A big lie

***Matty's POV***

Ross is speaking to me calmly and reasonably, he is angry I can tell that but he's not a stupid dickhead like me. He offers to take me to his, I can't believe he still treats me like a friend. He cares for people, for me and I appreciate it. I look up to him in so many ways, he's a much better man than me. I thank him but tell him no it's all good man and just start walking to my car.

I'm still going home.

"Thanks" I tell him when I reach my car. I get in resigned and head home away from this disaster.

I can't even remember driving when I get back safely. I was just going over and over the things she was saying. The pain in her eyes, the tears and not allowing me to comfort her. Because I'm the bad guy. I'm just another Tom, now. She will screen my calls and someday soon another guy will answer her phone for her and tell me to fuck off just like I did to him.

I decide however to text her.

'Tay, please just let me know you got back okay, I love you and I'm sorry' I leave it at that, I don't know what else to say. How about sorry for ruining everything and fucking it all up. How about sorry for being a total waste of space.

I go upstairs to bed, and seeing my room is enough to make me turn back downstairs. Her shirt, which is actually mine, is laid out on the bed ready. She must have placed it there so that she could slip it on when she got back. I yearn for her to be here so that I can hold her. I want to make it all better but I'm now the problem. The room smells faintly of her perfume and I can't take it.

I go to the kitchen and roll up a joint. Trying to ignore the guitar in the corner of the room. I want to smash shit up, all of it. The stupid glasses on the side, the guitar she plays, the new mugs we bought together. I'm literally seeing red. It's all my own fault this time yet again I have fucked up. Probably the only good thing to come into my life and I play around like a stupid child. I don't even know where Rhea lives, I can't just go and see her.

I light up, hoping my phone will go off. It doesn't of course. As I smoke the anger evaporates. And I'm just left feeling lonely and miserable. It's probably a good thing I don't know where she is, I reflect. I would be over there and something tells me that would not work out for me at all. I think a bit more logically, she's needs space and time. Give it to her.

I sit down at the empty table on my own and realise that I'm probably going to be back to smoking alone for a long long time. How could I have fucked this up so badly, I didn't actually want to hurt her.

I think about it all from her perspective. She definitely thinks I'm a lying bastard. I didn't call her to further my game that night but I can see why she would think that. And our first date she must think I was just trying to seal the deal. I think about all of the opportunities I've had to just tell her the truth and how I messed up each time by not just telling her.

My phone beeps. I snatch it into my hands.

It's Ross, my heart sinks.

'Are you back dude ?' He has texted me.

'Yeah I'm back. Thanks Ross" I send off. I wish I wasn't here or anywhere.

I finish off my smoke and wait for her reply, 3 hours go by, maybe 4. I roll another up. After that I decide to get out my drawing of her. I can't just sit here doing nothing so I draw instead.

***Taylor's POV***

He has messaged me. I will not reply. I will not dive back in. I intend on sleeping this off. Weirdly I thought I would hate Jen, but I don't. I realise now why she didn't like me at all. Why she asked me if I was a virgin. Why Matty told me not to answer her. At least she wasn't being two faced, she made it clear from the get go that I was nothing to her.

I'm at Rhea's, in her spare room. She has let me borrow some pyjamas and made me a hot chocolate. I need to make it up to her, for being the best friend in the world. She even lent me a charger and I've placed my phone on the side intent on ignoring it. I will not compulsively text him, no matter how much I want too.

I'm unpacking our conversation before I left him. I'm glad I followed Rhea's advice because had I of not listened to him I know I would have either rung him up to shout at him or worse I would have taken myself to his house.

He lied, a big lie. He could have told me time and time again, how can I trust him ever again if he's willing to directly lie to my face like that.

He went along with the banter on that night at my expense. We were still new to each other but surely he knows how hurtful that would be, in a way it's worse than what Tom did to me. He didn't just cheat, he made me a personal joke. I don't think he instigated the scenario at all, I believe that he wanted to piss off Ross. Why break the habit just for the new girl. He wanted Ross out of the picture completely. He didn't get into this honourably at all.

I think Jay knew too, they must have all been there. I go over the conversation between myself and Jay tonight. Me smugly telling him that I had everything in Matty and him assuring me that I didn't. Well he wasn't lying about that really. I guess he thought I was absolute fair game, how could he possibly think Matty and I were serious when according to Matty we weren't.

Even though I'm sad and the cause is him, I want Matty. It's maddening. Like I'm cheating on myself, and my own values and dignity.

I've decided enough crying has been done over this situation. And now I'm going to work my way through it. Yes it hurts, more than I've ever been hurt before actually but I am going to sleep and not cry about it. No more tears.

My phone buzzes. And I jump to retrieve it from the side pulling it out of the charger. It's Ross.

"Taylor, please let me know if you need anything. I mean it."

I text him back.

"I will. Thanks again for everything" I keep it short.

That one is an absolute angel. If anything my respect for him has grown. Not just for sticking up for me from the very beginning. But also for stopping the fight and of course for making sure I was okay after each of Jens assaults. I need to make it up to him I decide. I will when I can breathe easily again.

I've put my phone back on charge and it goes off again. I squirm. It's a number I don't have saved.

"Hey Tay, hope it's okay to message you. It's Rach I got your number from Ryan. Look I'm sorry that was completely out of order of Jen. I just wanted to say if you wanna talk or anything or drink (you never know) me and Pippa are always free. Please don't be sad alone. Hugs"

I just said I wouldn't cry and here I am yet again. I can't believe she messaged me.

I message back "Hey, Rach I really appreciate that and I will take you up on that offer. Can you just tell them to enjoy their birthday and that I'm sorry for the drama." I send it off and put my phone on silent.

Intent on sleeping this time. I briefly wonder about not waking up, I know when I wake up that I'm going to have to face this mess and I don't want too. I want to wake up in Matty's arms, I want to feel like I did this morning. I want him holding my tummy and stroking me and for that to be our normal routine again.

I decide I'm going to call him, that way I don't have to face it all completely in the morning. I convince myself this is a good idea. Its completely reckless but Im going to do it. I don't know why or what I'm going to say to him. But I'm just going to call him and see what happens. Even if I just cry at him down the phone.