31. The Greatest Gift

Thank you all again for the feedback on my last chapter! Planned to upload this one earlier but didn't find the time (had to rewatch the Linstead scenes from 4x02 all the time :D). Enjoy! :)

Disclaimer: I still own nada.

31. The Greatest Gift

The three of them went to the zoo on Sunday morning and fully enjoyed that cold but sunny November day. Noah loved the apes and the seals, but naturally he had most fun in the children's zoo where he joyfully fed and petted the goats and the ponies.

″Be careful with your hands Noah,″ Erin warned him when he wanted to feed one of the goats that gathered around them.

″Naah, wait I'll show you,″ she then said and got down to her knees. Noah getting bitten in his fingers by a goat and therefore another meltdown was the last thing she wanted, especially since he was in a pretty good mood today.

″Hey guys say cheese,″ Jay said with his phone in his hands, ready to memorize this moment.

″Cheeeeeese,″ both of them said and Jay took a photo of them in the middle of some goats. Just when he wanted to put his phone back in his pocket, it started ringing.

″It's Will,″ he said and Erin's heart immediately dropped to her knees. ″I'm sure it's nothing bad,″ Jay added as he saw her face paling instantly and answered the call.

″Will...yeah...alright...I'll tell her. Thanks man.″ Erin listened eagerly to the things he said but couldn't figure out whether it was good or bad news.

″What..-?″ she asked as soon as he hung up.

″She's awake,″ he interrupted her before she could finish her question.

Erin got up and literally jumped right into his arms. He held her tight and placed a kiss on her hair, also felt some weight dropping from his heart and he could imagine how relieved Erin had to be in this moment.

″Do you know how many times I prayed for this during the past few days?″ she whispered.

″Maybe a bit more often than me,″ he said, softly grabbed her chin and kissed her. ″You should go and see her.″

″What about you and Noah?″ she asked.

″We'll stay here for a little while longer and will then take the L home. Don't worry, we'll get it handled.″

″I know you do. Thank you,″ she smiled, kissed him again and left the two of them alone.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

It was the first time in a long time that Erin drove to Chicago Med, being all calm and collected. She walked into the Emergency Department and felt unbelievably free. Liv was going to be fine and although she's really enjoyed the time with Noah, she was happy that this was only a temporary situation after all.

When she left the elevator on the ICU floor, she walked right into Hank who was himself waiting for the elevator.

″Did you visit Liv?″ she asked surprised. She hadn't expected him to be here as she knew how much he hated hospitals and as he hasn't visited her before.

″Yaah,″ he shrugged and she could tell from his face that this situation was kind of awkward for him.

″Have you been there when she woke up?″

Hank only nodded in response. Apparently he wasn't in the mood of talking, seemed to be thinking about something.

″How's she doing?″

″Pretty groggy, but she'll be fine. She already asked for you and Noah. Where's he?″ he asked and looked around as if he expected the boy would suddenly appear out of nowhere.

″We were at the zoo when Will called us. Jay and Noah stayed there. Seeing his mother now would be a bit too soon. I have an appointment for another ultrasound here on Monday anyway, so we'll bring him with us and he can finally see her then.″

″You have another appointment? But everything's alright isn't it?″ he asked with worried eyes and really looked at her for the first time since she'd stepped out of the elevator.

″Everything's fine Hank,″ she said and touched his arm. ″After Thursday night Dr. Hanson just wants to check on her more regularly for the next days.″

″Good,″ he only replied while Erin still scanned his face. He seemed to be all mixed up.

″Hank are you alright?″ she asked and now she was the one with a worried voice.

″I'm good kiddo. You should really visit Liv now,″ he said and then just turned around as he obviously has decided to take the stairs instead of the elevator.

″Uhm yeah, bye,″ she quietly said to herself, watched him disappear and went to Liv's room.

″Good to see you,″ Erin smiled when she entered the room. Liv turned her head around and also smiled when she saw her. She looked groggy and beyond tired but at least there was some color in her face again.

″Erin,″ she whispered as her throat was obviously still sore from the intubation.

″How's Noah?″ she instantly asked as Erin sat down on the edge of her bed.

″He's fine. Jay and I were at the zoo with him when Will called and the two of them stayed there. I thought it may be better if he only sees you in a couple of days. Are you fit enough to see some photos?″ she asked and pulled her phone out of her pocket.

″Yes, please,″ she begged and Erin started to show her the photos from the zoo that Jay had sent her some minutes ago, as well as the photos from the playground. Tears started to roll down Liv's face when Erin showed her one photo after another and told little stories about each of them.

″Thank you Erin. He looks so happy and I don't know how I can ever thank you for all of that,″ she sobbed and coughed, what obviously hurt immensly.

″Sssshhh.″ Erin took Liv's hand in hers and squeezed it. ″Not for that, Liv. Now try to relax a bit, it's been some hard days for you and we have the upcoming days to talk about everything,″ she said and gave her an encouraging smile.

″You're right,″ she whispered. ″But tell me everything about the last days anyway, please.″

″Well, where to begin?″ Erin laughed and started to sum-up the past days, with exception of her own little breakdown. That was something Liv didn't need to know about in her current condition.

Erin stayed two more hours until one of the doctors came to make some more examinations. As the doctor told her Liv would get a light sedative afterwards anyway, she decided to go. But instead of going home, she bought some flowers at the hospital shop and drove to the graveyard, just as she had planned yesterday.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Hey Camille,″ she said while she knelt down and placed the flowers next to the gravestone. ″I know it's been a while.″ She lighted a candle and placed it in front of the gravestone, too.

″I miss you Camille. Just yesterday I realized again how much I actually miss you. I told Jay this story when we wanted to cook and ate all the vegetables before we even started to cook, because we kinda had the same situation yesterday,″ she said and laughed a bit.

″I wish you were here, now. There's so much I wanna tell you and ask you. Especially ask you...because...well...if you could see me now, you'd know why. You know, I slowly start to look like I swallowed a soccer ball. You hear right, I'm pregnant. I'm going to be a mom. Can you believe it? Because I can't. And baby Halstead's arrival isn't that far away anymore. Just three more months and she is here and will change our life completely. I wish you could meet her then. And I wish you could meet Jay. He's amazing. He's the most protective, loving, gentle and caring man you can imagine. His heart is so big, I don't know how it even fits into his chest. I never thought a man like him exists. And I never thought that I could ever love someone like I love him. And I know that you'd love him, too,″ she said and blinked some times towards the sky as she tried to hold back the tears from falling from her eyes.

″What are you doing here kid?″ a familar raspy voice asked from behind. She turned her head around and gazed to Hank. She hasn't heard him coming and she didn't know how long he has already been standing there.

″Haven't been here in a while,″ she shrugged and got up. ″And there was quite a lot we had to catch up on,″ she said and looked down to her belly.

″Oh, I already told her about that,″ he smirked.

″Yeah I assumed you did,″ she smiled. ″It's just...I needed to talk to her...you know...after everything that happened the other night I felt bad...so damn bad. I never thought I could be a good mother but that was the confirmation that I'm even worse than just not good. I talked with Jay about it yesterday evening, told him about my fears and about having the worst mother and role-model ever. But then he said something that let me think because it was so damn true.″

″Yeah? What was it?″ Hank immediately asked, being quite curious.

″He said that I had the best mother someone could wish for. She just came later in my life than mothers normally do.″ She scanned Hank's face for any kind of reaction and could see that he had to swallow hard.

″You had,″ he replied and his voice was even raspier than usually.

″I had,″ she nodded and focused on the gravestone again. ″I wish she was here. I wish I could ask her my thousand questions about being a mother, pregnancy, babies, everything. Even if I'd ask her the same question a hundred times, she'd still answer it all calm and gentle for a 101st time,″ she smiled and gazed to Hank again.

″She would. And she would be proud of you.″

″How do you know that?″

″Because I am,″ he simply said while his face enlightened. Now she was the one swallowing hard. After everything that had happened in the last few months she hasn't expected Hank to tell her he was proud of her, neither has she expected him to say the words that now came from his lips. ″And you will be great mother.″

″Who knows,″ she shrugged and tried again to hold back her tears. She was such an emotional wreck at the moment and hearing these words from Hank, her father-figure, was definitely too much for her.

″I know Erin,″ he said, being all serious, as a tear rolled down Erin's cheek. ″Come here,″ Hank said and hugged her tightly. For the first time in forever they shared a real hug. And it felt so damn good and Erin has missed this, and him, so much that she couldn't hold back more tears from falling and sobbed quietly onto his shoulder.

″Better now?″ he asked afterwards.

She nodded and wiped her tears away with her hand.

"Erin, I want you to know that I'm sorry for the way I've treated you in the last couple of months. This wasn't fair," Hank said.

"I deserved it," Erin mumbled.

"No you didn't. I was way too hard on you and I should've handled things different."

"Well, it didn't harm and I even needed some of it to...wake up somehow," she shrugged. She inhaled deeply before she was able to tell him some things that were so damn important for her, that she's wanted to tell him for weeks already but now was finally the right time, the right moment. Now she was finally brave enough to make this one last step towards him that would hopefully lead right back to the relationship they've had before she'd hurt him beyond limits.

″Hank,″ she started and took another breath. ″When I visited Eddie some weeks ago and was knocked out of the skies that he's still the same jerk and that he will never change I realized how thankful I am to have you in my life. We don't always agree but we don't have to. Sometimes we're like fire and ice but no matter what, I could and can always rely on you. You were there when I was young and had the hardest time of my life, when no one else was. You believed in me, encouraged me, when no one else did. Thanks to you I am the person I am today. You're my father. My only father.″ She had to stop to swallow the lump in her throat. Once again she couldn't hold back the tears from falling but she was able to keep herself more or less together to tell him one more thing. ″And I hope you'll be our little girl's grandfather although you're not a fan of our situation. I want her to have you in her life, I want you to be her grandfather.″

Erin wiped her tears away again and looked him in the eyes at the same time. He had to swallow hard, even seemed to be emotionally affected by her words.

″There's nothing in this world that I'd love to be more than being this girl's grandfather, Erin,″ he answered smilingly and then placed a kiss on his pseudo-daughter's forehead.

″Thank you. This means more to me than you can imagine,″ she said and also smiled at him. In this moment she recognized that Hank hasn't even seen a picture of the baby yet. ″You wanna see something?″

″Sure,″ he answered but looked a little confused.

Erin pulled her phone out of her pocket and showed him the pictures from the 3D ultrasound. A bright smile grew on Hank's face when he saw photos of baby Halstead for the very first time.

″Looks just like you,″ he grinned without leaving his gaze from the photo and Erin could've sworn that his voice was a little emotional once more.

″Naah, she doesn't,″ she objected. ″Although Jay said the same.″

″You see,″ he laughed and gave her the phone back. ″This is the greatest gift life can provide Erin. So just enjoy it, take your time and distance yourself from all the what if's.″

″I try. I mean, it scares me that it's only twelve more weeks but..I don't know...I feel kinda excited about it too. It's weird...but...something changed during the last days,″ she admitted and looked down to the ground.

″I know,″ he simply answered and tried to lock eyes with her. ″I saw it in the second you stepped out of the elevator this afternoon. It's not something that changed, it's you who changed. You've got the glow now.″

″Naah, I don't,″ she answered and shook her head, didn't really believe him that she had the famous glow now.

″But Thursday night, when Jay wasn't there and when Dr. Hanson told me that I have light contractions I thought that this is my punishment for being so unhappy and ungrateful about this little miracle in the beginning. I was so scared to lose her and I kept telling her that she has to stay inside of me until I'm ready to be the mother she deserves to have and until she's strong enough to survive. In fact, I was more scared to lose her than I was scared of being a mother,″ Erin said quietly, placing her hand on her expanding stomach. ″And of course seeing Jay with Noah the last days helped because it is the cutest thing ever. I can't stop thinking about how cute he'll be with his own baby. And seeing his eyes sparkle every day when he feels her kicking makes my heart burst. You should've seen his face when he felt her kicks for the very first time...to say he had a beaming smile on his face is an understatement,″ she smiled.

″This is the most magical moment for the dad-to-be. Was the same for me when Camille was pregnant with Justin,″ he sighed and clearly his memories went back to that time.

She gazed at him for some moments, trying to figure out what to say next. She knew exactly why he was here and they'd already talked enough about her.

″Hank, Camille would want you to be happy, you know?″ she said gently. She had at least try to get him talking about it.

″What are you talking about now?″ he frowned.

″That's the reason why you're here, aren't you? You wanted to apologize to her. Because you felt relieved when Liv woke up today. Because there are some feelings that you're trying to suppress for a little while already. Because all of that made you feel guilty,″ she explained while he looked to the gravestone so she couldn't see his reaction.

″Erin, I don't...-″

″Hank, Camille would want you to be happy,″ Erin repeated. ″It's more than 7 years now. I know that you still think about her every single day and I know that you'll love her forever but that doesn't mean that you need to stay alone for the rest of your life. When there's something between you and Liv, give it a go. Don't hide your feelings just because you think you're cheating on Camille. Because you're not. You deserve to be happy and if Liv's the person who makes you happy then I'm sure Camille would be the last person who'd complain about it.″

″It's not that easy,″ he shrugged.

″I know, just think about it. Sometimes fathers should listen to their daughters,″ she winked.

He glanced to her and smiled and wrapped his arm around her shoulders.

″Yeah, maybe sometimes they should,″ he replied. ″Do you have a little more time for your old man? I'd like to show you something.″

″Sure. So what is it?″ she asked and Hank knew that he had made her curious.

″Just wait and see and follow me,″ he smirked and went to his car. She went to her car and drove right behind him as she realized that they were driving to the place she'd used to call home years ago.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Sit down,″ Hank ordered as soon as they were in the living room. She took a seat on the couch and looked around in the room. Hank had barely changed something since Camille's death. He had only added some photos to the photo-wall behind the dining table. Despite the photos of their marriage, of Justin when he was a kid and of course the family photo they had made when Erin was 17 and Justin 10, there were now also photos of Justin, Olive and baby Daniel and one of Erin and Hank right after she'd gotten her detective-badge. Deep in her heart she wished that Hank would one day maybe add a photo of her, Jay and baby Halstead to the gallery. Although she knew that Hank would most likely never hang a photo of Jay onto his wall.

″This is something Camille wanted you to see,″ Hank interrupted her thoughts as he entered the living room, placing a video tape in the old VCR.

″What?″ Erin asked as she was slightly confused.

″She made some videos before she died. Some for Justin and some for you as she knew she'd miss out on all the milestones in your lives. She left it to me to find the right moments to show you and I think now is the right time for you to watch one of them,″ he said and left the room, went up the stairs.

″Wait...Hank, don't you want to watch it too?″

″Kiddo, I can't count how many times I've seen them already. This is just for you now,″ he replied while she pressed the play-button on the remote.

Erin gasped when the screen flickered and Camille's sweet face smiled to her. She must've made this video during the last stages of her disease as she was already badly marked and looked weak and tired. Her smile was nonetheless as angelic as always.

″Hey Erin.″ Chills went down her spine when she heard the voice of the woman, who was the mother she never had, for the first time in seven years.

″My beautiful girl. I love you. That's the first thing I want to say. I know I already told you that in personal but I tell you again because I don't know whether you'll remember it when you'll see this video one day: you are the daughter we always prayed for but never thought we'd ever get. You are the sister for Justin we always hoped he'd have one day. You made our family complete, Erin. And I want to thank you for all of that. You and Justin are the greatest gifts, Hank and I've ever gotten. And you are most certainly the girl with the biggest heart, the strongest girl I've ever met. You're always there for me, for Hank, for Justin and I know that you'll also be there for my boys after I've left this world.″ At this point, Camille paused and swallowed hard. Erin's eyes were already full of tears.

″I made these videos because I somehow want to be part of some major events in your life. All the events I would give everything to attend but will miss. I told Hank to show you this first video, when he's 200% sure that you found the man of your life. A man who treats you like you deserve to be treated. A man who goes to the ends of the earth and back for you. A man who goes through fire and water for you. A man who protects you with his life. A man you can laugh and cry with. A man who makes you as happy as you've never been before and who is there for you in good days and in bad. A man who makes you feel safe and special and loves you unconditionally. I know, my requirements are quite huge, but only the best is good enough for my girl. And as you're now watching this video you obviously found the hero you deserve,″ Camille said and at this point she had to inhale deeply, wiped a tear away with her hand.

″I want you to know that I couldn't be happier for you Erin. I only wish I could've met the man who stole your heart. Actually, I wish so many things. I wish I could be there for all the things that'll now happen in your life. I wish I could be there on the day you'd come to me to show me your engagement ring, on the day you'd tell me that you and the man you love set a date for the wedding. Yes I said wedding. I know there is this someone, your hero, out there who will ask you this one question one day and you will say yes without even thinking about it, someone who will help you to overcome the issues you have and make you his wife. I wish I was the one you'd pick your wedding dress with and I'd give everything to see you walking down the aisle next to Hank on your special day because I know you'll look gorgeous. And because I want to see Hank giving you to another man unwillingly,″ she laughed and although tears already ran down Erin's face, she had to laugh as well.

″And I wish I'd be the first one you'd tell one day that you're pregnant. Yes, you hear right Erin. I know that one day you're going to be a mommy. I also know that once the time is there and you carry that precious little soul under your heart, you'll be scared. That's understandable, but let me tell you: you don't have to. You raised your little brother and you helped us to raise Justin when I was too weak to do it myself. Your capacity to love and to protect the people around you is nearly endless, so this will be one lucky baby that'll grow inside of you one day. Pregnancy and all the things that come with it are the greatest gifts that two people can share, so just enjoy the time when this little miracle is dancing in your belly. There's absolutely no reason for you to be scared, I promise you. Believe in yourself sweetheart. You will be one awesome mommy one day. I think that's even all I'd tell you if I'd still be there during that exciting time in your life. But unfortunately I won't. There will of course be more videos and Hank will show them to you when the time is right. I think with this first one I just wanted you to know I'm happy for you. Finding true love and never-ending happiness was all I ever wanted for you. I'm so sad that I can't be there for you now in personal and share all these beautiful moments with you but I watch from above and I'll always be there. I'm proud of you Erin. Every single day. And never forget, I love you.″ With these words the screen turned black. Erin sat on the couch, unable to move, and tears rolled down her cheeks like a river. The fact that Camille had done something so beautiful for her overwhelmed her. The way she talked and the words she chose made her heart ache. She missed her. Camille Voight. Her mother. The woman who knew her so well that she already knew more than seven years ago which words she'd need to hear one day.

Hank came back to the living room, sat down right next to her, squeezed her hand and placed a kiss on her hair.

″Thank you,″ Erin sobbed, lying her head on his shoulder.

″Don't thank me. It was all her idea.″

″She's amazing. She always was and always will be.″

Hank didn't answer, just squeezed her hand a little more. They sat there in silence for some more moments until Erin was able to speak again.

″So, did you show me this video today because you heard all of the things I said at the graveyard or because you're honestly 200% sure that Jay's the one?″ she asked and looked up to him, raising her eyebrow. His lips formed a little smirk.

″Both, I think.″

″Really?″ she asked and raised her eyebrows even more.

″Listen Erin, I made many mistakes in my life and forcing you and Halstead to end your whatever it was back then was one of them. I didn't know that there were some serious feelings between the two of you. I thought it was just a game, just for fun. But it took me a while to figure out that it was more for the both of you. That's why I gave you the green light after your sabbatical. I realized that you need him. That you came back to Intelligence not for me or the team but for him. That you walk into the precinct smilingly day by day not only because you love your job but mainly because you love him. And I have to admit, it really impressed me that he never gave up on you. He was the one holding on, trying to get you back where you belong. I realized that he might just love you as much as you love him. I still think that you guys kinda rushed things and maybe skipped a few chapters in your life but I also know that unplanned things sometimes happen,″ he sighed and glanced to her swollen stomach. ″And you know, then I heard Halstead's feared voice Thursday night and saw the pain in his eyes. We didn't know anything about your condition or the baby and when I arrived at your apartment, I saw the face of a man who was scared to lose the reason he lives for. In fact it remembered me of myself, of the face I saw in the mirror when Camille was sick and after she died. I thought a lot about it when I tried to sleep on that couch of yours and I remembered the video Camille made, remembered all the things she said how your boyfriend should be. And I noticed it all applies to Halstead. He is the man Camille prayed you'd find one day. It's just me who needed time to accept that. But hell yeah, he's a keeper, Erin,″ he grinned.

″Yeah, I guess so,″ she replied with a laughter.

″I'm sorry for all the things I did Erin,″ he said.

″It's okay,″ she shrugged. ″Fighting for the things you love only makes you stronger,″ she winked.

″Glad you see it like this,″ he smirked and got up from the couch. ″So, as you are now used to cook every day, you gonna give me a hand with making dinner?″

″I'd love to, but I can't. Jay and Noah are waiting for me to come home.″

″They don't,″ he smiled as he shook his head. ″I invited them for dinner, they should come within the next hour.″ Erin's eyes widened in disbelief by his words. Hank has invited Jay for dinner. At his house. This was a red-letter day for sure.

″Well...that's a surprise. Let's get the party started then,″ she laughed and followed him into the kitchen.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Noah, guess what we're doing today?″ Erin smiled when she put him his winter jacket and his beanie on on Monday morning. The dinner at Hank's house and their Sunday had passed smoothly but yet Noah hasn't seen his mother as she's been too weak and the doctors didn't allow a toddler on the ICU. But just this morning Will had called Jay and told him that they could bring the boy with them today as it would be the best way for Liv to recover.

″Playground?″ Noah asked and his face lightened up.

″Maybe in the afternoon. We're going to see your mommy now.″

″Mommy?″ he asked and a beaming smile appeared on his lips.

″Yes, your mommy is back and we're going to visit her,″ Erin said.

″Mommy, mommy, mommy,″ Noah screamed joyfully and jumped through the hall like a bouncy ball.

″Hey buddy, what's the screaming?″ Jay asked Noah as he walked out of the bathroom in this moment, picked the toddler up and swirled him through the air.

″We see mommy,″ he told Jay all smiles.

″Yeah? Are you excited?″

″Yaaaah, mommy,″ he squeaked happily.

″Alright, then we shouldn't waste any time, huh?″ he asked, tickled him softly and then let him down to the ground again.

″Nooo,″ he confirmed and grabbed for Erin's hand, who was still kneeling on the floor and had watched this cute scene between Jay and Noah in awe.

″You can't leave the house without shoes,″ Erin laughed as Noah seemed to be determined to leave the apartment as fast as possible.

″I can,″ he answered and tried to reach for the doorhandle but luckily he was too small for it.

″You wish, buddy, come here,″ she said and patted the wooden floor in front of her.

″I no need shoes.″

″You do, Noah.″

″No no,″ he said and shook his head.

″We won't visit your mommy without shoes. Then you and I will stay here and only Jay will visit your mommy because he's a good boy and is taking his shoes on,″ Erin said and pointed to Jay who was slipping into his sneakers. Noah looked and her with big eyes, obviously didn't know what to do and remained at the door. ″So be a good boy, too and sit down please,″ Erin added completely calm but already waited for another meltdown as she remembered how Liv had told her that he was testing his limits every day at the moment and this was just another proof of it. Noah stayed at the door, a glimmer of provocation in his eyes as he glanced at her and Erin glared back at him, waited for him to come and hoped he really would because a rampage was the last thing she wanted.

″I won't ask you again Noah. Please come here now or we'll stay here,″ she shrugged with a strict voice and already started to take her own shoes off again.

″Nooo,″ Noah said and came running to her. ″You no leave without shoes.″

″Alright, I'll put mine back on when you put yours on, deal?″ Erin asked him.

″Mhm,″ Noah nodded and sat down on the floor to let Erin him put on his shoes.

″Then let's go,″ Erin said to Noah when she was done and Noah got up instantly while Jay pulled Erin up from the floor.

″Good job,″ he grinned and placed a kiss on her temple before the three of them left the apartment for what felt like the 100th drive to Med within the last few months.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

At the hospital, Erin went for her control-CTG and ultrasound while Jay and Noah already went to visit Liv. She's been transfered to a normal room this morning and before they entered her room, Jay let Noah down to the floor, knelt down, too and helped him to put his jacket and his beanie off.

″Listen Noah,″ he said afterwards. ″Your mommy has a big owie. So you have to be really, really, really careful, okay?″

″Mhm,″ the toddler nodded.

″Yaah? This is important Noah. Do you promise me that you will be careful?″

″Yaah,″ he nodded again. ″Mommy see now?″

″Yes, then we'll see your mommy now,″ he said, got up and grabbed Noah's little hand to walk into the room with him where he then was about to see one of the most beautiful scenes he's witnessed in his life so far.

″Mommyyyyyyyy,″ Noah screamed as soon as he saw Liv lying in her bed and ran towards her.

″Hey sweetheart,″ Liv said with a cracky voice, tears welled in her eyes as she finally saw her son again, her son she thought she'd never see again.

″Mommy up,″ he pleaded.

″Wait, I got you,″ Jay said and lifted him up on the bed. ″But remember what I've told you.″

″Mommy,″ he smiled overjoyed and touched her arm carefully. ″Mommy owie.″

″Yes, mommy has an owie but she feels so much better since you're here now,″ she whispered as tears rolled down her face and she ran her fingers through her son's dark brown hair.

″I luv you,″ he said and crawled up a bit to give his mother a soft kiss.

″I love you too, Noah. And I missed you so much,″ she said and stroked his face with her thumb.

″No cry mommy,″ Noah smiled, touching her face with his little hand.

″I'm just so happy that you're here, sweetie,″ Liv answered and a smile formed through her tears.

″Me happy, too,″ Noah giggled.

″Come in my arm.″

″But mommy owie.″

″My owie is more on the other side, so it's okay,″ Liv smiled and Noah immediately crawled onto her side and into her embrace, becoming completely calm while being all snuggled up next to his mother.

″Thank you for everything Jay. I can't tell in words how grateful I am for what you and Erin did for us,″ Liv said while looking down into her son's satisfied, smiling face.

″You're welcome Liv. It's a pleasure to spend time with this little munchkin. Mostly,″ he chuckled.

″Did he have some meltdowns and test his limits?″

″From time to time. But Erin is great with him, she handled it well,″ Jay smirked and remembered how just this morning she has really surprised him with the way she had handled the two-and-a-half-year-old. Ever since the little drama the other night and their talk about her being a bad mother and his emphatic words to convince her that she wasn't a bad mother at all, she seemed to be a lot more confident in herself.

″Yeah, I guess so,″ Liv winked. ″Where is she by the way?″

″She had another control-CTG and ultrasound but I think she should be here soon.″

″Why does she need another control-CTG?″ Liv frowned.

″She didn't tell you?″ Jay asked and was a little surprised as he has assumed Erin had told her during the long hours she'd been here the last two days. But as he know thought about it, of course she hasn't said a word about it as Liv would surely feel guilty for it.

″Tell me what?″

″Well,″ Jay sighed and bit his lip. Now he had no other option than telling her about one of the toughest nights of his life. ″We had quite a scare the night from Thursday to Friday...″

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The three of them were joined by Erin about an hour later and at this point Noah was back to being all goofy and hyped and ran through the room as he started to get bored.

″Everything alright?″ Jay asked her as soon as she stood next to him.

″Couldn't be any better,″ Erin smiled.

″That's great,″ he smiled while Noah sang a undefinable 'lalala' and ran from one end of the room to the other pretending he was an airplane.

″What's wrong with him?″ Erin laughed and pointed to Noah.

″He's bored I guess. Only was excited to see me for the first 45 minutes,″ Liv sighed.

″Liv, I don't think he's not excited to see you because I haven't seen him this happy in the last couple of days,″ Erin winked. ″But it's not really an exciting place for a kid.″

″I can't blame him but still, this is a hospital and it's time for me to be the strict mom again,″ she said. ″Sweetie, come here please,″ she then called her son and he came running to her bed.

″You play with me?″ he asked full of hope

″I can't sweetie because I have to rest. And this is a hospital, Noah and here are lots of people who have owies. So you can't run around here. You have to be really quiet so the other sick people can rest, too,″ she explained her son but he didn't seem to be satisfied with her answer.

″But I wanna play,″ he said and his voice got whiny.

″Hey buddy, how about you and me go to the playground for a little while and then we'll come back to see your mommy in the afternoon? How about that?″ Jay chimed in before Noah would have another meltdown and he saw both, Erin and Liv forming the words thank you.

″Yes playground,″ he nodded eagerly.

″Alright,″ Jay said, got up and put him his winter jacket on.

″I think we'll also do the grocery shopping later, is there anything you need?″ Jay asked Erin, who has now taken his spot in the chair right next to Liv's bed, before he left.

″Naah, I can't think of anything. But I can also do that later, Jay, you don't have to do it.″

″No, no, no, you have to take it easy,″ Jay grinned, kissed her for goodbye and then left the room hand in hand with the toddler.

″You found yourself a diamond,″ Liv grinned as they watched the two of them disappear and Erin didn't know that just some weeks ago Jay's cousin had told him the same about her.

″Sometimes I can't believe he's real,″ Erin nodded, smiling fondly and also these words had come out of Jay's mouth when he was talking about her not so long ago.

″He's such a daddy, it's too cute,″ Liv said and lay back into the cushions.

″Yeah right? I can't wait to see him with her,″ Erin smiled, placed her hand on her swollen stomach lovingly and looked down to it, not seeing how Liv scanned her and when she looked to her friend again she saw that gaze on her face she couldn't really interpret.

″What?″ Erin laughed.

″Nothing,″ Liv smirked.

″Come on,″ Erin begged and raised her eyebrows.

″I've just remembered how you told me you don't have the famous pregnancy glow and I guess you were right. But damn girl, you have it now,″ Liv winked.

″I surely don't,″ Erin laughed and shook her head.

″Believe me, you're glowing Erin. And it suits you.″

″Naah, it doesn't,″ she answered but felt how her cheeks blushed by Liv's words. Since she was already the second person who told her that she's changed into that glowing type of a pregnant woman, she should maybe start to believe it.

″It does,″ Liv disagreed again. ″Thursday to Friday night changed something, right?″ she asked, having a knowing glance on her face and Erin slightly frowned by her question.

″Who told you about that night?″

″Jay. He mentioned it earlier as he thought you already told me. And I'm so sorry for this, what you guys had to go through. It just happened because of me,″ she said and towards the end her voice got really quiet.

″See, that's the reason why I didn't tell you yet. This is absolutely not your fault, Liv and I don't want you to blame yourself for it,″ Erin sighed. ″It was my fault all the way along. But I think I've somehow needed it. I was so scared to lose her that night...″ she added and her voice trailed off as she had to swallow hard. ″I realized how much I actually love and want her, how much deep down inside I've looked forward to have my own family without that I'd ever really realized it. Becoming a mother still scared me but the possibility of not becoming a mother scared me even more. I'm still scared that I'll maybe mess it up as I have no idea how to be a mom but I guess that's the normal fear every first-time-mom has. And yet I'm just so grateful that she's still inside of me where she can grow some more weeks, that I still feel her kicks all day. It's suddenly the best feeling in the world and I don't care anymore whether she does it all night long and prevents me from sleeping, whether she kicks my bladder or whether I feel her feet in my ribs,″ Erin smiled faintly and continued to tell Liv how her feelings have changed ever since she'd thought her daughter would maybe be born 12 weeks early.

″I think I couldn't cherish this little miracle with all my heart because I was too scared that I would become the same bad mother that my mom was. But after that night, when I thought I'm even worse than her because I already failed in protecting my daughter while she's still inside of me, Jay found exactly the words I needed to hear. Words that helped me to realize that I'm not my mother. That although her blood is running through my veins I'm completely different than her, that we're maybe bound by blood but that's all we have in common. That having the worst mother ever will only make me a better mother. That I in fact had the best mother a girl can wish for from the day on I moved into Hank's house, a mother who really is a role-model for me when I think about what kind of a mother I wanna be. I'd never thought about this before and I just really needed to hear it. From him I guess. As I told you, he always finds the right words,″ she smiled fondly.

″You're safe haven struck again,″ Liv grinned.

″My safe haven struck again,″ Erin echoed and her smile grew even wider by the truth of these words. He was her safe haven, her rock, her hero, her soulmate, her best friend, all in once. She needed him like she needed the air to breathe, the water to rehydrate. She needed him to feel complete. To feel safe. To feel confident. She needed him to grow, to overcome all her issues. She needed him because he was the greatest gift she's ever been blessed with.

″When will you guys finally tie the knot then?″ Liv asked, grinning mischievously and this question kinda brought Erin back to reality. Marriage was something she hasn't wasted much thoughts on yet as she wasn't sure whether this was something she wanted.

″I don't know, I don't think we ever will,″ she shrugged and Liv seemed to be a little disappointed by her answer. Strangely, saying these words somehow didn't feel right deep down inside of her and for a split second Erin thought about whether marrying him one day was actually something she wanted more than she was able to admit at this point. But then again she asked herself whether a ring would change as much as that a wedding was admirable or whether it would much more only complicate and ruin things somehow.

″Really?″ she asked and raised her eyebrow.

″Liv, I don't need a white dress and a ring to prove that I love him,″ Erin answered seriously but also laughed a little.

″I know you guys love each other, everyone can see it only from the way you look at each other. I just thought it's maybe a logical consequence, you know. But anyway, I'm sorry for being snoopy,″ she winked.

″It's okay,″ Erin assured her. ″It's just something I haven't thought so much about yet."

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″Dr. Hanson asked me today whether we want to attend prenatal classes at Med,″ Erin told Jay in the evening while watching TV more or less interested, his feet propped up on the coffee table in front of him as she had her head rested in his lap, her feet needing the rest of the space on the couch.

″I don't know, do you want to?″ he asked her. Until now they have never talked about it and he hasn't had the feeling yet that visiting prenatal classes was something she would want to do.

″I don't know either,″ she shrugged.

″It might be a good thing.″

″Or a waste of time,″ Erin chuckled.

″Or that,″ he laughed. ″But it wouldn't harm if we are somehow prepared.″

″Yeah I know, that's what I thought, too. And on the one hand I think we maybe should do it...but on the other hand I maybe don't wanna know in detail what's in store for me,″ she said and grimaced only by the thought of it.

″Er, we both know what's going to happen...more or less,″ he answered, softly stroking her cheek with his thumb, giving her some comfort.

″Maybe I want to keep it that way...with only knowing it more or less,″ she laughed.

″Whatever you want,″ Jay grinned.

″Hmm,″ she nodded and Jay saw in her face that she kept on thinking about it. ″Maybe we should give it a try. If we don't like it we can still cancel it after the first class, what do you think?″

″Whatever you want,″ he repeated his words smirkingly and then leaned down to place a soft kiss on her lips, getting more and more excited about the days, the weeks, the months to come until they would welcome their together greatest gift into this world and he only had to look in Erin's face, seeing the spark that surrounded her eyes, her lips, her complete face, to see that she was finally as excited as him...

Hope you liked it! Please leave a review and tell me what you think! :)

Since there are so many changes/things happening at CPD at the moment I just want to say that I do not plan to kill Justin off (he'll rather make an appearance soon) and I will not write Antonio and (possibly) Mouse off (btw: I didn't forget about his 'love interest', it'll come up again :D). In my story they will stay in the unit. As for Roman, I know I didn't mention him in a while but you can assume he's still on patrol with Kim at this point. Maybe I change this to Tay one day, depends on how long she sticks around. :)