32. Bizarre Bazaar

Chapter 32: Bizarre Bazaar

It's been a couple of weeks, so we figured it was time to try the town archives again. Most of the damage we did still hasn't been repaired, but it's been cleaned up just enough that it's usable.

Specifically, I wanted to see if I could find any information on the music box. Sure, it came from my world, but it's got carvings of frogs on it and it sent me here, so there must be some kind of connection, right? I figured if anyplace had what I needed to know, it would be the archives.

Nerp. Nada. Ziparoonie. El zilcho. Not a scrap of knowledge even remotely connected to a magic music box. The trip was one big bust.

We were on our way back, no closer to knowing anything than when we started, when we came across a parade of… well, I really can't come up with a name that fits any better than "critters". That's it. Tiny, cute little critters, no two alike, and none resembling anything I'd ever seen since arriving, following each other single file until they vanished into the hollow of a tree. Sprig poked his head in there (because that's the sort of thing he does) and found this crazy Easter Egg thing. He said it was a ticket to something called the Bizarre Bazaar, which is some kind of once-a-year magical marketplace full of all sorts of exotic treasures and artifacts.

I repeat, exotic treasures and artifacts. You know, like a magical jeweled music box. Sounds like the best lead a gal like me can hope for.

But when I suggested it to HP, he put his webbed foot firmly down. The Bizarre Bazaar, he said, was a a wretched hive of scum and villainy, full of sketchy individuals who wouldn't be above robbing some kids… or worse.

It reminds me of when Grandma was going to take me to the open-air market in Bangkok. It looked amazing, full of sights and smells and tastes that I would never have encountered back in LA. But the way mom described it, it was like… well, how Hop Pop described the Bizarre Bazaar, a seedy place filled with the worst mankind had to offer. In the end, she wound up going with us, but she kept a very tight leash on me (not literally, but I wouldn't have put it past her if she could), and wouldn't let me near anything that looked interesting.

In her defense, I was a little hellbeast at five, so it was probably more for the market's protection than me.

Well, this time, Hop Pop wasn't even offering that much; he flat-out forbade us from going to the Bizarre Bazaar. He'd offered to instead take the box to some old contacts of his. But who knew how long that could take, or even if they knew anything to begin with? No, it was clear what needed to be done; we were going to have to sneak out. After all this was the first thing even close to a lead I'd gotten since getting here. If I had any hope of going home, I had to investigate it, no matter how slim of a lead it was.

That night, we snuck out to the woods and encountered the first hitch in our plan; we had no idea where this thing was supposed to be. Sprig thought the Easter Egg was supposed to be like some kind of map, but how it worked was a mystery… until he dropped it (how do you drop something when your fingers are that sticky?) and one of those little critters popped out and started running off. Well, now at least we had some sort of direction; chase the critter!

The chase ended when the critter burrowed into a tiny hole in the ground, too small for even Sprig to burrow through. We'd thought we'd hit a dead end, but then two lines of mushrooms started lighting up, one by one, clearly leading somewhere. We followed them to a cave entrance that hadn't been visible before, as if it had suddenly opened in in a solid rock wall. And above it, a glowing hourglass-like symbol, identical to the one that had been on the egg.

We'd found the Bizarre Bazaar.

How do I describe it?

Well, it's like some kind of crazy carnival. Food stalls, merchants selling items ranging from the mundane to the uncanny, and games of chance.

But I was also definitely getting a sort of… unsavory vibe from the place. "Sketch" didn't really begin to describe the atmosphere. More like… the rough pencil guides you draw before you even begin to sketch? Ugh, getting lost in the metaphor here. Let's stick with "sketchy".

But yeah, the place was swarming with all sorts of rough and shifty-looking customers… and also One-Eyed Wally, which, fair, on-brand. Sprig, of course, was on Lily Pad Nine, with all these new sights and sounds to experience, and yeah, I guess I could see myself exploring a bit, but I was here for a reason. And it looked like I was on the right track. We found a stall full of artifacts that had carvings a lot like the ones on the box. Unfortunately, the owner of the stall was out to lunch. In the middle of the night. Eh, maybe they were nocturnal? I'm not judging. It was just really inconvenient.

With nothing to do but kill time, we decided to do some exploring, and maybe grab a bite to eat. There was one stand that looked really promising. It was selling steamed dumplings, not too dissimilar to the ones you could buy at Thai Go; they were closer to Chinese bao than the crimped half-moon-shaped ones we sold, but they were still something familiar… at least until I found out what they filled them with. I'm at the point where I can stomach worms, but I draw the line at ones that are still alive. Same goes for boba tea where the boba are actually spider eggs. Soooo close…

After Sprig at least got a few snacks in his belly and we watched Wally lose his shirt at the craps table (which looked like it was rigged to heck and back) the stall I was looking at before finally opened up. The owner was this old one-armed salamander lady named Valeriana. Everything about her just screamed "witch". I wondered if maybe, somewhere, she had some kind of cool magical bird-themed residence. A "Raven Shack", or maybe a "Falcon Bungalow", or a "Crow Hut"… no, no, that would just be stupid. Well, she at least had some kind of parrot-bug creature with her (the Parrot Place? Why am I so fixated on this?). Well, witch or not, she semed like she'd been around the block a few times, and she clearly had at least one good eye for mystical-type artifacts, so I felt like I might be able to get something from her. I made the decision to show her the box.

Only… the box was gone. In fact, my entire backpack was gone. I'd had it when I got to the stall, so, somehow, someone had managed to steal it off me, while I was still wearing it, without any of the three of us noticing! How was that even possible? What kind of pickpocket was that good? And most importantly, how could I let myself get distracted that badly? And it hadn't been for that long, because I immediately spotted a masked, hooded figure running off into the crowd. Sprig and I chased the little creep down to a stall, where this beady-eyed little frog was running some skeevy carnival game. And there it was He had literally just brazenly stuck it on his prize wall after he'd clearly stolen it. And after that, he had the gall to tell me I had to win his stupid little game to get it back! To be honest, I probably could have kicked his butt, but probably not his goons' butts. So I had no choice. The game it was. But what kind of game?

Would you believe… kart racing?

Okay, cockroach racing (because frog forbid anything in Amphibia didn't involve giant bugs), but still, hundreds of hours of Super Vario Kartz on my Swap and 4DS had prepared me for this moment. There was no way I was going to lose! Because, like… my future depended on it.

And it looked like it would be an easy win, until this huge guy suddenly stood up n the audience and challenged us. And it was clearly serious. There were hushed whispers and everything.

So, it was us versus this guy, the Wrecker, who was the previous champion before vanishing for decades, having never been defeated. But hey, first time for everything, right?

But determination to win and actually winning are two different things. This guy was using every underhanded trick in the book to get ahead, up to and including physical violence. I'd say he was cheating, but this is the Bizarre Bazaar. Cheating was legal here. And if that was the case, why not use some dirty tricks of our own? Like pulling ourselves ahead with Sprig's tongue? And hey, it worked! We were able to launch ourselves ahead of the Wrecker, and the finish was in sight! And then… well, anyone who's ever played SVK knows all too well.

The Blue Beetle Shell. Bane of every Karter. Gamers had been lobbying to ban it from competitive play ever since the GamePyramid days.

The Blue Beetle Shell homes in on the lead Kart and blows t away no matter how far ahead it is. It is the ultimate troll move. And it works exactly the same in Cockroach Karting.

Bottom line: We lost. And just in time for the Bazaar to closeup shop, not to open for a whole year. I'd lost my chance to talk to Valeriana. Not that it mattered without the box. It wasn't like I was ever going to see the Wrecker again.

…until he showed up right behind us. And turned out to have been Hop Pop the whole time.

I have soooooo many questions…

So, it turned out that he'd guessed we were going to sneak out, and followed us there to keep an eye on us in case we got into trouble… which we did… I mean, if he was so worried, he could have just offered to go with us outright without all the subterfuge, but after today I'm really not in a position to talk back.

Well, at least HP's offer to take the box to his contacts was still on the table. It wasn't an all-knowing, mysterious witch, but at least it was something. Besides… Hop Pop's proven to have my best interests at heart. If I can't trust him, who can I?

A.N.: Yyyyyep, We know where that goes. Poor Anne, she's been betrayed a LOT. Hop Pop, Tritonio, Mr. Ponds, Sasha twice, Marcy, Dr. Frakes… no wonder she's got trust issues.

Notthenightslayer: It's amazing how often stuff from those so-called "filler" episodes comes back… just last weekend we got a callback to the ApotheGary episode.

Jose: Thanks!

Next: Cursed!