Chapter Fifty One: Truth Be Told

Roman had never been to Kayla's apartment before this evening but he had to say wasn't surprised by what he found there. Her walls were painted cream, the skirting boards a glossy black giving the place an art deco feel. It was the pictures however that intrigued him the most, he knew that she loved comic books, it had been one of the first things he had learned about her when he'd bought her a drink in Molly's that first night but he had underestimated how much. She'd mentioned going to Comic Con in the past but it wasn't until now that he understood how much she appreciated the amount of time and effort that went into each comic book.

There were original works on the wall, black and write hand drawn images created by the artists themselves on the blank sketch books he knew they took a long for fans to commission. There were tiny inked signatures on each image and he reviewed them with a small smile, his heart aching in his chest as he came to understand that she was letting him into her inner sanctum by seeing these things.

His bright blue gaze swept down to the fire place. It was a stunning piece of furniture and he found himself running his fingers over it as he admired the craftsmanship. His eyes came to linger on a stunning picture placed lovingly in a sleek black frame, it was of Kayla, her hair shorter than it was now. She was wearing a woolen hat and was hugging a middle aged man who resembled her only slightly, his glasses were square and thin as he grinned with a mirth that matched Kayla's.

"My father." Kayla submitted helpfully as she stood by her black leather couch. Her thumbs were looped through the belt hooks on her denim jeans as she rocked back and forth on her heels watching him with an intensity that suddenly made Roman feel uncomfortable. It took a second for him to realise that she was waiting to gauge his reaction, from the look on those pretty features of hers he came to understand that it as a habit that she wasn't aware of. He'd seen it before in survivors of domestic abuse and it killed him to think that once upon a time Kayla had been in that position. He had noted the amount of locks on the door when they had entered the apartment and he had come to understand that safety was important to her. It made a few things click into place for him, a few things he hadn't quite taken in before during their time together.

"The two of you look like you have a lot of fun together." he said, replacing the picture back on the mantelpiece.

He turned to face her, observing her mannerisms with a fresher interest. Her dark bangs fell into those pretty dark chocolate eyes of her as she wrapped her arms around her body, not quite meeting his gaze.

"The apartment suits you." he told her with a gracious smile before indicating to the framed comic book posters adorning the walls. "Of course you have my favorite Spiderman up there so I'm biased."

Her shoulders seemed to sag with relief at his words. He wanted to go to her and wrap her up in his arms but she wasn't ready for that. She could see it in the way her body was angled slightly away from him. There was a glimmer of a smile though, he saw a ghost of it across her lips as she peered at him through her bangs.

"Thank you." she murmured before exhaling deeply, the tension gathering up in her shoulders once more.

"I can go if that's what you need..." Sean said gesturing towards the door with his thumb, he half took a step towards it before Kayla reached out, her slender hand grasping his wrist gently. He paused, before tilting his head to look back at her as those gorgeous chocolate brown eyes met his.

"I want to stop leaving." she told him frankly. "I want to be able to spend the night with you without having to disappear."

Sean turned his attention to her fully, his azure eyes taking in that torn look on her face before he pursed his lips grimly.

"I want to understand." he said softly, his voice pleading as he spoke. "But I don't want it to hurt you."

Kayla nodded her understanding before she released his wrist, she tilted her head indicating for him to take a seat on the black leather couch. Roman obeyed politely, his arm coming to rest along the back of it as one leg came to rest upon the other. Kayla took the seat furthest away from him, her small hands pressed between her knees before he rose her eyes skyward as if praying for strength.

"I don't really talk about this." she began, her eyes downcast.

"You don't have to talk about it now." he assured her kindly. He could already guess what had happened, the signs were there and he was kicking himself for being an ass and not noticing them sooner. He'd been so caught up in this amazing, funny, cute woman that he had been blind to everything else.

"I do." she told him decidedly before drawing up her legs underneath her and angling her body towards him. This felt more of a conversation now, there was more give and take and Roman understood that despite the fact he would hate what he was going to hear, Kayla really needed to tell it.

"Over a year ago I was dating this guy." she told him, her cheeks flushing pink as she spoke. "He was dark and brooding, there was this fire in him you know and it just set everything ablaze. When the two of us were together it was like fire and gasoline, the sparks would fly. Over all it was a very physical relationship."

There was a twinge of jealousy inside of Sean, he could feel it bubbling up inside him like a leviathan as he struggled to keep his face impassive. He had known there were other men before him but he didn't like thinking about them. What him and Kayla had was beyond passionate, she made him feel things he'd never felt before and he hoped it was the same for her.

"Then it became more physical." she added, her voice lowering as she spoke. There was shame in her tone and it twisted him up inside to hear it. He could feel that sickness rising up in the pit of his stomach at the knowledge that some sick bastard had once laid his hands upon her.

"At the time I didn't realise how isolated I had become. I barely saw my father any more, I was working relief so I was never anywhere long enough to have roots. I only had him and when he started lashing out, I felt like I deserved it. I convinced myself I wasn't good enough for him, that I could be better."

There was a sadness in her voice and Sean couldn't help the feelings of sheer rage that were building up inside of him. He would kill this other man, he decided. He would beat him to death for making Kayla feel that she wasn't worth his time. He reached out a hand, clasping hers lightly in the space that rested between the two of them.

"By the time it became a regular thing, I wasn't in the right place to leave." she explained as her fingertip doodled a pattern on a long the life line of his palm. The connection was there, thrumming proud and strong between the two of them, he had known the instant he had met her that the two of them had a bond. She seemed to take solace in that, her voice was stronger now, her tone more open. "Gabby had begun to notice and so had Hermann. They said if I wanted to leave then they would help me and at first I didn't but then I found out I was pregnant."

There was silence from her then, Sean said nothing. He simply allowed her to continue sketching that idle pattern on his hand. There was no baby, he knew that. Her apartment was too tidy to have occupied a child and he knew that Kayla would never have considered giving up a child for adoption not with her surrogate family and her father behind her so he could guess what had happened. It made his eyes burn and he swallowed hard past the lump in his throat in an attempt to find something to make it all better but there was nothing, this was a story that had already happened and he couldn't take away the trauma that she had already experienced.

"The moment I found out it changed everything." she told him, her thumbs smoothing over the lines of his fingers as she spoke passionately. "It wasn't about me anymore. There was someone else to worry about and I knew that he didn't have the patience for a baby and I wasn't going to be one of those moms that allowed that to happen to her child but sadly it did. I came home one night and he'd been drinking. He'd found the pregnancy test, he didn't want a baby and I didn't want to have an abortion. He didn't give me a choice."

Kayla looked away, blinking rapidly. It hurt, after over a year it still cut her down to the bone and Sean couldn't imagine what sort of monster would do that to his own child. His fingers curled around hers, clasping her hand gently in a show of solidarity. His protective instincts were kicking into overdrive and it took every single once of his self control not to gather Kayla up in his arms and kiss away the hot salty tears that were tumbling down her cheeks. There was still more of this story to tell, he could feel it in the brimming connection between them.

"The neighbors must have heard me screaming, they called the police. It was Burgess and Atwater who attended the scene. He was gone by then, I didn't know where, I didn't care." she recounted, the light in her eyes dimming as she relived those moments. "Kim held my hand all the way to the hospital and when they took me into surgery she was the one who called my dad and told him what had happened."

Kayla looked down at their joined hands as Sean's thumb stroked lightly along the line of her knuckles.

"I have no idea how my dad found him." she told Sean, her head shaking in disbelief. "All anyone would tell me was that he was that they found him beaten in the street before they got there. Olinsky said my dad had been sparring with him at the boxing gym, gave him an alibi but I know my dad hasn't boxed in years."

"Tell me this guy is in prison." Sean whispered, his voice ragged and harsh as Kayla met his torrid azure eyes. "Or give me his name so that I can murder him myself."

He meant it, Kayla could see it as she held his gaze. There was remorse in those eyes of his, a sadness for what had happened to her mixed with that fierce desire if his to protect. It was that aspect of him that had drawn her to him, it was what made him such a great cop.

"He's in jail. Voight made sure that it would be a long uncomfortable stay." she promised him, squeezing his hand gently. Sean sighed deeply before entwining their fingers together, his thumb smoothing softly over the pulse point in her wrist.

"I like that." Kayla told him.

"I know." he murmured with the trace of a smile before reaching out with his free hand, his fingers chasing away a stray strand of her mahogany colored hair back behind her ear.

"You mean the world to me Sean." she told him, raising those doe brown eyes of hers to meet his as his gentle hand cupped her pretty features. "I couldn't tell you that because I had this thing building up inside of me and sometimes it makes me feel scared and anxious."

"I get that now." Sean told her, his thumb soothing over the apple of her cheek. "You need to know that I would never hurt you that way."

"You are the only person I've felt this safe with." she admitted, clasping his hand to her cheek with her own as she kissed his palm. "You'll have to be patient with me."

Sean leaned in, his lips inches away from Kayla's as he lingered within her proximity. That familiar current beginning to charge up between the two of them once more as he looked into her beautiful brown eyes seeing his entire future laying out right ahead of him as he spoke.

"We'll work through it together."