Chapter 8: Running on stardust

Helena's family accepted her conditions with great relief. Little did she know that they all hated the thought of forcing her to marry someone and preferred her to marry their chosen match willingly. Despite their seemingly good intentions, Helena felt herself drifting away from them. Her tenth birthday was to be hosted the next day yet she couldn't entice herself in any way. Her favorite maid, Mariella, tried her best to cheer her up with tasty snacks but Helena reacted with apathy. She was dreading the moment of meeting her future fiance. Even Albert, the family butler, seemed concerned about her - she noticed him whispering something to her father about her condition. She couldn't delude herself though; all of her efforts were in vain, and the decision of inviting her future fiance would soon be made.

''Princess Helena'' Pavel came to pick her up for her birthday personally. ''Aren't you looking like a little sunshine today?''. Helena gave him an annoyed look.

''Let's have it over with''.

''Come on, Helena, we prepared best of the best for you'' Helena promised herself not to fall for their lies anymore and shrugged off his words. She followed him quietly to the dining room, where once again her family gathered before her.

Helena sat down on the chair, bent on ignoring everyone around her. Her reaction to the gifts was lukewarm; she couldn't care less when new gourmets or jewels were being offered. She felt herself disappear more and more, while her family carried on as usual.

A bell rang, announcing that the birthday cake has been brought. Helena looked up in astonishment: this was her biggest cake yet. Seeing her baffled face, Pavel laughed. ''Come on, this year you are cutting it''.

''Are you sure she can handle it?'' Cesare's voice dripped with suspicion. Angered, Helena quickly picked up the knife and began to butcher through the cake. Her family watched her in silence. She felt her anger only grow stronger and stronger and she tore through the layers of fruit and cream.

''Helena, that's enough'' seeing her shake, Pavel grabbed her arm.

''Leave me alone!'' she cried, the knife falling out from her hand. She watched it fall and pierce her brother's hand.

Helena couldn't recall the following moments well: suddenly, everyone was raising their voices; maids were rushing over with clean cloth; Albert was hasting himself to call for the doctor while her family looked mortified. Her legs failed her. She felt as if she was in a bubble that could be pierced with ease yet somehow bounced off from everyone around her. Scared, she looked at Pavel and caught his gaze. His expression was serious but upon meeting her eyes, he smiled lightly. ''It's okay, my little sister. I hurt you, so you can hurt me back, too''.

Crying, Helena watched her brother tighten the material around his hand with his teeth, while his eyes watched her every move.

After the incident, Helenna began spending more time in solitude and often struggled to pay attention when talked to. Her family gave up on trying to console her; even Pavel - who said he wasn't holding a grudge - seemed to have lost patience for her. The nights began to grow long and days were getting shorter, an inevitable sign that the winter was coming. Summer during which she met Rion and Rachel seemed long gone.

She didn't forget about her new friends but found it difficult to master the energy needed to sneak out and see them. Despite being dispirited, she managed to venture out to the farm a few times.

''Have you come to see Rion?'' Ari asked every time and as usual, Helena shook her head in negation. She looked around, trying to scout him but unable to spot him anywhere. Ari sighed.

''He's in the stables, tending to the houses'' she explained. ''You know, he's been asking about you''. Helena flinched. ''I'm running out of excuses as to who you are and when will you come''.

''I'm sorry, Ari'' she wasn't used to apologizing, but these words have been weighing on her mind a lot recently. ''I don't think he really wants to see me''.

''Why not?'' the farm girl gave her a startled look. Helena didn't answer; the disappointment she felt with herself was beyond her words. Instead, she put half of a crown in Ari's palm and closed it. Perhaps her love was measured in material things, too. ''I'm not so different from my family after all'' she thought. Embittered, she looked towards the stables for the last time and left.

Visiting Rachel was more challenging than she expected - not only was the trip rather far, but she also needed to be accompanied by someone in order to access the most luxurious district of the city, Makatov. Making an excuse that she was looking for a suitable dress to present herself to her future fiance, she managed to gain permission to venture to the shop alongside her personal maid.

''Welcome'' a warm voice greeted her in the shop upon entering. Helena looked at Madam Chantal, who smiled at her brightly. ''I have heard about your visit and I am honored you had chosen for me, your royal highness. Shall we take your measurements?'' without further ado, Madam called for her helpers and began to examine Helena's proportions. She looked around, trying to spot Rachel but failed to see her anywhere. Noticing her struggles, Madam Chantal hurried with an explanation. ''Rachel is not feeling well today, so I let her rest upstairs''. Helena knew that Rachel's condition was far from normal, but couldn't help but feel suspicious if Madam Chantal truly took good care of her, as promised. Even this time, Madam seemed to read her mind. ''You're welcome to visit her once we have found a suitable material for you, princess. Would this solution be agreeable to you?'' seeing her unrelating enthusiasm, Helena went along with her.

While being measured and answering numerous questions about her preferences, Helena couldn't stop admiring the abundance of colors and materials in the shop. The dresses seemed like a work of art; she was too afraid to ask about the costs of her piece and was relieved that the castle administration would cover them directly. She wondered if she genuinely was ready to play the role of a princess. During the day, she put on Princess Helena mask, only allowing herself a moment of relief in the evening, once she was alone. Even this wasn't sufficient anymore: she missed Rion and Rachel, she missed being Elena. Her heart grew heavy thinking about them.

To her relief, the dressing process has finished and she excused herself to see Rachel. Sending her maid to fetch them some tea and refreshments, she headed upstairs and found Rachel in her bedroom, as described. Upon seeing her, Rachel's expression glowed. She looked better than before - her sickly complexion was gone, although she still seemed pale; her eyes shined with something new, something that perhaps resembled hope, Helena thought.

''Rachel'' they fell into each other's embraces. ''I am so glad to see you''.

''I am glad to see you, too. I didn't expect to see you so soon'' Helena looked at her startled. ''It's just because my brother told me he hasn't caught a glimpse of you'' Rachel added quickly.

''Oh... right'' she tried to avoid her eyes, facing the window instead. ''You have a beautiful view over the city, Rachel'' Helena looked outside the window and fixed her gaze on the cathedral.

''Elena'' Rachel grabbed her hand. ''Did my brother wrong you?''.

''Of course not!'' she looked at her in disbelief.

''Then, what happened? Why must you torture him so?''

''Me?'' Helena couldn't believe what she was hearing.

''He has been waiting all this time, just to have a chance to catch a glimpse of you'' Helena's breathing stopped for a moment. ''Can you please tell me why you have been avoiding him?''. Helena looked at their joint hands. When they met, she promised herself that she will be true to herself with them, only withholding her royal status. This ''only'' has been taking too much energy from her lately.

''Do you think I'm pretty, Rachel?'' she asked directly. Seeing her friend's eyes change, she immediately regretted her words. ''Please forget what I have just said''.

''No, Elena, this isn't it...''

''Enough, please'' the tears started to form in her eyes again. ''All I truly want is to be liked for who I am'' and that was too much to ask for, she thought. Rachel squeezed her hand warmly.

''The only thing that I am concerned about is our difference in status, Elena. Of course, you are beautiful'' her voice calmed her heart. Helena wasn't sure if she could believe the last part but for now, she decided that there had to be people whom she could trust, and she truly hoped Rachel could be one of them. Maybe her friends couldn't replace her family yet the warm feeling that was seeping through her body told her that this too was something she could cherish.

After seeing Rachel, Helena took a few more days before deciding that she was ready to face Rion. As usual, she prepared her attire and sneaked out during the luncheon preparations, when everyone was too busy to notice her absence.

Upon arriving at the farm, she looked around and to her surprise, encounter Rion's gaze almost immediately. The moment he spotted her, he dropped the hay that he was carrying and harried himself over to her. Her heart has never been beating harder.

''Elena''.

''Rion, I...''.

''If you don't wish to keep in contact with me anymore, can you just tell me directly instead of avoiding me?'' his words felt like a slap across her cheek. ''I feel like an idiot'' his hand went through his hair and she noticed he was clenching his jaw. Allured, she pulled his hand.

''Come, Rion''.

''Elena, wait...'' despite his protests, she guided him to the cherry orchard and stopped once she felt satisfied with the distance from the rest of the farm. She turned back and looked at him, her body seemingly going back to life.

''Rion'' her free hand caressed his cheek, just like on the night when she thought she was about to lose him. ''Rion'' she stroked his hair, looking into his astounded eyes. ''Rion''.

''Elena'' he grabbed both of her forearms and raised them. ''Stop''. She couldn't decipher his expression but seeing him baffled cheered her up somehow.

''Rion''. She started again. ''I will never abandon you. I have already promised you this once''. She hugged him tightly. The ball filled with anger and pain that she's been carrying within herself suddenly dissolved upon feeling his touch. She's been running for too long. She should have come immediately right where she belonged: into his arms. Helena felt his body soften, his hands pulling her even closer.

''Alright, then'' he whispered into her ear. ''Let us stay here, just for a while''.