33. By Your Side

Thank you all once again for the reviews on my last chapter! I had a lot of fun writing this one, so I hope you enjoy it! :)

33. By Your Side

Instead of spending Black Friday in the overcrowded streets and department stores of New York, Erin and Jay began their day once again all lazy with an extensive breakfast in bed and with relaxing at the indoor pool of the hotel for a couple of hours. They only left the hotel in the afternoon for strolling through a park close by and then took a taxi to Michael's and Susan's house which was a little outside of the city in a nice neighborhood, far away from the busy downtown. They had told them some days ago already that they were going to spend the Thanksgiving-weekend in New York and Susan had of course been ecstatic and had immediately invited them for dinner to their house.

After a warm greeting they sat down in the cozy living room where they had a perfect view to the quite big garden and exchanged some stories about the previous weeks, about what has happened since they'd seen each other last in Wisconsin two months ago, about their Thanksgivings and about the upcoming Christmas festival.

″What have you guys planned for Christmas?″ Erin asked.

″We'll fly down to Texas to celebrate with Nick and Lydia and Mylo,″ Susan smiled. ″What about you? Are you going to celebrate with your family?″

″We are,″ Erin answered immediately. ″My...father invited us to his house and my brother and his wife and their son will also come.″ In the corner of her eyes she saw how Jay glanced at her, a tiny smirk forming on his lips by her words. She looked at him for only a second but it was enough to see him winking at her imperceptibly.

″Sounds great and I'm sure it will be just as great.″

″Yeah, it will,″ Erin grinned. She was really excited about this year's Christmas, what also had to do with the fact that she hasn't seen Justin in like forever and really looked forward to spend some quality time with her brother again.

″What is your brother going to do, Jay?″ Michael chimed in into the conversation.

″I don't know, working I guess. He's almost always working on Christmas Eve as all of the doctors who have kids don't have to. And he keeps saying how it's good money,″ Jay laughed.

″Your brother urgently needs a girl,″ Susan sighed.

″Well, he's working on that,″ Jay grinned, hoping that his brother would finally work things with Natalie out and that they would stop dancing around just like he and Erin had at some point. ″So maybe next Christmas.″

″I hope so,″ Susan nodded and then got up and walked to the sideboard, grabbed something from the drawer and came back to the couch with a not so small package that was wrapped in fancy paper.

″Talking about Christmas, this is for you guys,″ she smiled and handed Erin the package.

″Uhm...thank you,″ Erin spluttered a little, giving Michael and Susan a thankful smile. ″You didn't have to do that.″

″It's rather for the baby anyway,″ Susan winked.

″Can we open it or do we have to wait until Christmas?″ Jay laughed.

″Be patient,″ Erin also laughed, shaking her head slightly.

″No, it's okay, you can unwrap it now already,″ Susan said.

″Pleeeeease,″ Jay pleaded, giving Erin that kind of puppy-eyed glance she couldn't say no to.

″Alright, but I unwrap it and you can watch,″ she teased and started to open the present while Jay was watching curiously.

″That's so cute,″ Erin smiled brightly when she saw the baby socks, the stretchie, the tiny gray leggins, the white shirt with the fluffy face of teddybear on front of it and the stuffy, which was also a teddybear. All of the colors of the clothes where neutral, in gray and white, but the teddy had a pink ribbon tied around its neck.

″No way,″ she mumbled in disbelief when she saw it.

″I told you I'm quite good in guessing it right,″ Susan smirked proudly.

″You really are,″ Erin laughed and slightly shook her head. ″How did you know that?″

″The form of your belly. And you're carrying high. That's it,″ Susan winked.

″Unbelievable,″ she grinned. ″Thank you so much for this,″ she then said and hugged the older woman and her husband as well.

″These are actually her first clothes,″ Jay chuckled after also hugging them and took the cute, tiny clothes in his hands, being unable to imagine that their daughter would wear them in some short weeks.

″Really?″ Susan laughed. ″How far along are you now?″

″Nine more weeks to go,″ Erin sighed, rubbing her round stomach with her hand.

″Well, that's still enough time I guess,″ Susan winked. ″And you don't even need that much clothes, they grow so fast and you'll have to buy new ones all the time.″

″Not sure whether I wanna hear that,″ she answered with a chuckle and couldn't let her gaze go off the cute, tiny clothes Jay held in his hands.

″What about a name?″ Michael chimed in.

″Don't even ask,″ Jay laughed. ″I think we will wait with that until she's born.″

″We didn't have names for any of our kids before they were born. Of course we talked about some but we never said 'in case it's a boy it will for sure be Nick or Myles or Isabella for a girl'.″

″I think that's how it'll turn out for us, too,″ Erin shrugged. ″How's Izzie doing in her new job though? She sent us some pics from their trip some weeks ago and after her first week back in Sydney we traded some texts and she said she likes it, so I hope she still does?″

″She does,″ Susan smiled. ″She says she already has a lot of responsibility and works some big cases but she loves the challenge. It's always been her dream job and she totally loses herself in her work.″

″Paul and her are currently looking for a bigger, nicer apartment as they now both earn quite good money but they haven't found the right one yet,″ Michael explained.

″I guess it will be hard to find one that meets her requirements,″ Jay chuckled.

″Since they literally lived in a sardine can the last few years you could be damn right about that,″ Michael laughed.

″Yeah, they showed us some pics when they were in Chicago and it didn't look like the nicest place to live,″ Jay answered with a laughter and saw how Erin raised her eyebrows by his words.

″Says the guy who lives in the top 100 of what must be the ugliest apartments in Chicago,″ she said all dry and gave him a sassy smirk.

″That's why I won't live there for so much longer and will instead move into a really beautiful one,″ he winked, a fond sparkle reflecting from his blue eyes.

They spent the rest of the afternoon and evening sitting around the coffee table in the living room, eating cookies and drinking tea and kept on talking about everything. At some point Michael and Jay went out to the big garden as Michael wanted to show Jay some things and wanted to hear his opinion on the conversion plans he had for their garden which he planned to realize next spring while Erin offered to help Susan with preparing dinner as she didn't want her to do everything alone. So she helped where she could and listened to all of Susan's tricks and tips attentively so she could maybe cook by following a recipe at home.

Before they left a couple of hours later, they had to promise that they would call them as soon as baby Halstead was born and would also send some photos and of course they assured them that they would be one of the first who would hear about their daughter's arrival as they were in fact the closest thing Jay had to parents.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The remaining weekend in New York went by in a flash, they fully enjoyed their time together, even went baby clothes shopping and found a few things they both agreed on would surely look adorable. After returning to Chicago they were back in their daily routine pretty fast, which consisted of lots of work for both of them and lots of overtime for Jay. Both nights since they came home from New York he returned to what soon would be their together apartment late in the night and if it wasn't for work, Erin wouldn't have seen him in two days straight.

'Got stuck with the case, will be late,' Erin read the message from Jay, exhaling a bugged sigh by these words. After leaving work earlier than usual to stroll through some more baby stores to check out all the things they still needed, she was now standing in front of Chicago Med, waiting for Jay to arrive as they had their first prenatal class this evening, just as they had talked about the week before. They had even told Hank that Jay needed to leave work punctual today but of course something important always showed up when they least wanted it. She was slightly annoyed that Jay couldn't make it in time as he surely wasn't the only cop in the 21st right now and as he knew how important this first class was for her. On the other hand she of course also knew that this was his job, their job in fact, to serve and protect this city every time of the day but she didn't feel comfortable with the thought of attending that class all alone.

'Late as in some minutes late or late as in you won't make it at all?' she texted him back and Jay obviously interpreted her words right and sensed how bugged she was as he called her not even a minute later.

″Erin, I will come,″ he said immediately. ″We just had to arrest some of these drug dealers.″

″Are you sure? Because otherwise I'll go home now,″ she answered snappishly.

″I'll come, I promise you,″ he said softly. ″I think I won't be more than ten or fifteen minutes late and I will hurry up.″

″Okay,″ she sighed. ″I'll wait for you outside of Med.″

″No, you'll already go inside and tell everyone what an undependable partner you have,″ he said with a chuckle.

″That would be a lie and you know that,″ she answered quietly and her voice was back to normal.

″Maybe,″ he laughed. ″But however, we're about to drive back to the district any second and then I'll be there.″

″Alright, see you then,″ she said and hung up before she walked into Med and up to the Labor and Delivery floor where the class took place.

She walked into the big room and felt slightly uncomfortable when all of the couples that already sat on the soft mats on the floor looked at her, more like stared at her.

″Uhm...hi,″ Erin said and her voice came shy and quiet, unlike how it usually was. ″I'm Erin,″ she added and sat down on the last free mat. All the others greeted her as well and introduced themselves but Erin couldn't help but think that they looked at her compassionately.

″Is something wrong?″ Erin blurted as she felt their gazes burning at her, her voice being back to its usual confidence, but also had this bugged, snappish undertone in it again.

″Oh no, I just feel sorry for you,″ one of the women, who had introduced herself as Nicole, said.

″Sorry for me?″ Erin frowned, trying to be as friendly as possible. She didn't like this woman. She didn't like any of the women in here. They all reminded her too much of all these highschool bitches.

″Yes me too,″ the woman Erin remembered as Dana or something similar nodded. ″Because you're a single mother. This must be so hard,″ she added and the compassion in her face even increased.

Erin's eyes widened by her words and she had the urgent wish to jump her in her face. All of them in fact as she could literally see in their faces how they assumed her baby was the result of an one-night-stand and would therefore be born into this world fatherless when her daughter actually had the best dad she could wish for and she herself was blessed with the best partner, the most loving man who walked the earth.

″The prejudices that people, who don't know a shit about other people's lives, have in todays world are seriously awesome,″ Erin answered all dry and tried to keep her voice under control while she had the urge to just simply leave this place.

″Oh...,″ Nicole sighed. ″So you're not...?″

″No, I'm not,″ she interrupted her. ″And in case you don't know yet, traffic at this time of the day is unpredictable and the worst thing ever so before you blindly assume things you don't know anything about you should maybe consider other possibilities.″

″I'm sorry,″ Nicole said and she sounded honestly sorry and so did Dana, who also apologized and looked like she felt slightly uncomfortable and embarrassed now.

″Yeah,″ Erin just shrugged and hoped that Jay would appear soon to save this evening somehow and maybe bring her into a better mood because right now she didn't know how much longer she could take this without losing her self-control.

But instead of Jay, the next person who entered the room was an elder woman who didn't seem to be so friendly. She introduced herself as Mary, their instructor, and she seemed to be bugged and stressed and had totally different attitudes than Erin has always imagined a midwife would have. And no later than she had told them that she was only teaching this class because her colleague Anna, who usually did this, was sick and so she wasn't exactly eager that she had to do her job now and work overtime, Erin was sure that this evening couldn't get any more disastrous. She's always thought that Platt's attitude was tough stuff to deal with when she had her bad days but this was a complete new level. But now she was in and she had to stay no matter how badly she just wanted to leave.

They all had to introduce themselves, had to tell the others their name, their age, how far along they were, whether this was their first child and which job they had. Erin was one of the last to tell and she's hoped Jay would be there by the time she had to tell the others about herself but he wasn't.

″Well, I'm Erin. I'm 31 and I'm a detective in the Intelligence Unit. I'm almost 32 weeks and this is our first child,″ she said and just when she had finished her sentence the door opened and Jay stepped into the room and naturally all eyes were on him for a moment.

″You're late,″ Mary snarled at him.

″Uhm...yeah, sorry...work,″ Jay stumbled, being slightly confused by this unfriendly welcome.

″I don't care acutally, just sit down and introduce yourself,″ she barked.

″Yeah sure,″ he answered and sat down next to Erin who gave him a forced smile that already told him that she was in a rage.

″So...hi, I'm Jay,″ he waved into the circle.

″Age, job...damn why do I have to tell everything twice all the time?″ Mary mumbled, rolling her eyes annoyingly.

″I'm 32 and I'm a detective in Intelligence, just like Erin,″ he said and still looked at their instructor, trying to figure out whether everything of this was a bad joke or whether this was her real behavior.

″Uh-huh, great, next,″ she said, scanning the couple for a short moment and Erin was sure to see in her face how she assumed their baby was the result of an after-work hook-up between two colleagues who were tired of not having time for a proper relationship.

″What the hell is this?″ Jay whispered into Erin's ear and used the occasion to also kiss her cheek softly.

″Our instructor. Hopefully only for today,″ Erin sighed while the two remaining couples also introduced themselves.

″She seems to be motivated,″ he chuckled.

″Motivated to go home and jack it all in, yeah,″ Erin whispered and turned her head to him. ″And she must be the friendliest person I've ever met.″

″She's a witch,″ Jay answered casually, putting what both of them were thinking in a nutshell pretty good.

″Jay!″ she hissed and looked to Mary, hoped that she hasn't heard it. But thankfully it looked like everything was under control. Usually he wasn't the kind of guy who rated people this quick but she guessed it was too obvious in this case.

″What? How would you call her?″ he grinned.

″She's a dragon, at least she looks like one. Maybe she's more like a spitfire,″ she shrugged but even had to grin a little as she felt so much better and calmer ever since Jay's been by her side.

″A witch, a dragon, a spitfire...I'm sure we'll find even more nicknames until the end of the class,″ Jay answered and supressed a laughter that would be too conspicious.

″Alright, now everybody listen,″ Mary began to speak and interrupted their slightly goofy and blaspheming conversation. She explained them all the things they were going to do, which were mostly some exercises in practice today and also what they would do in the classes in the following weeks, which were some more exercises plus all the theoretical things. After telling them the course more or less enthusiastic she started to explain different types of massages which the men had to implement then while the fitting relaxing, slumbrous music was sounding in the background.

Erin sat cross-legged in front of Jay, closed her eyes and enjoyed the pressure of his hands and fingers on her back. She's already known that he was good at it but these new techniques were even better and helped her to finally fully calm down.

″Have you ever seen a dragon that looks like Buddhistic monk?″ Jay whispered in her ear from behind.

″Excuse me?″ Erin asked back but her lips formed a weak grin.

″In case you wanna see it you should open your eyes. I promise, it's worth it,″ he chuckled and Erin was so curious, so of course she opened her eyes and glanced to Mary and she had to give her best to suppress a laughter when she saw what he meant. She didn't have the best build anyway and that she now sat there and seemed to meditate didn't make it any better. Jay's connotation has been pretty much on point and even though she was meditating, her dragon-like face didn't look friendlier at all.

″Jut imagine she starts breathing fire and little puffs of smoke come out of her ears and nose,″ he winked.

″Jay, stop it!″ she chuckled and elbowed him in his gut.

″And then she'll reveal her witches' broom and get off,″ he smirked.

″A dragon on a witches' broom?″ she asked, raised her eyebrows and slightly shook her head, but that suppressed grin was still on her face. ″Whatever you took, Jay Halstead, take less.″

″I'm just summarizing what I see,″ he winked.

″Uh-huh,″ she chuckled. ″Can we then go back to the point where you are supposed to reduce my back pain instead of caring about witches and dragons?″

″Maybe,″ he grinned, gave her another short kiss on her cheek and continued massaging her lower back.

After they had tested all the different types of massaging, Mary continued the class with explaining more exercises which should help to relieve labor pain. They tried different positions on a birthing ball which Erin really liked and considered she would maybe use when she was in labor and then tried a position where the women had to get down on all fours. Erin pressed her palms and her knees into the soft mat and arched her back towards the ceiling before bringing it back down while Jay had his hand placed on her lower back, rubbing it softly and tracing circles on it with the soft pressure of his palm and his fingers.

″How does it feel?″ Jay asked her.

″Awkward,″ she answered, blowing some strands that have loosened from her ponytail and have fallen in front of her face away only that they fell back in front of it a couple of seconds later, so Jay reached over and tucked them behind her ear.

″Thank you,″ she smiled while continuing to arch and lower her back.

″So I guess this is not a comfortable position for you?″ he asked but Erin could see the kind of naughty grin on his face.

″I don't feel comfortable with it now so I doubt I will when I'm in labor. But who knows,″ she shrugged. ″Why are you even grinning like this?″

″Oh nothing,″ he smirked, a chuckle escaping from his lips, this mischievous glimmer still reflecting from his eyes.

″You're a horrible liar and you know that,″ she laughed.

″This just reminds me of Sunday night...and there you seemed to enjoy this position,″ he said smirkingly, but only as loud that Erin could understand him.

″Jay,″ Erin hissed with a laughter and rolled her eyes, felt how her cheeks blushed a little. With her stomach getting bigger and bigger they've started to use other positions more often when it came to play scrabble lately.

″You wanna tell me you didn't think about it?″ he asked and raised his eyebrows playfully.

″Uhm...no comment,″ she chuckled.

″Okay,″ he nodded. ″I think it was great though.″

Erin looked at him and slightly shook her head. He was such an adorable dork sometimes but the smirk on his lips and the happiness on his face was all she needed at the moment. He's lighted up her mood once again, whether it was with talking about dragons and witches or this goofy statement about their sex life, magically he was always finding a way to make her laugh, to make her feel good and in this case to make this class bearable.

They did another exercise for labor pain relief and for ending the class they made a relaxation exercise combined with a breathing exercise that should help them to breathe through the contractions. Erin settled in between Jay's legs and leaned back on his chest, used him as her pillow while he placed his hands on the sides of her stomach and felt how her stomach arched and lowered when she was inhaling and exhaling deeply. After some moments of silence, where Erin just concentrated on her breathing while listening to the music that was a mix of harp and violin, Jay couldn't help but had to chuckle in her ear when he felt a strong kick against his hand.

″Wild child is awake.″

″As always when I come to the point of relaxing,″ Erin answered in between her rhythm of breathing.

″She just wants you to get used to your future life,″ he said with a grin she of course couldn't see.

″Yeah, I know. Isn't she lovely?″

″Definitely! For me it's still the coolest thing in the world,″ he beamed as he felt another strong kick against his hand and softly tapped on her stomach with his fingertips.

″Yeah sure, easy thing to say for you because you're not the one who has to feel like she plays soccer with your organs and settles her feet in between your ribs.″

″I would want to feel it though.″

″Yeah I know,″ Erin smiled.

″But maybe once would be enough,″ he smirked. ″And now concentrate on your breathing again and ignore little troublemaker, okay?″

″Uh-huh,″ she nodded and felt how her body more and more relaxed while concentrating on her breathing and lying in his strong, protecting arms.

The class was finished a couple of minutes later and Mary told them that the next classes where scheduled for Monday and Wednesday of the following week and then she disappeared faster than they all had the chance to ask her some questions. But Erin didn't want to ask this woman anything anyway and so she just hoped that Anna would be completely different than this spitfire of a woman.

″And there she goes on her witches' broom,″ Jay commented her departure.

″Instead of watching this witch disappear you could help your pregnant girlfriend to get up from the floor,″ she teased and reached for his hand. He immediately grabbed it and pulled her up from the floor into his arms.

″Thank you, you're too kind,″ she smirked.

″I know, gentleman, right?″

″Sometimes,″ she laughed and merged his lips with hers before they left the hospital, picking up some takeout on their way home for an easy-going evening with eating pizza while watching the game.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

″How did you like it though?″ Jay asked when they were back in the apartment, bringing Erin a glass of water to the couch, having a bottle of beer for himself in his other hand.

″Despite of Mary I liked it. It was good and I think it will help.″

″So you wanna attend the next class?″ he asked as he sat down next to her and grabbed a piece of pizza.

″Yeah, I wanna attend them all. At least it makes me feel a little more prepared,″ she sighed.

″Then we will attend them all,″ he winked. ″Talking about preparation: I thought we could tidy out my apartment on Saturday and pack all the stuff into boxes and then one of the guys can help us to bring them here and on Sunday we can start with the nursery.″

″Sounds like a good plan,″ Erin answered. Her voice didn't sound excited but rather pensive. She knew that they had to prepare the nursery, and of course she wanted to do it, but it also meant that they had to empty Nadia's old room. The one room she has avoided to go in if possible ever since she had emptied all the drawers and dressers and shelfs to send her belongings to her father. The room that brought back so many memories whenever she stepped inside and even now, just thinking about it let a lump build up in her throat.

″I need to show you something,″ Erin said, interrupting her own thoughts, pushing these memories away, and her voice was cracky which Jay didn't miss.

″You alright?″ he frowned.

″Yeah...I mean it's just a room right?″ she shrugged, blinking to the ceiling a few times to not let any tears fall from her eyes.

These words were enough for Jay to know what this was about. It was honestly something he hasn't thought about yet but of course he could understand why this was going to be hard for her. He looked at her, saw the pain in her face and how she tried everything to keep herself together. Out of a sudden she appeared so fragile and vulnerable again. Wrapping his arm around her shoulders he placed a soft kiss on her temple and pulled her close to his body.

″Erin, I'm sorry for being so insensitive,″ he mumbled into her hair.

″You weren't insensitive Jay. I look forward to change this room into Minnie's nursery but at the same time all the memories that come with this room are still so close. Thinking about her still hurts Jay,″ she whispered and silent tears rolled down her cheeks.

″I know,″ Jay answered quietly and wiped her tears away with his thumb.

″Lately I've been thinking about her a lot. What a great cop she would be by now, what a personality and how excited she would be for us. She would want to babysit all the time and I know she would be great with her. I miss her and I wish she was still here and not at a place where we can't be,″ she said as more tears fell from her eyes.

″I miss her, too. But you know what? After my accident, when the doctors told me how many, many guardian angels I must've had, I thought: no, I just had two. Two really special ones. My mom and my grandfather. And you and Minnie also had two really special ones who protected the both of you when you collapsed twice: Camille and Nadia. All the people we miss so badly in our lives because they're gone are now up in heaven to serve a bigger purpose. To protect the ones they loved and take care that nothing happens to them.″

Erin looked up to him as the tears started to run down her cheeks like a river. These words have definitely sent her over the edge. She buried her face on his chest and sobbed, didn't even try to hold all of her feelings and emotions back.

Jay gently rubbed her back to calm her down and after a couple of minutes the sobbs faded and she lifted her head to look at him with tear-stained eyes.

″I'm sorry for this,″ she mumbled and pointed to the wet blotch her tears have left on his shirt.

″No worries,″ he answered, giving her a faint smile. ″Do you feel better now?″

″Yeah,″ she nodded. ″It helped. Thank you for the things you said and for being there,″ she added and also tried to smile.

″Always Er, always,″ he said before Erin brought her lips closer to his face and gave him a soft, thankful kiss.

″I know,″she whispered afterwards. ″I guess our pizza is cold now.″

″It doesn't matter. Cold pizza is delicious, too,″ he winked.

″Yaah, it's not so bad,″ she said, smiling in the littlest way. ″I wanted to show you something anyway.″

She got out of his embrace and shuffled to the hall and came back carrying a bag from a baby store in her hand.

″I went shopping today,″ she smiled faintly and showed him the onesies, the shirts, the pants and the socks and some other baby stuff she has bought and his eyes widened when he saw the color of some of these things.

″Uhm Erin...tell me I'm colorblind but this is pink,″ he noticed all dry.

″So what?″ she smirked, feeling the happiness and jauntiness of the last few weeks making a comeback.

″Weren't you the one who told me how she doesn't get any pink clothes?″ he laughed.

″And weren't you the one who told me that some pink clothes won't do any harm and would rather look adorable?″ she grinned innocently.

″So I convinced you, huh?″

″Maybe. When I saw them today I could not not buy them, you know. A little pink in between gray and white and yellow and green and blue and orange and red is just perfect,″ she smiled and crashed his lips with a quite intense kiss. While Jay felt her lips on his, his smile grew even wider. Erin was nesting. And it was the most adorable thing in the world.

XxXxXxXxXxXxX

The weekend came and just as they had discussed they spent Saturday with cleaning his apartment and packing all his personal stuff he wanted to take with him in some boxes. And just as Erin had predicted Kim some weeks ago, they've also agreed that most of his furniture would not make it into their apartment, in fact all of it. But although Erin didn't like his apartment too much, she had to admit that there was especially this one memory they'd created in here she would never forget and would ever be thankful for. That one evening when they had played scrabble for the very first time, when their feelings had bursted out of them after flirting for months and have then exploded in a firework of hot, passionate kisses and soft, longing touches.

While Jay was emptying the living room and unscrewing the pictures from the walls, Erin was in the small storage room where his punching bag and some shelves with all kind of stuff were. Standing on her tiptoes, she tried to reach two smaller boxes that were placed on the highest board of the shelf. But as she wasn't the tallest one she could hardly reach it and instead of taking it in her hands safely it started bobbing when she tried to get it and then fell down right next to her.

″Damn it,″ Erin cursed and got down to her knees to eye the damage she has caused and to put all the things that were spread across the floor back into the box.

″Everything alright?″ Jay called instantly as he heard the dull sound, his voice filled with a little bit of panic and he jumped down from the ladder.

″Yeah,″ Erin answered while putting the things back in the box without paying special attention. But she stopped abruptly when she saw what kind of stuff she was holding in her hands. Photos of Diane Halstead, a copy of the obituary, sympathy cards, all in all any kind of stuff related to his mother.

″What happened?″ Jay asked when he stepped into the room, making her startle.

″Nothing, I was just too short to reach the boxes from the shelf without destroying them,″ she answered and looked at him. She knew he was seeing exactly which box had fallen to the groud and spread its content all over the floor.

″Let me do this,″ he said and knelt down next to her, taking the photo from her hand and putting it into the box. Erin looked at him, saw the pain in his face once again as he picked up all the things from the floor all concentrated.

″Jay,″ she whispered and held his hand before he could put the last photo of this beautifully smiling woman into the box. ″Why do you hide your mother in a box?″

″Why don't you have any photos of Camille in your apartment?″ he asked back, avoiding answering her question.

″I have the family photo of the four of us on the shelf next to the TV. It's surely not the best photo of us but it means something to me. And I know that these photos mean something to you, Jay,″ she said, giving him a meaningful glance and picked up one of the other photos from the box again.

″I...I thought it would hurt too much looking at her every day,″ Jay spluttered and his voice came in a whisper. ″And so I decided it's better to keep all the photos in a box.″

″On Wednesday you told me something about how she's your guardian angel Jay. And I think this beautiful guardian angel deserves a special spot in our apartment because she was and still is an important part of your life. Yes, it hurts to see the people we miss so dearly but it also helps to keep their memories alive and sometimes it does not only hurt when you look at old photos but they also make you smile as they remind you to the many times you laughed together,″ she said, smiling at him faintly and he only nodded in response, being unable to say anything.

″Some weeks ago I thought about creating a photo-wall in our apartment on the empty wall that leads from the hall to the living room, like the one in your cabin in Wisconsin. With pictures of us of course and where we can add some pictures with Minnie somewhen. But also with the pictures we took with your family in Wisconsin, maybe one of us with Noah, some with you and your brother and with Nadia and me and some with me and the Voights. And your beautiful mother also belongs to this wall, next to a photo of her sons and next to one of her grandkid.″

Jay inhaled deeply and Erin saw how he tried his best to keep himself together. He swiped his thumb over the face of his mother and knew Erin was right. His mother didn't deserve to be put in a box like she was forgotten. He would never forget her and she deserved a spot on their photo-wall next to all the other people they loved. He just needed to hear this somehow. These emphatic words about love and loss and memories. From her. The woman he was so grateful for that she was by his side. Always finding the words he needed to hear although her own past was a rollercoaster as well. But maybe this was the reason why they understood each other so well and why they were literally made for each other. Because they needed and completed each other in an extraordinary manner.

″Can we maybe also hang up a photo of my grandfather on that wall?″ he asked and again his voice came in a cracky whisper.

″Of course we can,″ Erin answered and softly tickled his neck with her fingers, trying to show him her support.

″Thank you...for all of this,″ he said and smiled faintly before kissing her lips softly.

″Always Jay.″

″I know,″ he nodded and started to put all of the photos out of the box again, showed them to Erin and even told her some little stories. Erin enjoyed to hear a little more about his mother and now she was also pretty sure to know what was in the second box that was still on the top of the shelf: all the stuff that reminded him of his grandfather.

″You never told me your mom had such a beautiful and unique second name,″ Erin said when she saw the obituary again, giving him a meaningful glance. She had to admit, she's already fallen in love with it when she'd seen it a couple of minutes ago and she couldn't stop thinking about it. Maybe this was the name they've been waiting for. Maybe he liked her idea as much as she did. ″Where does it come from? I mean, it's not the American way of writing it.″

″It's Swedish and you pronounce it a little different than the American version. I think they also write it like this in some other parts of Europe though,″ he answered, eyeing the name on the card.

″Why did your mom have a Swedish name?″ Erin asked, being slightly curious.

″Her grandmother, I think her name was Alma, was born in Sweden but her family then immigrated to the US when she was ten or so.″

″You have ancestors in Sweden and never told me about it?″ Erin laughed and shook her head.

″No one of my family is living there anymore. Unfortunately. Would be a nice destination for a vacation I guess,″ he winked.

″Uh-huh,″ Erin chuckled. ″So that's where these blues come from, huh?″ she twinkled, looking directly into his deep blue eyes.

″Guess so,″ he laughed.

″What do you think about the name though?″

″I didn't think you would want to name her after my mom.″

″Well, I didn't know about your mom's second name until some minutes ago but I like it. It's different...and I like the idea of honoring both of our mothers by naming her after them,″ Erin said.

″We're not going to name her Bunny,″ Jay blurted and raised his eyebrows and Erin couldn't help but laugh by his reaction.

″Jay, some weeks ago you were the one who told me that I had the best mother ever and if I remember correct we didn't talk about Bunny back then,″ she smirked.

″Ouh,″ Jay laughed as the scales fell from his eyes. He put the name together in his head and it sounded beautiful, perfect, and in this moment he knew they've found the name for their daughter.

″It has a beautiful ring,″ he smiled and lay his hand on her stomach.

″It has,″ Erin grinned and kissed his lips before Jay leaned down and placed a kiss on her round belly and made Erin's heart melt with the things he was whispering to his daughter now.

″Daddy loves you so much already and he can't wait to finally meet you, Emilia Camille Halstead.″

So, baby Halstead has a name now and I hope you like it ! Hope you also liked the chapter. Please leave a review and tell me what you think! :)