32. From The Bottom Of My Heart

Thank you all again for the reviews, follows and favs, they always make me so happy! :) On to chapter 32. As I said before, it's mostly fluff for now and I hope you enjoy it!

32. From The Bottom Of My Heart

″Jay?″ Erin called from the bedroom on Wednesday morning, the day before Thanksgiving. After they had taken care of Noah for another one and a half weeks as Liv had to stay in the hospital, Noah's nanny had finally joined them after returning from her vacation to help Liv with travelling back home to New York as she was of course not allowed to lift her son or any other heavy items for a little while. When they'd said goodbye not even a week ago, Liv had invited them and Hank to New York for Thanksgiving as she wanted to say thank you for all the things they've done for her during the last two weeks. Erin had tried to talk her out of it because she found hosting Thanksgiving was too much stress for her but Liv had insisted that she wanted to do it and had promised that she'll let other people help her. So of course Jay and Erin and Hank as well have agreed to come to New York and as their flight was scheduled for the evening after work they still had to pack their bags in the morning before heading to work. At least Erin's and Jay's flight as Hank would take one on the following morning as he hasn't been at work these last two days to spend some well-deserved downtime with Justin, Olive and Daniel.

″Yeah?″ Jay called back and joined her some seconds later, leaning on the doorframe casually, having his hands in his pockets and checking out the mess Erin made once again while packing her bag.

″Do you know where my beanie is?″ she asked, exhaling a bugged sigh.

″Which one of the 50 you have?″ he chuckled.

″My favorite one of course.″

″Maybe,″ he grinned, left her alone for a moment and when he joined her again he threw the black beanie to her. Erin smiled when she caught it as this was just another proof of how attentive he was. She didn't have 50 beanies but quite some anyway, some even had the same color, and he still knew exactly which one was her favorite.

″Where was it?″ she asked while tossing it into her bag.

″You left it at the kitchen counter next to the sink two days ago so I allowed myself to put it at the place where it belongs: the small dresser next to the coatrack,″ he grinned, finding that he's paraphrased her mess in a pretty nice way without telling her directly what a messy person she was. But he knew she knew anyway.

″If you had left it where it was I would've known where it was,″ she winked, trying to defend her mess.

″You wouldn't,″ he laughed, came closer to her and wrapped his arms around her waist.

″I would,″ she answered all serious.

″No way,″ he smirked and kissed her lips before she was able to further try to tell him different. But of course, for Erin, this little kiss wasn't the end of their conversation.

″You know babe, everyone can handle order but only a genius can master chaos,″ she chuckled and grinned up to him all innocent and Jay slightly shook his head by her statement.

″So you wanna tell me you're a genius?″ he asked and raised his eyebrow playfully.

″Of course I am,″ she nodded.

″Of course you are,″ Jay echoed. ″You know my genius chaos-master, we should really clear out your wardrobe before I bring all my stuff here,″ he then said, letting his gaze wander over the mess in the inside of her wardrobe and the open drawer of the dresser.

″You wish,″ Erin laughed.

″Come on, Er, I'm pretty sure half of the things in there you haven't even worn once yet, right?″

″That's actually...-″

″True?″ he interrupted her and laughed, earning a punch onto his shoulder from her.

″Maybe,″ she smirked and bit her lip.

″Then we already know what we're going to do next weekend, huh?″ he asked, a winning smile rushing over his face while Erin grimaced by this thought and by thinking how much they still had to do in the weeks to come.

″Guess we have to,″ she sighed. ″We actually have to do a lot more than just that. We have to bring all your stuff here and empty your apartment, we don't have a nursery yet let alone even a crib. We don't have any clothes for her yet and neither do we have any baby stuff at all. Seriously, we are the worst parents-to-be in the world.″

″We're not,″ he disagreed immediately.

″It's just nine more weeks, Jay. Nine. And we have nothing prepared. Nothing. We haven't had the time to attend one single prenatal class yet. Damn we don't even have a name and you want to tell me we're not bad?″ she asked snappishly and let out a sardonic laughter.

″Hey babe,″ he said softly and grabbed her chin so she had to look at him. ″We had other stuff to deal with the last three weeks. We still have nine weeks to go shopping and to prepare the nursery and we'll get it done in time, I promise. We will attend the prenatal class next Wednesday evening and about the name: do you really think we need nine weeks to decide on one?″ he asked and gave her an encouraging smile.

″I don't know, I for one haven't had a brilliant idea yet, did you?″

″Nope,″ he answered honestly. He had to admit, until some weeks ago he hasn't had the feeling that Erin already wanted to talk about names, that's why he had pushed the name game away, too. But now, with her due date coming closer and closer and with her finally being excited about their future, she has started to nest so he could understand that she was afraid they wouldn't get everything done in time.

″See,″ Erin sighed, ″she will be born nameless.″

″So what? She doesn't need a name before she's born, we can decide on a name when we see her. Just like 'oh, she looks like a...whatever',″ he laughed and this goofy statement also brought a smile back on Erin's face.

″Whatever?″ Erin laughed.

″I told you I haven't thought about names yet. But in case we don't find one we can still name her Minnie,″ he winked.

″We're not going to name our daughter after a comic character Jay Halstead.″

″Damn. And I just wanted to suggest you Cinderella and Ariel,″ he smirked. ″What about Arwen though? Or Leia?″

″Naming her after a fictional character from Lord of the Rings or Star Wars doesn't make it any better,″ she chuckled and slightly shook her head. He was such a lovely dork sometimes and was always able to lighten up her mood whenever she was in a mood that needed to get lighted up.

″Katniss? Neytiri? Lara Croft?″ he joked.

″Not going to happen,″ she laughed. Standing on her tiptoes, she pressed her lips gently to his.

″We'll find a name,″ he assured her afterwards.

″We better do,″ she nodded. ″I want it to be something special, something unique. A name where not five other kids turn their head around when we call her at the playground.″

″So back to Katniss or Neytiri?″ Jay chuckled.

″Jay!″ she blurted and narrowed her eyes while looking at him. ″I said unique, not crazy.″

″Keep cool, Er. We'll find a perfect name for our perfect little girl,″ Jay said again, looked down to her still not too big 31-weeks-belly and softly rubbed it with his hand. ″We will see one, hear one when we least expect it and say that's it, that's the name we've been looking for.″

″You know what, I guess you're right,″ she said while she was also looking down to her round stomach and placed her hand next to his.

″Of course I am,″ he chuckled and Erin just rolled her eyes as she now looked at him.

″For once,″ she coughed laughingly.

″Shut up and pack your back Erin Lindsay,″ he chuckled and softly slapped her across the backside.

″Just want to remind you that I would be finished by now if I didn't have to look for my beanie for ten minutes,″ she answered all dry but gave him a little wink anyway and then turned around to finally toss her remaining stuff into the bag.

Jay just stood there some more moments and watched her while he slightly shook his head. Two things would for sure never change: that she was one of the messiest persons he knew and that she always needed to have the last word in every conversation. But exactly this sassy attitude was one of the things he fell in love with in the very first second.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

A hotel in the heart of Manhattan was their destination after they'd landed at the LaGuardia airport in the evening. It was a cold and clear night and New York looked beautiful in the dark with all its lighted skyscrapers. Although Chicago was also a big city that looked incredible by night, New York was somehow different, especially some weeks before Christmas.

″Are you hungry?″ Jay asked after they had checked in into their hotel and were now in what was quite a big room for New York conditions on the 15th floor of the older building.

″Yeah, a little snack would be just fine now,″ she grinned from the bed. She's lain down seconds after they had entered the room and had watched Jay unpacking the few things from their bags as they would stay here not only for one night but for four. Just coming here for Thanksgiving would've been somehow senseless so they had decided to stay for the whole weekend, enjoy some more time of togetherness before their life would change soon and also visit Jay's aunt and uncle again on that occasion.

″You feeling good?″ he asked as he sad down on the edge of the bed, stroked her thigh with his hand.

″Yeah, I'm good. Just my feet are swollen from the flight and my back hurts from the uncomfortable seats in the plane and not to forget that this little lady is getting heavier,″ she sighed and rubbed her round stomach.

″I could give you a massage and then we can go out for dinner and stroll through the city a bit,″ he said.

″Not a bad idea, at least the part with the massage and having dinner somewhere,″ she smiled.

″Walking around will do you good, babe.″

″It's cold outside.″

″You have a winter jacket.″

″Which I can't close anymore.″

″You never close it anyway,″ Jay laughed, thinking about last winter and how she had only closed her winter jacket when it was below 20 and they were fortunately far away from that this evening.

″You got a point there,″ Erin admitted laughingly and turned to her side, as her stomach was too big to lie prone, so he could start the massage he gave her almost every evening at the moment.

″I know,″ Jay nodded, inwardly celebrating that he's won this little fight against her.

″You're getting better every day,″ Erin mumbled into the pillow as the pressure of his fingers immediately helped to relax the uptight muscles of her lower back.

″Of course. I have to groove it until the end of January so I can support you in the best way possible when there's already so less I can do,″ he said and his voice was all serious, no teasing and joking about her paying him a compliment and his words and the way he'd said it made her heart melt a little. The birth of their daughter was not only going to be a stiff piece of work for her but also for him as she sensed seeing her in pain would be anything but easy for him so of course he would give everything he could to make it a little more bearable for her.

″It's already perfect and I hope it will have a similar effect in January although I'm afraid it won't,″ she said with a mix of a sigh and a laughter.

″Are you scared?″ he asked while he was even increasing the pressure which made her groan softly.

″Scared because she has to come out the same way she came in, just with the little difference that she's now ten thousand times bigger? Damn yes, it scares the hell out of me,″ she sighed. ″I mean, I know it's going to be hard, that's no secret, but I think I can't imagine how hard it's actually going to be. What about you?″

″I'm nervous and it's still nine weeks. So you can assume I will be a mess when the day is finally here,″ he answered, chuckling slightly.

″Yeah I guess so,″ she laughed. ″You know, I keep telling myself that women are giving birth for thousands of years already so why shouldn't I manage it?″

″You're going to nail it, Er because you're the strongest woman I know.″

″We'll see,″ she sighed. ″But what I know is that it will be all worth it the moment she's here.″

″It will,″ Jay smiled and he felt an excited flutter in his stomach as he imagined the moment they would see their daughter for the first time, hold her for the first time. He couldn't describe in words how much he looked forward to that day. The day which wasn't so far away anymore.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

One hour later they strolled through the still busy streets of downtown Manhattan and soon found a nice, little restaurant where they then had dinner. Afterwards they walked around a little more, holding each others hands tightly, saw some of the typical tourist spots by night and also passed the famous ice rink at the Rockefeller Center, watched all the families skating there for a while. Kids, teens, people their age, even some elderly couples aged around 70 and all of them were having lots of fun on the ice.

″You know, when I was a kid I sometimes watched movies to escape reality and when they played in New York around Christmas the families in these movies always went here and I always dreamed about being one of these happy, laughing kids who skates here with their loving parents. But as I knew this wouldn't happen I just wished to skate here one day no matter how old I am, to feel the magic of this place,″ Erin said pensively as she watched a mother helping up her son who has tumbled.

Jay turned his head around to her as he heard the sad undertone in her voice and scanned her face, saw the silent pain reflecting from it and this made his heart ache. She deserved the world after everything she had to go through in her life already. And he wanted to give her all the things she deserved, wanted to create new memories with her. Memories that would make her forget her childhood and growing-up. Memories she would one day look back to with a smile on her face.

″Come on,″ he said and grabbed her hand, wanted to pull her with him.

″What are you up to?″ she frowned, not letting him pull her with him so easy.

″We go skating,″ he winked.

″I'm not sure whether this is a good idea at the moment,″ she said and slightly shook her head. She didn't want to do anything that could maybe harm her daughter who right now once again danced around in her stomach. They've had enough drama already and there was no need for another fall, preterm labor or another catastrophe that could happen.

″How do you always say? You're just pregnant, not sick to death,″ he answered encouragingly and Erin couldn't believe that these words acutally came from his lips. Until now it has always been him who has done everything to protect her and the baby and now, when she also wanted to protect their baby from any possible dangers, Jay encouraged her in doing something that contained a risk?

″I know. But I wouldn't call myself a pro on the skates. Actually I would most likely fall down all the time and that's not worth the risk.″

″I am quite good and I will hold you and take care that you won't fall,″ he said, smiling at her softly. Erin looked at him, still being a bit insecure. Of course she knew he wouldn't let her fall. He never had and he never would. Regarding everything. He was her rock, her hero for a reason.

″Come on Er, it's your lifelong dream right?″ he said as he saw her hesitating. Now she got it: he only encouraged her because he now knew skating here was her childhood dream, so he obviously wanted to fullfill her this dream this evening regardless the fact that she was almost eight months pregnant. Her heart got warm when she once again realized how much he did, how much he gave, every single day, to make her happy and to show her how much he loved her.

″Okay let's try it,″ she finally nodded and a little smile also returned to her face.

″Good, then come,″ he grinned and this time she let him pull her with him to the skates rental. He helped her to put on the skates and then entered the ice rink with her. In the beginning she held one hand onto the boards all the time while her other almost frantically held onto Jay's hand but after the first two rounds she felt safe enough to only use Jay's hand as security.

″Natural talent, huh?″ Jay chuckled next to her as her steps became bigger, pluckier and more secure.

″Don't speak too soon,″ she answered, being all concentrated on doing it right and not getting rollicking because it worked surprisingly well.

″Okay,″ Jay laughed and they kept on skating around the ice rink until Erin ran out of energy and stopped in the middle of the rink to make a short break and catch some breath.

″Thank you for this,″ she smiled at him, her cheeks being slightly red from the cold and the exertion and the adrenaline that went through her body. ″This was even better than I always imagined,″ she whispered before her lips melted with his in a grateful kiss. As a kid it had always been her dream to skate here with her family, to do all the things normal families did and to finally be a real family but it stayed a dream all the time. And now, more than twenty years later, she stood in the middle of this famous ice rink in the moonlight, in the arms of the man she loved, the man who was her family now, and just felt endlessly grateful to experience the fullfilling of this dream with him.

″It was a pleasure to skate with you,″ he smirked and also kissed her. ″How did Minnie like it?″

″I think these unknown movements rocked her to sleep,″ she laughed.

″Great. Now we know what we're going to do once she's born and doesn't settle at night,″ he chuckled.

″Uh-huh, this must be the best idea you've ever had,″ she smirked teasingly. ″Where did you even learn it?″

″Skating?″ he asked back and she answered with a nod. ″Wisconsin of course,″ he smirked, ″sometimes we've been there for the winter holidays and when the lake was frozen, like really really frozen, our grandfather allowed us to play icehockey on it.″

″How is Wisconsin in winter?″

″It's beautiful,″ he smiled.

″As beautiful as in summer?″

″You can't really compare it because it's beautiful in a complete different way.″

″Sounds great,″ she smiled back at him.

″It is,″ he nodded. ″So, you wanna skate a little more or go back to the hotel?″

″Hotel sounds perfect,″ she answered and yawned loudly.

″Yeah, I think it does,″ he laughed. ″Then lets get my tired girls there,″ he winked.

While leaving the ice rink and giving their skates back, Erin couldn't stop thinking about Wisconsin and how his cabin in the middle of nowhere would look like with inches of snow surrounding it. She imagined it looked incredible, like in fairytales or cheesy movies, just like everyone always dreamed to spend Christmas, including herself. But as Hank had invited them last week to celebrate Christmas at his house with Justin and his family they didn't have the chance to simply escape to his cabin to spend their last Christmas two in two there and anyway, she looked forward to spend Christmas with all of the most important persons in her life. And as much as she liked the thought of going to Wisconsin and as much as she wanted to see this beautiful place in the snow, she didn't want to exchange it for the tradition of celebrating Christmas at the Voight's house. Especially not after she and Hank had finally their father-daughter relationship back that was so important for both of them. But yet she had another idea how they could still go there before they would be a family of three.

″Jay?″ she asked as they were on their way back to the hotel, taking a different route this time to see a little more from the city.

″Yeah?″

″What do you think about spending the week around New Year's eve at your cabin? Some downtime for just the two of us before our little troublemaker arrives?″

″Hmm yeah, why not?″ he answered after some moments of silence but he didn't seem too enthusiastic about the idea that she liked pretty much.

″Didn't expect that much enthusiasm,″ she said sardonically, snappishly . ″Sorry that I thought it would be nice to have some time just for us.″

″It would be nice, Er, really nice and there's nothing I'd like to do more,″ Jay assured her instantly as he sensed his answer has annoyed and hurt her. ″It's just...the cabin is in the middle of nowhere, the next hospital is like two hours away and you'll be four weeks ahead of your due date,″ he said, giving her a meaningful glance.

″So what?″ she shrugged.

″So what?″ he echoed and his eyes widened. ″What happens if you go into labor while we're there? I don't want you to give birth on the side of some road in the woods,″ he added with a low voice and Erin could hear and see how worried he actually was about this and she immediately regretted that she'd snapped at him when he was once again just endlessly concerned about the well-being of what were the two most important people in the world for him.

″Jay,″ she said softly and squeezed his hand. ″Why should I go into labor four weeks early? Dr. Hanson always tells us how she's smaller than the average so she will most likely need even more time in there. And for the improbable case that it will happen there I can tell you that no woman gives birth in just two hours. It would be a really uncomfortable ride in the car for me then but I'm sure we would make it to the hospital in time. And believe me Jay, I won't give her another reason to come earlier than the 26th.″

″I know you won't,″ he answered. He knew that the scare of losing their baby or welcoming it into this world way too early some weeks ago have really affected her and has made her realize how much she's fallen in love with their baby during the last few months when she maybe hasn't even realized it until that little drama. Jay couldn't help but think that she had somehow needed this drama to finally be all in. She has changed since that night, was glowing, beamingly happy, softly smiling all the time, showed her feelings for their daughter by always having one hand protectively on her stomach, sometimes subsconsciously sometimes not, enjoyed her pregnancy although this was the exhausting part now and was also filled with real excitement for the things to come.

After Liv and Noah had left for New York and she had returned to work, the first thing she had done on that morning was asking Hank to reduce her job to complete desk duty with regular working hours from 8 to 5, no matter whether their cases actually required her to stay all night. Sometimes she stayed half an hour or an hour longer when something really needed to be finished but the latest she's left the bullpen lately was 6pm. Then she went home to relax on the couch or to take a long bath, giving the aching muscles in her body some relief or to simply lie horizontally in her bed as she had told Jay that sitting vertical on her desk all day wasn't the most pleasant thing in the world as everything has started to get squished together inside of her.

″So where's the problem then?″ Erin asked and interrupted his thoughts.

″I don't know...it could still happen,″ he shrugged and stopped, turned around to face her. She placed her hands on his chest and gazed at him.

″Yeah it could and then we would drive to the hospital and she would be born in Wisconsin. But she won't, Jay. Damn this whole could, would, will, won't drives me nuts,″ she sighed but also had to chuckle a little.

″Me too,″ Jay also sighed. ″I guess I just worry about this too much because I told you, I'm already a nervous wreck.″

″Uh-huh,″ she chuckled. ″I think this waiting game will be long enough and I don't want to sit at home for weeks and wait for this one day. When we want to attend a Hawks game two days before my due date then let us attend a Hawks game. When I feel good on my due date and there's no sign of labor and we want to go to the cinema, then let us go to the cinema. When this little lady decides to stay inside of me longer and we want to stroll through the city or make a boat tour on the river three days after my due date then let us simply do it. And when we want to spend New Year's Eve in Wisconsin four weeks before my due date then let us go there. I want us to enjoy the time we have as just the two of us, Jay.″

″You're right,″ he finally agreed after thinking about her words for a minute. ″We should take advantage of our last weeks without parental responsiblities.″

″Wisconsin for New Year's?″ she asked and a smile rushed over her face by the thought of watching the snow fall down in front of the large windows, of spending evenings in front of the fireplace, of being all snuggled up to him under dozens of blankets in their big bed, of walking around in winter wonderland.

″Yeah. Let's go to Wisconsin,″ he grinned back, placed a kiss on her forehead and wrapped his arms around her waste to hold her tight for a moment.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The following morning they both slept in, even Erin was able to sleep longer than usual with the help of some additional pillows Jay had brought her from the reception in the middle of the night as she hadn't been able to fall asleep for two hours. After waking up they had then decided to start the day all lazy and ordered breakfast to their room, watching the big Thanksgiving parade on TV while eating all the delicacies before heading to Liv's place later in the morning.

″Hey there,″ Liv smiled when she opened the door and saw Erin and Jay standing in front of it.

″Hey,″ Erin smiled and hugged her and so did Jay.

″How do you feel?″ Erin asked while she took her jacket and shoes off.

″Getting better day by day but I have the feeling the progress of recovery is endless,″ she sighed.

″Be patient,″ Erin winked and saw in the corner of her eyes how Jay raised his eyebrows by these words coming from her of all things, one of the most impatient persons he knew. ″What?″ she smirked at him.

″Nothing,″ he grinned. ″Just surprised by these words coming from you,″ he added with a wink.

″Uh-huh,″ she chuckled.

″I'm just at a point where I can't be patient anymore,″ Liv sighed. ″I'm tired all the time, I have to lie down for an hour after everything I do because I run out of energy, I can't do the grocery shopping neither can I go to the playground with Noah because I still have the feeling to suffocate when I do too much and I still can't lift him up. I need help with everything and my nanny basically lives here at the moment. Not sure whether she is more Noah's nanny or mine at the moment but well, I guess I have to take it.″

″You're alive Liv and you're going to be completely healthy again and I'd say that's all that matters,″ Erin said, smiling at her encouragingly.

″It truly is. I just think I need to hear this sometimes,″ she smiled back.

″Is Noah not here?″ Jay asked and his voice sounded almost a bit sad as they now walked into the kitchen and there wasn't a sign of the toddler being in the apartment.

″He's at the playground with his nanny. We don't need him running around in here while preparing all the food. But if you want you can join her so she can go home to her family. They're in the park just one block away,″ Liv suggested.

″Don't you two need a hand with preparing all the food?″ he asked, not being sure whether Liv in her current condition and Erin with her talent for cooking would be able to prepare all the sides to the turkey that was already in the oven.

″Rollins should be here within the next thirty minutes and she has already prepared some things at home, so it's not too much to do for us.″

″What about the other guys?″

″Fin and Carisi will come in around two or three hours I think,″ Liv answered.

″Well, then I might go to the playground,″ Jay winked as he wasn't too keen to be in the kitchen as the only man with three women.

″Get your ass outta here already,″ Erin sassed and slapped across his backside.

″Be patient,″ he smirked, gave her a short kiss and then left the two of them alone in the kitchen.

″So, what do we have to do?″ Erin asked as Liv started to put tons of vegetables out of the fridge.

″Rollins made all the cakes, Carisi and Fin will both bring some appetizers so we just have to make the glazed carrots, the sprouts, the mashed potatoes, the sauteed green beans and the sauces.″

″Just?″ Erin echoed and raised her eyebrows. ″Did I ever mention that I'm not a master in the kitchen?″

″It's not that difficult Erin and I'm sure we'll get it handled,″ Liv winked and gave her all the carrots to cut them into small, bite-size pieces.

″I hope you're right,″ she sighed. During the last few days, when she'd been home from work long before Jay or when Noah had lived with them she had even cooked some times, nothing spectecular but it had been eatable at least and now she couldn't help but think that she was really turning into a housewife when just some weeks ago she'd been sure that Jay would forever stay the house husband. But it looked like this was about to change at the moment and it didn't even feel strange.

″Have you heard anything from Hank today already?″ Erin asked her friend, trying to figure out how much progress they've been making ever since she had told her pseudo-father not to suppress his feelings any longer.

″He texted me two hours ago that his plane is about to take-off any minute so he should be here in two hours at the latest,″ Liv answered.

″Okay,″ Erin nodded, inwardly grinning by the fact that the two of them traded private texts which was a progress since Hank wasn't the guy who used his phone for messaging so much.

″Hasn't he told you?″ Liv asked back, furrowing a brow.

″Uhm...no,″ she lied. Of course he had informed her about his scheduled arrival time and Erin had only asked because she wanted to find out where and how things were going.

″But things are alright between you two, aren't they?″

″Yeah, everything is perfect,″ she smiled. ″He invited us for Christmas last week so I think we're back to normal. Maybe even more than that.″

″Glad you worked it out. I know it's important for him and I assume the same applies for you,″ Liv smiled and Erin was a little surprised by her words. On one hand because she hasn't expected Hank to talk about this and how he felt about all of it with someone else and on the other hand because it was another proof of how close he and Liv actually were.

″He told you about what happened, didn't he?″

″He told me some pieces of what happened while I was in the hospital and he also told me how much he missed you and how hard it was for him having an estranged relationship with you. And then he said he's so happy to have his daughter back in his life and that he's really excited to meet his granddaughter,″ Liv grinned and gave the younger woman, who seemed to be a little speechless, a twinkle. Erin felt tears burning in the corner of her eyes by Liv's words, tears of emotion. All she's wished for was that Hank would be a part of her daughter's life and that he talked about her as his granddaughter and was so excited about her upcoming arrival made her unbelievably happy. It was in fact something she hasn't expected to happen after their relationship had been a stack of broken pieces until some short three weeks ago.

″Hey Erin, you alright?″ Liv asked as she saw the tears welling in her eyes.

″Yeah, I'm fine,″ Erin answered and inhaled deeply. ″I'm just a little emotional these days and weep easily. Blame it on the hormones,″ she added with a laughter.

″There's nothing wrong about being emotional about things that are important for you,″ Liv winked.

″I know. But it's not easy for me to show my emotions and feelings in front of others. Although I know no one would blame me for it I just don't feel comfortable with it. Guess this will never change,″ she shrugged and tried to smile. ″But I can completely show them in front of Jay by now though.″

″Well, that's quite something, huh? Does it feel so bad to show him all of your emotions? To show him how vulnerable you are?″

″No,″ Erin answered and shook her head. ″It feels good that I can show him when I need him, when I need his comfort. I always thought this makes me look weak but it doesn't. At least not in front of him. For everyone else I still have to reach that point where I feel okay with it but I think I'm getting there. I mean I already cried in front of you, I cried in front of Hank, I cried in front of Jay's brother and some other doctors. Not so bad for someone who never allowed herself to look weak and vulnerable in front of others, no matter how dramatic the situation was, I guess,″ she said and laughed a little.

″Not bad at all,″ Liv smiled.

For a little while they kept on preparing the vegetables in silence and just listened to the music that played from the radio, sometimes hummed to the familar melodies but yet there was still one thing on Erin's mind she wanted to talk about with Liv but she didn't know how to start this conversation as she didn't want to bring all the memories of her accident back. It was something that her mind hasn't stopped to think about since the day in the hospital where Liv had asked her to take care of her son in case she wouldn't survive and she wanted to know so badly why out of all people Liv had chosen her, a woman she indeed called a friend but didn't know too well. And the things she knew about her were not just sunshine and roses.

″Liv can I ask you something?″ she blurted somewhen.

″Sure, go ahead,″ Liv answered but slightly frowned.

″Why did you choose me to take care of Noah in case you would've...you know...? Why not anyone else you know much longer already...why me?″ she asked and her words came in a splutter. Liv looked at her for a moment before she started explaining.

″First thing is because you were there, Erin. You were the only person to assure me in that moment that my son would have a safe home, that he would have someone who takes care of him, someone whom I trust, someone where I knew he would have a good life and would get lots of love. Second thing is because I saw the two of you together the day before and it was obvious that Noah also trusts you and likes you a lot. And third thing is because you are one of the strongest women I know. You went through rough times and I have the feeling you came out even stronger. You have the perfect mix of stubbornness, agressiveness, dedication and determination to be a badass cop but you also have your heart in the right place. A big, loving heart that makes you always want to comfort everyone and that makes you care about everyone, maybe even more than you have to. As a cop. As a friend. As a mother. In fact you remind me a lot of myself, Erin,″ she said and gave Erin, who was once again more than just speechless, a warm smile.

″This might be one of the biggest compliments I've ever gotten,″ Erin answered perplexedly and felt how her cheeks blushed. The woman she has admired and looked up to from the moment she had worked together with her for the first time had just paid her a compliment that made her heart literally skip a beat and filled her with the tiniest bit of pride.

″It's the truth. You can be proud of yourself, of how far you've come, of what you've achieved so far and I think there are still big things coming for you,″ Liv winked.

″Yeah, big things indeed,″ Erin laughed, glacing down to her expanding stomach for a moment.

″Well, this of course but that's not what I meant. There are still so many things you can achieve in your career even when you're a mother and I'm sure you'll go places Erin,″ Liv said and she was all serious about it.

″You really want to make me cry today, don't you?″ Erin asked and tried to laugh but her voice was cracky, touched.

″Naah, I'm not. I just wanted to tell you something I think you really needed to hear,″ Liv answered, glancing at her meaningfully and with a soft smile.

″You're right,″ Erin nodded and smiled faintly. ″I needed to hear this. Thank you.″

″You're welcome. I owe you so much Erin, for everything you did for me and Noah and if there's ever anything I can do for you, just let me know. You can always count on my help and my support.″

″Thank you Liv, this means a lot to me and I'm glad to call you one of my best friends.″

″Me too,″ Liv smiled back. ″And now we should stop making each other cry and really get this done,″ she laughed, glancing at all the raw vegetables they still had to prepare and cook.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

Erin and Liv were joined by Rollins and her one-year-old daughter Jesse a little later and prepared the rest of the food together, surprisingly got everything done in time. In between mashing potatoes, cooking beans and sprouts, roasting carrots and mixing various sauces Jay and Noah also came back into the apartment with red noses and big smiles and the little boy was more than happy to see Erin again and literally jumped into her arms to hug her. Noah immediately pulled her with him to his room to show her his newest toys and Erin wasn't too sad to give the task of cooking and preparing to her boyfriend.

When the doorbell rang for a 3rd time this afternoon an hour later, literally after they've just filled all of the sides into big bowls, they were finally joined by the rest of the gang, Carisi, Fin and Hank and the start of their big Thanksgiving dinner was only minutes away. They ate the appetizers while they were all standing in Liv's apartment, talking with each other, laughing together, before Hank got the honorable task to slice the big, delicious looking turkey and then brought it to the already full table under the cheers of the others, all of them staring at the turkey with hungry eyes, ready to finally get the party started. But before starting the big feast, Liv chimed in and gave a little speech and Erin could see tears welling in her eyes already before she started to speak.

″First of all I want to thank you all for coming. It's a pleasure to celebrate this day with you. And second of all, today, on this very Thanksgiving day, I want to thank you all for what you guys have done for me and Noah in the last few weeks. I know I couldn't have done it without your great, unstoppable, relentless help. Thanks to Erin and Jay and Hank for taking care of Noah and me while I was in the hospital, for checking by every single day, for encouraging me, for being there for me, for cheering me and Noah up and most of all, for giving my boy a loving and safe home. Thanks to Amanda, Dominick and Fin for checking by every single day since we've returned to New York, for bringing us food, for keeping me and Noah entertained, for taking care of Noah by bringing him to the playground. Without your help I would be helpless and I'm truly thankful to have such an incredible bunch of people in my life, to call them my family. So once again and from the bottom of my heart I wanna say thank you, thank you, thank you,″ she said and her voice got crackier with every word that escaped from her lips but after taking a deep breath she was able to continue. ″Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Let this be a great one,″ she added and raised her glass.

″Happy Thanksgiving,″ they all chorused and also raised their glasses, clinking them with the one's of the others before the big celebration finally started.

It turned out to be a great day, for sure one of the best Thanksgivings Erin had so far, and the whole afternoon and evening was spent with eating, laughing, chitchatting about work and kids and sports and everything else they wanted to share with each other.

In between exchanging some tenderness every so often and exchanging flirty, loving glances with Jay, Erin didn't miss that Hank and Liv exchanged quite smiliar kinds of glances and she was happy to see that slowly but steady things between them went into the right direction although it would for sure still take a little more time until they would give it a go.

Late in the night, when Erin lay in Jay's arm in their bed, all snuggled up to his side as far as it was possible at this stage of her pregnancy, and couldn't sleep once again because her baby girl preferred to play soccer and grooving her kick boxing skills, she remembered Liv's words of gratitude and how she has called them all her family earlier.

Until some years ago all the family Erin's had was Hank, then she's started working in the Intelligence Unit and all these people also became her family somehow, especially one of them of course. The one she would soon have her own little family with. The one who has changed her life in the most positive way. The one who has given her a real family again by introducing her to his family that she now was a part of, too. In this moment, she realized how many reasons she actually had to be grateful and the warm feeling of endless thankfulness swept through her body by this thought. Thankfulness for her family in New York in form of Liv and Noah and Michael and Susan and the rest of the Taylor-family who lived all across the country and the world. Thankfulness for her family in Chicago in form of Hank and Justin and his family and all of her colleagues and Will of course. Thankfulness for her own little family, her wild child, how she used to call her daughter, who was growing inside of her and would soon turn their life upside down. And most of all thankfulness for the man in whose arms she lay and she wanted to lie in for the rest of her life...

Thanks for reading! Leave a review and tell me what you think :)

The next chapter will finally be about Linstead visiting a prenatal class and maybeeeee baby Halstead gets a name! :)