154. He's Here

"WE'RE HERE!!!" laughed Morty, landing right in front of the facility. "Okay... Here's the plan. Ryle, you use your Heaven's Door to sneak around in the vents and secretly put safety locks into everyone."

"And?" asked Celine.

"That's it," said Morty. "Oh, Geez... What did I do wrong? Did I say something wrong?"

"How do we get in?" asked Celine, closing her eyes in annoyance.

"I use Purple Haze to melt everyone in the facility and just walk around," he smiled.

"But what if you get shot?" asked Celine.

"Morty, give me your armor," said Yang.

"What!? No! All of you have Stands! I'm basically a slug and you're all snails!" yelled Morty. "Or I'm a penguin and you're all turtles."

"Yeah, I know! But we need to -! Penguins are birds, not reptiles," said Yang. "Anyway-!"

"No, but they're amniotes like mammals and reptiles," yelled Morty.

"I... don't know what that is," said Yang. "Give me the armor."

Morty checks his phone. "Yeah! Here it is! 'Turtles are classified as amniotes, along with other reptiles, birds, and mammals.' Haha! And I thought you were the smart one!"

"TURTLES ARE BIRDS!?" asked Van.

"BULLSHIT!!!" yelled Ryle. "Well... Dinosaurs were birds, after all."

"THEY WERE!?" asked Morty. "Oh, Geez! The things you learn every day!"

"Guys!?" asked Celine.

"Oh, crikey," said Van. "I'm gonna snipe some turtles when we get home."

"Can't," said Morty. "They're endangered in the Philippines."

"Damn," said Van.

"SHUT UP!!!" yelled Yang, as he grabs Morty by the throat. "GIVE ME YOUR ARMORED SUIT!!!"

"NOT UNTIL YOU ADMIT THAT TURTLES ARE BIRDS!!! No, that's not-..." Morty said as Rick opens a portal and lands in front of them. Zed and Star meet up with them.

"Morty, you idiot. Turtles aren't birds. They're cold-blooded reptiles," said Rick.

"Oh... You're out," said Yang. "Why is there ink in your face?"

"You don't want to fucking know," said Zed.

Kapitan Dirigma tries to curve the ball but blows up an entire hill.

"GOD... DAMN IT!!!" he howled.

"Have you tried to -?" Steven asked, but Kapitan Dirigma covers his face.

"Silence, hybrid," said Kapitan Dirigma, as he walked away into the forest.

Meanwhile...

Lei sees Kapitan Dirigma on top of the tree, trying to orbit the Stray Ball around him, but it keeps curving incorrectly.

"Anything wrong, Mister Ruler of All Galaxies?" asked Lei.

"Watch it, Siren," he says. "I created your kind."

"I'm actually half Grimm," she smiled. "You know, for a so-called Prince, you suck at being a leader."

"What the hell are you talking about!?"

Lei crosses her arms.

"You're arrogant. You always complain. You're stubborn. You're annoying. You're stupid. You're a narcissist. You're a sociopath. You're a psychopath. You never listen to anyone even the people you're trying to work with. You treat others like peasants even though you're basically a hobo. And you suck at teamwork."

"'A leader protects his people,'" said Kapitan Dirigma. "You are not my people."

"Yeah?" asked Lei. "What about Lord."

"JoJo is not my people," said Kapitan Dirigma. "He chose your planet over his own."

"You served the man who committed genocide on your people!" yelled Lei.

"I WAS GOING TO KILL HIM WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!!" yelled Kapitan Dirigma. "He beat me senselessly and dumped me into this swamp... Took me ten months to heal my wounds from that psychopath. I'm lucky that he didn't use his abilities on me."

"You want to be a leader, right?" asked Lei.

"Yes," said Kapitan Dirigma.

"Start by following orders," said Lei. "It works. Trust me."

Meanwhile...

"Find Steven Universe?" asked Morty, as the group all rode in Rick's spaceship he built from random parts in Spazura's base.

"Precisely. *burp,*" Rick replied.

"Okay..." said Celine, brushing her hair. "What is this legend of Spazura?"

"Over 3 trillion years ago, a demon came into existence. Its original form was unknown, but its new form was to mock God's original form.

This demon soon ruled as one of the infinite Old Gods that came before everything. This demon was one of the men of Lucifer Morningstar during his rebellion against Heaven. When Lucifer failed, the demon escaped.

But...

...he was soon caught by the TVA, led by the Time Keepers of Earth 616, Prime-Earth, and Earth D4C Magic... Time Baby, Nathaniel Richards, and Rip Hunter had the demon arrested.

As punishment, this 5th Dimension Demon was compressed into the third dimension about 30,000 years ago, so he "settled" and he bore two children...

First, he created a silicon-based inorganic being he called his daughter. This "daughter" is a rock that he formed out of Uru. He morphed it into a black diamond, as it formed a feminine form in its dark body, becoming his "daughter." He called "her" Black Diamond. He created another, a much weaker version of this inorganic being, she called, "White Diamond." His two daughters would soon reign in the galaxies for another 10,000 years as he secretly roamed in the 4th and 3rd Worlds in secret. He planned things such as manipulating probability for Loki's escape from Earth 616, causing a massive split in the Y-Axis Timelines. Or, even Barry Allen going back in time to save himself and his mother, causing a massive split in the X-Axis Timelines. Or even, the destruction of Universe D4C-Magic, causing endless cycling of the creation of infinite bizarre Earths that this demon found rather amusing.

He was caught...

In the heat of battle, his daughter, Black Diamond, was shattered into pieces. Angered, this demon. To mock the cruel and relentless God, he copied his original form, a triangle with an eye. This demon was then cast out into the dream world forever, but not before bearing his last child. He created a virgin birth somewhere in the 4th-World Planet of Arctic Mon-Kis. His child in spirit is Spazura, the legendary creature meant to conquer worlds in the name of this demon...

Bill Cipher.

Only the chosen one, a man of marvel, is destined to defeat Spazura, but through doing so, will release this demon..."

"So..." said Van. "There are five diamonds? Because according to Steven's cartoon universe, there were four: White, Blue, Yellow, and Steven's mother, who was Pink."

"Yes," said Rick. "One was created prior to the other Diamonds' creations. Spazura didn't shatter her. He used his illusions. White Diamond created the Gem Homeworld. Meanwhile, Black Diamond left White to reign as General of Bill's army. Call it a broken home."

"He can conjure up illusions?" asked Zed.

"Technically, all of reality is an illusion, but I'll take that with a grain of salt," replied Rick.

"What happened to the Black Diamond?" asked Zed.

"Destroyed by a Grimm about three thousand years ago," said Rick.

"No one can shatter a Diamond," said Star.

"No one except someone who can enter the Cosmic Zone. Also known as the Ultra Waves. They're cosmic energies based on either Hamon or Spin...They are hidden in those who are Hamon, Ki, and Spin-Users," Rick replied. "So, let's say, Old Gods, New Gods, and other creatures in the Omniverse."

"Okay?" asked Zed. "So... Grimms as well."

"Yes," said Rick. "After all, they were made by your God to act like super soldiers who hunt your species for sport."

"Grimms are actually supposed to protect the world from injustices between the newfound races created by Lord's race," said Star.

Everyone turns to Star, rather impressed with her knowledge.

Star's eyes turn left and right.

"What? I've been studying!" yelled Star.

"Well," said Rick. "We need to find Steven and get Lord to fight Spazura."

"Why!?" asked everyone else.

"It's his destiny," said Rick. "Goddamn... This is like Space Jam all over again..."

Meanwhile...

"This is like Space Jam all over again!" smiled Lord, dribbling the Stray Ball, but not letting the ball touch the ground.

Lord dribbles the ball with ease as Kapitan Dirigma struggles to steady his hands and kept on crashing the ball into the ground. He created a large crater because of this.

Lei sighs as she orbits the Stray Ball around herself.

"Welcome to the Space Jam!" sang Lei. "Hey. Guys? If I do it with Bugs Bunny, will that make me a furry?"

"Ew," said Kapitan Dirigma. "Yes, it would."

"Hey!" yelled Lord. "Furries could be hot! Jessica Rabbit was pretty sexy, I tell you."

"Thank you, Lord!" smiled Lei.

"DAMN IT!!! I CAN'T DO IT!!!" yelled Kapitan Dirigma. "I CAN'T MASTER ULTRA SPIN!!!"

"Try focusing your energy in your fingertips instead of your palms," said Lord. "You'll fix that curve you keep losing grip of."

"Excuse you!?" Kapitan Dirigma faces against Lord.

"I said-..."

"I DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM A FILTHY INGRATE HYBRID!!!"

"Y'know..." smiled Steven, who is also dribbling. "It wouldn't hurt to listen for once?"

Do'Bumsha sighs. "Fine."

He focuses the Spin energy in his fingers as he starts dribbling.

"YES!!! YES!!! I'M DOING IT!!! I, DO'BUMSHA DO'KALAK, THE KING OF ALL FORTISITES, AND KNOWN THROUGHOUT THE STARS AS KAPITAN DIRIGMA-!!!" Kapitan Dirigma sees the other three are rather annoyed by him, giving irritated looks. "...was... helped... by these humble yet glorious warriors. Thank you."

"See? Is that so hard?" asked Steven, smiling.

"Silence. I'm letting you have this," replied Kapitan Dirigma.

Meanwhile...

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-!!!"

The group's spaceship is shot down from the sky by a red Stray Ball.

Spazura's third eye appears on his head.

Rick uses a portal to teleport all of them to the ground.

They pant in relief. Each of the dust themselves as they rise from the ground.

*THUD*

Dust settles. They see red eyes behind the dust. Spazura dawns before them, growling.

"How... dare... you... escape..." Spazura sneered.

"You didn't call my bluff, Puss!" laughed Zed.

"Now you all get the boot," said Spazura.

"Ew," said everyone in the group.

*BZZT*