Rainbows Cry, Stones Melt, too

"Is there a reason we're having this emergency session, Charlotte?" Dr. Singh asked with empathy.

"Eeerrrmmm… did you mean what you said the other time?" Charlotte asked in humble timidity.

"And what's that, Charlotte?" Dr. Singh asked as though he was oblivious of what she meant.

"You know… that maybe I'm here because I want to get better not just for myself, but because of a special someone, too?" Charlotte asked with what sounded like a broken chord on a sad piano key.

"What would you say something prompted that question?"

"The thing is… I took your advice and I went all the way to let them know how I feel, but I'm just not so sure they still feel the same way… and it fucking breaks me to imagine them with someone else. Not that I love them or anything, but I don't know."

"Charlotte, breathe. Breathe again. 72 hours ago, you weren't certain of who that 'someone' was or if they even did exist, so it's okay to take your time before diving right into this. Our feelings can be tricky, they might be there one minute and be gone the next, but how do we know that what we feel is what we really should?"

This was silence, the type that pierced Charlotte's Kevlar fortified heart. Why was this making her feel human? How could a feeling be so hurtful but she didn't hate that she was feeling it?

"I guess we have to force them back into our orbits to find out…" Charlotte said with a heightened pitch for the first time since this session had begun.

"Feelings are tender and force is a weapon that hasn't learnt the art of pampering. We have to know ourselves first, and only then can we know what we want, what we feel, why we feel what we feel and if we'd want to feel that for this person."

"That sounds like a whole lot of work for one feeling and for one person."

"It's not really about this one person; it's more about you than them. But if they're worth it, your efforts would show it."

"That was profound, doc. You really do this for a living. Let's do this. Let's make me know myself." Charlotte replied without an iota of doubt.

"Who's Charlotte?" Dr. Singh asked as he adjusted his glasses a little towards his nose.

This question hit Charlotte in a way she hadn't known in a long time and it was a trigger into a memory slip.

********** ********

"Do you even recognize yourself these days? You're ruining your plans, and all for what, some boy??" Jacqueline asked young Charlotte with obvious fury in her voice towards her as she sandwiched herself in bed and cried.

"But mum, I… I fucking love him, mum, and he was my best friend, and now he's not here. What do I do?" Charlotte said with tears she pushed further behind her voice choking her slightly.

"What do you do? You become a badass person half the world wants to be. That's how. Love is a luxury only the fat-faced and rich knuckled can wear after they can afford to throw their lives into autopilot. And right now, baby, that's just not your life. Make one first." Jacqueline said with authoritative empathy that Charlotte had learnt to find comfort in.

"But what do I do about how I feel? How do I make it go away?"

"You can't, but you can make it stay silent. Things become smaller when we pay little attention to them." Jacqueline replied.

Jacqueline might not have been the best mum, but one could not deny that she always had a reply to give.

Jacqueline was half- right. Love was messy; it was the cute diaper the Kardashians had around their waists as babies, it was the sad chord deaf Beethoven's 'Fur elise' found a home in. But it was also the smile the Gandhis wore half-hours to their deaths, it was the hug Jesus wrapped around Judas' arms when hell's war was at his backyard, it was also the reason Adam ate a sin wrapped in the body of a fruit.

****** *****

"Charlotte? Charlotte?" Dr. Singh called out to Charlotte who'd been reminiscing.

"yeah? I'm sorry. I was…" Charlotte stumbled around her words before clearing her throat.

"It's okay."

"zzzzz.. zzzzz…zzzzz!!" Charlotte's phone which was not far from where she sat buzzed repeatedly and she picked it up to see what it was.

Dr. Singh saw an expression on her face he'd never seen her wear. He had seen it before on the face of his other clients; utter heartbreak. He stayed silent and watched her with empathy, waiting for her to talk about what it was.

"Ooooph!" Charlotte sighed as her words stayed back to hold the tears that were rising from the flames of her heart.

"Did something happen, Charlotte?"

"… uhmm… why do we have to feel this way? Why does this feeling have to hurt?" Charlotte said with a soft voice that could move a neighbour to tears.

This was the first time Charlotte had publicly owned up to her feelings and how she felt. It was even sadder that it took her seeing Kendall and Liam's photos together to trigger this side of her.

"Sometimes, we pay the heftiest prices for the heaviest feelings because they are the ones that really matter." Dr. Singh replied with warmth.