60. The Hardest Thing

So begins the dreaded Winter Hiatus. Ugh, is it Jan. yet? No? Dang. Anyway. Thanks for the reviews from the last chapter. I hope that you guys like what's to come.

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Kim laughed hysterically as Adam threw open the door to the hotel room, carrying her in his arms. "Put me down Adam," she squealed.

He laughed and kissed her hard before setting her down on her feet. Dropping the bags beside her he turned and shut the door. He pulled her closer for another kiss.

"Mmmmmmmm," he groaned into her mouth. "You taste yummy."

"Yeah?" she grinned into his mouth.

"Uh huh." After a few more minutes of kissing they pulled away. "So Burgess, what should we do first?"

"You can't call me that anymore Adam," she smiled coyly, moving towards the bathroom.

"That's right," he grinned back, following her. "Then how about I call you Honeybuns, or Sweetcheeks or Muffin?"

Kim groaned and leaned over to turn on the bathtub.

"None of the above Adam." She took the cap off a bottle of bubbles and poured them into the steaming water filling the claw footed bathtub. He winked at her and moved back into the room, picking up the phone. Burgess shook her head amused and lit the candles that sat on the shelf beside the tub. She looked curiously into the room as she heard a knock on the door. Adam stood in the bathroom door, a large tray of strawberries and whipped cream in one hand, a bottle of champagne in the other.

"Adam's been a busy boy," Burgess smirked eyeing the tray hungrily.

"Not busy enough," he grinned back, plucking a berry off the tray and traced her lips with the sweet fruit.

She grinned inwardly and flicked her tongue out, running it along the underside of the strawberry suggestively.

Adam groaned and brought his mouth to hers, biting the strawberry in half. Burgess chuckled as the juice ran down her chin. "You're going to ruin my wedding dress Adam."

He moved his hands to her back and slid the zipper down. "Then we'll just have to fix that won't we."

"Adam," she groaned. "The bubble bath."

He kissed her and hung the dress on the back of the door.

"Bubble bath." Sighing he untied his bow tie and removed his shirt before moving to the zipper of his pants. Burgess stood watching him, wearing nothing but her white bustier, matching panties and white thigh high stockings.

Adam slid his pants to the floor and eyed her body appreciatively. "You wearing that in the bath?"

She smiled at him and turned, signalling for his help removing the bustier. He dropped the thin fabric covering to the floor and turned her around, running his hands along her body. "My God, you're beautiful," he whispered, kissing her ear gently.

She ran her hands appreciatively along his chest. "You're not so bad yourself." He slid his down her body, pulling the thin elastic of her panties down allowing her to step out of them. She repeated the action on his boxers, leaving her in only her stockings.

"Let's get rid of these," he whispered, laying gentle kisses over her shoulders and belly as he worked the stockings off her legs. Taking her hand he stepped into the steaming tub pulling her in with him. She settled between his legs resting her head on his chest.

"This is nice," she sighed as he squeezed a sponge out over her breasts.

"Mm hmm," he agreed, continuing to squeeze the sponge over her body. She reached behind her and caressed his face.

"Have I told you today how much I love you?"

"Do you feel different?" she whispered.

"Feel different how?" he asked, wondering.

"We're married now Adam. Do you feel different as a married man than you did as a normal guy?"

He thought about her question for a moment before answering. "I do feel different." She looked up at him and silently asked him to continue. "I feel like the luckiest, most unavailable guy in the planet." He grinned and kissed her forehead.

"Seriously though, I do feel different. I mean, I am spending the rest of my life with my best friend. I don't think I've ever felt better about anything in my life."

She nodded silently and returned her head to his chest.

"Do you think it'll be hard?" she sounded afraid.

"I think it's only going to be hard if we let it be. I know it's going to be a lot of work, there's someone else to consider in every decision we make, not that there wasn't before, but I know that I love you and living without you is not an option for me. I will do anything I can to make our lives as easy as they can possibly be."

She smiled up at him and leaned up to kiss his lips quickly. "I love you Mr. Ruzek."

"And I love you Mrs. Ruzek, for the rest of my life."

They settled down in each others arms and drifted into a peaceful sleep. Their first of many together.

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Erin covered her mouth as she closed Everly's nursery door and walked down the hall. She looked over the landing and smiled when she saw Jay sitting on the couch in the living room in the dark. The only light was from the TV. He was still dressed in his suit from the wedding. His suit jacket discarded over the chair, dress shirt untucked and tie untied hanging around his neck and down his chest.

Erin watched as he took a long drink of his beer before she made her way down the stairs and to the living room. She walked over to the couch and sat down. Curling her legs and barefeet under her as she sat on her knees and looked at Jay. She reached her hand over and ran her fingers through his dark hair and down over his ear.

Jay turned his gaze from the TV and over to his wife and raised his arm up above his head so that Erin could curl into his chest like she always did when they'd watch TV after Everly went to bed.

Erin smiled and curled into Jay's chest and reached behind her and grabbed the blanket off of the back of the couch and draped it over her and shoulders and body and across Jay's lap.

Jay dropped his arm around Erin's shoulder and ran his fingers up and down her shoulder.

"You okay?" Erin asked as she turned her gaze up to look at her husband.

Jay sat his beer down and turned his head and placed a kiss on Erin's forehead before he ran his fingers over her cheek and down her chin and tilted her face up to look at him.

"I'm great" Jay assured.

"You're not upset about the baby? I know that we didn't really pl-" Erin's statement was muted by Jay's lips closing over hers.

As the kiss deepened Erin ran her hand up over Jay's cheek and around the back of his head as he pulled her up and into his lap so that she was straddling his legs. After a few more long kisses he pulled back and placed another quick kiss on her lips before pulling away and running his hand down the front of her pajama top and over her flat stomach.

"Baby, I couldn't be happier. This may have not been how we planned it, but it's going to be amazing. Everly wasn't on our radar, but I couldn't imagine a life without her and pretty soon, I won't be able to imagine my life without two kids. I just worry about you. I don't want there to be stress on you"

Erin brought her hand down and placed it on top of Jay's on her stomach and she gave him a half smile.

"I'm ok" Erin assured as she looked up at Jay and smiled. "Hank and I have already talked about me and work and it's not going to affect anything for awhile and when I start getting to big to wear my vest, he's going to put me on desk duty. I'll take a shorter maternity leave this time and things will be just as they are now. I'm not going to put any more of a load on you. I promise you that"

Jay shook his head and looked at Erin. "Are you kidding me? Erin, why would you ever think that you're putting more work on me? That would never be the case. You and Evie, and H2 are the best things that could've ever happened to me"

"H2?" Erin asked raising her eyebrow.

"Halstead #2" Jay said looking down at Erin's stomach before looking back up at her. "H2"

"I hope it's a boy" Erin confessed "One who looks just like you"

Jay shook his head "No, a daughter. Because it doesn't get any better than my girls"

"I love you, Jay" Erin dropped her hand from the one on Jay's and moved it up to his chest and placed it over his heart. "So much"

Jay smiled as he looked at his wife. "Erin Halstead, you have no idea"

Erin smiled and looked at him one last time before leaning in to kiss his lips. Jay sighed against the kiss and he gently wrapped his arms around Erin's back before moving to roll them over to lay on the couch.

A knock at the door interrupted Jay as he started to trail his kisses down Erin's neck.

"Who is that this late?" Erin asked as she pushed Jay up and off of her.

"Someone with a death wish" Jay said as he stood from the couch and walked through the living room to the front door with Erin following behind him.

Jay steeped to the door and looked in the peep hole before sighing and looking over his shoulder at Erin.

"Who is it?" Erin asked raising an eyebrow.

"It's Will" Jay sighed and opened the door.

The door opened and Jay came face to face with his brother. Jay watched as Will stood in his place staring down at his feet on the "Welcome" rug before his gaze rose to meet that of his brother's.

"Hey, Jay" Will said quietly.

"What do you want, Will?" Jay asked folding his arms over his chest. "If it's money then you're..."

Will shook his head. "It's not money. I was wondering if I could come in and we could talk"

"It's late" Jay's gaze didn't leave Will's as he stared him down.

"I know. But I just got back in town. I won't stay long" Will assured. "I just need to talk to you about some stuff"

Jay's gaze moved from Will and over to Erin who was leaning against the archway into the living room.

Will picked up on the look between the married couple and he quickly spoke again. "I'm not here to cause trouble Jay. I just need to talk to you"

Erin nodded and turned around on her foot and headed back in the living room and towards the stairs as she heard Evie crying from upstairs.

"10 minures" Jay said looking back to Will and moving out of the way so his brother could step inside.

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Jay sighed as he looked at the pictures in his hand before he looked up at his brother. Will was sitting in the kitchen chair his gaze looking down at the table. Will was quiet for a moment before he spoke.

"Her name is Natalie. We met when I was in New York and she was doing a OB residency at New York Presbyterian Hospital. It was only supposed to be a one night fling. But she shows up at Med out of the blue and she's pregnant. What am I gonna do, Jay?"

Jay stared at his brother and shook his head. "Will, why are you asking me?"

Will shrugged his shoulders and sighed. "I don't know. I couldn't go to mom. And I was cleared from the charges your most wonderful father in law tried to pin on me. I got to thinking, you're the only one that I could come to"

Jay shook his head. "What do you want me to say Will? If you're asking if I think you need to be a stand up man and take responsibility for your kid and the woman you got pregnant than yes. That's what I think you need to do. But you're not about doing to right thing are you, Will?"

Will shook his head "I didn't come here to fight Jay. I know that I've had a lot of issues in the past, but so have you. And look how you've turned your life around. Am I not allowed to have the chance to turn mine around? Or are you the only one that's allowed to be the man of the family?"

Jay narrowed his eyes at Will. "I never said that. You're the one who chose the life you chose. I was the one who came back to mom and Rachel and you were nowhere to be found. So don't try to make me feel guilty for the decisions I made"

"I'm here now Jay. They're my family, too" Will shot.

"Well than maybe you should act like it. Maybe you should go see mom or Rachel without wanting something in return. Hell, how about you come see me without wanting something in return" Jay shot back.

"Alright" Will said holding his hands up in defeat. "You're the better Halstead. Is that what you need to hear?"

"No, I needed my brother and he wasn't there" Jay spat.

"I'm here now" Will explained. "And I'm asking my little brother for advice"

Jay put the pictures of Will and Natalie and the sonogram picture down on the table and pushed them over to Will.

"You want some advice? Don't screw things up with this girl. You say you want to change? I'll believe it when I see it. Because it's been the same song and dance for the last 10 years, Will. And I don't have room in my life for it anymore. I want to believe you, trust me, I do. But time after time you've given me a reason not to. This whole speech is nice, but I've heard it before. And I'm not going to get my family messed up in your mistakes"

Will picked the pictures up off the table and shook his head as he stood and walked towards the front door. "It's going to be different this time Jay. I mean it"

Jay followed behind Will and he nodded his head as Will looked at him.

"I hope so. Because it's not about just you anymore Will"

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"What's the plan after this?" Adam asked as he carried Jackson's car seat into church.

"We're going to go eat" Burgess explained as she looped her arm through Adam's free one. "And we're going to go to the Easter Egg Hunt at the park"

"The Easter Egg Hunt? Burgess come on" Adam whined "Jack can't even hold his own head up. So I don't think he'll be hunting eggs anytime soon"

"Adam, please. It's going to be fun. Don't act like you don't want to eat and hang out with the guys" Kim said as they walked into the church and into the sanctuary to find a seat.

"I'd rather hang out with you. And have my own egg hunt" Adam found an empty seat and sat Jackson's car seat down before sitting down himself.

"Adam!" Burgess smacked his shoulder and shook her head. "Stop. We're in a church on Easter. I married you because I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you. But I'm not so sure you're going to get to spend eternity with me"

Adam gave a quick look at Jackson who was asleep and looked over at his wife and wrapped his arm around her shoulder. "I'm just teasing you darlin"

Kim shook her head and crossed her legs. "You're unbelievable"

"You love me though" Adam raised his eyebrow and wiggled it at Kim.

"Stop" Kim said as her cheeks started to blush.

"Not what you said last night" Adam said reaching to fix Jackson's tie on his newborn tux.

"Adam, you're going to Hell" Kim whispered.

"Pretty sure you'll be with me. I mean last night is why we didn't make it to Sunrise Service" Adam said a smug look crossing his features.

"You're unbelievable" Kim sighed as she heard Adam laughing. A full blush forming from her neck up to her cheeks.

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Jay and Erin walked down the hall after church ended and opened the nursery door. Everly was standing at the play kitchen her back to her mommy and daddy and Matty Jr. standing next to her.

"Here Evvy" Matty said handing Everly a plastic egg.

"Tank ooo" Evie said putting the egg in the plastic frying pan.

Jay called Everly's name and the little girl turned around and called "Da-dee" before running to her father with her arms open.

Jay laughed and knelt down and picked Evie up and raised her over his head before bringing her back down to his chest. "Hey Evie-bug"

"Hi Da-dee" Evie said proudly patting her hands on his chest.

"You did so good staying all by yourself. You're getting so big" Jay praised as he kissed his daughter's cheek.

"Big" Evie repeated and she smiled as she saw Erin walk up after signing her out of nursery.

"Are you ready to go big girl?" Erin asked.

"Go Papa?" Everly asked.

"Yeah. We're going to go see Papa. He's already left. He's at the park" Erin explained.

"Yay" Everly said clapping her hands as the three exited the nursery and left church.

"Hey Jay!" Adam called as Jay and Erin walked to their car.

"What's up?" Jay asked as he opened the back door of the car and started buckling Everly into her car seat.

"Are you heading to the park too?" Adam asked looking over his shoulder at Kim who was getting in the car.

"Yeah. We'll see you guys there" Jay said shutting the door of the car and turning to look at Adam.

"Great" Adam said "I'll see you there"

Jay got in the car and looked over at Erin who had a depressed look on her face.

"What's wrong?" Jay asked reaching over to touch Erin's leg.

Erin sighed and looked over at Jay. "Is this our life now?"

"What do you mean?" Jay asked.

"I just mean is this what we've become? A boring couple who goes to boring Easter Egg Hunts with our boring friends" Erin asked.

Jay shook his head and started the car. "Glad to see those pregnancy hormones again"

"Ha ha" Erin shot folding her arms and looking out the window.

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Hank stood leaning against the flag pole as he looked at all the famlies from both the firehouse and the district around him. He brought his coffee cup up to his lips as the wind started to stir up. Hank's gaze looked up at the sky as the once bright blue sky started to cloud up with storm clouds in the distance. He hoped the rain would hold off so that everyone could enjoy the picnic but he wasn't holding out hope for it to be a dry day.

"Hank" The all to familar voice called out to him.

A smile came to his lips and he turned around and saw her.

"Hi Liv"

Olivia gave a small smile and looked at Hank. "Do you think we could go somewhere and talk?"

Hank nodded and gestured towards an empty picnic table.

"How have you been, Olivia?" Hank asked as he and Olivia made their way towards the table.

"Good" Olivia said. "Busy"

Hank nodded "I figured...Where's Noah?"

"He's with Lucy at the swings." Olivia explained. "He asks about you all the time"

Hank nodded "He's a smart kid"

Olivia raised her eyebrows and nodded. "True. He misses you...we both do"

Hank sighed and looked at Olivia across the table. "What do you want me to say, Liv?"

Olivia looked around the park before looking at Hank. "I don't know. I'm not good at this stuff. I just know that I want this to work"

Hank was quiet for a minute "I want that too, Liv. But I can't give up my life here"

"Then I'll come to Chicago" Olivia offered.

"Liv..." Hank started.

"No...this is what I want. I want it for me, I want it for Noah. I don't do this. This isn't who I am, but I've realized it's important for me to stop living for just me. I want Noah to have the things I didn't have. And I want that with you. We'll figure it out" Olivia explained.

"You're coming to Chicago?" Hank asked.

"Yes" Olivia said nodding reaching her hand over the picnic table to grab Hank's hand.

"We'll figure it out" Hank said laying his hand on top of Olivia's

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"Bounce Bouce" Everly said pointing at the bounce house as she dropped her Easter basket and walked over towards it.

"Woah Woah" Jay said reaching down to grab Everly's hand. "We have to wait. The big kids are over there right now"

Everly shook her head "No no...Bounce Bounce"

"We will" Jay said as he pulled Everly back towards him and grabbed her Easter basket.

"NO!" Everly said laying down on the ground her small body going stiff.

"Everly Katherine" Jay said picking her up as he looked up to see people staring at him.

"NO NO" Everly cried hot tears rolling down her cheeks as she wiggled in his arms trying to get down.

"Stop" Jay said pulling her back up.

"What's going on?" Erin asked walking up to him.

"She's pissed because I wouldn't let her go in the bounce house" Jay explained as Everly reached for Erin.

"Moommyyyy" Everly called through strangled sobs as Erin took her from Jay's arms.

"It's ok" Erin soothed as she held Everly against her.

Everly buried her face in Erin's neck as she cried and Erin soothed her in a hushed voice.

Everly raised her head off of Erin's shoulder and pouted "Binky?"

Erin shook her head "No ma'am"

Everly's face turned back into a pout and she started crying again and threw her head into Erin's neck.

Erin sighed and looked at Jay as she swayed and tried to calm Everly down.

"Look on the brightside. Next year we'll have two kids having meltdowns" Jay tried to joke.

"Not funny" Erin said rubbing Everly's back.

Of all times for a wave of nausea to hit Erin it was right now and she felt the color drain from her face and she took a deep breath as she tried to fight off the reappearance of the hamburger she'd eaten twenty minutes ago.

"You ok?" Jay asked as he watched to color drain from Erin's face.

Erin couldn't speak she just shook her head no and handed a still crying Everly off before running towards the park bathrooms with her hand over her mouth.

"She ok?" Hank asked as he walked up to Jay.

"Morning sickness" Jay explained.

"Want me to take her? You go check on Erin" Hank said reaching for Everly who gladly went into her grandpa's arms.

"Thanks" Jay said as he started to walk towards the bathrooms.

"Let's go swing" Hank said looking at Evie as she started to calm down. "Does that sound fun?"

Everly nodded and pointed over to the swing. "Pease?"

Hank placed a kiss on Everly's cheek and walked towards the swings.

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"My turn" Noah said as Hank helped Everly off of the slide.

"Ok buddy" Hank laughed and helped Noah up the slide.

Everly pointed towards the bounce house and looked at Hank. "Bounce Bounce"

"In a minute" Hank said walking around the slide to help Noah down.

"Get me, daddy" Noah said as he started down the slide.

Hank reached his arms out for Noah and laughed as Noah came down the slide and into Hank's arms.

"Me missed you, daddy" Noah explained as Hank lifted him up.

"I missed you too, buddy" Hank said.

Hank looked around the side of the slide and felt his heart stop as he didn't see Everly.

"Everly?" Hank called.

Hank's eyes glanced around the park and he felt his pulse quicken as he started walking around the park calling her name.

Erin walked out of the bathroom with Jay behind her and she heard the sound of Hank calling her daughter's name.

Erin felt her heart drop at the sound of brakes screeching and an audible thud.

And it was in that moment that time stood still and all Erin could hear was someone screaming as she ran towards the crowd that had gathered around. She could hear people calling her name and chasing after her but she couldn't hear what they were saying above the sounds of the screams. She just wanted whoever was screaming to shut up and see if her worst nightmare was a reality.

What Erin didn't realize was the screams were coming from her body. And as she finally made her way to the parking lot she felt her knees give and she collapsed to the ground and sobbed.

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Thoughts?

Happy Thanksgiving Everyone!