38. Chapter 38
Her right leg bounces anxiously as she sits in the waiting room. She wants to reach up and scratch her face where the mask covers the bridge of her nose.
“Hello, Maya.” Dr. Lewis welcomes Maya into her office. “Have a seat. I’m glad to see you today.”
Maya hums. She would usually come back with a polite hello but she’s too caught up in her own head.
“Have a seat.” Dr. Lewis offers again when Maya just stands there. She understands that her clients are often dealing with something and aren’t thinking as clearly as maybe they would be in other settings. Dr. Lewis goes to her own seat on the other side of the desk. “What brings you here today? I know we’ve talked a few times at the station. But that’s mostly been about your team. Is this a more personal visit? What do you want to achieve out of therapy?”
“I’ve always been independent.” Maya jumps right in. “I didn’t need help from anybody. I didn’t need someone to love. I didn’t feel like I was missing anything. And now Carina’s been gone for little over a week, and I feel like I can’t breathe properly. What’s wrong with me?”
Dr. Lewis chuckles lightly.
“Are you allowed to laugh at your patients?” Maya folds her arms over her chest, defensive.
“No.” Dr. Lewis shakes her head. “Not as a rule. But I’m not laughing at you.”
Maya stares over at the doctor so Dr. Lewis moves on.
“Carina is-?” Dr. Lewis writes down Carina’s name in a notebook.
“My girlfriend- uh, fiancée.”
“Oh, congrats?”
“It’s a recent thing.” Maya waves a dismissive hand. “So, yes. And she’s gone. She had to go to Italy. And she’s only been gone for like a week and I can’t stand it. What’s wrong with me?”
“First of all, nothings necessarily wrong with you. Second, I’m going to need more information about Carina.” Dr. Lewis makes a few notes in a notebook.
Maya sighs. She shakes her head next. “Carina is- Carina is everything to me. I know, I sound crazy, but I feel like- she came into my life and, at first, part of me fought it. But only because I had feelings for her. But she wouldn’t take no for an answer. And she took care of me.” Maya sighs, thinking back to the beginning of their relationship when she cried in Carina’s arms about terrible calls, and her crew not liking her or respecting her as captain, about Rigo and then Captain Herrera.
“You two are engaged?” Dr. Lewis has to make sure she is following along correctly.
“Yeah.” Maya smiles.
“Maya, when I talked to you after Rigo died, you talked about wanting to die. Is that something you’re still dealing with?” She’s trying to figure out where Maya is at right now. Trying to get a read on Maya because the woman seems all over the place.
Maya shakes her head. “No. No. I thought about dying.”
“Thought?”
“Yeah.”
“Past tense. You don’t think that anymore?”
Maya shakes her head. “No. I think the last time I thought about it was right after I cheated on Carina.”
“You cheated on her?”
“Yeah.” Maya nods. “I slept with Jack.”
Dr. Lewis chuckles. “Sorry. Just, wow. But she took you back.”
“It’s a miracle, I know.” Maya rolls her eyes.
“I wouldn’t say it’s a miracle. I don’t know or understand the situation or the circumstances, but if she could forgive you and felt like you two could move past it, then I don’t see why she wouldn’t take you back. It all depends on the people in the relationship and their understanding with and of each other. I think, sometimes it works after that and sometimes it doesn’t.”
Maya frowns.
“What?”
“I still feel bad about it. Like I’ll never be able to make up for what I did.”
“Do you know why you slept with Jack if you were in a committed relationship with Carina?”
“Yeah.”
“I loved her and I was scared. I was scared that I was going to ruin the relationship with my control issues. With the way my dad raised me. With the way I am so like he is. She pushed me to talk about it.” Maya stares over at the doctor. “My dad abused me.”
Dr. Lewis furrows her brow and writes that down.
“And Carina wanted me to talk about it and I didn’t want to. I got mad, and I left, and I slept with Jack. It’s terrible but that’s what I did. And then I threw it in Carina’s face to hurt her, because I was trying to sabotage the relationship, and I knew that hurting her would make me hurt the most, and that’s what I was trying to do. Punish myself in any way that I could.” She knows she’s rambling and just spitting everything out and it’s probably not the right procedure or helpful.
“You came to all of these realizations yourself?” Dr. Lewis asks.
Maya shrugs. “Carina helped. After I admitted my father abused me and I apologized; we did a lot of talking.”
Dr. Lewis hums. “Most of my patients don’t come to me with so much insight into themselves.”
“Thanks.” Maya mumbles. “So, no, I haven’t thought about dying. And that’s because of Carina.” She smirks a little. “Something about resting, and loving, and sleeping in this life. I think you said.” Dr. Lewis nods, she doesn’t remember the specific wording. “Anyway, I have. I do. Carina allows me to do that.”
“That great, Maya. Really great. I’m happy for you.”
“But I feel like maybe- and I just realized this with her being gone, that I might be depending on her too much. Relying on her to help me, and fix me, and make sure that I don’t bottle things up. And here’s the thing. We’re getting married. And I haven’t been the most attentive. I didn’t know that she was having issues with her visa. And I haven’t put in a lot of effort to learn about Italy, and her culture, and her language. She lives in my world. Almost completely. And I feel like- I realized- I haven’t been doing enough. And I can make all the excuses in the world. I’m busy at work, the pandemic is overwhelming, her brother died, FD is watching my every move waiting for me to take a misstep. All of it. And I had been. She suggested therapy when we talked about my abusive father, but I just pushed it aside with everything else that was going on. Now. Now, we’re getting married. And I feel like I need to do better. I need to be a better wife. It’s not fair to her. So that’s why I’m here. I need someone to talk to about all my shit because it’s not fair to put that burden all on her. And also I’m struggling with her being gone and I don’t want to talk to her about it because she’ll worry because it’s about her.”
“Okay.” Dr. Lewis takes a deep breath.
“It’s a lot, I know.”
“No, this is good. And it sounds like for the most part you and Carina have a healthy, honest relationship. It’s great to talk about things with your partner. But sometimes, like you said, it can be too much or overwhelming. I do think, though, that you coming here is good. Maybe we can start seeing each other on a weekly basis. That being said, it is completely normal to miss someone while they are away. How long is Carina going to be gone?”
“Three more weeks.” Maya hums. “Then two weeks of quarantine. Then we are to get married a few days later.”
“And why are you getting married? If I may ask.”
“So she can stay in the US.” Maya sighs. “I know. It’s not the right reason, but I felt like we were on the way to marriage eventually.” She chuckles a little. “Carina already considered us married.”
Though maybe a little concerning, Dr. Lewis doesn’t have an overall problem or see an overall problem with them getting married. But that’s not for her to decide anyway.
“And I want to be the best wife I can be. So, I thought I would finally do the actual therapy thing. I know it’s long overdue. Before I met Carina, I would have scoffed and swore off therapy. I thought I didn’t need that. I was in denial about a lot of things. She’s changed my outlook on life. She helps me see things in different ways. She’s shown me that I can be loved, what real love is, and that it’s not something to run away from. I was running. For most of my life, I was running away from things. Eyes forward. I never looked back. On anything that did. On my mistakes. I was always moving forward. Trying to reach that next goal. Carina made me stop, slow down, reflect on things. And it wasn’t like she said hey, stop and reflect it just happened. And I know I’m stubborn. And I have a tendency to want to keep everything locked inside. And it’s not always going to be easy for us. But I think if we can remain honest and truthful with each other, that it will work. She’s it. That’s it. The love of my life. And I’m scared. Everyday. That she’s not going to return from Italy. I now, it’s silly. But that’s her homeland. What if she decides to stay there?”
Dr. Lewis smirks. “That’s unlikely, since you plan to marry so she can stay in this county.”
Maya chuckles. “I know. It’s an irrational fear.” She raps her fingertips against the arm of her chair. “Do I depend on her too much?”
“That’s a hard one to answer. But I think you being here, talking to me, is a sign that maybe you don’t. Or that if you do or did, talking to me can take away some of that dependency. It’s good to lean on other friends, family, co-workers.”
“I don’t talk to my family.” Maya mumbles.
“Okay, friends and co-workers then.”
“My crew is helping with the wedding prep. Carina said we can only have a wedding if I have everyone help and I don’t do everything myself. She knows me so well that she knows I would do everything myself. That I would want to control everything.”
“Good. See.” Dr. Lewis points her pen at Maya. “Leaning on friends and co-workers.”
Maya and Dr. Lewis discuss other topics that Maya would like to work on in therapy before they break for the day. Maya sets up an appointment for the next week before she leaves.
She feels a little lighter as she leaves the office building. She likes that Dr. Lewis is set up in a non-descript building. It gives her visit a sort of anonymity.
“Hey Hughes, when you are finished with your breakfast-” Maya grabs a banana from the basket on the counter. “I’d like a word with you in my office.”
“Ohhh, you’re in trouble.” Travis teases.
Maya shakes her head. “She’s not in trouble. It’s wedding stuff.” She walks away from the group that is gathered around the table, eating, back to her office.
“Yes, captain.” Vic rises from her chair, taking her cereal bowl with her and follows after Maya. She comes into the office and sits down across from Maya at the desk, eating the rest of her cereal and looking over expectantly at Maya.
“You could have finished your breakfast.” Maya peels her banana and bites the top off of it. She points the banana at Vic. “And don’t spill any of that in here.”
“I won’t.” Vic tips the bowl to her lips, drinking the milk from the bottom. “Cuz I’m done.” She sets the bowl down on the corner of Maya’s desk. “What did you want to talk about?”
“You were off for a few days.” Maya thinks back to the fire at the restaurant. “Carina sends her condolences about the restaurant, by the way. But she has also agreed to a wedding. With some conditions, of course.”
Vic nods. “Tell Carina thanks. My parents were devastated. That’s their whole life.” She sighs, sadly. Vic knows they absolutely love the restaurant and serving their customers. She just wishes it didn’t come before she did some of the time. “They are adamant about gutting the place and remodeling as soon as they can. I helped them some while I was off. They just love that place so much. They are nearly done with removing everything. It’s crazy.”
Maya hums. “Good for them.”
Vic nods. They sit in silence for a moment, thinking about the restaurant.
“What did you want to talk to me about?”
Maya nods. She folds her hands together, setting them on the desktop, leaning forward a little. “So, we are going to have a wedding, but Carina doesn’t want me to do everything myself.”
Vic laughs. “She knows you so well.”
“It’s both a blessing and a curse.” Maya says lightly. “So that means I need my friends help. Travis is on decorations. I wanted to ask if you would work on finding a venue. Since you were so excited about us getting engaged. I understand if you don’t want to or can’t because of everything that’s happened with the restaurant. But just think about it.”
“Maya, of course I’ll help. I was super excited when you said you and Carina were getting married. That sentiment still stands. Let’s do this. Lesbian Firehouse Wedding.” Vic does a double fist pump.
Maya smiles a little. “Will you stop calling it that though.”
“Why?” Vic pouts. She thought it was a clever phrase.
“Well, mostly because I’m not a lesbian. And neither is Carina.” Maya raises an eyebrow in Vic’s direction.
Vic opens her mouth to say something but just nods instead. She reaches across the desk, putting her hand on top of Maya’s, giving them a shake. “Bisexual Firehouse Wedding.”
Maya rolls her eyes and shakes her head. “So, you’ll help?”
“Yes, Maya. Count me in. What is everyone else doing?”
Maya shrugs. “I haven’t assigned anything to anyone else. You and Travis seemed the most excited. I thought about asking Andy to help with the food, but I don’t really want a Hispanic feast at my wedding. Carina and I have some specific foods that we want. I’m trying to contact caterers. I’m not sure what else we need. A space and food and some decorations. We’re just keeping it simple.”
Vic gets up and rounds the desk. “Get up.” She holds her arms open. “Give me a hug you big goofball. I’m super happy for you and Carina.”
“Thanks.” Maya hides her face against Vic’s shoulder but wraps her in a tight hug.
Vic claps on her back a few times. “What are the stipulations?” She asks and holds Maya at arm’s length.
“Because we don’t have a lot of time and we are in a pandemic; it probably has to be a place where we can get married and have a reception in the same space. Also, we don’t want some big ballroom or something crazy, it’ll probably be a small guest list.”
“Got it.” Vic nods once, sure. “I’m your venue man.”
Maya smiles, shy. They both know it’s hard for Maya to ask for help. Even with something like this. But she’s getting better at it.
It’s been a long day for Maya. It all started mid-morning when they were called out to a car accident scene. She arrived on the engine with Sullivan and Gibson. Herrera and Warren arrived right behind them in the aid car.
“This looks bad.” Sullivan comments as he brings the engine to a stop.
Maya accesses the situation from her seat for a split second before hopping out, boots stomping across the pavement as she approaches the car. A horn blares nonstop, from the car, as she gets a look up close at the accident.
A dump truck sits on a diagonal across the intersection, from the car, with front end damage. The car has clearly taken the impact into the driver’s side of the vehicle.
The car is smoking a little, but Maya doesn’t see any immediate threat of a fire. The smell of spilled coolants and oil pepper the air. The priority is checking on the driver. He looks to be the only occupant of the car. Maya walks up and sees the man slumped over, head hanging low. “Sir? Sir, are you alright? Can you hear me?”
She doesn’t get a reply. “Warren, Herrera over here.” She calls out. “Sullivan, check on the dump truck driver.” She leans in the smashed window with her hand and checks for a pulse on the man’s neck. She doesn’t feel one. She then puts her hand in front of the man’s nose and mouth. “PNB.” She yells out.
Warren runs over with a medical bag. “Where do you want me?”
Maya shakes her head. “I don’t know if there’s anything we can do.”
“We have to do something.” Warren pleads.
Maya knows this. “Gibson, get this door open and get him out. Start CPR and get to the hospital.” She knows it’s probably a lost cause though. Captain Bishop takes a few steps back and watches as Gibson gets the door open in about thirty seconds. Then Herrera and Warren pull the man out and put him on a back board, strapping him to a gurney while Andy does CPR.
Maya goes over to the dump truck. Sullivan is standing near the driver who is sitting on the curb. “Are you hurt, sir?” Maya asks.
Sullivan glares at her. “I already asked. He says he’s fine.”
“Thank you, Sullivan. I am asking the patient. Do I need to get another ambulance here?”
“No. No. I’m fine. Just a little rattled.” The man exhales. “I never saw ‘em. I had the green. Was going through the intersection. And then a split second before I hit him, I saw him. BOOM.” The man smashes his right fist into the palm of his left hand.
Maya hums. “Okay, sir. That’s okay. You’ll need to tell the police that, not me.” She taps away at her tablet, noting everything about the scene and what has happened. And about the patient that was taken to the hospital pulseless not breathing.
They wrap up after about a half hour and head back to the station.
The aid car returns about fifteen minutes after them and Andy comes into the office. She flops down in the chair. “He didn’t make it. DOA.”
Maya hangs her head. That means she’ll have to do a more thorough report. Everything she witnessed, everything she heard, the driver’s status when she got there, how long it took to get him out of the car. They were quick, Maya knows that. There was just nothing they could do to help the man by the time they got there. There might not have been anything they could have done in the few seconds after the impact, even if they were there right away.
“Alright. Thanks.” Maya gives Andy a tight-lipped smile.
“Those are always tough.” Andy sinks down further in the chair, running a hand over her face.
“They are. If you need to take a few minutes that’s fine with me.” Maya understand that Andy took on the most from that scene.
“No, I’m good.” Andy pushes herself to sit up straighter. She knows the call is going to be in her head the rest of their shift. You just don’t forget something like that, and you don’t forget it for a long time. It’ll stick with her for days or a week before she will be able to move past it.
“Okay, grab something to eat and take a little break, don’t worry about chores right-“
The dispatch voice comes through the speaker in Maya’s office, and they are both up and on their feet to the next call.
The whole day goes like that. One call after another. Coming back to the station in between for only a few minutes or at most an hour before they are out again. There is a call for a kid with his head stuck between the balusters on a staircase. A kitchen fire. A car on fire in a garage that started to spread to the house.
She rubs her fingers over the vertebra in her neck as she lays down in her bunk. She’s just going to lay down for a few minutes. They just got back from the garage fire. She had the crew clean up and get something to eat right away, knowing with the day they’ve had they could be called back out at any minute.
She holds the phone in her left hand as she lays on her right side.
Carina picks up right away. “Ciao, bambina.”
“Hello, my love.” Maya says trying to sound chipper even though she feels anything but.
Carina smiles, taking Maya in, seeing that Maya’s smile doesn’t quite pull all the way, her eyes don’t light up like they normally do. She lets it be for now though.
“What does your day have in store?”
Carina chuckles a little. It’s the same as just about every other day that she’s had in Italy so far. “Going to the hospital and working on Covid patients. I’m hoping I get out at a reasonable hour today. It’s supposed to be my short day this week.”
“How has your week been?” Maya asks, they haven’t talked a lot the last couple of days. Mostly just a quick hello and check in before one or both of them were busy with something.
“Okay. I’m in the thick of it now, so it’s tiring some of the time. There’s lots to do.” Carina explains.
Maya closes her eyes but nods. “Okay.”
“Are you in your bunk? Are you tired?” Carina knows Maya isn’t one for sleeping a lot while on shift.
Truthfully, Maya has a headache.
And Carina can tell. Maya has had her eyes closed half the time they are on the video call.
“Bambina, are you alright?”
Maya tries to brush it off. “It’s just a headache.” She rubs her fingers over her forehead. It’s not one of those headaches that’s just in the front, behind her eyes, it’s her whole head. The back of the head, above the spine and the front behind the eyes, in the temples. Maya feels it all over.
“It’s been a long day. With lots of calls. And a nasty MVC where a car ran a red light and was t-boned buy a dump truck. The guy in the car didn’t survive.”
“Oh, dio. I’m sorry, Maya.”
“Is there a full moon today?” Maya tries to joke. They usually have crazy busy days or crazy calls on full moons.
“Actually, I think there is.” Carina remembers someone at the hospital mention something about it yesterday. She knows, as well as Maya, that crazy stuff happens during a full moon. And now that she knows Maya had a busy, hectic day she has another question. “Have you had anything to eat today? Or had enough water to drink?”
Maya sighs. “I wanted to talk to you before your shift.” She knows it’s bad. She knows she needs to eat. And that’s probably part of the reason she has a headache.
Carina gives Maya a stern look. “You have to eat, or I won’t talk to if you aren’t eating right and taking care of yourself.”
Now, Maya feels bad. “I’m sorry.” She mumbles weakly.
“Bella, I’m just worried about you. I know how much pressure and stress you can put on yourself sometimes and it’s bad for your health. I love you very very much. But I need you go get something to eat and drink and I will talk to you another time.” Carina doesn’t want to baby Maya, but she knows how stubborn Maya can be. And sometimes, she needs a little push.
Maya pulls the phone up close to her face, accepting her fate. “I love you.” She kisses the screen.
“Ti amo, bella.” Carina blows her a kiss and hangs up.
Maya rolls onto her back and groans. She wants to get angry and maybe even throw her phone across the room. She wanted to talk to Carina for more than a couple minutes. But she knows Carina is right. So, with a sigh, Maya pushes herself up and goes to see what the crew is having for their late dinner.
Maya goes to see Dr. Lewis again. A week after their first visit. This visit more of a therapy session than the first where they just went over what Maya wants to address and what she wants to get out of therapy.
Later that day, Travis comes to Maya with decoration ideas. “It would help though if I knew what the space looked like.”
Maya nods. She knows that. “Vic is on finding a venue. As soon as she finds one, we can go look at it. Okay?”
“Okay.” Travis nods. “How you doing, Cap?”
“I’m fine, Montgomery.” She ducks her head, hoping he doesn’t pick up on her misleading behavior.
Travis smirks. “I know that’s a lie.”
Maya snaps her head over in his direction. He grins at her, all teeth. “Fine. Some days are difficult.”
“You miss the ole wifey.” He teases lightly.
“Yes.” Maya chews on her lips. She’s not going to deny it.
Travis sighs. “What an epic love story.” He looks off into the distance as he thinks about it.
Maya eyes him curiously.
He finally looks back in Maya’s direction. “We’ll figure out all the wedding stuff. Don’t you worry.” Travis spins on his heels and exits the office, a little bounce in his step as he goes to find Vic and ask about the venue search. He will help with that, too, if he needs to.
Maya is home the next day. She spent most of the day sleeping. And then went for a run. She made sure to eat dinner. One of the many meals that Carina had anxiety cooked in her time following her resignation from the hospital. Each one is just a delicious as the last, and Maya thanks her lucky stars for the amazing Italian woman in her life. She made sure to eat because she knows Carina will ask about it. She’s asked the last few times they’ve talked since she found out that Maya hadn’t had a proper meal on her busy full moon day.
She mentions to Carina the thoughts Travis had for decorations. “Some white lights strung about. He too like the idea of red and pink. But only for table decorations or flowers. Not too much red and pink. Not overdoing it.”
Carina hums as Maya reads from her clipboard. “Vic is looking for a venue. I thought about asking Andy to help with food. But I don’t want a Hispanic meal.” Maya chuckles a little. “We also need to figure out who’s going to marry us.”
“I hadn’t even thought of that.” Carina takes a moment to think about what is possible. “Do we hire someone? I don’t even know how it works.” She’s beginning to think that International Wedding Planning is more than they can handle.
Maya shakes her head. “No. Well-“ She hums, thinking over everything she knows about weddings, which isn’t a lot. “I think we could hire someone. I don’t know what the options would be for that on short notice and in the middle of an epidemic.”
“Oh. What else then?” Carina plays with the ends of her hair. She needs to shower before she goes to work, but she wanted to catch Maya first.
“Some people get ordained. I think you can do that online.” Maya is not entirely sure. She’ll have to look into it. She makes a note in her wedding planning notepad. “We could go that route. We might have to go that route.”
Carina nods. “It’s fine with me. So that means someone we know could marry us? I like that.”
“Yeah.” Maya smiles. “Any ideas?”
Carina runs through the people that she knows, that would be willing to do something like that. She then thinks about the people that Maya knows. She knows a number of Maya’s crew would probably say yes if they asked.
Maya taps her pen against the inside of her thigh. She thinks Captain Herrera would have been perfect to marry them. He was like a dad to Maya. She doesn’t know too many people very well outside of the fire community, so there aren’t any options there. She thinks maybe someone from the hospital would be perfect to marry them. Someone that Carina is close with.
“What about Ben?” Carina suggests. “We’ve both worked with him.”
Slowly, very slowly, a smile starts on Maya’s lips, curling up into full bloom. “He is like the dad of the station now.” He’s replaced Pruitt in that dad role.
Carina laughs. “Ben is such a dad. Perfetto.”
“I will ask him.” Maya says her head. “What do you think about a guest-“
“Hey.” Gabriella knocks on the doorframe getting Carina’s attention. She sees that she’s on the phone with Maya.
“Ciao, capitana.” She stands at attention and salutes Maya when Carina turns the camera to her.
Carina laughs and Maya rolls her eyes. “Ciao, Gabriella. How is Carina?”
“Hey, I’m right here. You could ask me.” Carina chuckles a little.
“I know Gabriella will tell me the pure, honest truth.” Maya smirks and wiggles her eyebrows.
Carina wrinkles up her face and pouts a little.
“Good, for the most part. Some days are difficult, and some days aren’t so bad. She misses you like crazy. She complains about it every damn day.” Gabriella chuckles a little. “How are you, Maya?”
Maya is a little taken aback. She kind of just stares at the screen for a moment. She didn’t think Gabriella would ask about her. “I’m okay. I’ve probably been better. I know I’ve been worse. I didn’t think, I didn’t know it would feel this way.” She isn’t going to elaborate any further. Maya pulls at her bottom lip, twisting and turning it.
Thankfully, Gabriella doesn’t inquire further. “And how’s the wedding prep going?” Gabriella asks.
“Well, I’ve doled out some of the biggest tasks. My team is helping. They are all excited about the wedding. It’s something good to look forward to with all the bad in the world lately.”
“That it is. I wish I could be there but, alas, I am stuck here.” Gabriella pouts. “I will be there in heart and mind.” She grins over at Carina, addressing her next. “I just wanted to see what you wanted to do for breakfast.”
“Can we stop on the way to the hospital?”
Gabriella nods. “Va bene, tesoro.” She walks away from Carina. “Bye, Maya.” She yells with a chuckle.
“How are you?” Maya asks Carina now.
Carina laughs. “Maya.”
“What? I need your take now.” Maya rests her elbow against the table, raising her hand, making a fist, and then leaning her cheek against that fist. She just stares at Carina. “You’re beautiful. Even through a screen, even thousands of miles away.” She sighs.
“Oh, bambina. Don’t start with that. You’re going to make me cry.”
“I’m sorry.” Maya shrugs her left shoulder. “I miss you and I can’t wait for you to come home.”
“I know. I miss you too.” Carina has to look away from Maya. She wiggles her nose a little at the urge to cry. She closes her eyes for a moment and takes a deep breath.
Maya takes a deep breath too. “I have something that I need to tell you.”
Carina’s eyebrows raise.
“It’s not bad.” Maya shakes her head. “I see that look on your face.”
“Cosa?”
“I started seeing Dr. Lewis. I’ve gone twice now. Well, the first time was just like a run through, an introductory. But I went for real yesterday morning.” She’s got little nervous butterflies in her stomach at the revelation, nervous to hear what Carina thinks.
“That’s wonderful, bambina.” She smiles, proud. “What made you- why now?”
Maya shrugs. “I just-“ She sighs. “I don’t-“ She struggles.
“It’s okay, you don’t have to talk about it if you don’t want to.”
“I need to.” Maya is serious about this. “Talk about it. I need to tell you. When we had our big fight- it made me see things from your perspective more. And I’ve been understanding that more and more over the last few weeks. I’m still doing things that I don’t want to be doing. I still think about how I’m just like my dad in so many ways. I’m still controlling, to a degree. I still have anxiety. And with you gone- I’ve been struggling with that. With the distance. I feel like I might be becoming codependent. I lean on you for everything. And that’s not right. You shouldn’t have to take all of that.”
“But I want to help. I like to help. I like to be the one person that you tell everything too.” Carina pouts.
Maya smiles. “I know, my love. And that doesn’t have to change. But I feel like the burden could be too great at some point. And I don’t want to get to that point and have it break us. So, I think if I can talk to someone else too about everything that I’ve got going on-“ Maya sucks her bottom lip into her mouth for a moment. “-it will help me be the best wife I can be.”
Carina closes her eyes. “Maya-“ She hums. “You are- you are-“ She doesn’t even have the words. “Amazing. I love you so soo much. And I’m super happy and proud for you.”
“It’s not easy for me.”
“I know. That’s why I’m so proud.”
“I don’t want to keep making the same mistakes, so I think this will be good. I know it’s not a cure-all, but it should help me work through a lot of things. Things that I’m still trying to avoid.”
“Like your papa.” Carina gives Maya a knowing look.
“Exactly.” Maya rolls her eyes. “But- I don’t want to keep you from breakfast.” Maya winks, knowingly. “It’s the most important meal of the day.”
Carina laughs. “Yes, Maya.”
Maya grins. “Just making sure you eat your breakfast.” She teases. She knows they are going to tease each other and make sure the other is eating enough and taking care of themselves until they can physically see each other again. “I love you. I will talk to you soon. And have a good day.”
“I love you, Maya. Sleep well, goodnight.” Carina sighs. She wishes she were at home, wrapped up in bed with Maya tonight.