57. The Best Part of Me Was Always You

I hope that you guys like the chapter. I was kind of at a toss up of where to take it. I didn't want too much drama, but I know a lot of you also want Jay whump. So hopefully you'll be pleased with the result.

I also don't know about you all, but I'm seriously so excited for Linstead Couch. Not too much longer. It's basically the adult version of a kid waiting for Christmas.

000000000000000000000000

Erin sat in the hard plastic chairs that lined the waiting area of the ICU, Everly whimpering as she slept in her mother's lap. Erin rocked her unconsciously as she ran her hands down her daughter's back.

Teddy sat, unblinking, beside her, gently stroking Everly's head. Adam clutched Kim's trembling body tightly to his own as tears streamed down her face and Dawson and Olinsky stood in a corner, as they waited. A tall balding man in a lab coat pushed his way into the area and walked towards the group. Hank stood, pulling Erin and Teddy up with him. "Mrs. Halstead?" he asked, looking among the group of people.

"That's me," Erin replied, wrapping her arms around Everly's body. "How is he?"

"Jay is stable. The first surgery went well. I'm pleased with the results" Erin released a breath she didn't know she'd been holding and kissed Everly's head gently. "He is still not out of the woods, but his vitals are staying at where I feel comfortable."

"Will he be okay?" Erin asked, adjusting the baby in her arms.

"He's stable for now but he's going to need another surgery to relieve the swelling on his brain. He won't survive without it."

Erin whimpered and leaned against her brother for support. "When are you doing the surgery?"

"I just need you to sign the consent forms and give us Jay's insurance information."

"I'll do that," Erin watched as the doctor to the nurses' station to get the paperwork before taking a seat.

"He's going to be okay," Kim choked out, to no one in particular.

"Of course he is Burgess," Platt smiled, moving to the young girl's side. "Jay is a strong, stubborn man. He'd never leave his family." Kim smiled and leaned into the old woman's embrace. It wasn't often that Platt showed the softer side of herself and while Burgess enjoyed to banter with her boss. this side of Platt was nice to see.

"I'm gonna go out and get Ev's stroller," Hank stood up and looked down at Erin in his car seat.. "I need some air."

"Thanks Hank," Erin whispered, patting the baby's back gently.

"Yeah, I'm going to go get some breakfast for everybody," Dawson sighed, looking at Olinsky. "You want to come?"

"Yeah," He said softly before following Antonio out the door.

Adam dropped himself into the chair beside Kim and leaned his head back against the wall. Kim shifted in her chair and ran her fingers through his hair, lovingly. "Why don't you close your eyes for a while?" she asked him. He shook his head and yawned as Hank rolled Everly's stroller into the waiting room.

"Why don't you go and see Atwater?" Adam asked.

Kim was quiet for a moment and her smile slowly fell. "I can't. I wouldn't even know what to say to him"

Adam sighed and wrapped his arm around Kim. "Darlin, he's your best friend. Just go talk to him. It'll be ok. You're the only one who hasn't been to see him. He needs you"

"I'll think about it. I just need a minute" Kim said fighting back tears as she thought of Kevin not being able to walk again was almost too much for her to bare.

"Darlin" Adam said.

"I'm fine" Kim said wiping her eyes and standing and pushing Jackson's stroller down the hall of the hospital.

Hank pushed Everly's stroller over to where Erin was and held it still.

"Thanks Hank," she stood and rested the baby gently in the device, tucking her in before planting a light kiss on her forehead. Hank nodded and rocked the stroller absentmindedly.

"Can I walk with her for a while, I need to keep myself occupied."

"Of course," Erin took his hand. "If you're going outside just make sure you throw an extra couple of blankets on her."

"You should sleep for a while, too Erin. Jay will be okay." Erin sighed and shook her head.

"I'll try Hank, take care of my baby." Hank nodded and walked away slowly.

000000000000000000000000

Six hours had passed since Jay had gone in for surgery. A nurse had led them all to a more private waiting area, with couches and blankets so they could sleep. Kim and Adam lay entwined together on the farthest couch, Jackson sleeping restfully on Adam's chest. Platt occupied the one beside them and everyone else scattered around the room as some napped and some made small talk.

Erin stood and stretched and checked her watch before rising and looking at her sleeping friends. Sighing, she sat in her own chair and glanced over at Teddy, sleeping with Everly sprawled across his chest, Teddy's finger clutched tightly in her chubby fist. Erin smiled to herself and turned her attention to Hank.

"How are you holding up?" he asked.

Erin shrugged and forced a smile at him. "As good as can be expected." He nodded in understanding.

"It's hard to believe Jay is in there fighting for his life. He's always seemed invincible to me, so full of life." Erin smiled and nodded her head.

"That's Jay." She gestured to a sleeping Olivia Benson. "So what's officially going on with you two? And why haven't I heard about it yet?"

Hank sighed and looked down to where Olivia lay. "I'm in love with her Erin." He looked up and smiled. "I forgot how good it feels."

Erin smiled and nodded, glancing down at her wedding ring. "I know the feeling well."

"I'm sorry I haven't told you about it. I didn't really know how to approach the subject and I didn't want to make you uncomfortable."

"You won't make me uncomfortable Hank, you've been such a big part of my life for so long. And I want you to be happy. I know Camille would want the same thing."

Hank sighed and smiled at her. "I'm sorry Erin, I just worry about you a lot. You've got so much on your plate already, I don't want to give you too much to deal with."

"Hank," Erin began. "I love my life. If I could change it I wouldn't. There is nothing for me to deal with with you and Olivia. I'm happy that you're happy."

"It's been a long time since I've been this happy" Hank confessed.

Erin smiled sadly. "You should still talk to Olivia about it. Make sure you're both on the same wavelength."

"Yeah," he nodded, looking over at Erin. "Do you ever wish you'd waited longer with Halstead?"

"To get married or have his baby?" she asked, looking at Hank. "This is the way my life is supposed to be Hank. I always thought that work was the most important thing for my future. When Everly was born I learned something. Work is important, but not as important as the fact that I have a little girl who depends on me to take care of her and teach her how to be a strong, happy woman. I could live the rest of my life working in IU and being a wife and mother, knowing that I did something so incredible that it changed everything about me, everything about who I want to be. I don't regret a single thing that's happened to me in the past two years, Hank. I have a husband I love more than life itself and the baby we made together. This is exactly how I want to be, In fact, I wish it hadn't taken me as long as it did to figure it out with Jay."

"Everly's a lucky girl Erin," Hank smiled at her. "If she turns out half as good as you did then you should be very proud."

"I already am," she grinned, looking over at the baby as she lifted her head off Teddy's chest. Turning slightly, she looked at Erin and waved with a pudgy hand.

"Mama," she sighed, sliding off Teddy's body and walking to Erin with tired legs. Holding her arms out she waited for her mother to pick her up. "Mama."

"Hey Evie," Erin smiled, pulling the baby into her lap.

"How's my baby?" she brushed her hair off her forehead and Everly reached up to kiss her lips.

"Love," Everly cooed, touching Erin's face. "Mama love."

"Yes Mama loves you," Erin cooed as her daughter spoke . "Mama loves you very much."

"Love Mama," Everly smiled, kissing Erin again.

Erin grinned and squeezed the baby tightly. "My sweet baby girl. What would I do without you?" Everly wrapped her arms around Erin's neck and patted her back gently, mimicking the actions of her mother. "You are such a smart girl."

"I can't believe she's a year old," Hank sighed. "She's growing up so fast."

"I can't believe it either," Erin frowned, handing Everly her sippy cup. "Just yesterday my baby was holding her head up for the first time. Now she's walking, talking and she's one."

"Er," Teddy sighed, groggily. "Has the doctor come in yet?"

"No, he hasn't," she held out her hand and he took it. "I don't know how much longer it's going to take." Everly lifted her head from Erin's shoulder and pulled the sippy cup straw from her mouth. Looking over at Hank, she waved.

"Hi papa."

Hank looked at Erin and chuckled. "Hi Princess. When did you get so chatty?"

"She gets that from her father," Erin grinned, setting the baby on the floor. "Go talk to Papa Hank Evie."

Hank held out his hands as the baby sauntered into them, lifting her up so they were face to face. "What'd you say?" Hank asked, kissing the baby on the forehead. Everly smiled at her grandpa and reached up, grabbing his lip in her hand.

"Love," she stated, looking up at him. "Papa love."

Hank grinned happily and swung the baby over his head. "Grandpa loves you. You are so smart." Everly squealed and kicked her feel happily.

"Hank, stop," Erin scolded him. "You're going to wake everybody up." Hank looked at her apologetically and lowered the baby to his lap, where she yawned and reached for her sippy cup.

"Come on Erin," he stood up, holding out his hand. "Walk with me for a bit." Erin nodded wordlessly and glanced over at Teddy

"Want anything?"

Teddy shook his head and looked at her. "No thanks"

"Okay. Find us if the doctor comes before we get back?"

"Promise," Teddy nodded, leaning his head back in his chair. "You guys grab something to eat."

"We will," Erin assured him, grabbing Evie's diaper bag.

"We'll bring back coffee and bagels or something. You should sleep for a while." Teddy nodded and watched the as they walked out the door.

000000000000000000000000

Hank and Erin returned to the lounge, Everly asleep once again, with food for the group waiting for news on Jay.

Everyone ate in silence, not quite knowing the right thing to say. The opening door caused them all to rise from their seats, as the doctor walked in, his surgical cap in his hand.

"Mrs. Halstead?" he asked, looking around the room.

"That's me," Erin stepped forward. "How is he?"

"Jay will be fine." Sighs of relief could be heard by all as they grasped hands in thanks. "He's in recovery right now, we'll be taking him to ICU later on. The surgery went fantastically, we were able to remove the swelling from all three of the affected arteries." Erin nodded as she let go of a breath she didn't even know she was holding.

"How long will he be in here?" Burgess asked, leaning tiredly against Adam.

"At least a week," the doctor answered. "He's going to need to take it easy. He's going to need a lot of help."

"He's going to get it," Erin told him, a smile falling on her lips. "When can we see him?"

"Only family is permitted to be in ICU." Erin nodded and looked at him. "Give us about an hour to get him settled and then you can see him."

"Thank you," Erin shook the doctor's hand. "We appreciate everything you've done."

The doctor gave a tight lipped smile and left the room.

"He's gonna be just fine," Hank sighed, taking a seat.

"Listen, why don't you guys go ahead home?" Erin turned to her friends. "There's not much else you can do, and we know he's out of the woods."

Kim stood up and hugged Erin tightly. "I love you guys. Hang in there, I'm here if you need me" and hugged her friend tighter.

"I love you too Kim, thank you so much." Kim nodded and smiled into Erin's thick hair.

They all left quietly leaving Erin to wait a little longer. An hour passed as promised and a nurse entered the room.

"You can see him now." Erin stood and gave a reassuring smile before following the small woman into the ICU. "He is in and out of being awake, so he's very groggy."

Erin smiled her thanks and walked into the room to where Jay lay. He was still intubated and but his eyes slowly fluttered open at the sound of Erin moving next to his bed.

Erin reached for his hand when she saw his eyes open. And she swallowed hard to fight the tears that burned the back of her eyes. "Hey"

Erin brought Jay's hand up to her lips and gently placed a kiss on it. "I love you"

Jay's tired eyes watched Erin for a few seconds and he gently squeezed Erin's hand letting her know that he had heard her.

Erin scooted her chair across the floor closer to Jay's bed. All the while holding onto Jay's hand. She interlocked her hands and laid her head against the head rest before closing her eyes. Leaving their joined hands on Jay's bed.

000000000000000000000000

A shrill cry woke Kim from her sleep. Groaning she turned to Adam, who was also wakened by the noise. "Your night."

Adam squinted as the morning light hit his eyes and he pushed back the covers, rising slowly from the bed. Moving to the bassinet, he pulled back the blue blanket and lifted the screaming baby. "Hey Buddy," he whispered, patting Jackson's back gently as he paced around the room. "You slept for such a long time."

Laying him on the end of the bed, he unsnapped his sleepers and began to change his diaper. "My God," he groaned, disgustedly. "How can such a sweet baby boy make such a mess of his diaper."

Kim, her eyes still closed, laughed silently. He cleaned the baby and disposed of the diaper before climbing back in bed, placing Jackson on the mattress between them.

"Good morning sweetheart," Kim yawned, rubbing the baby's head gently. "Both my sweethearts." Adam smiled and ran his fingers through her hair. "No kiss?" he grinned.

"What was I thinking?" she grinned back, pulling his mouth to hers gently. The baby let out a squeal, ending the kiss.

"You want a kiss too?" Adam tickled Jackson's tummy. "He's wearing his hungry face, Darlin," he smiled.

"I'm sure," she stretched, pulling her shirt up and latching the baby on. "He only ate once last night."

"Hey Darlin," Adam grinned happily.

"Yeah?" she sighed, resting her head on her arm.

"I love you." Kim smiled and pulled Adam in for another kiss.

"I love you, too."

000000000000000000000000

Kim wandered slowly through the halls of Chicago Med, on her way to finally visit Atwater. Jackson slept soundly in the snugli held tight to Kim's breast. Checking her watch, she made her way to the cafeteria for a quick cup of coffee before making her way to see Kevin. She paid for her drink, smiling proudly when the cashier admired the baby.

"Oh my God, Kim," she heard her name and turned with a smile.

"Sylvie," she grinned, moving towards her friend. "Long time no see."

"When did you have this baby? I had no idea you had him yet" Sylvie pouted, craning her neck to get a glimpse in the snugli.

"Easy,Sylvie," Kim chuckled. "He was born a week ago, today, and I tried to call you but you were pretty busy with Cruz."

"I forgive you then," Sylvie smiled. "So it really was a boy huh?"

Kim motioned for them to take a table and she eased herself slowly down into the chair, careful not to wake her son. "He certainly is. Jackson Adam Ruzek."

"He really is beautiful, Kim." She admired the baby. "How is he?"

"He's the easiest baby in the history of the world, I think. Making up for a torturous pregnancy."

"Lucky you," Sylvie raised her eyebrows.

"Sleeping through the night yet?"

"Yeah right," Kim laughed, silencing herself when the baby grunted and wriggled. "Such a baby does not exist. He's usually up every four hours. It's not too bad."

"So, you're liking being a mom?"

Kim grinned brightly. "I am loving it. He is without a doubt the greatest thing that has ever happened to me, even if he is a little early in our life plan."

"I'm happy for you Kim," she smiled, squealing when she saw a pudgy fist begin to move. "He's awake."

Kim chuckled again, and took her baby's hand in her own. "Hey Peanut, how's my boy?" She smiled as the baby looked up at her with bright eyes, squeaking in a tiny voice as she yawned. "Goodness," Kim said, pulling the blue cotton hat down over the baby's exposed ear. "Are you still tired?" Jackson began to wriggle and Kim stood from the table, patting his bottom gently.

"So have you seen Atwater?" Sylvie asked, taking a sip of her own coffee.

"Not yet," Kim replied, swaying gently to keep the baby calm. "I guess I've been avoiding it."

Sylvie checked her watch. "Well as much as I'd like to stay and chat, I have work now, so I should go."

"I've got to get up there anyway. This one won't stay quiet for too much longer."

Sylvie picked up her coffee and put her arm around Kim's shoulder. "Good luck and congrats on the gorgeous kid."

"Thanks Sylvie," she smiled, pulling her friend closer. "You'll have to come to the house and visit us sometime when we have more time."

"Definitely will," she replied. "See you little one. Bye Kim."

"Bye, Sylvie." She picked up her coat and made her way to Kevin's room.

000000000000000000000000

Erin wiped her mouth as she took a steady breath and tossed the toilet paper into the commode and flushed it. She walked over to the sink and looked at her complexion in the mirror as she swollowed hard to fight another wave of nausea.

She didn't know what had happened. She was fixing Evie's breakfast getting ready for Hank to come pick Evie up so that she could go see Jay. The next, she opened the pack of bacon and caught a whiff of it and barely made it to the bathroom before she emptied her stomach.

Erin turned the water on and splashed water on her face and brushed her teeth before opening the bathroom door and walking down the hall to the living room.

She stopped in her steps when she saw Hank knealing over picking Evie up out of her pack-n-play.

"You're early" Erin said, pulling her arms around her.

"I wanted to talk to you" Hank said as Everly wriggled in his arms to get down.

Hank kissed Everly on her cheek and sat the baby down on the floor as Evie took off to the corner where Kane was laying on his dog bed.

"Kaney" Everly called as she made it to the dog and climbed on top of him. Her tiny hands grabbing onto the dog's fur as Kane paid her no mind and continued to lay still as the one year old reached down to pat his head before leaning forward to lay her head on him.

"What did you want to talk about?" Erin asked as she started to pick up some of Everly's toys that were scattared around the living room.

"How are you holding up, kid?" Hank asked as he copied Erin's actions and started to pick some toys up.

"I'm fine. Never better" Erin said as she walked over to the wicker basket in the corner and dropped the armful of toys she had into it.

"Is that why you were just in the bathroom sick?" Hank asked as he walked over and dropped the toys that he had into Everly's pack and play.

"I'm fine" Erin said walking over to the couch and taking a seat.

"Erin are you pregnant?" Hank asked bluntly.

"What?" Erin asked in disbelief.

"Are you pregnant?" Hank asked again walking over to the couch and grabbing his coffee cup before taking a seat.

Erin ran a hand through her hair and shook her head "No, Hank I'm not"

Hank took a slow drink of his coffee and glanced over at Everly who was laughing at Kane who was licking her legs, before he looked back at Erin.

"I just need to know so that I can make arrangements to fill your spot"

Erin shook her head and sighed before standing up. "I'm fine. I'm not pregnant and even if I was, it's not like I couldn't stay in IU"

"Erin" Hank started.

"I'm fine" Erin assured. "I just want to go see Jay"

"And how is Halstead doing this morning?" Hank asked.

"They took him off of the vent last night. But he's really groggy. He doesn't stay awake for long. His doctor says that's normal. But it's just hard to see him like this" Erin explained as she walked out of the living room and to the mud room and slipped her boots on.

"He's going to be ok, kid. He just needs time" Hank stood up from the couch and walked to the doorway and watched as Erin stood up and pulled her hair into a ponytail.

"I just don't know how much more I can handle" Erin sighed and sat back down and looked at Hank. "When does it stop?"

Hank checked on Evie one last time before walking out and taking a seat beside Erin on the bench.

"I wish I knew what to tell you, Erin. I wish that I could do something. But you know I'm always here if you need me" Hank reached his arm around Erin and she sighed.

"I know" Erin looked down at the floor and then over at Hank. "I should go. Are you going to be ok with her?"

Hank let his arm drop from Erin's shoulder and nodded "Of course. I'm going to take her to the aquarium with Olivia and Noah"

Erin smiled sadly as she thought about that and how much she wanted her and Jay to be the ones taking Evie. But somehow fate always had a funny way of gut punching Erin, just when things were going good.

"She'll like that" Erin stood up and grabbed her keys off of the hook as Everly came walking out of the living room.

"Mama?" Everly called.

"Mama's here" Erin assured picking Evie up.

"Dada?" Everly asked pointing to the door.

"I'm going to go see daddy. You get to stay and play with Grandpa Hank, and Olivia and Noah. Won't that be fun?" Erin asked brushing her hand across Everly's face.

"No" Everly said pouting. "Dada"

Erin sighed and looked at Evie. "You're going to have so much fun. I promise I'll see you later"

"No no" Everly said as Erin handed her over to Hank.

"Mommy will be back" Erin promised and placed a kiss on Evie's cheek as the baby twisted in Hank's arms and reached for her. "I love you"

"Mama!" Everly called as Erin walked to the door.

"Bye bye" Erin said as she quickly walked out the door and closed it as the sound of Everly's wails filled the house.

000000000000000000000000

Kim cracked the door of Kevin's room and took a deep breath as she looked at her friend laying in his bed. The TV playing softly as Kevin watched whatever was on the screen.

Burgess took another long breath and pushed the door open and slowly walked inside.

Kevin turned his head and a smile formed on his face as he looked at her. "I was wondering if you'd forgotten about me"

Burgess forced a smile and looked down at Jackson against her chest before looking back at Kevin. "I kind of had a baby"

Atwater laughed and looked at Kim. "You know you can come closer. I'm not going to bite"

Kim nodded and kept the smile on her face. "What can I do for you?"

"Well, you can wipe that smile off you face. I've seen a genuine Kim Burgess smile, and that ain't it" Atwater said.

Kim's smile fell and she took the few steps over to Kevin.

"It's still me, Burgess" Atwater said.

"I know. It's just hard seeing you like this. I'm sorry I didn't come sooner" Kim's eyes welled with tears as she looked at Kevin in the bed. "You can't be hurt like this. You've been the one whose had my back since day one. You're my best friend, you're my brother. And the coolest godfather that Jackson could ever ask for"

Kevin raised his arm up and reached for Kim's hand. "I guess you don't want me walking you down the aisle now. Wouldn't make much sense for you to have to roll me down there"

Kim shook her head "Why would you say that? Of course I want you take me down the aisle. I don't care about any of that Kevin, I care about you"

"I'm scared. I'm never going to be able to walk again" Atwater confessed his voice cracking.

"You'll do it. You're going to do that and so much more, you're going to be running after Jackson in no time" Burgess squeezed Kevin's hand.

"Or at least wheeling him around real damn fast" Kevin joked as he felt Kim squeeze his hand.

"Well, as long as you don't lose your sense of humor" Kim teased.

"Me? Never. It's going to take a lot more than me getting in a car accident to lose that. Can I hold my godson?" Kevin asked.

"Of course" Kim said as she held Jackson close and loosened the wrap.

After she had him free she gently laid her son in Atwater's arms.

"What's up little man?" Kevin asked as Jackson yawned and focused on his face. "You know you lucked on in the mom department. She's about as good as they get. Stick with her and you're gonna go far. When I get up and get out of here, you and I are going to have some serious bonding time. You're gonna be my little wing man. Uncle Kev will show you the ropes. I can promise you that"

Burgess felt like a weight had been lifted off of her shoulders as she looked at Kevin with her son. She wasn't sure why she'd been putting off seeing him for so long. It was the same Kevin she had always known. The same Kevin she loved. The same Kevin that was her best friend. Nothing was going to change that. Regardless of he'd ever walk again or not.

000000000000000000000000

"You're lucky you're on a liquid diet, the food of choice in the cafeteria today was salisbury steak. You don't want that, I saw it" Erin said as she pulled the lid off of Jay's tray.

"Gross" Jay's voice was low and raspy from where he'd been on the vent.

"That's what I said too" Erin took the spoon and stirred the chicken broth in the bowl. "Hopefully they'll get you back into a regular room within the next few days. Get you out of ICU"

"Yeah" Jay said as he struggled to keep his eyes open.

"Hey now" Erin said letting go of the spoon and turning to look at her husband. "You need to stay awake and eat so you can get your strength up"

Erin reached down and gently ran her hand across Jay's face. "Open your eyes, Jay"

Jay exhaled and his eyes slowly opened as he looked at Erin. "Beautiful" He whispered as he shut his eyes again.

"Flattery is nice, but you still need to eat. Open those eyes. You can sleep when we're done" Erin grabbed the small bowl of broth and sat down next to Jay on the bed.

"Jay" Erin said again. "Look at me"

Jay's eyes slowly opened again and he focused them on Erin. "Erin"

"Open up" Erin said scooping up some broth in a spoon and bringing it up to Jay's lips.

Jay opened his mouth and Erin slid the spoon in and Jay groaned as he felt the warm liquid slide down his throat.

"That's terrible" Jay rasped.

"I'm sorry, but you need it to get your strength up" Erin said as she brought another spoonful to his lips.

Jay opened his mouth again and Erin slipped the spoon between his lips again.

After 15 minutes of coaxing him to eat and finally feeling satisfied when her husband got the majority of the broth down and a few sips of water, Erin finally let Jay rest. She covered his tray up and kissed the top of of sleeping husband's head before looking at the small bag she'd purchased on her way to visit Jay.

Erin walked over and took the small CVS bag and opened it before pulling out the box and running her fingers over the pink and black lettering of the First Response pregnancy test.

She looked up at Jay and smiled sadly before looking down at the test in her hands before walking into the bathroom and shutting the door behind her.

000000000000000000000000

Please Review.

AN: I've been thinking about adding Mouse into this story. Let me know if you guys think that's a good idea and any idea you'd have of how to introduce him in.