrists so tightly that she couldn't move. Jay moved his free hand down to undo his pants and he pushed them down over his hips along with his boxers. He rose up enough to get his pants down below his knees without letting go of Erin's wrists. Once he succeeded he laid back down on top of her and forcefully thrust into her. Erin cried out hoarsely from the invasion. Jay gave her no time to get accommodated to his body before thrusting into her.

"Jay…I…don't…want…you…to…be…mad….at…me" Erin whimpered as she tried to meet each one of Jay's rough thrusts.

Jay only groaned in response and with his free hand he grabbed Erin's elevated leg and pulled it up by his chest. "You shouldn't have went" he told her through gritted teeth.

"I'm…sor..sorry" Erin gasped and tears started to well in her eyes. "Just don't leave me"

Jay slowed his pace for a minute and he looked down at Erin. How could she ever think that he'd leave her?. Jay shook his head and started to pick up the pace again, his release was quickly approaching and he knew that Erin was close too. He leaned down and attached his lips to hers. After the kiss Erin tore her mouth away from Jay's and cried out as her release radiated over her entire body, her own release triggered his and Jay thrust a few more times before collapsing against Erin.

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Erin lay on her side of the bed in the dark room. The faint glimmer of moonlight shone through the window as Erin rested her head on Jay's chest.

She glanced at the clock again. It was after midnight and she still hadn't fallen asleep. All Erin could think about was the fight her and Jay had about Kyle.

It seemed like all they did is fight lately. She knew this pregnancy was an adjustment for the both of them. She knew between work, the baby and trying to decide what they were going to do about their living situation was a lot to handle.

She didn't know if the appeal court would even release Kyle, but was she so wrong in going and forgiving him? She wanted to start anew. She wanted to use the new phase in her life with a husband and a child as a fresh start. To forget the old Erin and become something better.

Erin pulled the blanket tighter around her body as she listened to the soft sound of Jay' rhythmic breathing.

She turned over on her side and closed her eyes as she tried to get some sleep. Feeling her absence, Jay instinctively rolled over and wrapped his arm around her.

He wrapped his arm around her as his body pressed gently against her back as he buried his face in her hair and inhaled deeply, letting her soft scent surround and calm him. He kissed the back of her head gently and he whispered "I love you" as he closed his eyes.

A few moments later he felt her body shaking slightly and the he heard her sniffle. He tightened his arm around her and he nuzzled her neck softly.

"I'm sorry Erin."

A soft cry escaped Erin's lips as she turned in his arms and buried her face in his chest.

"No, I'm sorry Jay. I know what I did was stupid."

Jay cuddled her body close to his as her tears drenched the t-shirt he wore to bed. After a while her sobs subsided and she wiped her nose on his shirt.

"Did you just wipe your snot on my shirt?" He couldn't help but laugh.

She looked up at him and he could see her lop-sided smile in the moonlight.

"Sorry," Erin giggled as she looked into his deep blue eyes.

"Can we please never fight like that again? Please, that kills me." Jay admitted in a choked whisper.

Erin shook her head and tilted her face up to his to kiss him softly. "It killed me too," Erin murmured against his lips as Jay opened his mouth in an attempt to deepen the kiss.

Erin slid her tongue between her lips to run it along the inside of his mouth. Jay moaned softly as he pulled her closer. He didn't want it to go too far she needed her rest and he hated how rough he'd gotten with her in the heat of the moment earlier.. Erin pressed against him and they kissed languidly, exploring the crevices of each other's mouths. Finally desperate for air, their lips parted and Erin laid her head on his chest.

She let his heartbeat lull her mind, sleep finally overtaking her tired body. The last thing Erin heard was Jay's soft voice against the top of her head..

"I love you"

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No new PD this week :-( But how gorgeous did Sophia and Jesse look at the SAG Awards? Those two...Crossover next week and one chapter closer to meeting Baby ? Halstead. Hope if any of you are riding out the blizzard that you're staying safe and warm.

Please Review. Please?