The right thing

When he asked me, everything I was going to tell him when I saw him again just seemed to dissipate. I couldn't remember anything as I froze for a moment, my mind was blank due to my nerves. I felt myself start to shake so I looked away and took a deep breath. I needed to calm down and think.

"Have you really decided to try and turn a new leaf?" I asked him after pausing for so long. He seemed surprised this was what I called him here for.

He nodded his head and his brown wavy hair bounced beautifully. I looked away again embarrassed that I was staring at such small details. "I want to do my best, I don't want to repeat the mistakes of those before me anymore, but, it's not easy to ignore my impulses. But I am trying," He explained. I was still deeply upset he has those impulses in the first place. I knew it was crazy, but I did believe he was trying to be better, and I couldn't explain why.

"I-I believe you," I said shyly. He looked at me in shock. Frankly, I was shocked at myself too as my heart was beating loudly at how embarrassing this felt.

"What?" He asked. He had moved a bit closer to the edge of his seat in front of me. I looked away to avoid his gaze.

"I-I believe in you! So just don't stop trying to be better because I-I want to believe in second chances, but, it still hurts!" I said. Oh my gosh, that was not what I wanted to say and I felt a tear try and slip out so I quickly wiped it off. He let out a nervous laugh, I think from the shock of what I had said.

"I won't then, for you," He replied with a smile on his face. He got up and got closer to me. I was startled and scooted back in my seat a bit trying to put some distance in between us, not feeling the confidence I used to have when I tried to manipulate him. He sighed at my reaction and he got on his knees, only to dramatically put his whole self on the floor at my feet. I had absolutely no idea how to react as I just stared at him on the floor silently.

"Please, please forgive me for all I have done to you!" He awkwardly yelled back to me. I guess I wasn't the only one struggling with how to communicate these awkward feelings. I merely nodded and asked him to stand back up. "Viola, I am sorry again. I thought if I pretended to be what I thought was the perfect lover, it would work out magically, but I was a fool," I smiled at his honesty. It also felt nice to hear him call himself a fool more than I thought it would truthfully. That face of his was showing his true feelings again as he blushed at the awkwardness of it all, his eyes unable to stop themselves from turning red again as they swelled with emotion.

"I-I am glad I saw you again, but I am still disturbed at everything you did," I explained, trying to stay calm as he nodded in agreeance with what he had done, the guilt apparent in his eyes. I wasn't sure if I could trust what he was saying, especially after what happened with Leo, but Kache showed his emotions even when he tried not to. Leo always seemed to be so perfect that now I realize I never knew what was real or not, he is an amazing actor, "but I would like to see you again, to resolve this," I said in disbelief at what I was actually saying. Why did I want this? Maybe it was my craving for resolution.

"I would greatly appreciate that Viola, more than you know, I won't let you down again," he said as he put his hands out, asking for mine to kiss them. I agreed, albeit a bit uncomfortable at the action but I didn't hate it. I didn't allow myself to believe that he wouldn't let me down again, but I still felt that I was doing the right thing.

He stood up again and looked at me in my eyes. I wasn't able to look away this time for some reason as I saw him think for a moment before speaking.

"Thank you, for all you have ever done to me. You deserve to be free and happy and I ruined it, so, don't feel any pressure to be kind to me. I don't want you to do things you don't like anymore," he explained. I gave a soft smile, touched at those words if they really are true. He bowed and saw himself out. What a strange man. I had no idea if he was genuine, but I could feel something when he spoke to me, that gave me inclined me to trust him just the slightest bit that he meant what he said.

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I shut the door behind gently and let out a deep breath it felt like I was holding. I didn't know why Viola asked to see me today, but that was what I least expected. I almost couldn't believe it. She wanted to see me again after all I had done? I was again surprised by her. Her kind heart seems to know no bounds.

Not to mention she was stunning when I walked in there, making me lose my words even more. Of course, I didn't want to make her uncomfortable so I said nothing, but I noticed she put extra effort into her appearance today, she must be trying to show me something.

She is much too good for me because I still couldn't tell her the reason she had lost her memories in the first place, and it was too late now.

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After he left, I was able to breathe again. I spent the past few days imagining the next time I see him again, all those things I wanted to say, and how I wanted to scream and throw my vases at him, but what was that? It did not go at all how I thought it would. I took one of my pillows and let a scream at my pent-up frustration.

Why do I always just move past my real feelings to find peace? It would have been justified to be able to hit someone this time too. Damn. I do want peace, but I still have so much anger with everything that has happened and I said I want to see him again. What was I thinking?

I paced around my room trying to let out this anxiety. I didn't know what to do with my feelings, what did I do in the past? Surely I never just screamed and paced like this. I must have had a better outlet. I frankly searched around my room to see if there were any more clues to my past life.

I searched through the drawers in my vanity and my nightstand. I didn't find anything but I looked closer at the paintings on my walls. They were all paintings of the ocean or meadows. In fact, one by the bathroom had the same meadow I saw earlier today with the same red swing. I squinted in the corner of the portrait to see who the artist was. It was signed by Viola Lennizu. I can paint?